by L. E. Bross
But then they were gone.
For the first time in my life, I was ready, no I wanted to face them, and they weren't even there.
Even my nightmares had deserted me.
I sat for hours trying to sort it all out until it was too late to catch the last train home. It didn't matter that I had to sleep here. I'd certainly been in worse places. I didn't have a cell phone, an expense my mother would have yelled about for weeks, and we didn't have a phone in our apartment. Mom used the payphone on the corner for business, but the reality was that she wouldn't even notice I was gone tonight.
As I lay with my head on my backpack, I caught glimpses of the stars peeking through the canopy above me. The sound of the city seemed so far away now. Things peeped and croaked around me, and it almost sounded like a lullaby. When the fireflies came out to dance, I watched them mesmerized. A memory danced just out of reach. I'd seen this before.
It was a happy feeling and as a smile touched my lips, I closed my eyes.
For the first time in a long time, I slept soundly with no nightmares.
Chapter 4
Cold seeped up from the ground and into my bones, rousing me from sleep. When I blinked the haze away, I came eye-to-eye with a small, gray curly-tailed squirrel that stood on two legs, chirping at me. It sounded like he was lecturing me about sleeping alone in the woods.
“Go away,” I grumbled.
He ran off at the sound of my voice, but sat on a low tree branch and kept up his tirade. I so didn't need to be told off by a squirrel first thing in the morning. Especially before coffee.
My back shouted in protest when I sat up. My left arm had fallen asleep some time in the night and now prickled with a million pinpricks as the life pulsed back into it. At least the cold was tolerable, or maybe I was just used to it. The sky above me had turned a dim gray and signaled morning.
I'd hit bottom last night and begged the shadows to come for me and they had not. Now, all I could do was go home and wait for them to return. A strange sort of luck was on my side when only twenty minutes later I made it out of the woods at almost exactly the spot I went in.
My arch was to the left and somehow it felt colder, like someone had closed a door on me.
Like I was no longer welcome in the place that had always felt like home.
The one place on earth that had been mine rejected me. Anger burned in my chest as I fought back furious tears. As I stomped past, I stuck my middle finger up and waved it at the stones. If they hated me, then I could hate them too.
It's not like I really needed this stupid place.
I could go anywhere I wanted.
The want grew stronger with each step I took. I didn't feel tethered to this park anymore. I'd find Torin and ask him if he wanted to get out of here, go somewhere, anywhere, and just figure it out as we went. There had to be some place I fit. The city had never felt right—a pair of pants a size to small—but I'd had no other options.
Now that I was eighteen, I could go anywhere.
Two early morning joggers who looked straight off some billboard for athletic apparel ran past, side-stepping around me. I smiled at them but they'd already passed by. It was too early for commuters to be crowding the train platform yet and stood alone waiting. The train was mostly deserted and I didn't have to fend off any perverts this time as it jostled through stops until mine was next.
I staggered to the exit and held onto the strap, swaying from side to side. When the doors finally whooshed open and I stepped out, the platform was empty. I was the only one there when the train pulled away.
The back of my neck prickled like someone watched me so I hurried above ground into the muted sunlight. The bodega was on my way home, so I stopped to grab a huge coffee and a donut. With any luck my mom would be sleeping off a night's work and I could change my clothes and head up to the roof to wait for Torin.
He always found me there.
Sometimes it felt like he'd just appear, no matter if it was day or night, when I needed him. Crazy really, like he had nothing better to do than wait around for me. With Styrofoam cup in hand, I carefully opened the door to our apartment and froze. Shit. My mother sat at the kitchen table, drink in hand, hair a complete birds nest. Obviously she had not been to bed yet, well to sleep anyway.
“Aren't you supposed to be in school?” she asked absently when I closed the door.
No sense trying to be quiet now.
“Nope,” I answered.
My 'room' had only ever been a mattress thrown on the living room floor. Every apartment we'd ever had pretty much had been the same. I never got the lone bedroom, what with my mom's need for privacy when she had clients over.
It's why I spent so much time on the roof, to avoid seeing the men leaving, their shirts untucked, hair a mess. Most smelled like booze and a few would glance at me as they passed.
I could see the interest in their eyes.
One actually asked how much once.
I would never be like my mother. The last thing in the world I wanted was to be someone's whore. I let Torin inside my body, but always on my terms and it was only him. I did it because I wanted to, not because I had to.
And I would never, ever do it for money.
I ignored my mother and walked over to my box to find a change of clothes. A quick sniff and I decided the wrinkled ones would do. The laundry room in the basement was a dark hole in the wall and I'd used it exactly once. The shadows down there were too thick. They could hide anything.
Anyone.
“Jesus, Mercedes, don't even tell me you got kicked out again.” Mom lit a cigarette and took a long drag.
“Okay, I won't tell you then,” I said.
“Shit, I'm gonna have to clean the place up now. And deal with that damned social worker again. She asks too many fucking questions. I need that damned check you know. Without it we ain't got a roof over our heads.”
She sloshed amber liquid into her glass and downed it in one gulp. I pulled off my clothes and slipped a clean t-shirt over my head. I wanted to remind her that I was eighteen now and there wouldn't be anymore checks.
