“Maybe not, but you care about that girl.” Skull rubbed his hand over his close shaved head. “And I think she’s worth it, but I’m going to tell you something I’ve held back for way too long. You’re a good man, Alder. Some may think you’re a fucking pushover, but I see what you’ve sacrificed for this band. What you put up with from your brother. If Winter’s Wrath ever gets anywhere, it will be because of all the work you’ve done. How you kept all the guys together.”
“Brave’s done a lot too.” The praise stuck in Alder’s throat. He knew Brave would never appreciate any credit coming from him, but it didn’t change the fact that his brother had earned it.
“Stop with that shit. I get he’s your big brother, but if he was mine? I’d have told him to go fuck himself a long time ago. He’s pushing with Danica because he knows you won’t do shit.”
“She’s working with the band, Skull. I don’t think she’ll appreciate me staking my claim against my brother.”
“Maybe not, but if she’s as smart as I think she is, she’ll put up some fucking boundaries. What happened up there wasn’t fucking cool.” Skull ground his teeth. “Brave reminded me of Valor right there. And that’s not a compliment.”
Okay, that’s enough. Alder shoved the flask into Skull’s hands. “I appreciate your concern, but Valor fucking saved Brave. And he was my brother too. You don’t get to talk shit about him.”
Skull let out a rough laugh. “Right. Valor, the fucking hero. I think you all forget I worked for Brave before Jesse came around. I remember you as the kid who always got left behind. And I knew Valor for the man he was. And know Brave, probably better than you.”
“Cool, but you know Cole will fire you if he hears you talking like this.”
“I know, but I’m not talking to him. I’m talking to you.” Skull put his hand on Alder’s shoulder. “I haven’t ever seen you into anyone like you are with this girl. Except for Jesse—yeah, I know about him, but no one else does.” Skull’s words slightly eased the tension from Alder’s chest. “I love Jesse like family, but he was a fool for choosing Brave. He’s gonna get hurt, but let him. He deserves it. Danica doesn’t.”
“Brave isn’t interested in Danica.” Alder played the scene over in his head, the way he should have before going after his brother. With all the pressure the choreographer had put on her, maybe it made sense. Brave was an asshole, but at that moment he’d probably just wanted Danica to relax. “He’s just putting on a show.”
“That he is. And if it hurts you, all the better.” Skull drew away, then shrugged. “I’m just an old man, telling you what I see. And I see you trying to let your girl do her thing. But Brave will use that, so don’t step back so much that it looks like you don’t care.”
“How do I show I care without fucking this up for her?”
“That’s a very good question, boy.” Skull gave him a sad smile. “And I wish I had an answer for you.”
When shit went to hell, Danica had so many thoughts going through her head, she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do more. Scream or cry.
If Alder hadn’t let her deal with Brave alone, she probably would have punched him. And then she would have felt horrible, because could she really expect him not to react when a man tried to take advantage of her?
She wasn’t even sure she’d be half as cool as he’d been watching her on stage with his band mates if the situation was reversed. And it would be soon. She’d have to see him with groupies and resist the temptation to wrap her hands around their necks.
Especially since many of his fans were teenaged girls.
After the rehearsal was done, she’d escaped to the bathroom. And she was still here, with the door locked, hands on the sink, head bowed as she tried to slow her racing pulse and hold back tears. Last thing she needed was to face the band with her face all blotchy.
“You’re fine. Get back out there before someone comes looking for you. That will be just as bad as you acting like a fucking baby about one stupid kiss.” She glared at her reflection. Fine, Brave touching her lips with his tongue had startled her, but it was no different than having to kiss another model, male or female, for a sensual magazine spread.
Only, with those, she knew what to expect.
Brave apologized. Let it go.
She nodded at herself, then turned on the cold water and wet her fingertips, sliding them over the back of her neck as she took a few slow, calming breaths.
She could do this.
