As I walked over to my car, I was treated to enraged stares by the technicians, some of whom I had known for years. It was all I could do not to burst into tears right there in the cemetery.
I tossed my camera into my car and was ready to drive away when Naomi came over to my window.
“CeeCee, shut the car off,” she ordered.
I left it running. “I need to go, Naomi. I have things to do.”
“Not until you tell me what the hell has been up your ass for the last couple of days.” She was angry. “I’ve never heard you talk to any member of this department like that. You owe them an apology!”
I tried to stay calm, but my voice began to shake. “Naomi, please, I’ll apologize later, and I don’t want to talk about this right now. I have to go.”
With Naomi still at my window, I pulled away. I wasn’t even to the end of the road before my dam broke. I turned onto a side road, put my car in park and sobbed.
When I felt able to drive again, I drove around for a while before going back to my office. I was somewhere near the county line when my attorney called.
“CeeCee, good news! Your papers are ready. All you and Eric have to do is come in and sign them. I’ll file them tomorrow, and it’ll be a done deal.”
I had a thought. “Have you called Eric yet?”
“No.”
I took a deep breath. “Do me a favor and don’t call him right now, okay? Just hang on to the papers and don’t file them.”
I had found my reason to break up with Michael.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“CeeCee, I don’t understand,” my attorney said. “You said you couldn’t get this done fast enough.”
“I know. Trust me, it won’t be much longer, but I just need a few more days. I can’t explain it right now.”
I rubbed my head after hanging up with my attorney. I anticipated today being one of the longest days of my life. I had been driving around for more than an hour and was sure Naomi was livid by now.
When I walked in my office, Naomi was there with Sheriff L. Richard Stephens, our head honcho.
Naomi couldn’t talk about my whereabouts too much in front of the sheriff, so she just asked me casually, “CeeCee, where you been?” She looked concerned.
“I was looking for a witness,” I lied, and then changed the subject. “Sheriff, how have you been? I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“I’ve been busy campaigning. It seems my opponent has been hitting the northern part of the county hot and heavy.”
I sat at my desk and genuinely smiled. “Sheriff, the only one around here who believes you have to worry about this election is you. It’s in the bag.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t ever say that. In this type of thing, anything can happen. My luck, this guy will find a picture of me in a strip bar wearing a bra on my head from 1980.”
I laughed and so did Naomi. The sheriff took a seat in front of my desk and flipped briefly through the Kari Sutter file.
“Anything yet?” he asked.
“Nada.”
He threw the file back on my desk. “You know, I remember that murder down there back in the eighties. I never thought something like that would happen again.”
Naomi and I shot looks at each other.
“I never heard of another murder down there. Why didn’t the papers flash back on it? When was it?” I asked, stunned.
The sheriff looked just as surprised. “You never knew that? I thought for sure you did.” He looked at Naomi, who also shook her head. “I don’t know why the papers didn’t bring it up. Probably because no one was ever convicted. I think it was in…oh, let me think…I’m pretty sure it was springtime, 1986.”
“In spring of 1986 I was in the seventh grade, Sheriff,” I said.
“Thank you for that bit of information, CeeCee,” he quipped. “I don’t think I could have possibly felt any older until you just told me that. I was a sergeant of road patrol then, for Christ’s sake.”
Naomi smiled and added, “You look wonderful for your age.”
“All right, ladies, quit while you’re ahead. Now, I’m trying to think who investigated that case. I remember the victim was a young girl, and her friends were the suspects. They were all rich kids and got acquitted.” He looked down at the ground, thinking. “If memory serves, the girl’s mother killed herself a few years later.”
He had gotten my wheels spinning. “Sheriff, I need to see that case, the entire case.”
“Whew, CeeCee, I don’t know. You guys were in the storeroom files yesterday, right?”
Naomi and I nodded.
“I’d check there first. If it’s not there, try the cold-case unit. They may have it since technically it was unsolved.”
The cold-case unit investigated every homicide deemed unsolvable by major crimes. Cold cases took years to solve and lots of money. Nonetheless, the unit seemed to be on a roll lately. In the last six months they’d solved two murders from the late 1970s.
I already knew that trying to find a file from 1986 would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. After the sheriff and Naomi left, my phone rang. It was Bob with my final test results from the Kari Sutter murder.
“I’ve decided not to make you get these out of my ass, CeeCee. You ready?” Bob asked.
“Ready with bells on. Go ahead.”
“Don’t get your hopes up. It’s pretty much the same as the prelims. The blood on the tree was the victim’s, no other DNA. The cut on the wrist was with precision, probably a razor blade. No fibers, no sexual assault, and the material from the victim’s hand was over one hundred years old.”
I was thrown by the last result. “What did you say? What material?”
“The material in her hand,” he said calmly.
I was getting irritated. “What material in her hand, Bob? You never said anything about finding material in her hand.”
He was quiet, and when he finally spoke, it was weak. “I didn’t?”
“No!”
“Oh, well, um, the victim’s right hand, the one that wasn’t cut, had about a two-square-inch piece of material in it. I’m sorry—I thought I told you.” He seemed nervous.
