“Thank you, but no.” Looking a little embarrassed, she added, “Before you refill your cup, may we talk about something first? I must confess there’s another reason I came out here to speak with you.”
“Oh?” Here it came.
“Yes. Major Kelly sent word to me early this morning that he’d like you to call on him at the Menger. At your convenience.”
“He didn’t want to call on me here?”
“It doesn’t seem so.” A wrinkle formed in her brow. “I feel rather awkward delivering his messages.”
“Of course you do. I would feel the same way.” But at the same time, she wondered why he hadn’t sent word directly to her. Perhaps he suspected she would still be asleep.
“All right. As soon as I put on a bonnet and a proper cloak, I’ll be ready to go.”
“I’m sure you could have that cup of coffee first. I don’t think it’s that urgent.”
“No, if the major is waiting for me, I don’t want him to have to wait longer than necessary.” Besides, she knew the relaxing moment had passed. She wasn’t going to be able to rest until she discovered exactly why Major Kelly had summoned her.
After hurrying up to her room, Lizbeth put on her best felt bonnet and then put on real stockings and her best kid boots. After slipping on her cloak, she carefully locked her door and slipped the brass key into her bag before walking back down the stairs.
She spied Mrs. Harrison sitting at a writing table in the front parlor. “Thank you again for letting me know about my appointment, ma’am,” she said politely.
“Would you like me to accompany you? The streets are awfully busy right now.”
“I don’t mind walking alone. Thank you for the offer, though.”
After sharing another smile with Mrs. Harrison, Lizbeth ventured out onto the road. The lady had been right. Even more people were out walking and riding in carriages than when she’d been observing before.
Lizbeth felt very strange going back to the Menger, especially when she entered the hotel through the front lobby doors instead of the servants’ entrance.
Several people looked her way, and, hoping she looked more composed than she felt, Lizbeth nodded at a few of the women. When she felt some of the staff stare at her in confusion, she pretended not to notice. Though she did feel awkward and on edge, she had nothing to be embarrassed about.
She really did need to remember that.
She started for the reception desk, relieved to still not see Bushnell anywhere around. But then she almost ran into Aileen.
“Good morning, Lizbeth,” she said with a puzzled frown as she rushed to her side. “Do you need something?”
Lizbeth realized Aileen seemed concerned about her. She was beginning to wonder if fear of Dallas’s disapproval had been what had pushed Aileen to dismiss her.
But though she was still hurt, Lizbeth realized she was also in a better place. She might not know what the future held for her, but she hadn’t been happy being a maid at the Menger. “I am meeting Major Kelly here,” she said. “He, uh, sent for me. Have you seen him, by any chance? I was just about to ask if he is in his room or—”
“He’s in the parlor, standing in front of the fireplace.” Looking at her curiously, Aileen added, “Is everything okay?”
“I don’t know.” Smiling tightly, she said, “I guess I’m about to find out.”
Lizbeth shook off her doldrums and walked into the parlor, where the major stood with his back to her.
“Major Kelly, good morning.”
After turning to her and smiling, he bowed. “Miss Barclay. Thank you for joining me here. I regret that I couldn’t come to you, but my appearance at Mindy’s establishment might have only caused talk.”
She realized he was right. Though, from the interested stares around them, Lizbeth knew this meeting would be on the tongues of many people as well. “It was no trouble. I’m sorry for the delay. I’m afraid I was lazing about on Mrs. Harrison’s verandah this morning.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. We had nothing scheduled. After being gone most of Saturday and yesterday morning, I did quite a bit of lazing myself. Only inside where it is warmer.” He smiled and gestured toward two chairs that faced each other. “Please sit down. May I order you something to drink? Hot tea, perhaps?”
Lizbeth didn’t think she’d ever feel comfortable enough in the Menger Hotel to be waited on by the rest of the staff. “No, thank you.”
After Major Kelly seated himself, he said, “How are you finding Harrison House?”
“Wonderful.” Unable to help herself, she smiled. “I think I will enjoy living there for the next couple of months.”
“Ah. Well, yes.” He cleared his throat. “That is why I wanted to speak to you.”
“About my living at Harrison House?”
If anything, he looked even more pensive. “That, and other things. I have been doing a lot of thinking, you see.”
She didn’t.
“Thinking? About what?”
“I feel bad about your circumstances.”
“How so?” Before he could reply, she added, “Sir, you secured a safe place for me to live until I can find employment. Mrs. Harrison is very kind. Already she’s made me feel like I’m an honored guest.”
But instead of looking relieved, his jaw tightened. “Perhaps we could talk about your job search for a moment.”
“Sir?”
He looked as though he had to struggle to formulate his words. “Are you still hoping to look for work somewhere else?” When she nodded, he leaned forward. “As what? A maid?”
“Well, yes.” Lizbeth felt a little stung. He was acting as if that wasn’t respectable work.
He frowned. “Don’t you want something more than that?”
“I’ve learned what I want doesn’t always matter.”
“I think it does.”
She almost laughed. Didn’t he realize it wasn’t just the men who had been changed by the war but the women too? “Times have changed, sir. I’m no longer the woman I used to be.”
