by Jenni Moen
“Don’t you ever take a day off, old man?” I asked.
“Not when there’s work to be done,” a deep, booming voice answered from beneath the Porsche.
Warren was a master when it came to imports and had a reputation as the go-to man in the metroplex. His small shop serviced virtually every Porsche, Mercedes, and BMW that wasn’t under warranty in the Highland Park area … and that was a lot of cars. He had even been under a few Ferraris and Bentleys throughout the years. However, fancy imports weren’t where his passion really lay.
“Can I do something for you?” he asked, kicking the creeper and himself out from under the car. As soon as Warren’s head cleared the undercarriage and his eyes landed on me, a warm smile spread across his weathered face.
“Well, if it isn’t my favorite city boy,” he said, sitting himself upright and extending an arm in my direction. I grabbed hold of his big, greasy hand and pulled him up. As soon as he was on his feet, a firm hand gripped my shoulder and squeezed. No doubt he was leaving a mark there, too. “You here visiting your mom for the holiday?”
“Yeah, but I couldn’t come to town without seeing you,” I said, rubbing my hand on my jeans and leaving a streak of black grease down my legs.
“I’m sure glad you did. It’s been a couple of years, I think. And I’ve got towels for that, you know.”
He was right, and it made me feel like shit. I hadn’t come around much since moving to New York.
“Don’t look so sad, boy. You’re always welcome around here. Come on, let’s go get a drink. I’m due for a break. And, I’ve got a GTO in the back that you need to take a look at.”
“Are you kidding me? Is it yours?” The 1969 Pontiac GTO had long been Warren’s dream car. I had listened to him talk about that car for years, but I’d about given up on him actually taking the plunge and buying one.
He led me into his office and started digging around in the little refrigerator that I knew contained nothing except root beer and leftover ketchup packets. “Hell, yeah, it is. I know I always said I wanted a 1969 like the Judge but this ’65 came along, and I couldn’t pass her up,” he said, handing me a root beer.
“Well, I’m proud of you,” I said. “I really didn’t think you would ever do it.”
“Yeah, well, you kind of inspired me. There wasn’t anything I loved more than working on that car of yours with you. When you finally drove her out of here that day … God, she was a beauty … I knew then that I needed to get off my ass and do something. Come on. I’ll show you.”
He led me through the doorway that separated the working area of his shop from the special projects that he kept in the back. Most of the space was used to store cars that he was working on for rich old men who were still trying to relive their youth.
In the far corner stood a hulking heap of a car. He walked to the front bumper and began pulling off the cover. What he revealed was a behemoth of a vehicle that needed more love than it needed protection from the elements.
“She needs some work, but isn’t she a beauty?” he said, his old, crinkly eyes scanning the car appreciatively.
I knew exactly how he felt. I’d felt the same way the day my car had come into the shop. She hadn’t been in as bad of shape as this car, but she’d needed a lot of TLC, too. I hadn’t had any problem seeing the diamond in the rough, and that was what Warren was looking at right now. This was his diamond in the rough.
“She is,” I said, running my hand down the side of the car. The once shiny black paint was now a dull, oxidized gray. “I wish I was here to help you get her in shape. She’s going to be a fucking boss.”
“I wish you were, too, but I’ll get her done. This time next year, she’s going to be my everyday driver.”
“Right on,” I said, shaking my head appreciatively at the job in front of him.
He pushed a rolling stool in my direction and then grabbed one for himself. “Have a seat,” he said. “I’m figuring you didn’t really come here to talk about cars.”
I sat heavily on the stool and turned in his direction. “Nah, I need some advice.”
“Well bad, shortsighted advice is my specialty, so hit me with it.”
I chuckled. There was never anything bad or short-sighted about Warren’s advice. The man was like Gandhi when it came to solving the world’s problems.
