Jasper took me shopping, spoiling our unborn baby with clothes and cuddly toys and spoiling me with lunch out, a movie and then dinner in the evening. When we got back to my empty flat, we laid on the sofa chatting about whatever popped into our heads. I realised that the last seven months had been the best of my life, and a lot of that was because of him.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Jasper
“Jasper!” Holly’s voice pierced through the bathroom door.
Something was wrong.
I leapt up out of my seat and sprinted to the door. She’d locked it. I banged my fist on the door. “Holly, what’s wrong? Open up!”
“My water just broke!” she shouted.
Shit! It was too soon. We had another three weeks to go. “What? Open the door and let me in!”
“I’ll be out in a second. Call the hospital. ”
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“What’s happening?” Mum said behind me.
I spun around, ripping my phone from my pocket.
“Holly’s water broke,” I said, dialling the hospital with shaking hands.
Thirty-seven weeks was when you were considered ‘safe’ but the baby was smaller than average already. I wanted her to stay inside her mum for as long as possible until we knew she’d definitely be safe.
“It’s too soon, Mum,” I said, willing them to pick the damn phone up.
“It’s going to be fine. The baby is old enough now. ”
She stepped past me, leaning towards the door.
“Holly, sweetheart, are you okay?”
The midwife picked up and I spoke in a rush, stumbling over my words. Holly finally opened the door just as I was told to bring her straight in.
She smiled, but I could tell by the tension in her shoulders that she was worried.
“You get straight to the hospital,” Mum said. “I’ll call your parents, and we’ll make our way there whenever you want us to. ”
I knew she’d want to come with us, but she was giving us time alone.
Holly gulped and replied in a small voice, “Okay, thanks. You can all come soon if you’d like. ”
That wasn’t what we’d said we’d do, but it was understandable that she’d want her mum there too.
“We’ll wait to hear from Jasper, give you a chance to get checked out and wrap your heads around it happening now, and then we’ll be there,” Mum said.
“Come on, Holly, let’s go. ” I offered her my hand and she took it, gripping hard. “Are you okay? In any pain?”
“No, not yet,” she replied as we walked out towards the car. “Lucky you’re such a control freak over this and packed the hospital bags two weeks ago, huh?”
I flashed her a smile, hoping she couldn’t see through mine too. Inside I was terrified. “See, it is paying off. ”
If something happened to either one of them, I don’t know what I’d do.
“Yeah, only nothing is going to fit the baby. ”
I opened her door and helped her in.
“I’ll pick up some early baby nappies and get Oakley to buy and wash some clothes,” Mum said.
I hadn’t realised she was following us out, but of course she was. Miles was right behind her, looking lost and concerned.
“Thank you, Sarah,” Holly said.
Mum leant down and kissed her cheek, whispering something.
“Let us know if you need anything else,” Miles said.
“Thanks,” I replied and hopped in the driver’s seat.
As soon as Mum had closed Holly’s door, we were gone. The drive to the hospital would only take twenty minutes, but I kept having visions of Holly giving birth in a lay-by. Since we’d watched the birth video, she said she wanted all the drugs available to her. I hated the thought of her in pain so wanted to make sure she was near as many options for pain relief as possible.
She bit her lip, tensing.
“Contraction?” I asked, pressing down on the accelerator.
Her body relaxed.
“Yeah, but it wasn’t bad. ” She laughed. “I expected it to be awful, but it was no more than period pain. I know I’m jinxing the hell out of this right now, and it’ll be unbearable soon though!”
“You’ll be fine. We’ll soon be where they have epidurals. ”
“I want four,” she said, making me laugh.
I grabbed her hand. “You can have anything you want. ”
When we reached the delivery ward we were whisked straight into a room and two midwives followed us in. By the time we’d arrived she was in so much pain she could barely walk. I hated seeing her like that.
“Okay, if you’d like to lie down on the bed, Holly, we’ll assess how far along you are,” the older midwife, Annette said.
I helped Holly on the bed, and her face reddened as she pushed her leggings down.
“Okay?” I asked her, keeping my eyes on her face as the midwives did their thing. I think the shyness was because I was in the room. She nodded, gritting her teeth and reached for my hand.
“Don’t leave me,” she said, sounding so vulnerable I was instantly scared.
“Not going anywhere. I promise. ”
“Wow, looks like you’re eight centimetres already,” Annette said looking up and smiling.
Holly pushed herself up on her elbows, releasing my hand.
“What? How is that possible? I thought I had about twelve hours!”
Shit!
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“That’s the average. You’re thirty-seven weeks and four days?”
“Yeah,” she replied. “The baby’s small. ”
The midwife who was flicking through Holly’s pregnancy notes, Jen, looked up.
“You’re full term and although the baby is on the small side there’s nothing to suggest he or she isn’t perfectly healthy. ”
“Aghhh!” Holly cried suddenly.
“I can see the head,” Annette said. “Not long now, and I’ll need you to start pushing. ”
“Oh my God, this isn’t happening,” she sobbed. “It’s too early, too quick, Jasper!”
