"Not with me," he assured her as he came over her, his body pressing hers down into the softness of the bed. "And not with any man who truly cares for you. If he cares, if he is skilled, it should only hurt the first time. After that? Nothing but pleasure. Tonight? It is almost like your first time again, Kitten, for you have not been with a man in a very long time. However I swear that before I am finished, I will give you pleasure and I will taste your passion." Then he kissed her, this time unleashing all of his desire and passion. "Do you trust me, Catherine?"
She nodded. "I do. I trust you with my very life, Julian. God help me, but I do."
"Then I shall make this perfect for you."
Settling himself between her legs, Julian pulled Catherine to him, allowing the tip of his cock to rest against her feminine entrance. She was wet. So very, very wet and Julian ran his length through her dampness, knowing that it would make entering her easier. The sensations he created must have pleased her for she sighed with pleasure and her legs fell open a bit more.
Slowly, Julian began to ease himself inside of her. He was a big man. He knew that. He also suspected that her not-so-dearly-departed husband likely had a small cock that he probably did not know how to use. Fortunately for Julian - and for Catherine as well - he was far more skilled that Crossbury had likely ever been.
With each short thrust, Catherine felt herself opening once more. It was almost like her wedding night, which she only vaguely remembered. But only almost. For where Crossbury had hurried and shoved himself inside of her, Julian was gentle, each time thrusting just a little deeper and just a little harder. He was right; the intrusion of his cock into her body had hurt at first, but now? With each thrust going deeper than the last, her body now becoming slick with her own desire, she began to feel nothing but pleasure. And, greedily, she wanted more.
"Harder," she whispered through clenched teeth. "I need more of you, Julian." She gasped as he did as she requested, thrusting in quicker and deeper than he had gone thus far. "Yes! Oh, yes! Just that! Only...more!"
Julian sighed with what sounded like delight. "As my lady desires."
Then he thrust harder until he was fully seated within her and in a flash, Catherine's world exploded. She had no idea how close she had been to real and true release until she felt Julian's cock deep within her. Then? She lost all control. Her body shook and convulsed, her release ripping through her like a wild thing and she cried out his name with a sob.
Julian, in turn, began thrusting his hips harder and faster, riding Catherine's body as if she had been created solely for him. And in his mind, she had been. Faster and harder he took her until she was arching up, her nails digging into his bare back. But he didn't feel any pain. Just pleasure. Exquisite, perfect pleasure and with each thrust, he drew the passion from Catherine's very body and soul.
"Mine," he growled as he leaned down to seize her lips in a hungry kiss. "You are mine!" He wasn't even aware of where the words came from. Only that he meant them with ferocious intent.
"Yours," she gasped as he thrust again and he felt her body begin to tremble around his cock. "I am yours."
Then Catherine flew off the precipice of pleasure, riding the wave of release that shook her body to the core. Julian followed her, spilling his seed inside of her without thought or hesitation. He was claiming her as his. And his alone.
And when they were finally both spent, their bodies slick with sweat and their limbs languid after being so thoroughly sated? They nestled tangled together in the sleep of lovers, both of them finally at peace as the snow continued to fall outside, its soft flakes blanketing the earth and making everything appear new again.
Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, Julian awoke, his body tangled around Catherine's and his cock hard and eager for her once more. So he reached for her and she came to his arms willingly. This time, he taught her how to taste him intimately, how to please him with her lips and tongue as well as her hands. For a moment, he thought she might resist, but she proved as eager to learn this sort of pleasure as she was to make love with him again. In turn, Julian gave her pleasure in the same manner and to his continued surprise, she did not blush or pull away when he tasted her intimately for the first time. Instead, she opened for him, allowing him complete access to her feminine core.
In fact, Catherine proved to enjoy just about everything Julian did to her as he took her repeatedly throughout the night. During their last coupling, when he lay on his back and had her straddling his hips, his body seated deeply within hers, for a single, brief moment, Julian truly believed that he had found the only thing he had ever truly desired in his life. He believed that he had found contentment. Possibly even love. But then, as Catherine rose up above him like a Greek siren, he dismissed that thought as nothing more than illusion. For love was something for other men. Not him. For he was a half-French count of little consequence with impossibly high standards. And if a woman could ever love a man like him? It would not be Catherine, for she had so much to offer the men of England. He was simply glad that, for the moment at least, she had chosen to share her exquisiteness with him.
Chapter Seven
The next two days all but flew by at Hollywell. Well, at least for Catherine they did, anyway. Her days were filled with preparations for the Christmas Eve gala ball and her nights? Well, her nights were filled with nothing but the exquisite pleasure to be found in Julian's arms.
That first morning after when she had woken up nude in Julian's bed, Catherine had thought to run. In her mind, she asked herself repeatedly what she had done and what sort of foolish choices she had made. Though at the time, they had not seemed foolish at all. Yet now, in the dim morning light, she wondered if she had made a terrible mistake.