“This can’t be about Aileen. I saw her at a meeting just the other day, and she’s looking great. We had coffee afterwards and caught up. It’s been a while since she’s needed me, and that, son, is a very good thing.”
I nodded. “A very good thing indeed.”
Warren had been my mom’s sponsor for decades. He had done everything he could for her over the years. A few times, he’d even had marginal success. But despite dragging her to meeting after meeting and talking her down from one cliff after another, nothing he had done for her had really ‘took’ until about five years ago. She’d fallen off the wagon more times than we could count. However, he had never given up on her. And finally, about five years after Joy’s death, his patience had paid off. Together, and only because she was finally ready to do it, we had gotten her clean.
But Warren wasn’t just my mom’s ally. During the years when he couldn’t help her, he’d turned his efforts on me. After Joy’s death, my mom had spiraled into an abyss of self-loathing and depression, the likes of which I’d never seen. And I had seen a lot.
When nothing I did seemed to help her, I had needed a little saving of my own. I’d started heading down the exact path I had always sworn I’d never tread. Hanging out with the wrong crowd. Drinking myself into oblivion. Warren, who had been coming around to keep an eye on her, gave me a job and a distraction. And he had given me lots and lots of advice, none of which had been bad or shortsighted.
After my mom had finally gotten her shit together, he’d been the one to encourage me to leave and go try to find a life for myself. He had been the reason that I’d finally gone to New York.
“The thing is, Warren, I’m seeing someone, and I’m afraid when mom finds out it’s going to push her off the cliff again.”
“Awww, shit. Aileen is doing great. She really is. And she talks about you all the time, son. She knows that she ain’t always going to be your leading lady. She’s prepared for that.”
“It’s not a girl that’s the problem. It’s the girl.” I looked sullenly at the floor and dragged my foot along a grease stain. I was going to need to remember to take my shoes off before I went in mom’s house or she was going to have a shit fit. “Mom’s going to go nuts, but it’s too late for me to change it. I’m in too deep.”
“Has that fancy school taught you how to talk in riddles? What’s wrong with this girl you’re seeing? Did you meet her up there?”
“I met her up there, but she’s actually from here.” I took a deep breath. “It’s Alexis Harper.”
“Why do I know that name? That sounds familiar.”
“Alexis Harper. Her dad is Garrett Harper.” He looked at me and shook his head as if he was stumped. “She’s the one who hit Joy.”
Warren’s eyes grew to the size of saucers, and he sucked in a sharp breath. “What in the hell is wrong with you, boy? I mean, how does that even happen?”
I shook my head, not sure what to say. How the hell did this even happen?
He was silent for a few long seconds. “I bet that’s one hell of a story.”
“Yeah, it’s some fucked up shit. I can’t even explain it to myself. How am I going to explain it to my mom?”
“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head sadly. He knew what this was going to do to her.
I spent the next hour telling him my story. Our story.
I went back to the beginning and told him about the chance meeting in the bar. I held nothing back. I admitted to every emotion I’d had since running into Allie six months ago.
I told him about my plan to ruin her. I told him about how, even in the beginning, she had gotten under my skin. I told him a
bout the camping trip when I’d figured out that her memory of the accident was skewed. I told him about the movie that had driven her away from me and the month that I’d spent wallowing in guilt and self-loathing afterwards. I told him about how hard I’d worked to get her back. I told him about Lizzie and the baby and her father.
I told him everything. Every last thing that had happened during the past six months.
“Well, I was right. That is one hell of a story,” he said, when I was through.
“It is,” I said sadly. We’d never have a story that you would sit down and tell the grandkids. But it was ours. “So what do I do now?”
“I reckon you go home and tell your mom everything you just told me.”
“It’s going to kill her,” I said.
“Nah. I think you’re selling her short. Is she going to like hearing this? No. Is she going to give you her blessing? No way. Ain’t happening. But if you’re worried about her using again, don’t. She’s stable. She’ll be all right. Besides, you’ve got to live your life. You can’t spend your whole life worrying about what’s going to set your mom off.”
