And between the influx of interviews, practice, and the show, he was too busy to dwell on the fact that he’d grown used to having her close. They talked on the phone and texted throughout the day, so that helped when he missed her. Most importantly though, he reminded himself that if their relationship was going to last, he had to learn to deal with days—and at some point weeks—apart.
I can do this. He told himself again and again.
Jesse elbowed him in the side. “You ever plan on getting out of the car?”
“Yeah.” Alder forced a smile, grabbing the case of beer he’d set at his feet. He’d taken to going on beer runs with Jesse so he’d have an excuse not to stay on the bus. Come to think of it, Danica getting a break from the tension between all the members of the band was good. Hopefully, by the time they got to Detroit, they’d have made peace.
Would probably help if they weren’t avoiding one another. He glanced over his shoulder at Malakai, who’d been sitting in the backseat, so quiet he’d almost forgotten the man was there.
“You got the whiskey?”
Malakai held up the bottle with a snort. “Like I’d forget the one thing that makes Brave bearable? Gotta tell you man, I think making him walk to South Bend might do us all some good.”
Walk in the fucking cold? Are you fucking serious? As frustrated as he was with his brother’s attitude, Alder wouldn’t even consider leaving Brave anywhere. What if something happened to him?
Pretty sure that’s not what Malakai meant. Relax.
Right. Normal people didn’t freak out at the idea of someone getting a little chilly. The snow on the ground was already turning into slush. And no one would actually kick Brave off the bus.
As Jesse open the door and a cloud of noxious smelling smoke spilled out, Alder reconsidered that last thought.
If Brave and Connor were smoking up with Tate, Malakai might very well make them both walk to South Bend, Indiana. On crutches.
There goes our fucking security deposit. Alder sighed as he climbed the steps and walked into the front lounge, depositing the beer on the sofa.
A loud groan came from the back of the bus. “Fuck, you’re tight.”
Alder froze.
Jesse growled and strode to the back of the bus.
Malakai almost knocked Alder over as he took off after Jesse.
What the fuck? Alder was pretty sure that had been his brother’s voice. And that he didn’t want to go back there.
If he was right about what was going on though, he had to. Or his brother was a dead man.
The sound of flesh slapping flesh filled the bus as Jesse shoved the curtain to the back lounge aside.
Alder took one look and then grabbed Malakai.
“You son of a bitch!” Malakai twisted in Alder’s grip, his eyes blazing with murderous rage. “I’m going to fucking kill you! He’s a kid!”
Dragging deep on the joint between his lips, Brave continued to thrust into Tate, one hand on the back of the young man’s neck as Tate’s lips slid over Connor’s dick.
Brave let out a cloud of smoke and laughed, his glazed eyes fixed on Malakai. “Does he remind you of your brother? Is that why you’re always looking out for him? Take mine and we’ll call it even.”
Shoving Alder aside, Malakai spun around and stormed off the bus.
Jesse stood there, his throat working as he backed up, shaking his head. “Damn you, Brave.”
Alder tugged Jesse away, putting his hands on Jesse’s shoulders. Jesse was shaking and his face was deathly pale. He and Brave had broken up days ago, but that hadn’t suddenly erased what Jesse felt for his brother.
Not that Brave cared. About Jesse. Or the band. Or anything at all.
He seemed to be determined to self-destruct. And take anyone stupid enough to stick around down with him.
“Go after Malakai.” Alder gave Jesse a little shake when the man simply stared at him. “Let me deal with this.”
“I’ll get Skull to—”
“Skull doesn’t know Malakai as well as you do. Jesse, he’s pissed. He’ll find the closest bar and pick a fight just to let off some steam.” Alder hoped he was wrong. Malakai hadn’t done that in years, but he hadn’t been this angry in years either. The man could take pretty much anything, but Brave was good at finding a person’s weakness and exploiting it.
He’d have done less damage if he’d driven a knife right into the center of Malakai’s chest.
Nodding, Jesse ran his hands through his hair. He shook his head and laughed.
