Julianne liked how he’d phrased his statement. It was true, she realized. Not only did one’s body have to recover from trauma, but the mind and heart did as well. Of course, faith played a big part in that recovery. “Lizbeth and I knelt and prayed for her and for you men for hours.”
He ran his fingers through her hair again. “I’m grateful you did. I needed your prayers. Maybe God heard them and took pity on us all.”
“God didn’t need to take pity on you. You and Ethan were in the right. You saved that young woman.”
His expression softened as he looked down into her eyes. “I have to admit I was more than a little wary. I feared you wouldn’t want to see me when I returned. Will you ever forgive me for sharing your past with Robert and Thomas?”
Julianne was surprised he had to ask. Couldn’t he tell how much he meant to her from the way she greeted him? But then she remembered what kind of man he was. He was a man used to taking nothing for granted. “I have already forgiven you.”
“That quickly?”
“The moment you rode off, I realized anything could happen to you. It made me so scared. That’s when I started to realize keeping secrets about my past from your friends doesn’t matter all that much. I can’t change the past. It’s a part of who I am, and most everyone knows about it. For better or worse, while I’m not proud of what I did, I have decided to stop cowering in shame. So many other people had to survive far worse things.”
“I can promise you they have.” He rubbed his hands over her arms. “Julianne, I’m so sorry I made you regret trusting me.”
“Like I said, it’s over now. I don’t want to dwell on regrets.”
“I don’t either.”
He was still holding her arms. They were still facing each other, barely inches apart. Her face was tilted up to his. Devin was staring down at her, his blue eyes looking languid and almost dark.
And just like that, the tension between them dissipated. Gone was the stress and the worry and the sense that they could be pulled apart.
In its place was something new and strong. A pull that had nothing to do with lies or truths and everything to do with something far more basic and primal.
“Julianne,” he rasped. His hands curved around her body again, pulling her so close she was sure she could feel his heartbeat.
Maybe it was because she wasn’t inexperienced. Maybe she’d lived long enough to know what he wanted from her. But there was a difference for her that was unchartered. Because she felt something new. She desired him too. It had nothing to do with debts or promises or contracts or guilt.
It was all about what was in her heart. She’d fallen in love with him. Even though she would have told anyone before she met Devin that she didn’t believe in love, she realized now that she couldn’t have been more wrong.
She had simply not been ready.
Licking her lips, she suddenly felt shy. What should she say? How should she convince him that he didn’t need to hesitate? That she would never confuse what was happening with them with what she’d done with Daniel?
She felt his gaze fasten on her mouth. And just when she decided to say something, anything …
It turned out she didn’t need to say anything at all.
He pressed his lips to hers. Then, with a moan, shifted her, lifted a hand to curve around her jaw, then proceeded to kiss her in a way she hadn’t known was possible.
If she didn’t know better, she would say his kisses were drugging. Encompassing. All consuming.
But really, what they were like was Devin. Powerful and brave. Direct and to the point.
Perfect.
Much, much later, he lifted his head. Searched her face. “Too much?”
Since she felt as though she could barely stand on her own feet, she sighed. “Oh, no, Devin. I think it was just right.”
He smiled before he leaned down and kissed her again.
38
Devin had returned to the Menger over an hour ago. After he talked with Julianne, he told Lizbeth they had found Cassie, and that Robert and Thomas were taking her home to her family. He also said Ethan was fine and only a few minutes behind him. Before Lizbeth could pepper him with questions, he’d turned back to Julianne and they’d retreated to his suite.
She didn’t even know what had exactly happened with Bushnell. But she assumed by Devin’s demeanor that their mission had been accomplished.
Then, a bundle of nerves, she settled on a chair in the corner of the lobby and watched the front door. Each time the door opened, she leaned forward, anxiously hoping to see Ethan stride through. Looking strong and proud and so heroic.
But as the minutes passed, and the hour grew late, she realized he wasn’t going to come. Worrying her bottom lip, she wondered if he was in a saloon.
Just as quickly, she disregarded that idea. That wasn’t who he was any longer. Determined to find him, she decided to begin at the first place he would have gone—the stable.
When she walked into the barn, the warm, musty air kissed her skin. It felt warm and inviting inside. Welcoming. Feeling optimistic, she walked down the center aisle. Each stall was filled. When the horses saw her, they shifted restlessly. A few whickered a greeting.
A palomino pushed his nose out between the slats of his stall, begging for a pet. Unable to help herself, Lizbeth slid a hand through and rubbed his soft nose. When he stepped closer, gently nudging her hand, she laughed. Just as she moved away from the horse, she heard a board behind her groan.
She turned, expecting to see one of the four grooms the hotel employed.
Instead, she found Ethan. He was leaning against one of the back stalls, half hidden in the dim light. He was standing quietly. Completely silent.
Everything about him seemed to be the exact opposite of the man she’d first talked to in his room. Gone was his proud and sardonic bearing. Gone, too, was his aura of confidence.
In its place was a man who looked exhausted by life.
She approached him carefully. She didn’t want to intrude, but she didn’t want him to be alone either.
