I didn’t want to think about Finn or the way I had been around him. One of the reasons I had been excited for this training was because it would distract me from thoughts of him. Now Tove was telling me that Finn was the key to my success. Perfect.
Instead of yelling at Tove, I walked away. I hated the way he seemed to know everything, but lacked the ability to articulate anything. I stretched my arms and rolled my neck, working out the tension. Duncan started to say something, but Tove shushed him.
Finn. When I was around Finn, what did I do differently? He made me crazy. He made my heart beat too fast and my stomach swirl, and it was hard to take my eyes off him. Whenever he was around, I’d hardly been able to think of anything.
And that was it. It was almost too simple.
When Finn was around, my focus had been on him. That restrained my energy somehow. If my conscious mind focused on something, the rest of my mind would pull itself in. Maybe my energy was going crazy now because I was trying not to think of Finn.
Finn wasn’t the key. But when he’d been around, I had let my mind focus. When he wasn’t, I tried not to think of anything, because everything reminded me of him. Everything scattered all over, latching on to anything it could.
I closed my eyes. Think of something. Focus on anything.
Finn came to my mind first, the way he always did, but I pushed him away. I could think of something else. The first thing I thought of after him was Loki, and that shocked me, so I discounted him instantly. I didn’t want to focus on him. Or anyone, for that matter.
I thought of the garden behind the palace. It was gorgeous, and I loved it. Elora had painted a beautiful picture of it, but it didn’t really do the place justice. I remembered the way the flowers smelled, and the way the grass felt cool on my bare feet. Butterflies had flown about, and I could hear the stream babbling past me.
“Try it now,” Tove suggested.
I turned to look at Duncan. He had his hands shoved in his pockets, and he gulped, as if he were afraid I might slap him. Keeping the image of the garden in my mind, I started repeating, Whistle “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.” It seemed mundane, but that was the point. I didn’t want to hurt him.
His face relaxed, his eyes went blank, and then he started whistling. Feeling pleased with myself, I looked over at Tove.
“Well?” I asked hopefully.
“I didn’t hear it.” Tove smiled. “Excellent work.”
I continued trying things out on Duncan the rest of the day. After the first few didn’t turn out painful, Duncan became more at ease with the whole thing. He was a terrific sport about it, considering I made him whistle, dance, clap, and do a whole number of silly things.
Tove went on to explain what had gone wrong with Rhys and his inability to sit. Apparently, the more focus and intensity I used when trying to persuade people, the more permanent the command would become.
Rhys was human, so his mind was already more malleable than a Trylle’s, and he was open to persuasion. I’d barely have to try to get it to work on him. I’d used far more energy than I needed to. I needed to learn to control the doses of my persuasion to match my target.
Of course, I could undo any command I made, like how I redirected Rhys from sitting to standing, and vice versa. But with unfocused energy, it was possible I could persuade people without even trying, the way I had gotten Duncan to move the chair.
I spent the rest of the day trying to restrain my energy, since it was potentially very dangerous. By the end of the day, I felt completely drained. It didn’t help matters that I hadn’t stopped for a lunch break, not that I felt like eating anyway.
Tove tried to assure me that eventually this would all be second nature, like breathing or blinking. But the way I felt right now, I didn’t believe him.
I walked Tove to the front door, then I headed up to my room for a shower and a nap. Duncan went down to his quarters, daring to leave me alone so he could get in a nap himself. Being the guinea pig had been tiring for him too.
On the way to my room, I got sidetracked.
“This is Queen Sybilla,” Willa was saying, pointing to a painting on the wall. Matt stood next to her, admiring the artwork as she explained it. “She’s one of the most revered monarchs. I think she ruled over the Long Winter War, which I guess is much worse than it sounds.”
“A long winter?” Matt smirked, and she laughed. It was a nice sound; I don’t think I’d heard her laugh that way before.
“I know. It’s silly.” She had her hair up in a ponytail, making her look more playful, and she smoothed out a flyaway hair. “To be honest, most of this stuff is rather silly.”
