I tried bringing the subject up again, but all I got was her cutting me off and telling me we’d agreed to talk about it in a year’s time. And we hadn’t had sex since the night before our should’ve been romantic evening. We were back to another dry spell.
“Jasper, I think the chip and pin machine is broken,” Holly said, frowning and shaking it as if that was going to magically make it work.
“Some twat is coming to change it tomorrow,” I replied.
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Her eyes darted up to mine at my choice of words.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
Sighing, I took a seat next to her. Holly had been working with us for a week, and she was doing a great job: she was also a better agony aunt than the ones in Abby’s magazines.
“Nothing, just the usual. ”
I’d told Holly all about Abby’s change of baby plan. I hadn’t even told Oakley. There was something about Holly that made you open up, probably because she was the first girl that I wasn’t related to that I didn’t try to pick up – before I was married of course. I didn’t have a girl friend. There was Kerry, but we were only friends through Ben. I wouldn’t admit it to her and let her get a big head, but I really valued Holly’s friendship.
“I’m sure she just needs time, especially if her career is going well. ”
I knew I couldn’t be pissed at Abby for that; she deserved to do what she wanted, and I was happy for her, but she had no consideration for the plan we had already made and what I wanted. I hated that she could just change everything on her own without even talking it through with me first. She was all for making decisions together when it suited her.
I nodded. “Yeah. Not much I can do anyway. It’s not even the fact that she’s needs more time – I get that – it’s that she didn’t tell me for ages. ”
“I’m sorry,” she said and offered me one of the chocolate biscuits she had in a packet on the desk. I took one and smiled. “You know, it’s really nice to meet a guy that wants to start a family so much, it’s usually the other way around. ”
“Well I’ve done the being young and sleeping around thing. Before Everleigh, I wasn’t sure I wanted kids, but she won me over. ”
Holly smiled. “She is adorable. ”
“She is,” I agreed. “I keep worrying that Abby’s one year will turn to two, then three, and I’ll end up childless with a wife that’s always working. Most of my teachers were old; I know they don’t give it up until they’re Zimmer-frame bound. ”
“I don’t think she wants to wait until she’s retired, Jasper. Perhaps promotion opportunities are coming up, and she wants to go for those before she takes a year out to have a baby?”
She did say she wanted to concentrate on her career, so that’s what I took that to mean. When she’s moved up a bit more, she’ll want to have a kid. At least that was what I was telling myself. “Yeah I know. I just hate that we were always on the same page. We made all these plans, and now I feel like she’s going down a completely different road. ”
“No,” Holly said, “she’s just taken a detour. ”
“You’re a wise one,” I said, patting her head and making her let out a shy laugh. Physical contact with men always made her blush; she even did it when the deliveryman touched her hand as he passed her a pen. It was the reason me and Ben made sure to nudge her or innocently touch her arm whenever we could – it was just funny.
“You’re out tonight, right?” I asked.
Holly nodded. “Oakley’s making me. ”
“Cool. ”
It’d been ages since we’d all been out together. Mum was having Everleigh overnight so Oakley and Cole could both go, and I was planning on getting my sister drunk. I’d only seen her pissed a few times, but it was hilarious.
“Anyway, I better go see what Oakley’s left me to do today,” I said as I walked into the office behind reception.
I flicked open the daybook and groaned as I saw what Oakley had written:
Jasper, Helen has an appointment so won’t be in until 12, please clean the equipment after the Over 50’s Fit Club – I know how much you love doing that!
Vending machine mechanic’s coming at some point to service it – mention the dodgy C2 button – I won’t be happy if I don’t get my Munchies!
She was hilarious! The thought of cleaning off sweaty dumbbells made my stomach turn. Why did the cleaner, Helen have to make her appointment for today? I bet it was done on purpose. Some women in the Over 50’s Club were like dogs on heat, and they had no issue with the fact that they were old enough to be my mum!
