by L. E. Bross
Obviously, this was her home. Well-worn, simple furniture had been carefully placed around the room to be efficient and accessible. A frayed braided rug took up most of the floor space, and I couldn't make out any of the colors it once had. It was more for function and less for decoration.
The aroma of spices I couldn't name wafted through the air, mixing with the crisp aroma of wood smoke coming from a small fireplace in the corner. A large black kettle hung from a chain over the flames and it brought to mind the story of Hansel and Gretel. They'd outsmarted a witch.
I glanced at Evelina. Was that what she was?
Warily, I sat in a shabby chair close to the fire, holding out my hands that had suddenly chilled. Evelina sat across from me, her expectant gaze steady on my face. I came because she wanted to talk, not the other way around. A smile ghosted her lips when I remained stubbornly quiet.
On some silent cue, her helper came into the room carrying a tray, and she motioned to the small table next to her. Now that I was clear-headed, I studied the creature closer. It did have goat legs and moved with surprising agility. He set down the tea service, poured the steaming liquid into two dainty cups, set them on saucers, and handed one to each of us.
I watched in fascination as he dropped seven cubes of sugar into Evelina's tea. When he held out the small bowl to me, I took two. I had no idea how many it took to make tea taste good. I'd never had tea in my life. Tea was way too civilized and hoity-toity for my mom.
Instant coffee in the mornings and Vodka or Whiskey the rest of the day, cups optional, depending on her mood.
When I took a sip of the strange smelling liquid, I almost spit it back out. It was vile. No wonder Evelina put so much sugar in it. She chuckled and took a drink with her pinky sticking out and everything.
So she was laughing at me again.
I set my cup down and stood, chin stuck out and my hands on my hips. I'd come for answers, not to be insulted.
“Oh, sit down, child. I wasn't laughing at you. I had the same reaction when I first tried saffron tea, too. It's somewhat of an acquired taste.”
She set the cup onto the saucer and motioned for me to sit back down, all business now.
“So tell me, what do you remember about your life?”
“Before or after a gargoyle started talking to me?” The smart-assed answer escaped before I could think.
Instead of being offended, she chuckled again. “Spirited of course. I meant where you came from. Where you were born?”
I opened my mouth to give another asinine answer when it struck me. I really didn't know where I came from. Sure, I knew where we had moved to year after year, but I'd never asked my mom where I was born. I had no real memories before the night the first shadows came at me when I was seven.
It never really mattered to me. People say you have to know where you come from to know where you're going, but when you're going nowhere, it really doesn't mean so much.
“New York I suppose. We've been here all my life, moving from dump to dump.” The shrug was meant to cover my confusion. Why couldn't I remember?
“Think back further, before that,” she demanded.
There was nothing. And suddenly that void scared me. What if there was something she did know about me, a truth I wasn't ready to hear? The way she asked the question told me there was more to it. Something she wasn't saying.
“I told you where I was from. Why do you even care?” I twisted my fingers together and gripped them so tight that my knuckles went white. Sweat beaded on my upper lip, and the fire that felt so cozy had become too hot to bear.
“Actually, I don't.” She stood up and moved away from me. “But Kalian asked for my help, and I became involved and now the entire balance of our world has shifted. So like it or not, we are allies.”
“I don't need allies. I'm happy being alone. I just want to go back to how it was before.”
“Impossible. Everything has changed and there is no going back. You have a destiny to fulfill and it begins right here, right now. Step up, girl and take responsibility for once in your life.”
The heat was unbearable now. I jumped up, and the teacup flipped out of my lap and bounced off the rug, leaving a round wet stain behind. I didn't care. I wanted out right this second.
“Screw you, lady. Screw all of this. I'm done.”
I tried to find the door but it was gone. I felt along the wall where I swear we came in but there was nothing, not a groove or a secret latch. When I turned around, there was nothing but a brick wall now. My brain refused to believe what my eyes saw, but it felt real under my hands. Hard and scratchy and solid.
