“Then why aren’t you doing something?” I asked as tears filled my eyes. “Why don’t you at least try to stop me?”
“Because Tove will take care of you. He will defend you.” Finn swallowed hard. “He will be able to do things for you, with you, that I never could. Why would I take that away from you?”
“Because you care about me.”
“It’s because I care about you that I can’t!”
“I don’t believe you.” I shook my head. “You don’t even care when I’m with him. How could you get so angry when I was with Loki? You admitted you were jealous when I hung out with Rhys. But when I’m around Tove, you’re fine.”
“I’m not fine.” He sighed in frustration. “But it doesn’t feel the same when you’re with Tove. It doesn’t bother me as much.”
“How can it not bother you?” I asked, totally dismayed.
“Because he’s gay, Wendy!” Finn said finally, sounding exasperated.
For a moment I was too stunned to say anything. I just played over every moment I’d ever shared with Tove until I realized that what Finn had said made sense.
“He’s gay?” I asked quietly.
“Don’t tell him I told you, okay?” Finn grimaced and looked apologetic. “I shouldn’t be doing that. It’s his private thing, and it’s not my job to be airing his business.”
“Then why is he marrying me?”
“What did he tell you when he proposed?” Finn asked.
“He said . . . because he believed in me and wanted me to be the leader.” I thought back to the conversation. “He did it to support me, to save our people. For the same reasons I accepted the proposal.
“He’s gay,” I repeated. After that sank in, something new hit me, and I shook my head. “That’s why you don’t care. You know that I don’t love him, that I never will, so you’d rather me marry him? But you thought I loved Loki, or that I could.”
“It’s more than that, Wendy.” Finn shook his head. “Loki would hurt you.”
“But that’s not why you got mad. You were jealous because I might love somebody else.” Anger surged through me. “You’d rather I live a lie than find happiness with someone else.”
“You think you’d find happiness with a Vittra Markis?” Finn scoffed. “He’s dangerous, Wendy. I didn’t trust him around you.”
“You didn’t trust him because you knew I cared about him!”
“Yes!” Finn shouted. “And you shouldn’t. He’s a bad guy!”
“You don’t even know him!” I yelled back.
“Do you want to go run off with him?” His face went stony, trying to hide any hurt he might feel. “Is that what you’re saying? That I prevented you from living a fairy tale with him?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying.” I swallowed my tears. “I prevented myself from running off with him because I knew what was best for the kingdom was me staying here. But I can’t believe how selfish you are. You say everything you do is for me, but if that were true, you’d encourage me to go after happiness, instead of trapping me here with you.”
“How have I trapped you here?” Finn asked.
“This!” I gestured between the two of us. “I can’t have you, and I can’t be without you. And I’m stuck in it with no way out. I care about you, and I can’t stop, and you don’t even care!”
“Wendy.” His expression softened, and he moved toward me. I stepped back and ran into the bookshelf, so I couldn’t go any farther. He reached out to touch me, and I pushed him off.
“No!” I shouted, with tears streaming down my face. “I hate that you do this me. I hate how crazy you make me. I hate you!”
He reached out, brushing hair back from my forehead. I jerked my head away, but he didn’t move his hand. He’d moved right in front of me, so his body was against mine. I tried to push against him, but he stayed firm. He wouldn’t move. His hand rested on my face, making me tilt my head up toward him.
His eyes were so black and deep, and they took my breath away, the way they always had. With his fingers, he traced along my hairline. The fight inside me disappeared, but the passion still lingered.
He leaned in, kissing me. His mouth pressed hungrily to mine. An intense quivering started in my heart but radiated out all over me, so my whole body shuddered. His stubble scraped against my skin as he kissed me desperately.
His lips traveled to my neck, and I moaned, burying my fingers in his hair. His weight sent us crashing against the shelves, and books tumbled out around us. We went with them, collapsing in a pile.
“Finn!” Thomas’s voice boomed, interrupting us.
Finn stopped kissing me, but he remained on top of me. His breath came out in ragged gasps, and he continued to stare down at me. Passion smoldered in his eyes, but behind that, I saw terror. He realized that he’d done something terrible and didn’t know how to undo it.
“Finn!” Thomas yelled again. “Get off her before someone sees you!”
“Yes, sir.” Finn clambered off me, tripping over books as he got to his feet. I pulled down my dress, and got up much more slowly than him.
“Get out of here!” Thomas barked at him. “Get yourself cleaned up!”
“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.” Finn kept his eyes on the ground. He tried to cast a fleeting glance back at me, but he was too ashamed and simply darted out of the room.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, unsure of what else to say. I could still taste Finn on my lips, feel his stubble on my cheek.
“You don’t need to apologize to me,” Thomas said, and the expression he gave me was much softer than the one he’d given his son. “You need to protect yourself, Princess. Go to your room, forget this ever happened, and pray that nobody ever finds out.”
“Yes, of course.” I nodded quickly and stepped carefully over the books. I’d almost made it out when Thomas stopped me.
