by Riley Ashby
“I need some.”
Cas reached into his pocket and pulled out a small envelope, holding it just out of reach. “Suboxone. Ellery had it brought over.”
Of course, my brother would have thought of that. At least I wouldn’t need to go through withdrawals. I held out my hand eagerly, and Cas dropped a film into my palm. He took care not to touch me, not even the lightest brush of his fingers against my skin. Fear twisted my gut. Was I so dirty and used up that he couldn’t even bear to brush against me?
Of course, you are. Why would he even want to be near you after what you’ve done?
I let the film dissolve under my tongue, trying not to choke on the taste. I would have taken anything he gave me if it meant I could overcome this hunger.
I held still for several minutes as the craving subsided, then took stock of my body. Same clothes I had gone to bed in, just a different setting. I knew I had fallen asleep in my own room.
“How did I end up here?”
He graced me with that wry smile that had always made my stomach drop to my feet. “Old habits die hard.”
I forced myself to sit a little straighter. The comforter on the bed was too heavy for this time of year, but I dragged it with me to cover my chest. It had been a long time since I’d had the authority to cover myself when I wanted to and have any say over who could look at me and when.
“I thought Tori was supposed to stay with me.”
“You were sleepwalking, and she was afraid to wake you.”
I nodded. It was probably a good idea. It had been several weeks since being woken from sleep had ended well for me.
“You need to dress. There are clothes in the bathroom. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
“Can you stay?” Squeezing my eyes shut, I didn’t trust myself to look at him because I wasn’t sure he would indulge me. It was silly of me to ask him. I felt like a child, but I didn’t want to be alone in case danger lurked nearby. A monster under the bed was far worse than any of my childhood imaginings.
He surprised me when he answered immediately. “Of course. I’ll sit right here.”
I climbed off the bed on the far side from him, testing out my joints and muscles. It had been so long since I had gotten a full night of uninterrupted sleep while comfortable, and my body was confused by the change. It still didn’t believe my surroundings were real, and it definitely didn’t trust that the person watching me would not attack at any moment. I walked sideways to the bathroom, keeping one eye on him the whole time. He stared right back.
“Hurry up,” he said. He kept his voice soft, but I heard the urgency in his words. “I doubt you want your brother to know where you spent the night.”
*
I would have preferred the doctor to come to Ellery’s home to look us over, but once Ellery told him what Sophie and I had been through, he insisted we come to his office.
“I’d like to look you over first, Vail.” I suppressed a shudder at the words. Dr. Halloway had cared for me for years, but now he seemed like another stranger. A newcomer who was going to take me into a room by myself with only one door and tell me to take off my clothes.
You can do this, I told myself. It’s a normal doctor’s exam.
The moment I stepped over the threshold into the exam room, the scent of disinfectant overtook my senses. My vision blurred as my blood drained from my head; I put one hand against the wall to steady myself and keep from falling over.
“I thought you wanted to eat today, my dear.” Chase’s hand landed under my chin to lift my gaze to his. His hand reeked of rubbing alcohol after sanitizing the bite I’d inflicted on him moments before. “Haven’t you ever heard not to bite the hand that feeds you?”
I snapped at him again, and he jerked his hand away. His eyes widened in fear before he regained his composure.
“Very well. We can fill your mouth with something else less palatable. And if you bite this…” He smirked as he began to undo his belt. “You’ll wish you’d never been born.”
I sucked in a breath of fresh air, desperate to remember where I was. “I need … I can’t…”
“It’s all right, Vail.” Dr. Halloway probably thought his voice was soothing, but all I could hear was a man. A man who wanted to hurt me. He backed away from me with his hands in the air. “Let’s see if we can make you more comfortable.”
Tori appeared by my side a moment later. “I’m eternally grateful,” I whispered to her as she helped me into the hospital gown once we were alone. Everything had returned to its rightful place in the room, and the scent wasn’t so overwhelming, after all.
“Anything for my lady.” Her friendly smile reminded me I could relax, if only a smidgen. “This is step one to getting better. After a couple of hours, you’ll be back in bed.”
After an extended pelvic exam and a Pap smear, multiple blood draws and some other samples were taken to determine which drugs I’d ingested during my captivity. It was an uncomfortable exam under the best of circumstances, but given my recent history, it was downright humiliating. When I changed back into my clothes—protective thick jeans and a baggy long-sleeved shirt—I sighed in relief.