“Yeah, I can tell.” Matt smiled.
“Hey, guys,” I said tentatively, walking toward them.
“Oh, hey!” Willa smiled wider, and they both turned to face me.
As usual, she was dressed to the nines and looked stunning. Her top was low cut, and a diamond pendant rested just above her cleavage. She wore lots of jewelry—a charm bracelet, anklet, earrings, and rings—but that was all part of being Trylle. We had a fascination with trinkets. I wasn’t as bad as Willa, but I’d always had a penchant for rings.
“Where have you been?” Matt asked, but he didn’t sound concerned or angry. Merely curious.
“Training with Tove.” I shrugged, downplaying the event. I expected Willa to squeal and press me for details about him, but she didn’t register any excitement. “What are you guys doing?”
“I came to see if you wanted to do anything, and your brother was wandering around here like a lost puppy.” She laughed a little, and he shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck.
“I was not a lost puppy.” He grinned, but his cheeks reddened. “I had nothing to do here.”
“Right. So I thought I’d show him around.” Willa gestured to the halls. “I’ve been trying to explain your formidable ancestry.”
“I really don’t get it,” Matt said almost wearily.
“I don’t really either,” I admitted, and they both laughed.
“Are you hungry?” Matt asked, and I was pleased to see him returning to a subject that felt more normal. Like worrying if I’d eaten. “I was about to go downstairs and make supper for me and Rhys and that girl with a weird name.”
“Rhiannon?” Willa suggested.
“Yeah, that’s her.” Matt nodded.
“Oh, she’s real nice,” Willa said, and my jaw dropped.
Rhiannon was Willa’s mänsklig, meaning she was the girl that Willa had been switched at birth with. Rhiannon was friends with Rhys and incredibly sweet, but I’d never heard Willa talk about her that way.
“Are she and Rhys dating or something?” Matt asked, looking at Willa.
“I don’t know. She has a big crush on him, but I’m not sure how he feels about her.” Willa sounded happy about the prospect. Normally, when she talked about Rhys or any mänks, she sounded bored.
“So what do you think?” Matt turned to me. “Are you gonna eat supper?”
“No, thanks.” I shook my head. “I’m pretty beat. I need a shower and a nap.”
“Are you sure?” Matt asked, and I nodded. “What about you, Willa? Do you have dinner plans?”
“Um, no.” She smiled at him. “I’d love to eat here.”
“Awesome,” Matt said.
I extricated myself from the conversation as quickly as possible. It was too weird for me to handle. Willa was being way too nice, and now she was willingly eating food prepared by a mänks.
That said nothing for the way Matt acted, which felt . . . not quite right. It was hard to put my finger on what exactly was going on, but I was relieved to be away from them.
ELEVEN
little star
Another long day of training did nothing to improve my mood. My control was getting better, and that was good. But it was getting harder not to think of Finn. I thought time would make it easier, but it didn’t. The ache only seemed to grow.
We sp
ent the morning in the throne room, where I’d never been before. It was really an atrium, with a domed skylight stretching high above. The room was circular, the rounded wall behind the throne made entirely of glass. Vines grew over the ornate silver and gold designs etched on the walls, reminding me of the outside of the palace.
Given the height of the ceiling, the room itself didn’t seem that large, but it didn’t need to be. Tove offhandedly said it was only used for meeting dignitaries.
A solitary throne sat in the center of the room, padded with lush red velvet. Two smaller chairs sat on either side, but they weren’t as elegant. Instead of wood, the throne was made of platinum that wove itself into lacy designs. Diamonds and rubies were inlaid into the metal.
I walked over to it, gingerly touching the soft velvet. It felt brand-new, too plush to have ever been used. The heavy metal arms were surprisingly smooth under my fingertips. I ran my hand over it, tracing the swirling patterns of the latticing.
“Unless you plan to move that with your mind, I suggest you get practicing,” Tove said.