They were history just like I hoped to be soon..
My pants were halfway on when I caught her staring at me. “What?”
“You're all grown up, that's all. And way too skinny. No one likes getting poked by all them bones sticking out.”
I almost laughed at the absurdity of her remark. Wasn't that what she was all about? Poking bones. I bit my tongue instead. I didn't need more arguing with her. Not when she was in a mood like this.
“Don't bang around when you come back. I need some sleep before I meet a new client tonight. Gotta look good.”
Try combing your hair and taking off a few pounds of makeup, I wanted to say to her.
“Whatever,” I said instead and slammed the door. Christ, if that's what I had to look forward to, maybe I should throw myself off the building right this second.
I went straight up to the roof and when the door slammed closed, I glanced around quickly. The stone beast wasn't there after all. There must of been something in that stuff we smoked to kick off my birthday celebration.
“Thought I might see you today, babe.”
Torin pushed off the wall and sauntered over. God, he was something to look at. My heart thudded against my ribs, and I let my gaze rove over him. Tightly coiled muscles covered his lean form and I knew that under his shirt, the tanned six pack would be like silk covered steel under my fingers. Lines of script I could never decipher ran along both sides of his ribs and I spent hours tracing the lines I didn't understand.
Dark hair hung over his eyes but I knew they were gray like thunderclouds. He smiled, drawing my attention to his lips. The ring in the bottom corner glistened in the sunlight. I knew the texture, the feel of the silver hoop against my tongue by heart.
I sat down in one of the lawn chairs, and Torin moved in front of me. He blocked out the sun, and it seemed he glowed like some kind of dark ange
l of temptation. He was the hottest guy I'd ever seen, and I had no idea why he stayed here with me.
His presence calmed the fears raging inside and ignited a different kind of wildness in my veins. He gave me the same feeling of home that my arch had. Well, that it used to. Desperate for connection, I reached out and ran my fingers along his wrist. As soon as I touched him, tension slid from my shoulders.
For the first time in twenty-four hours, things seemed not quite so bad.
Torin leaned down and slid his fingers into my hair. I lifted my face without hesitation. He pressed his lips to mine and I opened under him. A familiar surge of want raced through me.
He knelt on the ground next to me and slid my sweatshirt off, then his mouth was back, his lips brushing over the pulse in my neck. I tugged his shirt free and when he leaned back and pulled it over his head, the sunlight gleamed off his chest, and he looked almost golden.
“I missed you,” he murmured into my neck.
My fingers trailed down over his stomach and it rippled under my touch. I pulled back and watched his reaction from the corner of my eye. Power filled me. I wasn't anything like my mother. I did this because I wanted to.
I buried my nose against his chest and the smell reminded me of the air right before a thunderstorm. A volatile mixture of energy and excitement filled my lungs.
He lifted me from my chair as if I weighed nothing and gently laid me down onto my sweatshirt. His fingers brushed over the sensitive skin at my navel. I stared at the white clouds swirling overhead as if they too were caught up in the building need of our bodies. Cool air washed over my heated skin as Torin finished undressing me.
Then his weight covered me and I closed my eyes, buried my nose in his neck so that all I could smell, all I could feel, was him. He felt so alive when I slid my arms around him, pulled him closer until not even a sigh lay between us. Hot breath washed over my lips and they parted, eager for what he could give me.
What he could make me feel.
Then he slid inside me and I arched up, wrapped my legs around his waist, and nothing else mattered. Not when he made me forget everything except how good he made me feel.
The sun was higher in the sky when I reached for my pants and sat up. After I slid them on, I quickly tugged the sweatshirt back over my head. I hated the after part the most. Being naked after it was over. I detested my body for all the reasons my mother pointed out earlier. Too scrawny. Too boyish. Never good enough.
“Hey babe, whatcha doin?” Torin asked, barely opening his eyes.
He obviously had no problem lying there exposed with his pants around his ankles. He didn't even bother to cover himself up at all. I didn't mind because I loved looking at him. But I needed to put a little distance between us.
I loved the connection that being with Torin gave me, but afterwards, the doubt always crept back in and I hated that it made me pull away. I hated that this one good thing was tainted with uncertainty.
“Just getting something to drink,” I lied.
“Grab me something, too, will ya,” he said and yawned.
His arms stretched over his head, pulling the muscles of his stomach taut, and I couldn't help but admire his body. So perfect. It made my self-consciousness that much worst.
“Sure,” I mumbled, tearing my gaze away.
It wasn't the first time I asked myself why someone like him wanted to be with someone like me. Torin found me on the train like an angel of salvation and saved me from being attacked, and ever since then, he's been there. An unquestioned part of my life. A part that fit better than anything ever had.
The truth was, I couldn't imagine him not being there. That scared me almost as much as the monsters did. After a few minutes, I'd collected and compartmentalized enough to make my way back to him. My emotions were safely tucked deep inside now.
“Where are the drinks?” Torin asked when I came back around. At least he had his pants pulled up now, though they were still unbuttoned and his chest was bare.