I was trapped again in a cell three feet by three feet.
“Why are you doing this to me?” My voice echoed in the small space. Tears burned the back of my throat and I swallowed furiously to keep the sob of frustration inside.
Evelina's voice floated through the air like she was in this place with me.
“Our very existence depends on you now,” the disembodied voice said. “And until you accept it, we are all in danger.”
Now the only sound was my own ragged breathing. Panic wrestled away my control. I needed Torin. I needed to get drunk and forget. I pounded on the brick wall until my fists were raw and bleeding. Nothing changed. Nothing moved. I was truly trapped and at the mercy of a crazy person.
All I could do was wait until Evelina released me or until Kalian woke. I slid down the wall and curled into a tight ball. I just wanted to go home. The words ran through head and down into my body, filling me with a yearning fiercer than the sharpest pangs of hunger I'd ever endured. It swirled inside me, a tornado of grief and loss and want until I felt consumed by it all.
The longing grew fiercer until it consumed every cell in my body.
I closed my eyes and wished harder than I had wished for anything in my life.
I want to go home, I want to go home.
Car horns blared in the distance and someone yelled. Suddenly there were people nearby. I jumped to my feet and had to throw my arm across my eyes at the sudden blinding light. I wasn't in the tiny room anymore.
I was on my roof.
“Well, this is completely unexpected.” The familiar voice came from my left and I swung around in stunned silence.
Torin stood looking at me, only he wasn't how I remembered him. His features were still his, but more angled and sharp. His frame seemed leaner somehow and when he stepped towards me, there was a gracefulness in his speed that brought back the image of another person.
When he leaned in closer I knew.
He had the same violet eyes as Nephaste.
“Torin?”
Instead of answering, he took my arm and dragged me toward the access door. I tried to make sense of all this. I was standing on my roof. The roof of our tenement building. Not in the small hallway of Evelina's house. The pain from Torin's grasp told me it wasn't a dream.
How in the hell had I even gotten here?
Why did Torin look like that, like one of them?
“What's going on?” I asked, hating the way my voice wavered.
Torin had been the one I counted on to be there for me, to keep me safe. But he was one of them. How? Why?
“Let go.” The fear crawled through my veins, and I fought against his steely grip. “Get your fucking hands off me!”
Torin wouldn't even look at me as he dragged me inside our building and down the stairs. I fought like an animal to get away, but he kept a tight grip on my arm. His cold silence freaked me out.
“Please, Torin, don't do this.”
For the first time since we'd met, I was scared to death of what he might do to me.
Chapter 7
I huddled in Torin's apartment, looking around at the barren and unwelcome place. He had released my arm as soon as we got inside, and I immediately threw myself at the door. He not only locked it but did something to keep the knob from even turning.
The corner of the living room was as far as I
could go to get away from him. I knew pounding on the walls was futile, no one in this whole building cared what went on inside each apartment.
“What's going on?” I asked yet again.
Since he first grabbed me, I had asked the question repeatedly and still got no answer.
“Please?” I scooted back closer to the wall, when his gaze swung around and landed on me. His eyes were almost black when he stormed over and leaned down until we were nose to nose.
“Why the hell couldn't you just leave it alone, Mer? Things were fine. You weren't in any real danger. You said you never wanted to go back so why now, after all this time did you show yourself?”
I cringed under the anger in his voice. When I blinked he was there, kneeling in front of me. The room shrank down until it was just him and me. I thought he was furious, I thought that he dragged me from the roof in anger. I was wrong. I saw the fear in his eyes when he exhaled roughly and cupped my face. The gentleness was still there in his touch, but Torin was scared.
In all the years I’d known him, I had never seen this look. My stomach clenched.
Tears slipped down over my cheeks, and I brushed them away with a shaky hand. He took it, pressed his lips to my palm and then to his chest. His heart hammered under my touch.