I walked back out. Holly was printing some summer classes flyers for the teenage boy that thinks he’s the dog’s bollocks to hand out tomorrow.
“You done something different with your hair? It suits you,” I said, giving my award-winning smile.
She turned, blushing shyly, and then her eyes narrowed. “No, I’m not cleaning the Over’s room for you. ”
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“Damn it! Did you read the daybook?”
“No, I just learn. As if I’m going to fall for that again. ”
“Think I could pay that kid to clean too? His number written anywhere?” He was handing out hundreds of flyers for cash, so I had no doubt that I could sling him twenty quid and he’d clean. He was desperate to get tinted windows on that tin can he called a car.
Holly grinned, suddenly very amused. She picked up a package from the desk.
“These came today. I was going to put them in the cleaner’s cupboard when you came in. Good thing I waited. ”
She handed me a pair of yellow rubber gloves.
“You’re so funny,” I muttered. “If I’m not back in twenty minutes come and find me, you know how they are. ”
She laughed, taking too much pleasure at the thought of my impending pain.
“Hello, Jean,” I said, taking a subtle step back. She was the worst. Jean was about a stone overweight, wore clothes about a size too small and had straw-like mousy hair, cut into a bob. She also had a heart of gold. But she really needed to watch where she put her hands.
“Jasper, dear, when are you taking me to dinner? I’ve been waiting two years now. ”
I laughed. “Jean, that’s George’s job. ”
She waved her hand. “Oh that silly old fool’ll never take me. Don’t like the way other people cook, apparently. Doesn’t help that he smoked like a chimney for near thirty years. His taste buds are shot to bits. ”
What could I say to that?
I laughed nervously as she took a step closer, now invading my personal space.
“If I were ten years younger, I’d eat you alive. ”
I winced. Only ten years younger? That would still put her in the could-be-my-mother category.
“I believe that,” I replied, trying to keep my voice light. I really didn’t want to think about her ‘eating me alive’.
“Are you all done in here now?”
“We are in here. Right, ladies?” Jean said, giving me a wink.
I didn’t ask where she wanted to go, which was obviously what she was hinting at.
“Great, have a lovely day,” I said and sidestepped them all, walking over to the floor mats. They all looked like sweet, almost-old ladies, but they were vultures. One of them, Noreen even grabbed the electrician’s arse when he was working in the hallway. We were lucky no one had tried suing us because of the old cougar club, yet.
“Jasper, dear, how long is that lovely young lady here for?” Jean asked.
They still hadn’t left.
I hauled the pile of mats up and straightened my back, trying not to show anyone how heavy they were.
“She’s here for the summer, then back to uni at the end of September. ”
“Oh, such a shame. I was hoping we could hold onto her. She looks fun to corrupt. ”
“Now,
now, Jean, leave the poor girl alone. ”
She pointed at me. “You think I don’t know your reputation, mister? A few years ago you’d have had her crying over you. ”
All right, I wasn’t that much of a bastard. I’d never lead anyone on.
“I’m a respectable married man now. ”
She laughed from her diaphragm, cocking her head back.
“You’re married, Jasper, I’ll give you that one. ”
“Hey, I’m respectable!”
“You’re up here flirting with us fogeys every week. ”
My mouth dropped. Did she honestly believe it was me that flirted with them? That was, nor never would be the case.
I smiled, now conscious that a bit of friendly banter and cheeky smile was considered flirting. Was it?
She waved her hand dismissively. “Don’t you worry, I won’t be telling George or that wife of yours. ”
She laughed again and walked out, followed by the last of the stragglers. Abby was always ‘that wife of yours’. But then Abby didn’t really make time for idle chitchat with strangers, so they never warmed to her.
“Your usual?” I asked Abby as we walked into the bar.
She bit her lip as if I’d asked her what the square root of pie was. Actually, she probably knew; she'd listened in school and had gone to uni. Whereas I’d pissed about and had a laugh.