To her surprise, pain entered his eyes. “That may be true, but you don’t have to give up all your dreams.”
His comment, while sweet, was misinformed. She certainly did have to give up all her dreams. But more importantly, she’d realized that she was okay with that. “Major Kelly, something happened to me this morning.”
Before he could say a word, she leaned forward, eager to share her epiphany. “You see, the strangest thing happened when I was sipping my coffee on the verandah. It occurred to me that I am not the only woman who suffered during the war.”
When Ethan stared at her in confusion, she flushed. She needed to explain herself more fully. “I mean, of course I know thousands of men died or were grievously injured. The women in their lives grieved for them. I know that. But, well, I think a small part of me felt that no one had gone through quite what I had. I assumed that was why they were able to pick up the pieces of their lives and move on.”
“When you weren’t able to?”
She nodded, glad he understood. “Yes. I decided I’ve been a bit selfish, only focusing on myself and my own hurts. I need to start thinking about other people. And I am going to!”
But instead of looking pleased, Major Kelly only appeared more taken aback. “Don’t make light of what you’ve gone through, Lizbeth—may I call you Lizbeth?”
She nodded, flattered he would want to.
“Others might have suffered,” he went on, “but what happened to you was terrible.”
“I know … but what I don’t think I had completely appreciated was that I had been so used to being in pain and hurt I forgot to look at everything good in my life.” Seeing the interest flicker in his eyes, she straightened with a smile. “I decided to start telling the Lord how grateful I am instead of asking him for things that cannot happen.”
“Such as?”
His prodding was making her feel self-conscious. Stuttering a bit, she said
, “W-well, things like marriage and children—and a home again.”
And just like that, the tense set of his jaw eased. He shifted. “Lizbeth, it seems my timing is perfect, then. I asked you here to speak of those very same things.”
“Do you know of a governess or a nanny position?”
“Uh, no.”
Racking her brain, she tried to think of another job she might be suitable for that didn’t involve either cleaning a house or caring for children. “As a companion?”
“No.” He shifted. “You see, I don’t like you working so hard, from sunup until sundown. It isn’t right.”
She may have given him permission to call her by her given name, but she was starting to feel as though he was completely overstepping his bounds. “Forgive me, but I must point out that what I do with my time really isn’t your concern.”
“But it is.”
She was tired of his riddles. “Why?” she blurted.
“Because I’ve decided we should marry.”
She almost started laughing. Almost. But then she looked into his eyes. He was very far from making a joke.
“Major Kelly, thank you for the honor, but I—”
He clasped her hand, startling her. “Miss Barclay, would you do me the very great honor of becoming my wife?”
His words were beautiful. His voice was fluid and strong. No hesitation. No doubt in his tone. No flicker of unease in his eyes.
It was more than she’d ever hoped for. It was more than she deserved. To say no would be giving up so much.
Tears filled her eyes. Wanting to treasure the moment, even if it was for just another second.
13
As she did each morning, Julianne wrote in her journal, taking special care to write down the date. Today it gave her pause.
Four days had passed since Captain Devin Monroe walked away after entertaining a brief but misguided infatuation with her. Three days since Abby and Carl Bernard had rushed into her life like twin tornadoes, already upsetting everything in her daily routine and turning it on its side.
Amazing how God presented her with so much joy and so much pain at the same time. Amazing how she’d been able to bear both almost easily.
Abby hadn’t been speaking lightly when she said she wanted to begin a friendship with her. Abby had visited her home on both Saturday and Sunday. She first brought her fiancé, Timothy, along with Carl. Julianne had been so surprised by the preacher being in her home that she had been flustered. The whole time they were talking, she’d been on pins and needles. She had been sure that, just when she relaxed, the preacher would choose to lecture her about the choices she’d made.
Timothy couldn’t have been more different, though. He’d been friendly and open. As open in his conversation as his fiancée had been in her heart.
The second time Abby came alone. Carl was making a Sunday-afternoon call on a young lady.
Julianne was delighted with Abby. She was so chatty and friendly, and brought back memories of another time in her life. Back when she had little to worry about beyond what to wear to parties she was invited to. When they’d taken a stroll together, she was surprised to see their friendship was already doing miraculous things to her standing in town. It seemed seeing her with a companion was all anyone had needed to take the final step in setting her past firmly behind her.
As they drank tea when they returned, Julianne commented to Abby that she’d never expected to be so well received.
Abby brushed off her surprise. “It isn’t as though you have a man living in your upstairs rooms right now, Julianne. Actually, even my aunt Dora was hard-pressed to remember a time when you did anything to cause talk. She said you conducted yourself like a lady at all times.”
Had she? All Julianne could remember was being both alone and lonely. Except for when Daniel visited her. Then she had been at his beck and call until the moment he left, telling Bula her services were not needed when he was there. And when she had been a slave to him? Well, she’d been an emotional wreck. Sometimes a physical one too—especially when he took out his wartime misery on her, hitting her for some imagined slight.