Then, Julian, as if sensing her building panic, had awoken, and with slumberous eyes, rolled over and pulled her back tightly against his body. He had whispered in her ear that it was far too early for them to rise and that she should come back to bed with him. He said nothing of regretting their actions the previous night, which had put Catherine at ease as well. For she did not regret a single moment of being with Julian. She had, however, been afraid that he might regret being with her.
When they had finally emerged from his bed, Catherine had used the connecting door to her chambers so that she would not be seen by any of the servants. She did not wish for anyone to know that she was dallying with Julian, for it was far from proper behavior for a lady, regardless of whether or not they were stranded in a snowstorm. It hadn't mattered. Her maid Molly had been very aware that Catherine had not returned to her chambers that night and by noon the following day, word had spread belowstairs that Hollywell might soon have a new mistress.
Catherine had done her best to pretend that she had not heard the gossip, even after a visit from her old nurse, Mrs. Ridgeway. The old woman, now mostly blind and still living at Hollywell because she had no other place to go, had come to visit Catherine as she was supervising the servants in the decorating of the grand staircase with red ribbons and the greenery they had collected the day before.
While Catherine was delighted to see her old nurse, she had not been quite able to work up the moral outrage that the older woman felt was required of a woman in Catherine's situation - meaning one that had been bedded by a man who likely had no intention of marrying her. Catherine knew that the years had not been kind to Mrs. Ridgeway's mind and that the old dear still believed that Catherine was her young charge, as yet unwed and still innocent.
So for the afternoon, Catherine had played along and eventually when a caretaker had come to find the elderly woman, Catherine had sent her old nurse off with a kiss and a promise not to get herself in too deeply with "the man of the castle," as Mrs. Ridgeway referred to Julian.
Except that the truth was, it was far too late for such precautions. From the moment Julian had taken her to his bed, Catherine had fallen under his spell. Perhaps even before then. She hadn't intended to become so entangled with him or allo
w her feelings to become so strong. It had simply...happened. She was also pragmatic enough, however, to know that what they shared could not last beyond the arrival of the guests for the ball. And perhaps not even that long.
No, the moment that the guests arrived on the 'morrow, Catherine knew she would have to let Julian go. He was not looking to select a bride. Nor was he Catherine's to keep, but he had given her a marvelous gift, one that she could never repay. He had given her back her life, and even though she did not know what she would do when she left Hollywell, she knew that she could never go back to the drab, dull life she had been living before. For now, Catherine understood what passion and desire and love truly were. She knew what it was like to be desired. More importantly, she knew what it was like to live.
If Julian had any of these same thoughts, however, he said nothing. Not that she would have expected him to, of course. He had made his feelings on the matter of how he had chosen to live his life very clear. He did not wish to be wed and when he did choose a bride? Well, that day was far away indeed. She also had no idea what he was even looking for in a wife, but she strongly suspected that she was not equipped to fill that role any longer.
So for the moment, Catherine was content to play the role of hostess during the day and mistress at night. It was not perfect, but it was far more enjoyment than she had imagined even several days ago.
"Dreaming of me, Kitten?" Julian asked as he appeared as if out of nowhere in the ballroom doorway and wrapped his arms around her waist before bending her over for a deep, tongue-tangling kiss.
Catherine had been so involved in planning the ballroom decorations that she had not heard him approach. "Rather arrogant, aren't we, Lord Valette?" After Molly's confession the other day, Catherine enjoyed teasing Julian about his aristocratic roots.
Julian nuzzled her neck with a contented sigh. "Am I arrogant? Or do I simply know my place?" He nipped at the delicate skin of her bare shoulder. "And yours? Hmmm?"
"Rogue." Catherine sighed back into his embrace, allowing the heat of his body to warm her all the way to her toes.
The last several times Julian had sought her out in this manner, it was to tumble her wherever they happened to be within the castle. Or on the grounds. Earlier today, she had been in the stables, checking on her coach and team now that the snow had finally ceased falling and it looked as if she might have to depart sooner than she had planned. She could no more watch Julian flirt and dance and make moon-eyes at other women now than she could reclaim the title of Countess of Crossbury. Nor did she wish to.
Catherine had been preparing to leave the cozy building, satisfied that her coach and team were well cared, for when Julian had strode in, his hair mussed from a ride across the estate to check the conditions of the roads with his land steward to make certain that the ball could still take place as scheduled. Julian had taken one look at her standing there in the middle of his stables and had immediately dismissed the staff so that he could tumble her in the hay as quickly as he could get her skirts up.
Their coupling had been thoroughly naughty and thoroughly enjoyable as well. It was also simply one more thing she would miss when she departed Hollywell. However, for the moment, there were not guests roaming about and Julian was here in her arms. And, for the moment anyway, he was all hers.
"You know you enjoy it when I touch you." Julian twirled Catherine in his arms before sweeping her out onto the empty ballroom floor for a silent dance.
"I enjoy everything you do to me," Catherine admitted, afraid to reveal too much of herself and yet still knowing that she had to be honest with this man she had come to care for so deeply. "I crave your touch, Julian. This is not news, I am certain."
He threw his head back and laughed, leading her in a waltz to music only he could hear. "Ah, Kitten. You are perfect. What a treasure you are."