“You know, no matter what the rest of us do, it’s always been Brave that can make, or break us.” He blinked fast, his teeth cutting into his bottom lip. “We’re fucking broken.”
“No, we’re not.” Alder fisted his hand in Jesse’s hair, pulling him close. “I’m not giving him that kind of power and neither will you. Get Malakai. And let me prove we have something worth fighting for. Because I’m not ready to give up.”
Not looking convinced, Jesse headed off the bus. He slammed the door behind him.
And Alder stood there, leaning against the side of the bunks, waiting for the steady sound of fucking to stop.
He didn’t have to wait long. He heard the sound of a zipper.
Then Connor, speaking softly. “I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. Malakai’s right. He’s a kid. I don’t know why I let you talk me into this.”
“Stop being such a pussy.” Brave snarled. “He was begging for it.”
“He’s right here.” Tate whispered. “And I didn’t know they’d care.”
Brave laughed. “Really? They’d have flipped out at us letting you get stoned.”
“Then why did you let him?” Connor asked.
“Because life is short. Because I really don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks.” A fresh wave of smoke spilled out of the back lounge. Cigarette smoke. Brave hadn’t smoked in years because it fucked with his voice, but he’d clearly stopped caring about that too. “I thought you two were the only ones who still knew how to have a good time. Guess I was wrong.”
“You think this is a good time?” Connor let out an incredulous laugh. “Jesus, Brave. This band is all I have. I’ve given everything to you, to this. Yeah, I love living it up, but not to the point that everything we’ve built will be worthless. We have to talk to them. Tell them…I don’t know. Something.”
“Why? Are you sorry you sucked my dick? That Tate had your dick in his mouth a few seconds ago?” Brave’s laugh was cruel. “Because you looked like you were enjoying yourself.”
“I was, but I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. It’s obvious you were.”
Connor came out, looking startled when he saw Alder. He immediately dropped his gaze, raising a shaky hand to his face.
“I fucked up.” He sank down to sit on the edge of Tate’s bunk, speaking softly. “Things have been…well, fucked up. But we were chilling and laughing and I…I don’t know. I guess I just needed a break from all the tension, you know? It’s not an excuse. I just need you to know I can’t lose the band. We have to figure out what the hell went wrong.”
“We will.” Alder was tempted to tell Connor to take a walk, but him running across Malakai right now would be very very bad. “Go sit in the front lounge. I’ll send Tate out in a minute, but for fuck’s sakes, keep your hands off him.”
“No problem there.” Connor ambled wearily out to the front lounge. Minutes later, Tate shuffled by Alder and went to join the rhythm guitarist.
Hoping Brave had put some clothes on, Alder stepped into the back lounge. Tate’s favorite quilt covering his brother after all that was a little messed up, but better than nothing.
Sinking into the seat on the sectional across from Brave. Alder considered his words carefully. Looking at his brother was difficult. The smirk on Brave’s lips made crossing the room and laying him out seem like a much better idea than trying to reason with him.
“Come on, Alder.” Brave tapped his cigarette into the empty whiske
y bottle he was using as an ashtray. “I can’t wait to hear what you’ve got to say.”
Nothing that will change a damn thing. Brave wasn’t listening to anyone. He certainly wouldn’t listen to Alder.
But he might smarten up if he had to face the damage he’d done.
“I’m leaving tonight.” Alder didn’t get any satisfaction from the way Brave’s lips parted as the cold detachment gave way to shock. He hated what he was being forced to do, but desperate times called for desperate measures. “I’m taking the van and any of the guys that want to come with me are welcome. You aren’t. Security will stay with you, along with any of the roadies who aren’t sick of your shit.”
Brave’s brow creased. “We have a show tomorrow afternoon.”
“I’m aware of that. But we can all be replaced, right?”