“Why are we practicing in here?” I turned to look at him, pulling myself away from the chair. I don’t know why, but something about it captivated me, made this all the more real.
“I like the space.” He gestured vaguely at the airiness of the room. “It helps my thoughts. The ballroom is being worked on today, so we had to move.”
Almost reluctantly, I walked away from the throne and went over to Tove to see what cryptic lesson he had in store for me. Duncan stood off to the side of the room for most of the morning, getting a reprieve from being my test subject. Tove wanted me to work on restraining my thoughts again, this time using tactics that made even less sense to me.
I stood facing a wall, and while I counted up to a thousand, I was supposed to picture the garden and use my persuasion. Since I wasn’t using it on anyone, I wasn’t exactly sure how I’d be able to tell if it was working or not, but Tove said the point was that I learn to flex my psychic muscles. My mind would have to learn to juggle a lot of ideas, some of them conflicting, in order for me to get control over this.
While I practiced, he sprawled on the floor, lying on the cold marble. Duncan eventually tired and went over to the throne, sitting in it with one of his legs draped over the side. I felt a little irritated by that, but I wasn’t sure why, so I didn’t say anything. I didn’t support aristocracy, and I wasn’t going to enforce it on Duncan.
“How are you doing?” Tove asked, speaking for the first time in about a half hour. We’d all been silent as I tried to master whatever it was I was supposed to master.
“Fantastic,” I muttered.
“Great. Let’s add a song.” He stared up at the skylight, watching the clouds roll over us.
“What?” I stopped counting and let go of my persuasion so I could turn to face him. “Why?”
“I can still hear you,” Tove said. “It’s getting fainter, but it’s like the hum you hear from power lines. You need to quiet the noise in your head.”
“And doing a million things at once will do that?” I asked skeptically.
“Yes. You’re getting stronger, which means you’re learning to hold things in.” He lay down, closing the matter. “Now add a song to it.”
“What should I sing?” I sighed, turning to face the wall.
“Not ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.’ ” Duncan grimaced. “I’ve had that stuck in my head for some reason.”
“I’ve always been partial to the Beatles,” Tove said.
I glanced over at Duncan, who smirked with surprise. Sighing again, I started singing “Eleanor Rigby.” I messed up the words a couple times, but Tove didn’t complain, which was good. It was hard enough trying to do this and remember the lyrics to a song I hadn’t heard in years.
“I hope I’m not interrupting.” Elora’s voice ruined any semblance I had of concentration, so I stopped singing and turned to face her.
Duncan scrambled out of the chair, but not before I caught sight of the nasty glare she shot him. He looked down so his hair would cover the crimson blush on his cheeks.
“Not really.” I shrugged. For once, I was actually happy to see Elora, since her arrival meant a reprieve from all of this.
Elora surveyed the room with disdain, but I wasn’t sure what met her disapproval, since she had to at least have had a hand in the design. She stepped into the room, her long gown pooling around her feet. Tove didn’t get up and watched her with offhanded interest.
“Can I have a moment alone with the Princess?” Elora asked without looking at anyone. She managed to stand in such a way that her back was to all three of us.
Duncan mumbled apologies as he hurried out of the room, stumbling over his own feet. Tove left more slowly, always content to do things at his own pace. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair and made a vague comment about coming to find me when I was done.
“I’ve never cared for this room,” Elora said once they’d gone. “It always felt more like a greenhouse to me than a throne room. I know that was the idea behind it, helping us maintain our more organic roots, but it never felt right to me.”
“I think it’s nice.” I understood what she meant, but it was still a beautiful room. All the glass gave it a sleek yet opulent feel.
“Your ‘friend’ is staying with us.” She chose her words carefully and walked over to the throne. She ran her fingers along the arms much the same way I had, letting her black manicured nails linger on the details.
“My friend?”
“Yes. The . . . boy. Matt, is it?” Elora lifted her head, meeting my eyes to see if she was correct.