I wish to be your treasure, she thought silently as she gazed up into his fathomless green eyes. I wish to belong to you forever. For no other man will see me as you do. No other man will see past my age to the passionate woman beneath. I know this. I only wish that you did as well.
Yet she did not say any of that. Instead, Catherine smiled and moved just a little closer to Julian, as close as she possibly could. All of this would end soon enough and she wished to relish the moments she had with him now, while she was able.
Then, as if finally taking note of where he was, Julian gazed around the ballroom. "It looks lovely in here. I did not notice the emptiness before, as you so eloquently phrased it, but I do now."
Actually, Julian was coming to realize that he hadn't noticed much of anything before Catherine had swept into his life. He had only been focused on what was directly in front of him. Now, looking about, he could see how much the holiday decorations added to the room, simple as they were. His plan for the ball had always been to open the ballroom, allow the orchestra he had hired from London to set up, and then allow in the invited guests to dance and feast upon Cook and her staff's magnificent food in the adjoining, but much smaller ballroom. After all, Hollywell boasted four ballrooms and it seemed a shame to him not to use as many as he possibly could.
Under Catherine's careful guidance, however, the ballroom was no longer simply cavernous and empty. Rather, it looked like a fairy forest, complete with glittering puffs of cotton batting meant to replicate snow scattered about and the greenery, which in this room had been wound and twisted with various shades of blue and silver ribbon, wound so thoroughly around the room's very architecture that it appeared to be almost a part of the room itself.
"How did you do all this?" Julian paused mid-dance to truly study the ballroom decked out in its holiday finest. Something like this clearly took skill and once more, he was reminded of the true depths of Catherine. And of how no other woman would likely ever compare to her.
"I have been decorating Hollywell for years." At that, Catherine's lovely violet eyes took on an almost wistful look. "Well, in the time before my marriage anyway. If you know her secrets or if you are fortunate enough for her to share them with you, it is rather easy to make her look her best. You know where the nooks and crannies are located, where things will stay and where they will not. You simply learn to...understand her."
This was not the first time that Catherine had spoken about Hollywell as if the castle were alive, but it was the first time that Julian truly understood how inexplicably linked she was to this castle and it to her. They were a part of each other. This was her home and she its rightful mistress. In that moment, Julian understood something that he never had before. The reason he had no qualms about Catherine's age when he had begun their affair was because to him, she was timeless. Perfect. Flawless. Incomparable. Just as Hollywell was.
Something in his chest flipped over just then and that strange sensation in his stomach that was almost like indigestion but not quite came roaring back. He didn't want this. Not any of it. He was not ready and he didn't know if he ever would be. And yet, he also knew that he could not go back. He could not undo what he had learned or un-feel these odd emotions that he could not tame and did not know quite what to do with anyway. The only thing he was certain of was that this thing he felt for Catherine was not love. It was lust, pure and simple. Except that this lust, this desire was growing beyond his control. And that, in particular, he did not like in the least.
It had to end - this erotic dance between him and Catherine. Soon. Before it consumed him and turned his life upside down. Before it took control of everything, just as Gaston had taken control of Julian's life while he was unconscious in some physician's apartments.
Because for the better part of his life, ever since his parents had died, Julian was accustomed to being in complete and absolute control. Of everything and every aspect of his life. From where he lived to how great his fortune was. That was why had had not wanted Catherine intruding upon his life that first night, because instinctively, he knew that she would upend his carefully ordered world. It wasn't merely because she wa
s a woman, but because she was Catherine and there was no other woman in the world like her anywhere. And yet one look into those Violet eyes and he had known that he could not resist her. Nor did he wish to.
Filled with disquiet, Julian did not know quite what to do with himself. Or with Catherine. Especially since he did not love her. He desired her, but desire was not love. And she deserved love. In fact, she deserved everything. More than he could give.
Julian needed to let her go before they became any more entangled than they already were. Likely sooner rather than later. She had been bound to one man and he had stolen her life. It wasn't likely that she would wish to be bound to another man, especially a half-French count who had lost his title to this thieving cousin. A man who could offer her much but not the love she deserved. For that was who Julian was. He made no apologies for it. Yet he also knew that Society would not be likely to accept one such as him in their midst, especially after the way his cousin had fooled them all so easily. Before, he had not cared. Now? He did. Because of Catherine.
Julian had been careful not to make Catherine any promises save for ones of pleasure. He had also hinted that when the guests arrived for the ball, their assignation would end. It would have to, for it could not continue, at least not if either of them wanted to keep their good name.
So what came next? Julian truly did not know. The only thing he was certain of, however, was that he was not quite ready to let her go just yet.
"It is breathtaking," he finally said and was pleased when Catherine returned his smile with one of her own. "Magnificent. As I knew it would be."
"I'm so happy that you approve." Catherine let out a sigh of relief. She had been worried that Julian would not like the work she had done. Crossbury certainly would not have. Then again, he would have never allowed her the opportunity to decorate, instead insisting someone with more age, intelligence and skill be in charge.
Christmas At Hollywell (The Seldon Park Christmas Novella Book 4) Page 9