He stood motionless, watching her approach. When she stopped in front of him, he finally spoke. “Lizbeth, why are you here?”
How could she not be? Keeping her voice purposefully light, she said, “I was looking for you, of course.”
“Why? Do you need something?”
His voice sounded brittle. She decided to temper it with a bit of levity. “As a matter of fact, I do. I need you.”
He straightened. A hand that had been shoved into one of his pockets fell to his side. “I beg your pardon?”
“I’ve been waiting for you in the lobby, Ethan. I’ve been waiting for over an hour. I thought you would walk inside directly after Devin, but you didn’t arrive. That’s why I ventured out here. I started to worry about you.”
“I didn’t know how to face you. And, well, I’m not fit for company right now.”
“Only horses?” she asked lightly.
“I don’t know if I’m even fit for them. Gretel doesn’t seem real fond of me at the moment either.”
She couldn’t let another moment pass before she said what was really on her mind. “I’m really glad you are all right. Are you hurt at all?”
“No. I’m just fine. We got Cassie. She’s with Baker and Truax.”
“Yes, I heard that.” Staring at him closely, she noticed Ethan didn’t seem happy about their mission. “What’s wrong? Did Bushnell escape?”
“No, we found him. He was where we thought he’d be.” He ran a hand along his brow. “He drew his gun, so I raised my gun as well. Actually, all of us did. He didn’t stand a chance.”
She released a ragged sigh. “So he’s gone?”
“He’s dead. It happened fast. So fast. After all that worrying and planning, it felt almost too easy.” He grimaced. “I’m sorry. Like I said, I’m not fit for company right now.”
He turned from her, but he didn’t walk away. Lizbeth knew there would come
a time when the harsh reality of what he was telling her would no doubt hit her hard. Maybe she would scream and cry. Maybe she’d dissolve into tears. But all she could think about at the moment was Ethan.
Carefully, she ran a hand down his back. “You’re worrying me.”
“Don’t. I’m fine.”
“What’s going to happen next? Are you going to get into trouble?”
“No. After we, uh, left that house, we took Cassie to a doctor and I went for the sheriff. Between the four of us and Cassie’s recounting of all she went through and what happened when we arrived, the sheriff seemed more relieved than anything.”
“So he won’t be taking you in for questioning or anything?”
“I don’t think so.” Ethan turned and tried to smile, but he couldn’t seem to manage it. “Lizbeth, honey, I’m real glad you came out here. I’m sorry you had to go looking for me, but I think it might be best if you went on back inside.”
“And do what? Wait for you some more?” she lightly teased.
He rubbed a hand over his face. “No. Of course not. I’ll come find you at Harrison House tomorrow before I leave.”
She gaped at him. “You’re leaving?”
“Yeah. Like I told you earlier, my parents want me home. They left this morning. I was going to linger here a bit, but I think it’s best if I go on my way.”
She noticed he was avoiding her eyes. He thought she was still upset with him.
Impulsively, she reached for his hand and then pulled him down until they were both sitting on the ground, side by side. “Ethan, I know you want me to leave you in peace. And I will. But first, will you give me a couple of minutes? I’d like to tell you a story.”
He shifted, stretching his legs out in front of him. “What’s it about?”
Everything in his tone said he could not care less about any tales she might be telling. But maybe he’d think differently when she was done.
That is, if she could put everything she wanted to say in the right words.
“It’s about a girl,” she said.
“Okay …”
“Just hush and listen.” She waited a beat to make sure he kept his silence, then stopped worrying about the right words and aimed for the right thing to say. “When she was a teenager, she had bright dreams for herself. She was going to find herself a handsome man. He was going to be perfect too. He was going to be wealthy and kind and polite and even kind of fun. But most importantly, he was going to think she was something special.”
He cleared his throat. “Ah. Did she find him?”
“Not exactly.” She took a breath, hoping to settle the emotion rushing through her. “See, the war came. Her parents died. Other family members went off to fight and didn’t come back, and no handsome man appeared in sight. Then, well, things got worse.”
“Lizbeth—”
His voice was strained. She ignored it.
“She ended up alone. In a small house on a small ranch. On the outskirts of San Antonio, in a place called Castroville. Every day she just tried to survive. And then … when men did show up? Well, they didn’t come to make her life better. They just made everything worse.” She swallowed hard. And though it felt as if she were choking on her words, she continued. “And so she tried a little harder to survive.”
“And then?” Ethan asked softly.
“And then the war ended. So she had to work in a big hotel and forget about her dreams.” She smiled softly. “She was very good at that. As the months passed, she forgot she’d ever cared about love and marriage. Actually, she forgot she’d ever had any dreams at all.”
She turned slightly. Took one of his hands. “And then she met him.”
He blinked. “Who?”
“The man she’d always dreamed of. And he was just as handsome and kind as she’d dreamed he’d be. But he wasn’t perfect.” Laughing softly, she continued. “Not by a long shot. But that was okay, because she wasn’t perfect either.”
Ethan stared at her. Tightened his grip on her hand. “What happened next?”