“Um. Yes please,” she finally replied.
See, that wasn’t so hard, was it.
I spotted Oakley, Cole, Holly and Brad on a table so nodded my head towards it.
“Why don’t you take a seat, and I’ll bring it over. ”
I watched her eyes drift over and settle on Holly, who was looking much better with less of that heavy eyeliner. Less is more.
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“I’d prefer to stay with you. ”
I shrugged. “Alright. ”
“Double JD and coke, red wine and six shots of whatever’s closest, please,” I said to the bartender.
Abby’s eyes snapped to me.
“Six shots? Does Holly even drink?”
“Brad’s ordered a taxi for them all, so I assume she’s drinking tonight. If not, I’m sure someone will do hers. ”
If Abby was going to be a dick around Holly all night, I was going to need extra shots. I wanted to have fun, not referee her bitchy comments. Abby was usually so sweet about everyone, but if she was jealous she could turn in a second. I didn’t like it, and I had no time for it. At least guys would give each other a black eye and move on.
I paid, and we walked over.
“You’re all doing one,” I said, putting the shots on the table. “Ben and Kerry coming?”
“No, they’re on a date,” Oakley replied and grabbed two shots, handing one to Cole. “We’re child free tonight and tomorrow morning, so let’s drink up. ”
Who took over my reserved sister’s body?
“Let’s do it,” I said and clinked my glass against Oakley’s. I loved to see her relax, have fun and act her age. “If you don’t want it I’ll do your shot, Holly. ”
She smiled. “Thanks. I’ll have one. You can do the rest for the evening. ”
An hour later and I’d done it. Mixing shots with beer had got me well and truly wasted. Abby, who wasn’t that drunk at all, pretty much refused to acknowledge Holly’s existence now, which annoyed me. Since my lengthy conversation with Holly, Abby had turned arctic as if we’d been having sex the whole time and not just talking. Holly was cool, and as our friend’s sister she should at least be civil.
Holly sat awkwardly, talking and laughing with Oakley. She’d noticed the tension, and she didn’t seem like the type of person to come out and ask Abby what the deal was.
I was so when Abby went to the bar I followed. “What’s your problem?” I hissed in her ear.
“My problem?” she asked, turning her nose up like I was something she’d stepped in. “What’s with the ‘I’ll have your shot, Holly’ crap?”
“What? She doesn’t drink much. ” Jesus I was just trying to be nice to the girl that barely knew any of us! She was a friend, just like Brett was hers! “Everyone can sense the tension so cut the shit. Holly’s alright, just give her a chance. ”
“You would think that. ”
“What? Abby, have you lost it?”
“She’s your type. ”
It was then that I realised my wife didn’t know me at all. The women that were my type were confident women that dressed sexy and wore light make-up, nothing heavy. Holly was not my type and even if she was; I was married, there was no way I’d be chasing her.
“Whatever,” she said.
“Yeah, whatever. ” I walked off to the bathroom, grinding my teeth.
Something niggled at the back of my mind: Abby’s cheating.
Wasn’t it the people that were always accusing others the ones that were doing it? She thought I had a thing for Holly because she had a thing with someone else and was trying to shift the spotlight off herself. I didn’t want to believe that was true but I bloody couldn’t stop myself coming back to the same conclusion.
Laying my head back against the wall, I took a deep breath, pushing those thoughts further down inside. It was just in my head. We were just going through a rough patch, that was it.
Chapter Seven
“You giving up alcohol when Abby’s pregnant?” Oakley asked as we sat in her living room going though the new gymnastics equipment we needed and what it’d cost.
The Centre was doing really well, and the gym coach, Marcus, was keen to update some of the stuff. Since Oakley got away, he was determined that another potential Olympian wouldn’t. He thought he had one in eight-year-old Aleah.
Cole had stopped drinking when she was pregnant with Everleigh. Well, when they were out together anyway. On lads’ nights out he was as trashed as the rest of us.