“You mean my brother,” I said deliberately.
“Don’t call him that. Think of him however you’d like, but if someone hears you say that . . .” She trailed off. “How long will he be staying with us?”
“Until I feel it’s safe for him to leave.” I stood up straighter, steeling myself for another fight, but she didn’t say anything. She simply nodded once and looked out the window. “You’re not gonna try to stop me?”
“I’ve been Queen for a while, Princess.” She smiled thinly at me. “I know how to pick my battles. This is one I suspect I couldn’t win.”
“So you’re okay with it?” I asked, unable to hide the shock in my voice.
“You learn to tolerate the things you cannot change,” Elora told me simply.
“Do you want to meet him or anything?” I felt unsure about what I should do.
I didn’t know why she’d come to talk to me, if it wasn’t to stop me from doing something or tell me I’d done something wrong. That seemed to be the only time she sought me out.
“I’m certain I’ll see him in due time.” She smoothed her black hair and walked a bit closer to me. “How is your training going?”
“Fine.” I shrugged. “I don’t get it, really, but it’s okay. I guess.”
“You’re getting along all right with Tove?” Her dark eyes met mine again, as if studying me.
“Yeah. He’s fine.”
Whatever she saw in me must’ve pleased her, because she nodded and smiled. Elora stayed and chatted with me a few minutes longer, asking more about the training, but her interest waned almost immediately. She excused herself, citing business to attend to.
Once she had gone, Tove returned to continue the training, but I suggested we get lunch instead. We went down to the kitchen to discover Matt making something for him and Willa. Rhys was at school, so it was just the two of them.
Willa threw a grape at Matt, and when he tossed it back, she giggled. If Tove noticed anything unusual about their banter, he didn’t say anything, but he hardly looked up from his plate. He ate in total silence, while I watched Matt and Willa with confused fascination.
I ate in a hurry, then Tove and I went back to training while Matt and Willa were still eating. Not that either of them really seemed to notice or care about our departure.
The rest of the day did
n’t afford me much time to think about how strange Matt and Willa were acting. Training went on in the throne room much the way it had in the morning. Toward the end of the day I began feeling tired, but I didn’t stop until Tove called it quits.
After Tove left, Duncan followed me upstairs, because I couldn’t seem to ditch him no matter what I said. I wanted to be alone, but I let Duncan in my room. I felt weird and mean making him stand out in the hall all the time.
I know he supposedly was a bodyguard, but he wasn’t some stiff in a suit with an earpiece. He was a kid in skinny jeans, which made it hard for me to treat him like staff.
“I don’t understand why you hate it here so much,” Duncan said, admiring my room.
“I don’t hate it here,” I said, but I wasn’t sure if that was true.
My hair had been up in a messy bun, and I took it down, running my fingers through the kinks and curls. Duncan looked at the stuff on my desk, touching my computer and CDs. I would’ve been mad, if any of it were really mine. Everything had come with the place when I moved in. Even though this was my room, very little in it felt like it actually belonged to me.
“Why’d you run away?” Duncan picked up a Fall Out Boy CD and investigated the track list.
“I thought you knew why.” I got into my bed, immersing myself in the overflow of blankets and pillows. I folded a pillow under my head so I could see him better. “You seemed to have it all figured out.”
“When?” He set the CD down and turned to look at me. “I never seem like I have anything figured out.”
“That’s true,” I said, pushing a dark curl off my forehead. “But at my house, when you came to get me. I thought you knew.”
When I’d first met him, he’d said something. I couldn’t remember exactly what it was, but he’d implied he knew what had happened between Finn and me. Or at the very least, he’d known why Finn had been dismissed, which was because of the way Finn felt about me.
Although I wasn’t so sure about Finn’s feelings anymore. I doubted they were real now, if they had ever been. We had lain in this very bed, kissing and holding each other. I’d wanted to do more, but Finn had stopped things, saying he didn’t want to disturb me. But maybe he’d never really wanted me at all.
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