“He realized that was okay too.” Staring down at their linked hands, she whispered, “Ethan, I don’t care what you had to do today. I don’t care why you kept secrets or why you did what you needed to do in your past. I don’t even need you to be different or better.”
His eyes turned glassy. “What do you need, then?”
“You, Ethan Kelly. I only need you.” Smiling softly, she said, “Do you think you can one day need me too?”
Instead of offering her words, he reached for her and pulled her close. Bent his head so it rested in the nape of her neck and held her tight.
Then, just when she was about to relax against him, offering him comfort, Lizbeth felt his lips brush her skin. She pulled back slightly, intending to flash him a smile, but that idea evaporated as he whispered her name and then kissed her neck again.
She trembled, then gasped as Ethan traced a slow, lingering path along her throat. His mouth was warm. Each place it touched felt like a brand, making her aware of little besides how close she felt to him, how treasured. How very wanted.
When she shivered again, he lifted his head. “You okay, Lizbeth?” he drawled. His voice sounded deep, almost languid.
Wonderful.
As his question registered, she knew only one way to answer. And that was to circle his neck with her arms and raise her lips to his.
With a sigh, he pressed her close and kissed her at last. It was lovely. Perfect. No, it was even better than that. It was worth waiting for.
39
Johnson’s Island, Ohio
Confederate States of America Officers’ POW camp
Something is going on,” Robert Truax whispered when he joined the ten or so men gathered around the wood-burning stove in the middle of their barracks. Though it was June, the air was still chilly. “None of the guards are around.”
Intrigued, Ethan put down the figure he’d begun trying to whittle. It had been a hopeless task. He wasn’t an artist and had no vision for how an ordinary stick could be made into a thing of beauty. But like Thomas and his constant attempts to better himself, he’d decided to at least attempt to push himself to learn something new.
That said, he was thankful to be concentrating on something else. Looking at the other men, they seemed to be having the same reaction he did. Some men were curious about Truax’s information; others simply looked happy to have something new to talk about.
“I saw seven of them leave today on a skiff,” Thomas said.
“They were probably going out to scout,” someone said.
Thomas shook his head. “Nah, that weren’t it. The guards wouldn’t ask seven men to do the job of two.”
“You forget who we’re talking about,” General McCoy said with a grin. “Our guards need double the time and double the manpower to do most anything.”
“Yessir,” Baker agreed. “But they had knapsacks. I’ve never seen them leave the island like that before. I don’t think they’re coming back.”
Ethan’s mind began to race. It was summer of 1865 now. The war had been going on a long time. Far longer than anyone had anticipated. And, if he was being completely honest, the South had hung in there longer than he ever would have imagined.
Turning to one of the newest members of their group, he said, “Where were you taken captive?”
“In Georgia, sir.”
“Tell me the truth. What was Lee saying about our chances? What did you hear?”
His gaze darting around the assembled lot of them, the man sputtered. When he met General McCoy’s eyes, he paled. “I couldn’t say, sir.”
“Come on. I’ve been here over a year. You were out there until just six weeks ago. What was happening?”
Again the man looked like he might throw up.
Baker shook his head. “He ain’t going to tell you a thing, Major. Speaking against the cause is a treasonous offense.”
Of course, Baker’s voice was laced heavy with s
arcasm. Baker was known for saying too much about half the time. He would never let a probable consequence interfere with spouting his thoughts. But he was the exception, not the rule.
“We were losing,” another newcomer said. “Our men were sick and starving and had more problems than a mammy could shake a stick at.”
“Watch your mouth, Lieutenant,” Bushnell barked.
“Leave him alone, Daniel,” General McCoy said. “Kelly asked for the truth and he received it.”
“What are you thinking, Kelly?” Devin asked.
Ethan was afraid to give voice to his hope. But he couldn’t very well expect other men to speak their minds if he was afraid to do the same. “I’m wondering if something significant happened,” he said.
What he was too afraid to share, however, was that he couldn’t help but think about what was going to happen to all of them if the South had lost and the war was over. Rules of engagement stated they should be escorted out, but few things happened during the war that followed any such rules.
Devin was staring at him intently, no doubt wishing Ethan would finally say what all of them were thinking. Then the door to the barracks burst open and they all turned in surprise.
There was Dunlap, the guard who had been there the longest and was far and above the men’s favorite.
“Dunlap, you decide to join us for a spell?” Truax asked.
But instead of teasing Truax right back, Dunlap swallowed nervously. “Afraid I don’t have time to be sitting around with you men today.”
“I saw a half dozen of you Yanks leave on a skiff,” Thomas said. “What’s going on? Do they have to go fight again?”
Dunlap ignored Thomas’s question. “I came for General McCoy.”
“Only McCoy?” Bushnell asked.
“Uh, yes. He’s the highest-ranking officer Reb, right?”
“That is correct,” Bushnell said haughtily.
The general slowly got to his feet. “Where are you taking me?”
“The commander has requested your presence.”
His expression tightened, but he walked to Dunlap’s side. “Am I coming back?”
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