“You never told me,” I growled. “You said it was over a hundred years old? What does it look like?”
“Um, right, it was very old.” He coughed into the phone. “The material probably used to be white, but it was tinted yellow from age. It was a type of thick lace.”
“I’ll be there in a minute.”
Taking the elevator to the basement where the crime laboratory was, I couldn’t help wondering what else Bob had forgotten to tell me. I’m sure he had heard from the other technicians about my mood at the cemetery this morning and most likely didn’t want to deal with me. I was at a point where I couldn’t have cared less.
Bob was waiting for me at the entrance to the lab, holding the material in a clear plastic bag, along with photographs of it, something he clearly anticipated me asking for. He apologized again for not telling me about it, and I in turn apologized for biting his head off. While I was on an apology streak, I poked my head into the lab and apologized to the technicians I had yelled at while at the cemetery, explaining I was having a bad day and that I didn’t mean to take it out on them. They were quite forgiving, considering the circumstances.
I still hadn’t heard anything about any marriage certificates for Madeline or Maryanne Hendrickson, so I spent the remainder of the day catching up on paperwork—typing interviews, making copies and so forth. I found myself continually looking at the clock, somehow hoping it would stop completely so I wouldn’t have to go home. Michael had called twice, neither of which I answered.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
An hour after I was supposed to leave, I called Eric to check on the girls and talk to them. After that, I drove around for two hours. I was trying to figure out how I was going to tell Michael. I decided since there was no easy way to do it, it was time to go home. My stom
ach was in knots.
I saw Michael looking out the window when I pulled into the driveway. I realized this would probably be the last time I would ever see him do that and suppressed the urge to cry again. I closed my eyes and put my head against the wheel. I didn’t think I would be able to go through with this. I had to keep telling myself it was for Michael and Sean. I was doing the right thing.
I put on my best game face and walked toward the house. He opened the door before I had a chance to turn the knob.
“Honey, where have you been? I’ve been calling.” He reached over to hug me, but I pulled away.
I walked to the kitchen table, set my bag and keys down, took off my jacket and hung it in the closet. Michael stood by the door, looking at me with apprehension.
“Did you have a bad day? We can talk about it,” he offered tenderly.
My chest felt like it was going to explode, and I was trying hard to not let him see me trembling and breathing hard. I was on the verge of panic. Looking over at a picture of Sean on the wall, I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.
“Michael, I do need to talk to you, but not about my day. Let’s go sit in the living room,” I said stiffly, without emotion.
His expression showed grave concern. I could see him trying to read my face for signs of what I wanted to discuss. Since Michael could usually read me like a book, I had to be very careful. He sat down, still looking directly at me.
I cleared my throat. “There’s something I’ve wanted to talk to you about, and now seems as good a time as any, considering the mess with Vanessa.”
I could see he was holding his breath.
I did my best to maintain eye contact with him. If I looked away, even for a slight second, he would know I was lying. I knew that what I was about to say would shatter his world, and it was killing me.
“Michael, this is very hard for me to tell you, but you need to know the truth.” My heart was pounding so hard I was sure he could see it through my shirt. “Last night when I told you I was closing files out in the store room, I lied—I was really with Eric.”
He looked devastated, but I had to keep talking or I wouldn’t be able to finish.
“We were talking and we…we decided to put the divorce on hold and give our marriage another try.”
Michael stood, and I saw his eyes begin to water. “Please tell me that again. I don’t think I quite understood what you just said.”
I looked at him. “What I’m trying to tell you, Michael, is that I still love Eric, and I can’t marry you. It’s not fair to you.” I made a grave mistake and briefly looked away when I said I still loved Eric. I couldn’t help it. Michael caught it immediately.
“You’re lying.” His eyes, still watering, were dead on mine.
“No, I’m not. Michael, don’t try to look for reasons to make you believe this isn’t happening, because it is.” I felt the tears coming and I stood, turning my back to him until I could make them go away.
He turned me around. “I know what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work.” He got right in my face. “You think that there’s a chance I’m going back to Vanessa, and you’re playing it safe by getting back with Eric, right? Well, it’s not going to happen!”
I backed away from him, feeling the bile rise in my throat. I honestly thought I was going to be sick. “What are you going to do to stop it, Michael? Huh? Nothing! That’s what! You think I want to deal with your psychotic ex- wife for the rest of my life?” I laughed. “Hardly. Nobody, including you, is worth that grief!” I was getting hateful, but he’d never believe me if I didn’t.
He stood staring at me, looking as if someone had just run him over with a truck, tears now streaming down his cheeks.
“Please, Cee. This isn’t you. Something’s going on…Please, talk to me,” he begged, and took a few steps towards me.
I backed away. “Michael,” I lowered my voice. “The only thing going on is that I’m still in love with my husband, the father of my children. Maybe this will help you believe what I’m telling you: Eric and I slept together last night. That’s why I was late. I really didn’t want to have to tell you that.” I paused to let the words sink in. “It’s over, Michael. I’m sorry.” I held my head up defiantly and placed my engagement ring on the table in front of me.