I shrugged. “I won’t have to worry about that for a while. ”
She put down her pad of scribbled notes and figures. “Oh? I thought you were trying soon. ”
Yeah me too.
“No,” I replied. “Postponing for a year. ”
Or longer.
“Ah. Okay. I thought you were all set but at least you get more time together without being woken up in the night or at the crack of dawn. ”
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I smiled tightly. “Yeah. ”
She could see right through me. Her eyes narrowed the tiniest bit.
“This wasn’t your decision, was it? I thought it was odd; you’ve been so excited. ”
“Abby wants a career. ”
“That’s understandable. Believe me, everything is harder with a baby. ”
“I’m ready for harder. I want harder. This fu–”
I stopped myself as Oakley’s eyes widened. We both looked over at Everleigh, who was too absorbed in Beauty and the Beast to have heard my near slip up.
“This sucks,” I said quieter. “I hate that she just decided on her own. We were ready. She said she was ready. Christ we’d even picked out the soft lime paint for the damn nursery. ” I scratched my forehead.
Why couldn’t I let it go? I was stuck on having a baby. It was on my mind most of the time, driving me crazy.
“Jasper, why are you so desperate for a family? It’s not like either of you are pushing fifty. There’s plenty of time to have children. Trust me, enjoy the peace while you still can!”
My grip on the mug tightened. “I’m not desperate. ”
My once sweet little sister raised her eyebrow. “Sure you’re not. ”
“I’m not. ”
She looked up, pained. What was going through her head?
“Our family was ripped apart in the worst possible way. ”
“Oh, fuck that. ” I stood up, raising my hands. “I’m not trying to recreate a family because I feel like I’ve lost ou
t on something. ”
“If that’s not it then why are you reacting so badly?”
“Because I don’t want to talk about that arsehole,” I hissed and spun around, ready to make a quick exit. But I couldn’t leave. No one else was here, and I didn’t want to leave her alone if she was thinking about what our sorry excuse of a father did to her.
I turned around and sat down. She smiled half-heartedly, eyes watching Everleigh, who was still too into her film to notice us.
“Do you want to talk about him?” I asked, praying she’d say no.
“Not him. I want to talk about you. ”
“I’m fine. ”
“You’re not but you’re too stubborn to admit it. Come to therapy with me. ”
I laughed and shook my head. “I’ll pass, but thanks. ”
“Please? I think it’d be good for you. For both of us. Since the trial that subject’s been pretty closed–”
“And it still is. ”
She sighed and her eyebrows knitted together.
“Whatever you say and however much you try to be the strong one that’s not affected by anything, I know how badly it’s hurt you. Jasper, you don’t go through something like that and get to walk away without scars. He was your dad–”
“Shut up, Oakley!” I clenched my fists and took a deep breath. My world turned red, and I wanted nothing more than to smash something up and go get wasted.
“Please come with me. I hate seeing you like this. Just go for a couple times and if it does nothing for you I’ll never mention it again. ”
She gave me her pleading look, and I groaned.
“Fine, I’ll give you two sessions and then I’m outta there. ”
“Thank you. You’re not going to regret it. ”
Carol wasn’t what I expected. I thought she’d be in a black suit, notebook and pen in hand and instruct me to sit back on a reclining chair. Her office was relaxed, warm and welcoming with cushions, pictures on the walls and crystal figurines on a bookshelf.
Carol herself was a welcoming person too. She had her long wispy hair pulled back in a bun. She looked as if she was about to bake for us, not tell me where I was going wrong and how to fix my life.
Oakley sat bedside me, leaning back on the sofa with her legs crossed at the knee. She looked the picture of ease while all I could think about was getting the hell out of there.
“So, Oakley tells me she practically had to drag you here,” Carol said, smiling.
I glared at my sister out of the corner of my eye. She wasn’t supposed to tell her that! “I don’t need therapy. ”
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