“My son doesn’t tell me much about his life,” Thomas said, and I paused at the doorway, looking over my shoulder at him. “We’ve never been close. This job is a hard one. It keeps you isolated, and that is something that you and I have in common.”
“I don’t feel that isolated,” I said. “I’m always surrounded.”
“You’ve been fortunate, but it won’t always be that way.” He licked his lips and paused. “Sometimes you have to choose between love and duty. It’s a hard choice, the hardest you’ll ever make, but there is only one right answer.”
“And you’re saying that it’s duty?” I asked.
“I’m saying duty was the right answer for me,” Thomas explained carefully. “And duty will always be the right answer for Finn.”
“Yes.” I nodded, lowering my eyes. “That I know all too well.”
“Trackers are often looked down upon.” He held up his hand to silence me before I could argue. “Not by everyone, but by many. We’re pitied. But it’s an honorable life, living in service of people. Knowing that we are essential to creating a better world for the kingdom.
“The Queen lives in service as much as a tracker, maybe even more so. Your mother’s whole life has been given to the people here. There is no greater honor than that. No greater deed. That is going to be your honor, Princess.”
“I know,” I said, feeling even more overwhelmed by the prospect.
“In the end, you find that with sacrifice, you receive more than you give,” he said. “I’ve enjoyed talking with you, Princess, but I will let you get to your room.”
“Yes, of course,” I said.
Thomas bowed before me, and I turned away. I ran all the way up to my room, lifting my dress so I wouldn’t trip on my hem. My hair had come loose so it fell around my face, and I was grateful for it. I didn’t need anyone to see the shame in my expression or the tears that stained my cheeks.
TWENTY-EIGHT
honor
You look amazing,” Willa assured my reflection for the hundredth time.
I stood in front of the mirror. Willa was at my back. I was sure I appeared as i
f I were admiring my white gown, but I barely even recognized myself.
Only days before my engagement party, I’d kissed two different guys. It was odd because, of the two kisses, I found myself replaying Loki’s more often. His kiss felt oddly refreshing, breathing new life into my soul. Even though Finn’s had felt amazing at the time, once it was over, it only seemed to drain me of the energy I had. Loki had asked me to marry him, and Finn had pushed me away, the way he always did. The way he always would.
After everything that happened, I’d wanted to cry, but in the end, the way I felt about either Loki or Finn didn’t matter. Not anymore. I was a Princess, with a duty to her kingdom and her fiancé. Tove and Förening deserved more, so I had to be more. I had to become what they needed.
“Come on, Wendy.” Willa grabbed my arm, pulling me away. “The party is about to start. We don’t have time for you to keep staring at yourself.”
I nodded and followed her, thinking I’d have time to compose myself, but as soon as I stepped out of my room, I found Tove waiting by the door.
“Sorry,” he said when he saw my expression. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“No, it’s okay.” My mouth felt numb, and it was hard to speak.
“I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone.” Willa winked at me as she walked away.
“I hope it’s not bad luck to see you before the engagement party.” He dug in his pocket. “I’m not sure what the protocol is, but I had to give you something. I thought it’d be better to do it before the party.”
“You didn’t need to get me anything.”
“Yeah, I did.” Tove pulled a ring box out of his pocket. “It’s kinda my job. I should’ve given it to you when I proposed, but that was kind of a lame proposal.”
“I liked it.” I smiled at him. “It was sweet.”
“Well, I hope you like the ring.” He held it out to me, the velvet lid still closed. “My mom hates it.”
“I’m sure I’ll love it, then,” I said, and he laughed.
I took the box from him, and with trembling hands, I opened the lid. It was a thick platinum band, designed to look like ivy wrapped around the giant emerald inlaid in the center. A few small diamonds were dotted around the band.
“Oh, Tove, it’s beautiful.” As I slid it on my finger, I was actually getting choked up. It was a lovely ring, and such a lovely gesture.
Even though he hadn’t told me, and I didn’t plan on calling him out on it, I knew Finn was right. Tove was gay. We would never be in love with each other, but we were friends, and we could find some kind of happiness together. Hopefully.
“Yeah?” Tove had a relieved lopsided grin and ran a hand through his hair. “Good. I was really worried. I had no idea what you would think.”
“No, it’s absolutely perfect.” I smiled up at him with tears in my eyes.
“Good.” He bit his lip. “You look really beautiful today.”
“Thank you. You look really good yourself.” I motioned to his nice suit pants and vest. “You clean up good, Markis.”
“Thank you, Princess.” He held out his arm so I could take it. “Shall we head down to our engagement party?”
“We shall,” I said and looped my arm through his. We walked toward the ballroom to become the leaders the Trylle needed.
Turn the page for a bonus short story
One Day: Three Ways
One Day: Three Ways
(A Trylle Story)
1. Finn
Saturday, October 28
The fall was unseasonably cold. Sleet had been coming down hard all morning, but that hadn’t stopped travelers from coming to Förening for the Princess’s engagement party. From where his family’s little cottage sat nestled in the bluffs, Finn had heard the cars driving up the road to the palace.
Because of the party, his father was busy working, guarding the palace from any further Vittra attacks. With the new truce in place, Finn didn’t think it was very likely. That’s why he’d asked to be released from the Queen’s request for him to help guard the party.