Something changed in Michael’s face. It went from pure devastation to sheer hatefulness. I have never been hit by a man I was in a relationship with, but I genuinely thought to night might be the first time. Not that I wouldn’t be completely shocked if Michael laid a hand on me. He was too good for that.
The tears were gone from his eyes, but he continued to look at me with utter contempt. Remaining silent, he turned to leave the room, then turned back and faced me again.
His voice was low and scratchy. “You are the worst mistake I have ever made in my life. I gave you everything, and you have just shit all over me. I will always regret the day I met you, CeeCee.” He was breathing heavy. “So help me God, I never, and I mean never, want to see your face again. I hope you’re happy. I’ll be gone within the hour.”
His words hit me like daggers before he left the room, sending shock waves rippling through my body. The emotions I had been holding in were violently fighting their way to the surface like a raging volcano. I grabbed my car keys and ran out the door, shaking so uncontrollably I could hardly get my keys in the ignition. I knew I had to quickly find a place to park because I wouldn’t be able to drive.
I was a block away when I pulled into the parking lot of a pair of tennis courts. I jumped out of my car and began running, to where I don’t know, when my volcano finally erupted. I fell to my knees. I was sobbing, my chest was heaving, I was soaked with sweat, and I was screaming. Even when I found out Eric had been having an affair and we finally decided to divorce, I had never felt pain like this. It was excruciating physical pain.
I thought of Michael, the way he felt, the way he smelled and how much I truly loved him, and my pain worsened. I honestly thought I was dying.
Dear God in heaven, please make this go away! my head screamed. It didn’t go away. I continued to cry until I actually started vomiting. I remember once, during the Murder Mountain case, Eric said he was leaving me because I was going to West Virginia with Michael to find the killers. I was upset then, certainly, but nothing like this.
It was when I had a vision of my daughters that I began to calm down. They needed me, and they didn’t need me a basket case. I had to pull it together, not for myself, but for them. I also knew that very soon Michael would be seeing Sean, and that’s what was most important.
I was still on all fours in the gravel parking lot when I began taking long, deep breaths to try to calm down. I finally made my way back to my car, but I didn’t think I was quite ready to drive yet. My eyes felt like they were the size of baseballs. My head, tingling and achy, felt like a hot- air balloon, and my stomach was still queasy. I also had a loud ringing in my ears that didn’t seem to be going away.
It was forty- five minutes before I felt able to go home. When I drove down my street and saw my house, dark and uninhabited, I felt the earlier emotions begin to come back. Doing my best to fight them off, I pulled into the driveway and went into my empty house.
Michael had left a note for me on the kitchen table:
CeeCee,
I will make arrangements in the next couple of weeks to pick up the rest of my things. I would appreciate it if you were not here when I do. I would’ve liked to have seen Isabelle and Selina be fore I left, but now it doesn’t seem possible. Please tell them I will call soon. Not that you gave him much thought, but Sean will be extremely upset by this. I would prefer that you do not call him. I will take care of it. Michael
Oh, the irony. If he only knew how much thought I had given Sean. I had given him more thought than my own daughters. After reading Michael’s note, I wondered how I would explain to them why Michael left. They would both be very upset, Isabelle more so.
I went
upstairs and saw that Michael had taken most of his clothes from the closet and all his toiletries. I sat on the closet floor, looking at the empty hangers and began crying again. I ended falling asleep in my closet and not waking up until an hour before I was supposed to leave for work.
When I opened my eyes I was hit with everything again, and realized I wouldn’t make it through the day. I left a message on Naomi’s voice mail, telling her I wouldn’t be in because I wasn’t feeling well. I knew she’d be suspicious, but I didn’t care. I crawled into bed and slept on and off most of the day, with bouts of crying in between. It was not only crying and sadness I had to deal with, it was also anger.
I had more violent thoughts of what I would like to do to Vanessa Hagerman than I ever had about anyone in my life. It would be downright scary if I were to see her right now. I also went over and over ways to get myself out of this, almost coming up with a realistic solution but not one good enough. I thought if I filed a formal complaint with the Cuyahoga County Bar Association against the judge and Vanessa’s attorney, that it would do the trick. Then I realized that it would be her word against mine. I should’ve been smarter and taped our conversation, just as I assumed she was doing with me. However, now that Michael had left, I would only look like a bitter ex- girlfriend. It was hopeless.
I called in sick the next two days. My answering machine was flooded with calls from Naomi and Coop. I think one of them even stopped by the house because I heard knocking, but I didn’t answer the door. By the end of the second day, I was at least able to function, meaning I could get out of bed. I had convinced myself that there was nothing I could do, and that I needed to get on with my life. Still feeling like I had a cement block in my chest and a lump in my throat, I talked myself into going to work. On my way in, I stopped at my attorney’s office and signed my divorce papers, telling him to call Eric to do the same. He said they would be filed by the end of the day. I wanted closure on everything.
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