I stroked her hair. “Shh, sweetheart, it’s going to be fine. Hey, you’d rather it was over quickly than be in pain for half a day, right?”
“I guess. I just thought we’d have more time but-” She stopped abruptly, hissing through her teeth. “I want to push. Should I push? Am I fully dilated?”
That quick?
“Absolutely, chicken,” Jen said. “That’s your body’s way of saying you’re ready. On the next contraction give us a good push. ”
“Oh God I’m scared,” Holly muttered. She flopped back on the bed and reached for my hand.
“Should it happen this quickly?” I asked, kissing the back oh Holly’s hand to try and calm her down. I was terrified for the next contraction.
Jen smiled. “I can do. That’s why you hear stories of people giving birth in cars or lifts. ”
That wasn’t much comfort. I leant over and kissed Holly’s temple.
Ten minutes later and Holly was pushing with every contraction, and because it was all happening scarily fast she couldn’t have anything for the pain besides gas and air, which she’d tried, but as it didn’t work straight away she gave up.
“Push, Holly!” I said.
“Jasper! I swear to God if you tell me to push one more time, I’m going to kill you!” She groaned, and the sound was raw and scary. “You did this to me!”
It was safe to say she hated me when she was in pain. I wanted to point out that we’d done this, but I thought better of it.
“You’re doing amazing, Hol. Do you want the gas and air?” I asked.
She collapsed back on the bed as her contraction subsided.
“The gas and air does nothing. I want an epidural. ”
“It’s too late for that, babe. ”
She g
lared through slitted eyes and growled, “I fucking know that!”
Perhaps I shouldn’t speak until I’m spoken to.
“Holly, the head is right there. One more push,” the midwife said.
Gripping my hand and turning my bones to dust, Holly pushed, and her eyes widened.
“Oh God!”
“The head is out!”
I looked up at the midwife with tears in my eyes. Our baby’s head was out!
“Well done, Holly. One more big push and we’ll be there. ”
She panted, eyes wide, mouth open. Her hair stuck to her sweaty forehead, and she was starting to get the shadow of dark circles under her eyes, but she looked absolutely perfect to me.
Holly’s guttural cry sent a shudder through my whole body; she squeezed her eyes closed, pushing hard, and then she slumped back on the bed, panting. The room was silent for a second before a piercing scream stopped my heart.
“You have a beautiful baby girl!” the midwife said, holding our tiny gunk-covered baby up.
Holly burst into tears, and I stared at our little girl with fascination. I already loved her more than anyone or anything in the world. She literally stole my heart in a second.
Annette checked her over and less than a minute later, she was placed on Holly’s chest, wrapped in a white blanket.
“Wow,” I whispered, stroking her soft cheek. She’d been cleaned a little, but the gloopy crap was still in her hair.
“We thought a girl. Hi, baby,” Holly said, cradling our daughter close.
Shit. I have a daughter! I gulped, trying to keep it together.
“What’re we going to call her?” I asked.
Holly looked up and smiled. “You pick. I love both. ”
We had two names left on our list and wanted to wait to see which one felt right when she was born. I looked at her, taking in her button nose, puffy lips and light brown eyebrows.
“Sophia. ”
“Yeah. I think Sophia suits her. ”
I didn’t want to say that she was a puffy, wrinkled little thing, and any name would suit her, but it was true. Sophia felt right.
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“Okay, we just need to take her now to weight her,” the midwife said.
My heart leapt into my throat. I didn’t want her out of my sight.
“Take her where?”
“Not far,” she replied and pointed to the counter on the side. “She’ll be in the same room. ”
I nodded, and Holly handed her over. I could tell she was watching me, wanting to ask if I was okay. There was nothing okay about the depth of my fear for Sophia. Most parents worried, but I literally felt sick about the thought of leaving her. What if something happened to her while I wasn’t there? I’d never forgive myself.
“How’re you feeling?” I asked Holly.
“Tired. Sore. Happy. ”
Annette cleared her throat. “Holly, you have a small tear. We’ll give you an injection to speed up the delivery of the placenta. ”
My eyes widened, and I shuddered. I did not need to hear that.
“And then we’ll give you another injection to numb the area and get it stitched, okay?”
“Alright,” she replied, covering her mouth with the back of her hand as she yawned. She looked at me and grimaced. “Do you want to go outside for this?”
“No. ” Yes! “I’m not leaving you. Wanna crush my hand while they’re doing it?”
Annette laughed. “The injection might sting a little, but after that she’ll be fine. ”
“Yeah, see. Why don’t you stay so I can crush your hand while they do this delivering thing and inject me then go out for a few minutes and call everyone? They’re going to want to know she’s here already. ”
I grabbed her hand, kissing her knuckles. “Okay, if you want. ”
Holly squeezed my hand, and flinching as they injected her. She didn’t take her eyes off me as if I was somehow helping just by being there.
I love her.
I didn’t just have feelings for her – I was fucking in love with her!
“All done. We’ll give you a second and then see if we’re ready to stitch. ”
Holly pulled a disgusted face.