“Why?” His whisper was broken. He sounded tortured and it made me ache all over. I wanted to tell him it would be okay, but I had no idea what was even wrong. “Mer, what did you do?”
When I didn’t answer, he swore under his breath.
“Nothing. I didn’t do anything,” I finally answered.
He jumped to his feet and then reached down and lifted me as if I weighed nothing. He swung me around and wrapped his arms around me, pinning my arms at my side. He was too strong.
“But you did.”
He dragged me over to a lone mirror hanging on the wall and held me there.
“Look,” he ground out. “Look at what you've done.”
I kept my eyes closed, refusing to give him the satisfaction. His fear had turned to anger, but I had done nothing wrong. His fingers dug into my cheeks, holding my head steady while his hot breath washed over my ear.
“For years, I made sure you were safe just like you wanted, but now you've revealed yourself on the verge of Midsummer's Eve. Do you have any idea what this means? You've waved a red flag in front of a bull, Mer. They will hunt you down and you will die.”
His fingers sank into my cheeks.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I couldn’t move in his arms and was starting to panic.
“Look, damn you. You wanted it badly enough to put yourself in danger.” His voice had gone soft and hoarse. He whispered the words in my ear. His grip loosened but I was still trapped within his embrace.
Dread filled me and my heart thundered against my ribs but I was already doing what he asked.
I opened my eyes.
The creature looked back at me unblinking, almost contemplative as she studied me. This wasn't real; it had to be a trick. There was no such thing. As what? As gargoyles…elves…pixies, the voice inside my head taunted. Torin loosened his grip on me and I covered my ears to block out the voices.
The girl in the mirror did the same.
It was impossible. A drug-induced hallucination. Adrenaline or a severe panic attack? Torin slipped me something. I needed an explanation, because even if the things I'd seen actually existed, I sure as hell was not one of them.
The girl looking back was too beautiful for words. Long blond hair spiraled over her dainty shoulders, framing a tiny, waif's body. Her features were angled and pointed, cat-shaped eyes that solemnly watched me, the most dazzling blue I had ever seen.
Completely blue, like Kalian's.
There was a glow around her, a tangible goodness that brought tears to my eyes. That only proved she was not me. There was no goodness left inside my dead soul. Even as I stared, the image shuddered and I felt it ripple out through me. Unbearable tightness gripped me between my shoulder blades and I ached to stretch my arms out wide. A sound like snapping twigs filled the room, loud and ominous, but couldn't tear my gaze away from the girl's tortured expression.
When the pain became unbearable, I stretched my arms wide and heard a popping sound from behind me. Great shimmery wings slowly unfurled behind the girl in the mirror, fluttering softly about like lace in the wind. A rainbow of colors shifted and moved as if alive and when she smiled in relief, I realized her joy was my own. It sparked inside my chest and grew outward, filling me until I thought I would burst.
Pure pleasure so sweet, I could taste it on my own tongue.
Like coming home.
Tears spilled over my cheeks even as the girl cried with me. When I lifted my hand to wipe them away, so did she. My fingertips moved over the cool glass, touching her, and I finally admitted what I saw.
She was me.
Somehow, I was the beautiful faery creature in the mirror.
Reality slashed through my euphoria and I yanked my hand back. No. This was not me. My gaze darted around the room searching for Torin. I found him standing with his arms crossed against the far wall watching me. Under the anger I saw something else shining in his eyes, a hunger that reminded me of when we were together.
His gaze roved over me, and I couldn't stop the way my breath stalled in my lungs. The attraction that had always been there between us seemed deeper. It was a craving. A need so deep that I took an involuntary step closer to him.
But this wasn't right.
“Turn me back,” I gritted out. “I don't want to be her.”
He shook his head and pushed away from the wall. “It's not that easy Mer. This was something you did. You chose to remove the cloaking, to reveal yourself to those that want you dead.”