Those had been dark days. She’d been embarrassed by what she’d done and scorned by others. The money the man gave her always felt tainted. Only when she used it to help her grandmother—and to buy chickens and garden seeds to help others during the war—was she reminded that everything she’d done had been for a good reason.
“If I haven’t told you before, I am grateful for your kindness. It says a lot about your character to befriend a woman with my reputation. You are going to do Timothy proud, Abby.”
“I hope so, though I want you to know I didn’t befriend you for any reason beyond my explanation when Carl and I first introduced ourselves to you, Julianne.”
“I am glad we are getting to know each other,” Julianne said, feeling self-conscious.
Abby beamed. “Now that you’ve gotten that off your chest, let’s talk about something far more interesting.”
“Which is?”
“How we should go about finding a husband for you.”
Julianne was thankful she hadn’t been about to take a sip of tea. If she had, she would have probably choked on it! Instead, she laughed, determined to keep the moment light. “As much as you try to champion my honor, some realities cannot be overlooked. My past with the colonel is one of them. I simply am not marriage material.”
“I heard a handsome man called on you the other day. Was that not the case?”
“Well, yes, a man did. A Captain Monroe. But that was a few days ago, the day before I met you and your brother. Nothing became of it, though.”
“Maybe he’ll call on you again. Men get busy, you know.”
“He might be busy, but it doesn’t signify. He won’t be returning.”
“Are you sure?” Abby must have noticed the expression in her eyes, because she softly added, “Did it not work out?”
That was one way to put it. “It didn’t work out.”
“But you liked him, though. Didn’t you?”
Julianne was tempted to lie, but there was no reason to. “I did. I liked him very much.”
“Maybe he’ll change his mind and return.”
“I’m afraid not. But that’s all right, Abby. I’ve learned some things can never be changed. The past is one of them.”
Abby nodded. “I’m starting to realize the most disappointed people in the world are the ones who cannot come to terms with that reality.”
Since she knew disappointment well, Julianne decided truer words had never been said.
When she was alone again, buoyed by Abby’s words of wisdom, Julianne decided to call on a woman she had talked to at church several times. She had always been kind and friendly, but Julianne had been the one to keep a small measure of distance between them. She realized now that she’d been unconsciously distancing herself from a potential friend.
She’d told herself it was so she wouldn’t taint anyone with her reputation. But after Abby’s talk, Julianne realized she had been the one putting up barriers. While honorable men like Devin Monroe might find her to be a less than suitable bride, it seemed others were not as judgmental in whom they befriended.
Miss Blake was gracious and welcoming when she tentatively knocked on her door. She invited Julianne into her parlor and served her tea and cake. In turn, Julianne did her best to be a friendly and entertaining guest. She shared stories about her gardening mishaps and the war she’d been having with some wily squirrels.
After visiting a half hour, she started for home. Between Abby’s visit and her own call, Julianne couldn’t recall having a more social, conversational day. The idea that it might be the first of many days made her smile.
As she entered her street, she drew up short. Just beyond her house was a proud-looking man on a black stallion. His back was to her, but she knew both his bearing and the horse as well as she knew the contents of her linen closet. It was Daniel Bushnell.
>
Her first reaction was to stop in her tracks. Heart racing, she scanned the area, looking to her left and then right. She ached to dart off to the shadows and hide. There weren’t many options. A thicket of evergreens. The Conners’ shed. But she was willing to take a chance on anything. Anywhere would be better than being out in the open. If he turned around, he’d spot her immediately. But just as she started walking, Daniel and his horse sped up and disappeared out of sight.
After waiting another moment, Julianne hurried to her house. As she approached the front door, she scanned the yard, examining the area. For what, she wasn’t sure. Maybe she couldn’t imagine Daniel leaving her house without leaving his mark as well? When all seemed quiet, she unlocked her door and started to step inside.
Then she saw it. A small bouquet of flowers. No doubt the cost had been dear. Flowers in November would be. Daniel had been forced to lay them on the doorstep. He was going to be so angry that she hadn’t been there to receive them!
She picked up the bouquet. Fingered the rose petals absently. She was going to have to take them inside. Display them for anyone to see. Her heart started pounding as she wondered how she was going to explain their appearance to Bula. Or to Abby and Carl.
Then, with a start, she realized she didn’t have to accept the flowers. She could leave them on the doorstep or even toss them in the trash. She wasn’t Daniel’s mistress anymore.
But instead of feeling better, she was confused. Because while she wasn’t his anymore, her insides didn’t seem to realize the difference.
Even now, after all this time, a part of her was still under his control.
14
It was cold. Dressed in his overcoat, boots, and felt Stetson, Devin still felt the bite of the cool wind on his skin as he leaned against the side of his house. He should probably go inside. He had a good steak he’d bought from a nearby rancher. He should cook it up with a couple of eggs. Maybe even open the book he’d purchased on a whim the last time he visited the mercantile. It was a rag highlighting the escapades of the notorious outlaw Scout Proffitt. Perhaps it would be entertaining enough for him to forget about Julianne Van Fleet for a couple of hours.
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