Shooting off the sofa—thank fucking god, he was wearing boxers—Brave closed the distance between them and grabbed the collar of Alder’s jacket, jerking him to his feet. “I don’t know what you’re playing at, Alder, but I warn you, if you do this—”
“What? I’m out? You used that threat already. I got it.” Alder pried his brother’s fingers from his collar and pushed him back a few feet. “You’ve gone too fucking far. When you’re ready to work with us, we might have something worth saving. I believe we do, but as things stand? I’m done.”
Turning around and leaning his hands on the back of the sofa, Brave nodded slowly. “Then go.”
Alder didn’t want to leave. He wanted to force Brave to tell him why things had gotten so bad. If they’d had any kind of relationship as siblings, maybe the kind of relationship Brave had with Valor before he died, maybe Alder could reach him.
But they didn’t. And Alder’s final words would mean nothing if he didn’t follow through.
So he left.
And the entire band came with him. Leaving Brave with the three security guards and Skull.
Skull’s decision to stay surprised Alder, but he was grateful when the man pulled him aside to explain why.
“You’re doing the right thing, son.” Skull squeezed his shoulder as they stood by the driver’s side of the van. “I want to tell you something I’m not sure you’ve ever heard from anyone. I’m proud of you. He needs a serious wake up call, and you’re the only one capable of giving it to him.” A rueful smile crossed his lips. “He also needs to know he’s not completely alone.”
Alder swallowed hard, guilt building a lump in his throat. “Shouldn’t I be the one making sure he knows that?”
“No. He’s kept you at a distance and used you as a punching bag for too long. Take that away from him and what does he have?” Skull chuckled. “An old man who sees right through him. He can’t hurt me. And I know all his secrets. Which will force him to face them.”
“If I knew—”
“You will. Your brother hides behind his ego, using the stage as his own personal pillow fort. Up there, in front of a crowd that adores him, he can pretend he’s invincible.” Skull shrugged. “Take away his toys and he’ll join us in the real world. Where he’s just a man. A man who needs to face his demons.”
“Is that what I am to him?” Alder fisted his hands at his sides, wishing he got what the hell was wrong with Brave. What he’d done to earn his hatred. “One of his fucking demons?”
“No, my boy. You remind him that he’ll always be vulnerable to them. If he keeps you at a distance, he believes he can avoid them as well.” Sadness filled Skull’s eyes. “I can’t even blame him for wishing that was true. Which is another reason I’m staying. He doesn’t deserve what started him on this path. His only fault was choosing to stay there.”
Alder had always known Skull was a smart man, but this vague bullshit was frustrating. He didn’t press for more though. He knew very well Skull had told him all he planned to.
“You’ll let me know if there’s anything I can do?” Alder raked his fingers through his hair. “I mean, there has to be more?”
“There isn’t. You’re doing what you have to. You’re going home.”
“Right. Taking my ball and going home is the perfect plan.”
Skull laughed. “That’s what you don’t get. It’s his ball, Alder. You’ve just decided not to play his game anymore. And it’s about fucking time.”
Slapping his back, Skull pretty much dismissed him.
On the whole drive to Detroit, Alder picked apart the old roadies words. And came to one conclusion.
He’d always known this was a game with Brave. He’d tried to follow the rules, even though they’d been set up so he’d never win.
But until now, he’d never considered he had another option.
He didn’t have to play.
Which didn’t mean he’d lose.
It meant the game would change.
Chapter Eighteen
Getting a couple of days away from the bus and the band was damn refreshing. Danica missed Alder, and she’d have put up with all the stress of the tour to see him again, but waking up to a message that he’d be home early had been a nice surprise.
Until she woke up enough to remember Winter’s Wrath had a show scheduled this afternoon. In Indiana. They shouldn’t be heading here until tonight, earliest. She hadn’t really expected them until tomorrow.
Yesterday, she’d taken advantage of her free time to go visit her grandfather. They’d gone out to dinner with Ms. Mary Nitsch and then Danica had gone back to Grandpa’s place. Alone. Her grandfather offered to cancel his plans with Mary, but Danica knew very well he’d been looking forward to spending the night at his new sweetheart’s place. She refused to let him change everything because she’d shown up unexpectedly and promised to stop by to see him again as soon as she could.