But stepping past that door and playing like everything was normal would be a challenge. A challenge that had her hesitating with her hand on the doorknob for much longer than necessary.
Maybe everything isn’t all right yet. Fake it until it’s real.
Now that she could do. She’d been an actress, after all. And hoped to be one again.
Stepping out of the bathroom, she looked around, spotting Jesse leaning against the wall at the end of the short hallway. The rest of the band was nowhere to be seen.
“You get the job of making sure the female wasn’t losing her damn mind?” She asked, keeping her tone light.
Jesse chuckled, stepping up to her side as she made her way to the main floor of the warehouse. “No. I think Alder feels like an asshole for flipping the way he did, so he’s giving you some space. I’m not dating you, so I don’t have to be all careful.”
“I almost wish he didn’t read me so well. If he’d been the one standing here, I would have let him have it.”
“Really?” Jesse glanced over, one brow lifted. “I guess I can’t read you at all. You don’t strike me as the kinda girl who expects her man to be perfect. Or made of fucking stone.”
“I don’t, but he has to understand the situation.” She slowed her pace as she heard the guys outside, laughing and chatting like nothing had changed. That was good. She might not be completely screwed. Yet. “He can’t be my knight in shining armor. We both have a job to do.”
Letting out an irritated huff, Jesse shook his head. “That wasn’t part of the job either of you should have to put up with.”
Danica cocked her head and put her hand on Jesse’s arm, stopping him before he could step out onto the loading dock. “Are you pissed at Brave?”
He laughed, dropping his gaze, his jaw ticking slightly as he clenched his teeth. Then he sighed. “Being pissed won’t get me anywhere with Brave. My situation isn’t that different from yours, sweetie. Only, I’m Brave’s employee and I don’t just have to keep a lid on our relationship in public. I have to make sure Cole doesn’t suspect anything.”
“Is it really a big deal if he finds out? He must know Brave’s gay?”
“Brave’s as…relaxed with his sexuality as Alder is. Maybe more. Most of the guys in the band are, just so you don’t end up shocked if you walk in on anything.” He lifted his head and winked at her. “I think that’s part of why they get along so well.”
Made sense. Any guy who was strictly straight would probably be uncomfortable trapped on a bus for days at a time with men as sexually fluid as the band seemed to be. He wouldn’t even have to be homophobic or anything. Just some of the teasing on stage might be too much.
She arched a brow at Jesse. “That doesn’t answer my question. Why would Cole care if you and Brave are together?”
“Why does he care that you and Alder are? You’ve got the right parts for the image he wants for the band, which is why he’s adding you to the performance. But the guys should seem available. It keeps the fantasy alive for all the female fans.”
“Brave clearly has no problem playing on that fantasy.”
“True, but Cole might see me as a threat to Brave’s focus on the band. And I’m easy to replace.” His lips curved into a small smile. “But you aren’t. So I suggest you pick your battles, but don’t let him walk all over you.”
She smiled back, biting her lip as she realized her hand was still on his arm. She let it fall to her side. “Are you talking about Brave, or Cole?”
“E
ither of them.” Jesse turned like he was going to head out, then paused and glanced over his shoulder at her. “And don’t be too hard on Alder. What Brave did was fucked up. If I hadn’t been running interference, I might have gone after Brave myself.”
“But you love him.”
“I do. But I keep my promises, Danica. I said I’d look out for you.”
“I can take care of myself.”
“Clearly.” He reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering for a moment as he met her eyes. “But it would suck if you had to do it alone all the time. When I stopped Alder from going after Brave, part of me was worried you’d think no one cared. That Brave could do whatever he wanted and you’d just have to deal. But you don’t.”
She closed her eyes, that very moment flashing through her mind, all the anger and frustration coming back to her. Jesse was right. For a moment she’d wondered if she should have just finished the stupid routine. Pretended Brave’s actions were exactly what she’d signed on for.
But they weren’t.