He very rarely went against her wishes, but he knew he had to this time. If there was one thing he’d learned, it was that he could no longer be trusted around Wendy.
After what had happened in the library the night before, Finn was determined to end things with her once and for all. Not that they’d ever really started anything, but their relationship had gotten much more out of hand than he’d liked.
He couldn’t even understand his attraction to her. She was incorrigible and de ed him every chance she got. Sometimes, Finn was positive she disagreed with him just because she liked to argue. Despite being smart, she reacted irrationally at times and let her heart make her decisions far too often.
Caring about her went against all logic, and he vowed to stop. Not completely—he’d always respect her and hope for her well-being. But this game they were playing had to stop. Even if Wendy didn’t see it yet, he knew she’d be happier without him. And someday, he might even be happy without her.
As soon as he got the chance, Finn was leaving Förening, moving to do work that kept him as far away from the Princess as possible.
Right now he’d have to settle for helping his mother with her goats. With the engagement party under way, he didn’t completely trust the Vittra not to attack, and he didn’t want to venture too far from the palace. Just in case.
Since it was so chilly out, most of the goats chose to stay inside the small barn. They’d knocked over the bales of straw Finn and his family had stacked about, and Finn was resetting them so the goats would have something to climb up on.
He heard the front door of the house slam shut across the field behind him, and his younger sister Ember stomped out to the barn, her footsteps crunching heavily on the ground.
“It’s not fair,” Ember whined.
Finn tossed a badly soiled bale out into the pasture and looked back at her. “I take it you didn’t come out here to help me.”
“Hardly,” she scoffed.
Ember had taken great pains to get dressed up today, which was hard, since she didn’t have many nice dresses. Annali made almost all of her clothes, and while she was a talented seamstress, Ember was a tomboy, and she preferred Finn’s hand-me-downs to most anything that Annali made.
The dress she’d put on today was a bit small. The blue fabric came up just above her knees, and it pulled snug across her chest. Her black curls were still a frizzy mess, but she’d clipped them back with a few strategically placed bobby pins.
Because she was going out to the barn, she’d put on her father’s oversized work boots, and they clunked heavily on the ground.
“Everybody in the whole kingdom is going to the engagement party.” Ember leaned back against the wall and stared up at the ceiling, where a few pigeons roosted. “It’s not fair that Mom won’t let me go.”
“Everybody isn’t going,” Finn corrected her. “I’m not. Mom isn’t. Most of your friends probably aren’t.”
“But you could be going,” Ember countered, and looked over at him. Her eyes were so dark they were nearly black, and they appeared almost too large for her face, making her look younger than her twelve years.
“But I’m not.” He turned away from her then, hoping to avoid another conversation about the Princess, and grabbed another bale of hay.
“Right. So I should be able to go in your place.”
“I wasn’t invited as a guest,” Finn reminded her. “I would’ve been there to guard, and you haven’t had enough training yet to watch the palace.”
“I’ve started my training.” Ember absently petted a goat that nibbled at the hem of her dress. “It’s only three more years until I graduate from the tracker program, and I’m at the top of my class.”
“I’m sure you’re great.” He gave her a smile to show her that he meant it, but she just continued sulking. “There will be plenty of other parties for you to attend. And once you start going, you’ll realize how dull and point
less they all are, and you’ll wish you never went at all.”
“I’ll never wish that,” Ember muttered.
Finn sighed and walked over to her. She lowered her eyes and kicked emptily at a rock by her feet. When she took a deep breath, it came out in a plume of fog.
“I hate to break it to you, Ember, but it’s not any more of a fairy tale at the palace than it is here. Yeah, they dress nicer, but that’s about it,” Finn said. “It’s cold out here, and I’m done cleaning up. Why don’t we go inside?”
Ember shook her head. “I’m not ready to go in.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I’d rather stay out with the goats and freeze to death than argue with Mom anymore.”
Finn tried to think of something to say to her, but Ember was stubborn to a fault. Besides, she’d come in when she got cold enough, and judging from the goose bumps covering her skin, it wouldn’t be that much longer.
When he left the barn, Ember followed him out, but only so she could stomp about the yard with the few goats that decided to stay outside. She jumped into a puddle of slush, splashing the icy mush out around her, and apparently working off some of her frustration.
The heat from the hearth struck him wonderfully as he opened the front door. There were many negative things he could say about growing up in Förening, but he’d never been anywhere that felt quite as homey as his cottage with his family.
Finn wasn’t sure what his mother was baking, but it smelled like fresh cinnamon bread. Annali sat at the battered kitchen table, mending a few of his pants and vests that had gotten worn. Finn could sew, but his mother was a far better tailor.
“Is your sister out there?” Annali asked without looking up from what she was doing.
“Yeah. She’s just playing in the field.” Finn went over to the sink so he could wash the goat filth from his hands.
“Good. I was afraid she might sneak up to that party.” She threaded a needle through the pants and watched her son. His shoulders tensed as soon she mentioned the party, and she frowned.
Trylle Page 49