by Ni'cola
Hearing her voice fucked me up.
OH MY GOD – Harper. I just had sex with Harper! I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Crying, Harper ran out of the room.
That was the day I impregnated Harper. I really thought she was wife. I hated it when people blamed their indiscretions on being under the influence, but I was totally guilty of it!
I was the root of all the pain that Harper was feeling, and right now, she needed her mother. Today, I was going to make sure Christine was there for her.
I ran down the stairs and texted Christine: I am on my way to get you so be ready. Stop hating your daughter and turn your anger on me. She was not lying you.
I unlocked my car with my remote and hurried to get inside. I was scared of how Christine was going to react to my confession about violating her daughter, but enough was enough. I was tired of all of this SHIT!
I tossed my phone onto the passenger seat and started the car. Usually when I drove, I liked to bump some music, but I had so many thoughts and situations running through my head. I didn’t touch the radio.
I pulled out of my subdivision and headed towards the expressway.
I wondered how Christine was going to treat Harper and the baby once she was delivered. I knew that it was selfish of me to wonder, but I wanted to know what the baby’s name was going to be.
As I waited on the arrow to change from red to green at the stoplight, I heard my phone notify me of a text message. It was a response from Christine.
I know she isn’t lying. I saw what you did to her in the kitchen.
This bitch saw it and still turned against her daughter for me? I thought. What kind of evil person is she?
My heart was beating as intensely as I merged onto the freeway ramp. I was halfway through the intersection when an older Chevy Suburban came out of nowhere. It was charging full speed in my direction, head on. I tried to speed up and get out of its way, but I didn’t move fast enough.
Before I knew it, our vehicles connected. My truck spun out of control. I tried to gain control of the steering wheel and turned it to the opposite direction, but my head was whipping from left to right, and my head hit the steering wheel.
“Lord!” I called out. “I am so sorry!” That was the last thing I said before everything went black for a second time.
Christine
“What do you mean she at the hospital by herself?” I asked. “As much fussing and cussing you have been doing, I was sure that you were at least going to be there with Harper!” I was screaming into the phone.
My aunt didn’t have any problem judging me or constantly reminding me how my lack of discipline was the reason why my life and my daughter were so fucked up.
“I have cancer, Chris. I can’t go to the hospital,” my aunt whispered into the phone.
Cancer! Why didn’t anyone tell me? I thought. I knew my life was fucked up, but I hated hearing about it. Since my brothel days, I had been living my life in a daze, either high or drunk off of something, and I hated it.
My aunt was dying and taking care of my pregnant daughter. I didn’t even know how Harper got there. One day, she was in Juvie, and the next day, she wasn’t. No one told me anything. I mean, I knew I haven’t been Mother of the Year, chasing behind James, but I was still her mother.
“Your daughter is going to Desert View, if you care. She will be delivering your grandchild alone!” Aunt Laura said and hung up in my face.
I couldn’t believe I had allowed this shit to spin out of control like this, but James was right about one thing. Harper did need me. Now, more than ever. For a long time, I thought James was brought into my life to save me, but after today, I had to stop pretending that I was weak. I needed to save myself and my child.
After Harper screamed at me, I laid alone on the couch and called James for empathy. Hell, I was doing all of this shit for him. I wanted to keep him in my life, but it was hard to hear him tell me how fucked up I was for not going. I thought I was showing everyone that we were a united front. It blew my damn mind.
I wiped the tears away from my eyes and sat up.
Girl! You are about to be a grandmother. Go to your daughter! I told myself.
I got into the shower to wash away the sour stench that lingered on skin from the lack of self-care the past few days. I had been in a funk, waiting on James to come over and trying not to think about Harper in Pahrump. I hated growing up there, and now, my baby was back there.
My reliance on James was the tool I used to make my daughter an enemy when I should have been protecting her.
While in the shower, I kept hearing my phone go off. I knew my aunt was upset, but after she hung up on me, I knew she was done fussing until the next big thing. So, it must have been James. It felt good to know he was staying stayed on me. It was the way I wanted my daddy to stay on me. He had allowed me to do any and everything I wanted, but when Harper came, he was always so protective of her.
How was that possible? How did a grandparent love his grandchild more than his only child?
The love my daddy gave Harper drove me crazy. So, in a way, when kept coming by, when he got me a place, a car, and he provided me with financial assistance, it was the most love I had ever gotten from any man my entire life.
I wrapped a towel around me and picked up the phone to read the messages.
I am on my way to get you so be ready. James texted. Stop hating your daughter and turn your anger on me. She was not lying you.
Is he finally admitting what happened? I thought.
I had been compartmentalizing my feelings and pretending nothing happened, but I saw.
I saw him fondling her. Harper stood, frozen like a deer in headlights, with tears streaming down her face. My first reaction was to stop it, but he had just given us $500 and I needed it. I turned around and went back in my room, quietly closing the door. My heart was going so fast, but we needed him. Eventually, he was going to want her. She was beautiful.
The next morning, I saw the blood in my kitchen, and I knew how far things had gone. So, instead of going to my child, comforting her and protecting her, I made her the enemy.