Since she’d be staying at Alder’s place, she decided to pack a few things, but nothing big. Showing up at his door with a bunch of boxes would be weird. She’d thrown in some warmer clothes for when they began the Canadian tour, but made sure not to bring anything impractical. Nothing she wouldn’t need on the bus.
Halfway to Detroit, she started wondering if she should have brought more. Her one suitcase kinda made it seem like she wasn’t actually committing on staying for any length of time.
Then again, Alder wouldn’t be staying long. The tour wasn’t over, they just had a little break.
That’s suddenly a day longer?
Yeah, that was off. Was the band canceling their afternoon show? If so, why? She’d read over Alder’s message over and over, looking for clues, but he’d sent it at almost 2:00AM and kept it brief. Knowing full well she’d have her phone on vibrate if she was sleeping—which she had been.
As much as she appreciated the head’s up and the chance to see him this morning, she really wished she had an idea what to expect. Was someone hurt?
No, he’d have called.
But what other than one of the band members being injured would force them to disappoint their fans? Actually, even when one of them was hurt, they still found a way to go on. Tate had been pulled off stage and then split the drum parts with the drum tech to give him more time to heal.
Maybe Brave finally smartened up? If he’d gotten another ‘gift’, maybe he’d decided his safety was a priority?
Somehow, she doubted that. But stranger things had happened.
Pulling onto Seward Avenue, she double-checked the address Alder had texted her, then parked. This area of Midtown was pretty nice. Not that she’d expected him to live in a rundown neighborhood, but with how often the band traveled, the expense of an apartment like this didn’t make much sense.
Unless he had a roommate? But would he have invited her to stay without asking them?
“Go upstairs and ask him. You’re gonna drive yourself nuts overthinking everything.” She stepped onto the sidewalk, sending Alder a quick message to let him know she was there. She’d left early this morning, so she hadn’t texted him earlier, figuring he’d probably gotten to bed late.
His invitation ha
d been pretty clear. And the one thing she didn’t doubt was that he’d be as happy to see her as she was to see him.
That in mind, she quickly retrieved her suitcase and headed up the walkway.
She grinned when Alder met her in the entrance, wearing nothing but a black muscle shirt and black, plaid pajama pants. He looked deliciously rumpled, his hair loose around his shoulders and little creases on his face—probably from his pillow.
Her pulse sped up as he came toward her. She released the handle of her suitcase, laughing as he lifted her up in his arms and held her close.
“Fuck, I missed you.” His lips covered hers in a deep, passionate kiss. She tangled her hands in his hair as his tongue touched hers, slanting her head so she could tease it with her own.
“Oh my.” A gasp from behind him had Alder pulling his lips from hers to look over at the little old lady who’d stepped off the elevator. She arched a brow at him before stepping around them and making her way outside.
“Yeah…we should probably continue this in my apartment.” Alder grabbed her suitcase with one hand, and her hand with the other. “I should warn you, Jesse is here. He spent the night. In Tate and Malakai’s room.”
“But they’re not here?”
Alder let go of her suitcase long enough to press the call button for the elevator and shook his head. “They both spend most of their time in Detroit at Tate’s grandmothers. We share the apartment just to have a place to call home. Both stayed with me more often when Tate was high all the time, but once he got cleaned up he missed being spoiled by her.”
Danica smiled, loving the idea of Tate having someone to take care of him. “And Malakai?”
“Malakai spoils him too.”
She snorted and smacked his arm as they stepped onto the elevator. “That’s not what I meant. I’m curious why he’d go there too.”
“Oh, he loves Tate’s grandmother. She treats him like family and he’s never had much of that.” Alder gave her a grim smile. “Maybe some day he’ll tell you more. Probably when he’s drunk.”
“Fair enough.” She watched the numbers pass as they went up to the top floor. “I’d like to know more about what happened with you and Jesse, anyway.”
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