She didn’t think Brave had meant to disrespect her, but he had. And Jesse’s words made her confident in the fact that she could set some limits. She’d have his support.
And she had no doubt that she had Alder’s as well.
“I appreciate that, Jesse. I don’t know how I’m going to handle this yet, but I’m guessing me and Brave should have another chat.” She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Most of our talk after it happened was telling each other that it was no big deal. And it wasn’t, really. I just…I need a head’s up, you know?”
“And you should have one. That way, you can either give consent, or say ‘Hell no!’.”
“Exactly.” And damn, he’d really hit the nail on the head. That was why she’d freaked. Her choices had been taken from her in a way she’d never experienced before. Not that her life had been all unicorns and rainbows, but her grandfather had insisted on her always having options. He’d even gone to her school when she was a little girl and she complained about a book assignment.
After seeing the movie, Lord of the Flies, she’d been so upset, then horrified to find the book on the list of required reading in sixth grade. She didn’t like math either, but she still had to do that. She’d figured her grandfather would take the same approach with the book.
Instead, he’d sent a note to her teacher, asking for another book she could read instead. When her teacher replied that she would lose marks if she didn’t read the book, her grandfather brought the issue to the principal.
Such a silly thing to remember now, especially since she ended up reading Tess Of The D’Urbervilles instead, and it was even more upsetting, but she could still remember her grandfather grumbling about how narrow-minded the education system could be.
“Sometimes, you only have two choices, and neither of them seem good. But the options give you some power, my girl.” He’d taken out a cigar then, lighting it as he stared out the window of their little trailer house. “Never let anyone take that power away from you. Because once they take that, you’ve given them everything.”
Jesse touched her arm, drawing her from her memories, back to the present. “You okay, kid?”
“I am.” She’d been so worried she’d have to pretend to be okay, but she really was, now that she’d gotten a chance to talk to Jesse. He’d made everything that had bothered her seem acceptable. Like she didn’t have to put up with everything thrown at her just because she’d been given an amazing opportunity. “And I’m so happy you came to talk to me. Alder could have said exactly what you did, but he kinda has to take my side, because we’re a thing. You’re neutral.”
“I have to be.” He drew away from her, his brow furrowing slightly. “But before you start thinking I’m completely detached from the whole situation, I need to be honest with you. Before me and Brave got serious, me and Alder fooled around. Nothing big, but I’ve kissed your man. I’ve thought about fucking him.”
Whoa! Her mouth went dry and for a moment, all she could do was stare at Jesse and try not to picture him and Alder together. If Jesse was a girl, she might feel threatened. Since Alder had admitted to liking guys too, she probably still should be.
Her cheeks heated, because threatened was the last thing she was feeling.
“But you didn’t?” She cleared her throat. “I mean, you two haven’t…”
Jesse ducked his head and let out an awkward laugh. “No. Alder’s not someone you have a fling with. I decided our friendship was more important, and I had this thing for his brother. You may have noticed, they’re not the most loving of siblings.”
“Yeah… Any clue as to why?”
“After meeting their parents, I’m thinking it’s because Alder is the baby and they turned all their focus to him after their first born died. Please don’t repeat that, though. It’s just a guess and it would hurt them both to know their parents have favorites.” Jesse ran his hand through his hair. “Damn it, I don’t know why I’m even telling you this. Except…when it comes to the band, to Cole, to the fans, Brave is the star. And I need to know Alder doesn’t feel alone, you know?”
She inclined her head. “I get that, but Brave—”
“Brave isn’t the arrogant asshole he pretends to be.” Jesse rubbed a hand over his lips. “When he goes home, he’s living in Valor’s shadow—Valor was their older brother. The one who dragged the rest of them into this world. He was the golden boy and even some fans still judge the band against the music he made. He was something else.”
“And Brave is still trying to step out of his shadow?” Everything Jesse was telling her sounded complicated, but it explained a lot. Including the tension between Brave and Alder.