I was over James talking to me condescendingly, like I was the only one with issues when he had skeletons too. Breathing heavily, I responded simply: I know she is not lying. I saw what you did to her in the kitchen.
I dropped the phone, shaking.
It was the first time I said it out loud. How could he talk down to me while he was admitting that he fucked my kid!
I dropped my phone on the bed and hurried to get dressed.
Do I call the police on him? Will they try to press charges against me, too, for allowing it to happen?
We would have to address that problem once we got there. One problem at a time. Right now, I needed to be there for my daughter.
Yalonda
“Who are you? What do you mean he was in an accident? Is he okay? Where is he?”
From a distance, I could hear the sirens and yelling in the background. It scared the hell out of me.
The officer took a deep breath and hesitated to respond.
“Ma’am, my name is Officer Patterson. Is your address: 2502 Dunbar Lane, Henderson, NV? We would like to speak to you in person, if that is okay?”
The officer’s voice was very solemn and soft. I knew this call didn’t mean anything good, but I was impatient.
“If you have my address already, why did you call? This has to be illegal, torturing someone like this. Can you please just tell me what the hell is going on?” I demanded.
I had finally gotten an appointment at the nail show, and I was waiting outside to enter. The baby was with my aunt, and I was excited. It was my first appointment since the pandemic had started, but now, I couldn’t even think. “Where is my husband?” I asked.
I blinked a couple times. It felt like my vision was going blurry.
“I am so sorry. We found his registration in the glove compartment, but there was also a Nevada Power bill wit
h an address in North Las Vegas, so I had to be sure. The accident took place in the 1000 block of Green Valley Pkwy. Your husband was entering the 215 when the accident took place. His phone was retrieved from the car by another officer. They were able to get into the device and located a contact called ‘Wifey,’ so I took the chance to call you.”
“Thank you, Officer. I am on my way. Is James there? I am about 6 minutes away.”
I sped up the street and prayed for James. I hoped he was okay.
Three months later....
Harper
Morning, Laura!” I cooed at my baby. “Today is mommy’s birthday. Are you going to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to me, pretty girl? Are you going to give me a party? Laura cooed back, kicking her legs and arms.
I wondered if my own mama hadn’t been in jail when she had me, would we have had an opportunity to bond. Would we be closer?
For as long as I could remember, my papa was all I had. He taught me everything I know. We went fishing and hunting. When I was as young as four years old, he taught me how to use a knife to protect myself. His biggest fear was me growing up in Vegas. When I was nine, I was taken away from the only person who showed me unconditional love. That’s why it was my duty to give my daughter the same love that my papa gave me.
Laura was literally my best friend. I think if Mamma had me, and not my papa, maybe our relationship would’ve been better. Laura was beautiful and my exact twin. She had the sweetest smile and was such a quiet baby. Mamma said she was just like me when I was little. I couldn’t stop watching my baby. I still couldn’t believe that she was mine. I named her Laura after my great-aunt. She took me in and showed me kindness when my own mother turned her back on me. I didn’t know how I was going to repay her, but I promised I would.
My biggest fear was having to deliver my baby alone, but I tried my best to mentally prepare myself for it. I hated taking medicine because I used to watch how my mamma stayed high all the time, but once that pain became unbearable, I started begging for an epidural. I handled everything like a champ.
Two hours after arriving at the hospital, Laura Nicole entered the world, weighing in at 6 pounds, 3 ounces. I watched the nurses intensely wipe her down and take her vitals. When they finally laid my baby on my chest, I was so happy and couldn’t stop crying. She was just perfect.
I didn’t want to let her go with the nurses, but my body was so exhausted that I did not even remember falling asleep.
“Harper, she is so beautiful,” I heard a voice say.
Is that my momma? I thought. What is she doing here? Am I dreaming?
Struggling to open my eyes, I fought myself to wake up. I glanced around the room and blinked my eyes a couple of times. I was trying to find any landmark that would remind me of my location. My head felt heavy, and I still couldn’t move my legs. I sat up, placing two pillows behind my back.
Sitting in a chair next to Laura’s bassinet was Mamma. Even behind the mask, I could see that she was crying. She rocked back and forth in the chair. She kept opening her mouth to speak, but no words came out.
“Mamma, what are you doing here?” I asked, feeling annoyed.
I didn’t know how I was supposed to take her being there. Happy? Overjoyed?
“Harper, I know I have been mean to you, and sometimes, a disappointment as a mother, but I want you to know that I am sorry,” she said. She rocked her body and rubbed her hands together in her lap.
“I didn’t know how to be a mother, baby girl because I didn’t have one. Everyone gave up on me when I started working in the streets. I never protected you, baby, not from Carlos and now, not from James. Seeing this baby, seeing how she is the splitting image of you, I think this is God giving me another chance to have a do-over. Only if you let me, of course.”
Mamma stood up and walked over to the bed. She reached for my hand. At first, I hesitated, but I wasn’t that strong. I had been waiting for my mamma to say words like that to me for years. So, like my Aunt Laura said, when she apologized for her behavior, it was better late than never.