“Don’t worry, you’ve not torn too badly, it shouldn’t take many. ”
She grimaced. “Please don’t tell me. I’d rather not know. ”
Jen smiled and took Sophia back from the trainee.
“Five pounds and two ounces,” the trainee announced.
I grinned like a fool. I thought I’d lost everything when Abby cheated, and I thought I’d never want to put myself in that position again, but suddenly now I did. I wanted everything, and I wanted it with Holly. But what did she want?
“Jasper, you can go now!” she said.
“Are you embarrassed?” Her cheeks turned pink. “Holly, I’ve just seen you shove a person through there, and you’re embarrassed about me seeing you get a few stitches!”
“My dignity left when the contractions really kicked in. No contractions mean you need to leave. Please. ”
“This should only take ten minutes. We’ll get Sophia to the breast and do the stitches. Why don’t you call your loved ones and announce this little one’s arrival and by the time you’re done we will be too. ”
Jen stroked Sophia’s cheek and handed her to me.
I’d held a baby before, but suddenly I was petrified. Everleigh I could hand back, but Sophia was all mine and Holly’s responsibility. I looked down at my daughter, and she stared right back, even though I probably just looked like a hazy blob to her. She was perfect.
“Hi, sweetheart. I’m your daddy,” I said. My voice was thick with emotion. “I promise I’ll protect you. I love you, little girl”
I kissed her forehead and reluctantly gave her to Holly.
“I’ll be outside. Call if you need anything. ”
“I will. Thanks, Jasper. ”
“Thank you,” I said, bending over to kiss Sophia again. As I went to stand back up, Holly caught her breath. We were inches apart. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, and she seemed to want it too.
I pressed my lips to hers briefly, not wanting to push my luck.
Mum rushed through the door, carrying the biggest bunch of pink balloons I’d ever seen. I’d hoped we’d have a few minutes alone. Holly’s mum and dad had just left to get a coffee and give us some time to ourselves, but it seemed that we weren’t going to get any.
“Where’s my little girl,” she said, making a dash for Sophia. Holly smiled and handed her over.
“Well done, Holly, she’s beautiful. ”
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Now I knew she was saying well done for giving birth, but Sophia was half my genes, she couldn’t have included me in the compliment?
“Congratulations,” Oakley and Cole said simultaneously as they followed Mum, holding a balloon, a bunch of flowers and a pink gift bag they must have picked up in the hospital store since this had all happened so early.
I hugged my sister because my mum had bypassed me completely. Looks like I’d just been knocked down her list of favourites! Oakley’s baby bump kicked me, and I grinned. Soon it would be them doing this.
“No Everleigh?” I asked.
She pulled away and shook her head.
“She’s with Cole’s parents. We thought it’d be better if we waited until you’re home. Holly’s just given birth, the last thing she needs is a four-year-old bounding around the room. ”
“Oakley, Cole, have a quick hold now because I’m not giving this angel back until the end of visiting. ” Mum handed Sophia to Oakley, who stared down at her niece with a tear in her eye. “Miles will be here soon, he’s just parking the car. ”
“Yeah, we would have parked and all come up together, but Sarah shouted. A lot,” Cole said, leaning over Oakley’s shoulder to see
his niece.
“Hey, it’s not every day you get another granddaughter!” She turned away and sat on the bed, facing Holly. “How’re you feeling?”
“I’m fine, considering, but it wasn’t long ago that I had some pain killers. ”
“Keep taking them, even if you think you’re feeling better. I made the mistake of stopping on the third day after I had Jasper; I soon picked them up again,” Mum said.
I watched my mum, stepdad, sister and brother-in-law coo over Sophia and Holly, and I realised that without even knowing it, Holly was well and truly part of our family. Now all I had to do was grow a pair and tell her how I felt.
Chapter Thirty-four
Jasper
Driving away from the hospital made me sick to my stomach. Holly had promised she would call if she needed anything, but that only reassured me a little. What if something happened?
Five-year-old Oakley silently screamed my name in my head.
The maternity ward was secure, but that didn’t mean it was impossible for something to happen. I gripped the steering wheel. I wanted to go back and beg them again to let me stay. I’d sleep under Holly’s bed if they were just worried about me taking up space and getting in the way.
What if someone managed to get onto the ward? There were stories of children being snatched from hospitals all over the world. It could be Sophia as easily as any other kid out there.
The thought of someone hurting my innocent baby ripped me apart. It flitted through my mind constantly. I pictured the same scenario, with Oakley, then Everleigh, then Sophia. Then I saw Sophia crying, wailing. And then Oakley’s silent scream.
Rubbing my forehead, I tried to concentrate on the road while the images I couldn’t shake from my mind threatened to pull me under. My chest felt tight, and I worried I was on the edge of a mental breakdown. No, I’m the strong one.
I pulled into Oakley’s drive just as the ache in my chest started to make me want to hurl. Before I’d got out of the car the front door opened and Oakley wrapped her cardigan around her, waiting for me.
“Everything okay?” she asked.
“I can’t stay with them,” I said, walking past her into the house.
“You mean you’re not allowed to stay at the hospital or Holly said no?”
“Hospital,” I replied.
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