Jesse nodded. “And Alder is eclipsed by them both. And I don’t think he cares. He’s close to his parents. To everyone else in the band. He’s accepted that he’ll never take Valor’s place with Brave, but…I don’t know, it’s kinda sad. It’s like Valor’s death created a great big gap in the family. Alder and his parents are on one side. Brave is on the other.”
“It is sad, but I appreciate you telling me. It makes Brave seem like less of a jerk.” She looked out over the loading dock, to where Alder stood with the roadies, not speaking to any of them, lost in thought. And then to Brave, who had his arm over Tate’s shoulder and was laughing at something Connor said, while Malakai stood apart, observing everything much like she was. “He’s made the band his family. Because he’s not part of his own.”
“Yes.”
“But Alder is part of the band. And they accept him, but Brave can’t help holding him at arm’s length.” Damn, she wanted to go hug Alder. He might have his parents when he went home, but with how much time the band spent on the road… Brave made him pay for their parent’s mistakes every fucking day. And that wasn’t fair.
Hopefully, one day, the brothers could meet in the middle. But until then, she and Jesse were stuck in limbo. Jesse was still Alder’s friend, but he had to stand by his man. And if she was forced to choose, she’d do the same.
But she did have one last question, while Jesse was in such a sharing mood.
“What happened to Valor?”
Jesse swallowed hard, leaning against the side of the truck entrance, his arms crossed tight against his chest. “LOST only had a van. They weren’t big enough for a bus, but they were getting there. They had an insane tour schedule, but they were a hit with the fans even opening for bigger bands. So they toughed it out.” He leaned his head back against the cement wall. “A few days before Christmas, the van broke down. They were on their way back to Detroit, on a road in the middle of nowhere. They couldn’t get cell reception, so Valor headed out to call a tow truck. Brave and the rest of his band stayed in the van, trying to keep warm. They figured he’d walk for a bit, then make the call. Another car ended up finding them and they were all brought to the hospital in bad shape. It took two days to find Valor. He’d ended up lost in the woods and…well, I’m
sure you can figure out the rest. The media had a field day with the tragedy. I think Brave still blames himself for what happened.”
“Jesus.” Danica’s throat was tight. Her eyes teared as she imagined Brave in the hospital, being treated for exposure to the cold with the rest of his band, not sure whether his older brother was all right. Then finding out he’d never found help. That he was gone.
And then to have his own parents distance themselves? Maybe connect him to the loss, while holding Alder close?
She couldn’t be mad at Brave anymore. The band was all he really had. And she had become a way to help the band breakout.
Sure, he was using her, but in the same way she was using him and everything he’d built. She had a plan. So did he.
They could achieve their goals by working together. Much more easily now that she understood his motives. He wasn’t trying to disrespect her in any way. Cole’s whole scheme probably made sense to him and he just wanted it to play out as intended.
She’d keep everything Jesse had told her in mind when she approached Brave about what had gone down at the rehearsal. Which was probably exactly why he’d told her all he had.
“I’ll be nice. I mean, I still expect him to be clear about what he’ll do to me on stage, but I get why he didn’t hold back.”
“Don’t be too nice, he won’t take you seriously.” Jesse gave her hair a little tug, his teasing smile lightening the mood. “And talk to Alder first.”
“I suppose that’s a good idea. And I’m guessing this conversation stays between us?” She hopped off the loading dock, walking backwards to grin at Jesse as he followed. “I’ll warn you in advance, I’ll probably be kissing your boyfriend. On my terms this time.”
“Fair enough.” Jesse chuckled. “I’ve kissed yours.”
“Shall we compare notes?”
“While braiding each other’s hair and painting our nails? Are you looking for a gay best friend, Danica?”
She shook her head. “Just a friend, Jesse. And I’m happy I found one. Thanks again for sticking around.”
Backlash (Winter's Wrath #1) Page 14