COVID-19 caused me to be in this hospital alone. I was constantly hearing about people dying every day on the news. It was a testament that life was too short.
I clasped her hand had back and looked up at her with tears streaming down my eyes.
“Harper, I am so sorry,” she said. “Will you ever forgive me?”
I nodded, yes. Mamma and I embraced and cried for what seemed like an eternity. Once we were discharged, instead of going back to Aunt Laura’s house, the baby and I went home with Mamma.
I am not going to lie, things just didn’t miraculously get better, but there has been a lot of improvement. James had not been by, and I hadn’t heard my mother on the phone with him. I guessed she was finally putting me first and that was the best birthday present in the world.
Now that Laura was here, life was harder than I thought it would be. I did have WIC, a program that gave me baby milk and basic food supplies. My social worker, Ms. Manuel, made sure I had a car seat, but that was pretty much it. I was 16 now and needed a job. Even though Vegas was not in complete lockdown anymore, every call center job that allowed me to work from home, required me having Wi-Fi. Mamma owed a bill, and we couldn’t even get the free service that Cox was offering, so I struggled to find a job.
Mamma said it was not safe for me to work a fast food job or at Walmart because of Laura, and I agreed with her. My baby was too precious for me to bring any illness home to her.
I saw a lot of folks on Instagram, advertising that they had an Only Fans page, and I was desperately considering it. I could do it from my cellphone and didn’t need to do too much. Men were always telling me how much they loved my red hair and eyes, so I might as well get paid for them to look at me.
The sound of someone pounding on my door interrupted my thoughts. Since James had stopped coming by, we did not have any visitors. I scooped Laura up and started down the stairs to open the door. She needed a bottle anyway, so I was going to knock out two birds with one stone.
“Harper, don’t you bring that baby down here,” Mamma said to me.
The pounding intensified as I continued down the stairs.
“I need to make her a bottle,” I replied. “I will stay in the kitchen until whomever it is leaves.”
Momma opened the door, and Mr. Davis, our landlord, pushed past her.
“Do you have a mask?” Mamma asked in disgust. “We have a new baby in the house, and we are protecting her from getting sick.”
He whipped his mask out of his back pocket. “Christine, it’s been months since you’ve paid rent!” Mr. Davis barked at my mamma. “When are you going to start paying? And I don’t want to hear no Covid excuses either!”
I couldn’t stand how that man stared at me or the way he talked to us.
“I haven’t seen that hotshot around lately. He ain’t paying the rent anymore?” he asked.
Mamma hadn’t complained out loud to me about the lack of support from James, like she usually does, but I knew that we were struggling. That is why I was trying to figure out a way to make some money and fast. The landlord gave me the creeps.
“I am working on the rent, Clyde, and I told you this already,” Mamma retorted back. Her voice was full of annoyance. “Isn’t there something Sisolak signed, saying you can’t put me out? You must want me or something?”
One thing about my mamma, she might not have been be book smart, but she was street smart. She could work her away around a man. I have witnessed her get our utilities cut back, groceries dropped off for free, and James had been paying rent for years. Mamma was going to get him right one way or another.
Clyde rolled his eyes with disgust at my momma and shook his head.
“Naw, sweetheart,” he replied. “You need to retire. You are in this predicament because what you have between your legs isn’t working anymore. Now, that girl of yours...”
Before he could finish, Mamma blew up.
“GET T
HE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!” she yelled. “ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME TO SELL YOU MY DAUGHTER, FOOL? DON’T YOU EVER COME AT ME LIKE THAT AGAIN OR I WILL HAVE SOMEONE TAKE YOUR ASS OUT. DO YOU HEAR ME?”
Ever since Laura was born, Mamma had really been trying not to get upset or blow up at me, so I knew that Clyde must have really pissed her off.
Clyde rushed out the door, not saying another word. The man was hilarious if he thought I was going to sleep with him for no money. I figured since he wanted me so badly, let’s see if he was going to put his money where his mouth was. He was going to be my first customer.
Stomping up the stairs, my mamma went to her room and slammed the door.
I wondered what she made her angrier – Clyde wanting me or him not wanting her anymore. I turned my attention back to feeding Laura and setting up my page on my phone.
Yalonda
As I sat in the car, I debated whether or not I should knock on the door. I was waiting to see if the door was going to open, and she would come outside on her own, but after three and a half hours, I had no such luck.
So, this is where James spent all his time? I thought. He even had bills in his name over here! I didn’t know why, but I just wanted to meet the woman who took my husband from me. Literally.
I grabbed the envelope and put on my mask. All eyes were on me as I crossed the courtyard, but I kept my eyes fixated on the door. 328 was the apartment number, and I was out of breath after climbing those stairs.
I took a few deep breaths and quickly knocking on the door before I could change my mind.
It didn’t take long for the door to open, but the person who opened it was not who I expected. She was a short, blond-haired white woman answered. Even though her body was athletic and youthful, her face was the total opposite. By the face, she looked like she was an older woman, at least close to 50. If this was Christine, according to James, she wasn’t even 35 yet.