I swallowed against the sudden lump in my throat. “Huh? Oh, how about if we go grab something to eat instead. I wanted to talk to you anyway.”
“Sure, let me finish getting dressed.”
He stood and tugged the tight black t-shirt over his head and it settled around him like a second skin. His gaze locked with mine, and he closed the distance between us. The storm charged scent that was Torin filled my lungs. His eyes looked almost…purple in the light? That feeling tugged at the back of my mind again, familiar like I should know why.
“You're my life, Mer. You know that right?”
His hand brushed over my cheek, and he kissed me, a gentle touch that barely caressed my lips. Something lay hidden just behind his eyes, and it sent a chill up my spine. Cold fingers of dread that suddenly screamed at me something was wrong.
Emotion clogged my throat, so all I could do was nod.
He kissed me, so soft and gentle, that it barely felt like a whisper, but there was so much said in that one touch. The dread grew thicker. I stepped back and wrapped my arms around my stomach.
Was he leaving me?
My throat tightened and unshed tears burned my eyes.
He must have seen something on my face because the next thing I knew, I was in his arms and he held me tight, the sound of his heartbeat strong and sure under my ear.
“Always, Mer. I will always be here for you. Never doubt that.”
His words were a balm to my aching soul and I exhaled raggedly.
Everything in my head was calmer now, but I couldn't stop the niggling at the edge of my mind that whispered it had only just begun. That edginess remained with me the rest of the day, an itch I couldn't scratch, until I had no choice. I had to know.
Torin left to take care of something, but I couldn't wait for him to come back. The buzzing on my skin grew louder. I snuck down the stairs, hopped the train and went back to Central Park alone.
It was late, and the park almost empty by the time I got there. There was a weird, hostile sensation in the air. The sounds of the city faded until I heard only my own breathing. I stuffed my hands into my pockets and kept my head down low, covered with the hood of my sweatshirt as I made my way along the familiar pathways.
It only took a few minutes to reach the arch and in the fading light, it looked even more intimidating now. Once a comfort, now it raised the hairs on the back of my neck. I crossed under the cool rocks and gave my eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness there. I didn't see anything that would explain the feeling of unease racing through me.
I still didn't understand what had drawn me here and now that the urgency had faded, the stillness around me became obvious. Even as I stood, I knew it had been a huge mistake to rush here.
I should have told Torin where I was going. Shouldn't have run off just because I was scared of the things he made me feel. I clenched my fingers, dug my nails into my palms and took calming breaths.
All I had to do was walk back along the path and get on the train.
I just needed to go home.
Everything would be okay once I got back to my roof.
Faint laughter floated through the darkness and I pressed back against the rocks. It was masculine and there were more than one of them. The pulse in my neck throbbed in panic. I can take care of myself pretty good, but it was the way the air felt that had me reaching for my knife.
They stopped right outside the arch.
“Well, well, well, what do we have here boys?” a deep voice said.
Sharp edges of rock dug into my shoulders as I tried to push back even further. There was an undertone to his voice that made alarm bells go off in my head. I needed to run, but there was nowhere to go. The darkness had covered up the pathways like some kind of malevolent accomplice.
“Are you sure it's her?” a different, deeper voice asked.
“She said the girl would be here and there she is. She has to be the one.”
Someone said I would be here?
; A hand twisted into the front of my sweatshirt and yanked me out of the dark. I tried to scream but he held it so tightly, I barely sucked in enough air to breathe. I gouged at his skin with my nails and I swung the knife around, but he knocked it aside like an irritating fly.
I heard it clatter uselessly on the cement under my feet and bit back a sob. He lifted me into the air and threw me cruelly to the ground. Stars danced around the corners of my vision when my head bounced off the sidewalk.
A single flash of lightning lit up the sky and for a moment the three figures stood back-lit against the light. Almost as if Mother Nature wanted to give me a glimpse of my attackers to heighten my fear. And it worked. They looked inhuman with solid black eyes shining down at me.
“Remember boys, anything goes as long as she's dead at the end.”
Mind numbing fear made my limbs too heavy to move.
They were going to kill me.
One shadow disengaged from the others and stepped close to me. He stood looking down for what seemed like an eternity. I tried to roll onto my side to get up, balancing unsteadily on my hands and knees. Fire exploded in my gut when his booted foot sank into my middle. The air rushed from my lungs as if sucked out by a vacuum. I fell back onto the ground without a sound.
Only the most basic instinct to survive made me cover my head and curl into a ball. Another blow landed on my shoulder, tearing a raw scream from my throat. Then they fell like a battering hailstorm. I choked on the terror that seeped up from my throat, curling tighter into myself, trying to make as small a target as possible. My fingers took the brunt of the attack, snapping like twigs under their unrelenting kicks.
“She's no fun, she don't even scream or fight back.”
Intense shards of white-hot pain shot up my leg and spine. I wouldn't last much longer. I squeezed my eyelids tighter together to block it out. I think I screamed again, or maybe I didn't. My voice sounded so loud in my head, but came out only as a whispered plea for mercy.
Something inside me cracked and a new wave of fire washed over me. How much longer before they broke all the bones in my body? How long until I was mercifully dead?