“I know,” I said. “I made that decision years ago. But this is different and you know it. This is almost cruel. I never meant for it to happen. I didn’t choose this. I feel like it chose me. I wanted to hurt Allie, not my mom. Now everything is ass backwards.”
“You love her?”
“No question.”
“You can’t walk away?”
“I don’t think I could even if mom begged me. No. I won’t.”
Warren leaned back and crossed his feet. This was it. He was getting ready to dispense some real pearls of wisdom. I could feel it.
“Life’s a funny, fucked up thing, Adam. But I think you got it right. You know firsthand how short and unpredictable life can be. If you get a chance at love, take it. If its good for the soul, do it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody ever said it would be easy, but I promise it’s worth it. Tackle your problems, and keep your eyes on the prize. Listen to your heart. Go with your gut. But never your brain. Your brain will lead you astray.”
“That’s it? Go with my gut.”
Warren shrugged and smiled slyly. “Yep, that’s all I got.”
“I was expecting something a little more profound.”
“You already know what the answer is. Just go home and be honest. Your mom … she’s come a long way. It may take some time, but Aileen will come around. She loves you, son. She would’ve never gotten on the straight and narrow without you. You’ve always been there for her even when it would have been easier to walk away. It’s her turn to do the same for you.”
“Still,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s asking an awful lot of her. Of anybody.”
“It is, but I believe in her. And if she needs me, I’ll be here. You don’t need to worry. She’s not alone.”
It was as if he’d just removed the weight of the world from my shoulders.
Warren had told me exactly what I needed to hear. It was why I’d come here today. I needed to know that she would be all right when I left town tomorrow … that Warren would pick up my slack when I was gone. I’d known he would, but I still needed to hear it. And I had to admit it just felt good to talk to someone about all this shit.
“I have one more thing to say before I kick your ass out of here because you’ve got somewhere more important to be right now.”
“Okay,” I said, hoping he was finally going to give me the answer to my problems.
“Don’t let your past dictate your future, Adam. Don’t miss out on life because you’re too afraid to take part in it. Sometimes life kicks us in the balls, but you can’t just lie down and die. You have to get back up again … as soon as you’re done vomiting, that is.”
Yep. Just like Gandhi.
“That’s real fucking eloquent, old man. A real gem.”
“I think you know what I’m saying, son. You’ve been sitting back and just letting shit happen to you for too long.”
I nodded and got to my feet.
I knew exactly what he meant and knew exactly what I needed to do.
_________________________
“Wow. This place looks great. Really good.”
“You think so?” she asked. “I’ve been working on it. I’ve been trying to spruce it up.”
“I can tell. It looks good. You look good, Mom.”
She did, too. Warren was right. She looked better than she had in years. She had her shit together, and it showed.
“Thanks, baby,” she said, pulling me in for a hug. “I can’t believe you’re actually here. I thought I was going to have to put myself on a plane to New York.”
“Mom,” I groaned. “It hasn’t been that long.”
“Adam …” she said disapprovingly. “It’s been since New Year’s Eve.”
Holy shit. She was right. It had been that long. I hadn’t realized how much time had passed. I’d come for Christmas last year, and then I had run out in a hurry to get back to Carissa.
A lot of things had changed in a year. It was time to fill her in on all that had happened.
“Are you staying for dinner?” she asked.
“I can’t. I’ve got dinner plans, but I can stay for a while.”
“Oh, well, okay,” she said, her mouth turning down in a frown. “I was hoping I’d have more time with you, but I’ll take whatever I can get.”
I hated to let my mom down, but there was no way I was missing out on my plans with Allie. We were going to have dinner at the Blue Goose. It wasn’t fancy, and there were a thousand better restaurants in Dallas, but that’s where we were going.