“Are you all right?” Tori whispered as she bumped her shoulder against mine.
I pulled my lips into a wistful smile for my friend. Ellery had hired her a couple of years ago as a part-time bodyguard for us, but he’d promoted her to full time the night I was abducted. I was grateful she and I got along as friends and not just as boss and employee. I wasn’t sure if I was more or less humiliated that she’d sat through the ordeal and heard the answers to every question, but I couldn’t have done it alone. “I’ll make it.”
“We’re almost done. Someone will take us home as soon as this is over.”
I shook my head. “I can wait for my brother and Sophie. He wouldn’t like us leaving without him, anyway.”
She pulled a chair up alongside the exam table to sit close to me as Halloway walked back into the room.
“I have results for you, Vail. Would you like Ms. Ryder to stay?”
“Yes.” I couldn’t be alone in this room with him, no matter how much I trusted him. Tori slipped her hand into mine and clasped my fingers.
He settled into his chair and inhaled deeply. Gone was the professional expression he’d maintained throughout the exam. His face was etched with concern, the first emotion he’d shown since I arrived.
Fuck, something was very wrong.
“Let’s start with the pharmaceuticals. Obviously, you have been exposed to quite a few narcotics, and Mr. Austen tells me you started your Suboxone regimen today. We’ll have weekly appointments to monitor your progress and make any adjustments, as well as have you complete urine drug tests to ensure you’re only taking what I prescribe you. Does that sound all right?”
I nodded vigorously. Anything to keep me out of the drug dens of LA. Drugs had been withheld from me during my imprisonment to ensure my cooperation, and I never wanted to experience the shame of begging for a hit ever again. Showing that side of myself to Castel this morning had stolen a little bit of my soul I doubted I would ever recover.
I had always considered myself strong, but those men showed me how wrong I was. I had been forced to crawl for my food or choose between water and drugs. I had been subjected to depraved acts that no normal person would ever crave even under much safer circumstances. A little piece of my resistance fell away each time. I had tried so hard to be steady and hold on to the idea that my hero would come for me. He did, eventually, but too much of my rock was gone by that point.
The more dirt that ground under my nails as I crawled across the filthy floors for a morsel of food; the empty water bowl beside my bed as I chose a hit over cool, clear water. I wasn’t as fierce as I thought. Those men made sure I knew that.
“In terms of your blood results…”
I held my breath.
“You tested negative for any sexually transmitted infections, including HIV. You’ll take medicine
for a couple of weeks as a precaution, and then I’ll test you again in three months.”
I could have wept with relief. Those fuckers hadn’t completely ruined my life, then. I was healthy. Tori brought my hand to her mouth and planted a quick kiss on the back of my hand.
He clucked his tongue as he crossed his ankles. “The blood test did indicate you are pregnant.”
Everything in the room stopped. My face was cold; all my blood had drained away. Tori’s fingernails dug into my skin.
“What did you say?”
I heard my voice in my ears. When had my body betrayed me and decided to speak?
Halloway looked at me with such pity I could barely stand it. “You’re pregnant, Vail. We can discuss—”
“Get rid of it,” I snapped. “Today.”
“I need to do an ultrasound to see how far along you are and determine the method.”
“I can’t do that,” I said, shaking my head vehemently. There was no way. It would be a vaginal ultrasound, and another invasion would break me. “I don’t want to see it. I was gone for eight weeks, so it can’t be older than that.”
It surely broke some law, or at least medical ethics, but he didn’t force me to do the ultrasound. He believed me. It was early enough that he could give me a pill to break down my uterine lining, then a second one that would cause my uterus to cramp and expel its contents. It would be painful, but I didn’t care because I couldn’t stand a procedure. The doctor gave me the first pill—my second, but not last medication of the day—and a prescription for another that I would take a few hours later. I swallowed the first right there in the office without waiting for a glass of water. I needed the process to start as soon as possible.
Everything faded to cotton in my ears. I heard him going through what to expect and hoped Tori was paying attention. I freed my hand from Tori’s to press it over my stomach. I forced myself to think about snow, falling soft and silent on an open plain. Undisturbed by footprints or attackers. Pure and clean.