“This wasn't my choice.”
He kept acting like I wanted this. That somehow I chose this. “I don't know what's happening.”
My wings dipped down as my shoulders sank. Everyone knew what was going on, yet no one would tell me. My wings trembled, pulling at the muscles in my back as a reminder of what I had become. I struggled against them, angry that they were even there and they flapped erratically, hitting against my legs and bumping my head.
“You removed your cloaking. You showed yourself to them.”
Reality crashed over me like a tsunami. This was the cloaking they whispered about? I had been covering up…this?
“Evelina,” I gasped.
Torin stiffened at the old lady's name. “You've been to see Evelina?” He glared at me, waving his hand in a wide circle. “You did want this, to seek her out.”
“No, I didn't want this.” My voice broke and tears burned the back of my eyes. “I didn't ask Kalian to save me. I didn't ask Nephaste to uncloak me. I didn't ask Evelina to heal me. I did not ask for any of them to do this to me. They should have just let me die like she wanted.”
Torin had gone absolutely still.
“What are you talking about?” He gripped my arm and his fingers bit painfully into the muscle. “Why did you ask Nephaste for his help? Did you promise him something in return? Fucking hell, Mer, what did you do?”
“I didn't do anything, you asshole.” I yelled so loud that the sound bounced around the room. “Why won't anyone listen to me? I. Don't. Know. I've been living in this screwed up version of reality for hours and I have no clue why.” I shoved at his chest, and he stumbled back. “I'm leaving. I'm going home now.” Before I even got close to the door, he was there, faster than my eyes could follow.
“You can't leave.”
“Like hell I can't.” I stormed to the door. Agitation caused my wings to shift and flap uncontrollably. My fingers wrapped around the doorknob and I started to pull.
“If you leave this room, Mer, you will die this time.”
It wasn't the words so much as the tone in his voice that stopped me. There was no command in it this time, only quiet fact. Shivers raced down my spine and my fingers fell away from the
knob. He wasn't telling me what could happen out there, he simply stated what would.
There had already been one attempt on my life. Did I really want to take the chance? I didn't have a clue what I should do. Hysteria bubbled in my throat. I wanted normal. I wanted my old life back. A panicked laugh burst free and I looked at Torin.
“So what the hell am I supposed to do then, fly away?”
“No, you need to listen. If I can bring Evelina here to you, you might have a chance. If she hasn't found out you're still alive, that is.” He said the last almost to himself.
“Of course Evelina already knows I'm alive,” I said. “She's the one who saved me.”
“Not Evelina, Mer. Katrina. She's the one you need to worry about. She's the one who wants you dead. And if Nephaste knows you're alive, all of fey will soon know. They will do anything to bring you down because you, Princess Meri, are the only one who can save Alcaria and bring back the Summer Court.”
Chapter 8
How the fuck was I supposed to sleep with damned wings whacking me in the face every two seconds?
For the hundredth time, I tried to shift to the side and lay on them to keep them still. And for the hundredth time they slipped right back out again and flitted restlessly around me.
“They respond to your state of mind,” Torin said from the darkness.
Since the change, my senses had been buzzing wildly. Something was there just out of reach, but now I couldn't quite get to it. It was like a piece of me that had been missing had been found, but not put into place yet.
When Torin told me to sleep, I laughed at him. Yeah, right. I was just supposed to fall asleep in the middle of the biggest crisis of my life. Despite the fact that the light outside the windows grew dimmer and dimmer, Torin left us sitting in the dark. No light was just fine by me.
I didn't want to chance seeing the girl in the mirror again.
“Well excuse me for being a lot freaked out about all this,” I spat back.
I still blamed him. He had obviously known about this all along and in his own words, kept me from remembering. Well guess what? I still didn't remember why I looked like this. The rational part of my brain told me I was up on the roof, in the middle of one of the craziest trips ever. I was even willing to accept that explanation too.