I hoped it was a hit, instead of a miss. The Goose was a touchy subject for us. Because if things had turned out differently, the way they should’ve, I would’ve met her there 10 years ago. It was time to get ourselves on the track that we should’ve been on all along.
The Goose was the first step. Then, afterwards, I was going to take her to the hotel room that we’d yet to lay eyes on. And after we put it to good use, I was going to lay it all out there for her. I’d come to a decision after spending Thanksgiving with her family, and my talk with Warren had solidified my resolve.
He was right. I needed to move forward. I couldn’t let Joy’s ghost dictate every decision I made for the rest of my life. Allie was my life now. My future and her happiness trumped everything. If she wasn’t happy, I wouldn’t be either. If she wanted that baby, it was going to be hers.
No. It would be ours. I wasn’t going to let her do anything without me.
“Well, let me get you a snack, anyway. You look a little thin,” she said, heading in the direction of the kitchen. “Have you had lunch?”
“No, but I had a late breakfast.”
“Let me make you sandwich. Can I make you a sandwich?” she asked, already reaching for the refrigerator door.
“Sure. That would be great.” I knew she just wanted to take care of me … to make up for all the years when she hadn’t. It was like this any time I came home now. She meant well, but it still felt just a little too forced.
“Tell me about school,” she said. “I’m planning on coming up for graduation next month.”
Graduation. I hadn’t even thought about that. “You don’t need to do that,” I said to her back.
“I’m not missing your graduation,” she said over her shoulder and then continued with her sandwich making. “I will be there. You can count on it.”
“It’s just not going to be that big of a deal. You know, it’s a December graduation so there won’t be the big fanfare that there would be in the spring.”
“I’m sure there’ll be some kind of ceremony. And afterwards we can go to dinner. I wonder if your dad is planning on going. Maybe I should call him. Or you can. Will we get to meet this girl that you’ve barely mentioned, but somehow managed to drag you back home?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m sure we can arrange something.” I took a deep, but sile
nt, breath and braced myself for the rest of the conversation. “Mom, tell me how you’ve been? Are you feeling good?”
She turned around from her sandwich making and glared at me. “I’m not going to embarrass you, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ve been clean for five years, Adam. I haven’t messed up in five years.”
Embarrassing me was the last thing I was worried about. “God, Mom. I’m not worried about you embarrassing me. That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh, okay.” She laughed nervously as she slid a plate in front of me. An over-stuffed turkey sandwich stared up at me.
Though she hadn’t had any family to cook for yesterday, she had cooked a turkey anyway. She’d told me on the phone that she was seeing someone. I hoped she hadn’t been alone on Thanksgiving Day.
“Well, I’m good. Great, actually. I got a new job, you know. I really like it. I’m an administrative assistant for the CEO at a small software company. He’s brilliant and treats me well. The pay is good, but really it’s just nice to be working again.”
“That’s great, Mom.” I took a big bite out of my sandwich and tried not to let my disgust show when I realized she’d put mayonnaise on it. I was a mustard only man, but she wouldn’t know that. “So who’s the guy that you’re seeing?”
“Funny thing about that,” she said, sliding into the chair opposite mine. “I’ve known him for years.”
“Yeah?” I said, through a mouth full of disgusting sandwich. “Do I know him? More importantly, do I and would I approve?” I could think of some characters from her past that I didn’t want to see coming around again.
“You would, but if I had wanted you to know who he was I wouldn’t have asked him to leave so early this morning.”
So she was also keeping secrets about who she was dating. Interesting. I wondered if I could use this to my advantage somehow. I put the sandwich back down on the plate and pushed it away from me. “Ma,” I said, groaning.
“What? It’s not good?” she asked, eyeing my half-eaten sandwich. “I thought my turkey turned out pretty good. I fried it. Saw it on TV and decided to give it a go. Apparently, you have to be careful not to burn down your house when you’re frying turkeys so, really, the fact that the house is still standing today is a miracle.” She laughed at her own joke.