by M. J. Haag
While I waited, I looked around Shax’s house. Second by second, the feelings of frustration and anger faded as quickly as they’d welled up.
“Damn hormones,” I said, throwing the wrapper away in the kitchen. I’d probably freaked Shax out with my crying. Well, he wanted to know everything about growing a baby; and apparently, he was going to get the crash course version.
I continued wandering through his house, looking at the home he’d made for himself. And I was shamelessly nosey doing it. He had a wide variety of clothes stashed in the master bedroom dresser. In one of the other rooms, he had a baby crib set up with a ton of baby toys.
“Holy shit,” I said. I'd never seen a man who wanted a baby as much as Shax acted like he wanted one.
The door opened downstairs.
“Angel?” he called.
“Coming,” I answered, leaving the nursery quickly.
I jogged down the stairs and found him in the kitchen. He was taking a pot out and filling it with water.
“What's going on?” I asked.
He turned and looked at me with worry in his eyes.
“I will cook some food for you. The baby will not die.”
“Oh, Shax…I'm really sorry for scaring you like that. The baby isn’t in immediate danger of dying. I'm eating. Maybe not as much as I would like or what I should, but I’m getting food just like everyone else. Food is scarce now. I shouldn’t have cried about it.”
I sat at the kitchen table.
“Remember how you wanted to know more about growing a baby? Well, my little outburst and tears? That's part of growing a baby. It's hormones. They go up and down like crazy. One minute I'm fine, and the next minute I'm crying or laughing or whatever. The point is I might get spontaneously emotional, and it doesn't necessarily mean something's wrong. It just means I'm growing a baby.”
He considered me for a moment.
“Would the baby grow better with more food?”
I shrugged a little.
“That's probably a better question for Cassie. She knows more than I do. This is my first time being pregnant.”
I didn't want to freak him out any more than I already had with Cassie’s concerns about my weight gain. She’d know better how to deal with Shax’s questions.
“So where did you find that?” I asked, nodding toward the box dinner he was preparing. Not only did he have that, but he also had a small can of chicken to add to it.
“I went to Hannah's house. She wouldn't talk to me, but Emily did. She was willing to make a deal. It was a fair trade.”
I felt a little bad that he had gone to Hannah's, and she still wouldn't even talk to him.
“Hey, have I ever told you about pick-up lines? They’re great icebreakers and an easy way to start a conversation with someone you like. They’re usually meant to be funny while still showing your interest in the other person. Maybe that's what Hannah needs. A little less intensity and a little more humor.”
He turned away from me and started opening the can.
“For example, do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation?”
He stopped opening the can and glanced at me with a puzzled look.
“No?” I asked with a grin. “Do you wanna go upstairs and talk?”
He didn’t crack a smile.
“Get it? If you don’t know the difference between sex and conversation, when I ask if you want to go upstairs to talk, I’m actually hoping to trick you into sex.”
He grunted and went to the sink to drain the can.
“Okay. Let’s try another one. Do you sleep on your stomach? If not, can I?”
“I will not ask Hannah these questions.”
“Oh, come on. These are gold. I’m telling you pick-up lines are a great way to break the ice.”
“Tell me more about hormones.”
“There’s not much I know about them other than they’re a pain in the ass. It’s hard not to be a hot mess with them. During the apocalypse? It’s impossible. I once saw an infected with his eye dangling from the socket and laughed because it reminded me of those googly eyes I used in preschool.”
I yawned suddenly.
“Sorry. Naps and early bedtimes are also a thing when pregnant.”
He poured the noodles into the steaming water.
“And I hear I’ll start walking with a waddle during my third trimester. That’s why I wanted to come here. Running was already getting hard. And keeping my pregnancy secret would have been impossible in Whiteman.”
“Why don’t you want others to know?”
“Because people are scared. Many survivors see babies as a resource leech. A person who uses supplies but doesn’t do any work to give back.”
“Babies give joy and hope,” Shax said.
I smiled.
“I guess they do. They also give pregnant women spontaneous flatulence. You’ve been warned.”
He grunted and continued to make dinner while I threw every useless fact I knew at him. It wasn’t much.
“Seriously, I don’t know much. Cassie probably knows a ton more.”
He set a plate in front of me, heaping with gravy, noodles, chicken, and bits of vegetables.
“Eat.”
My mouth watered, and I picked up the fork. An idea formed before I took the first bite.
“Let’s turn on the TV and sit in the living room.”
He didn’t stop me when I carried my plate to the couch and set it down. While he picked out a movie, I went around and closed all the curtains. Once I knew we would have privacy, I stripped down to just one shirt and sat on the couch. He watched me closely, his intense gaze on my stomach.
I patted the cushion beside me.
“Sit by me. I want to show you what happens when I eat.”
He sat, and I took one hand and placed it on my belly. He made a slight noise in the back of his throat and moved his hand over my small bulge.
“Just wait. It gets better,” I said.
Then, I started eating.
It didn’t take the little ninja long to start moving. The first kick centered a little low under my belly button. I waited, and typical ninja-style, the baby suddenly kicked under my ribs.
The moment the baby kicked Shax’s idly roaming hand was priceless. The big guy froze, and his eyes widened.
I grinned and took another bite.
The baby kicked him again. A wide smile spread over his face, and his other hand settled on my stomach.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“IT’S GETTING LATE. I should really get going.” I covered my yawn with my hand. I’d been doing it almost nonstop since I finished my last bite of food.
Shax grunted in acknowledgment but didn’t remove his hands from my belly. To say he was obsessed was an understatement.
I grabbed my plate and stood.
“Don’t worry. The baby’s going to be in there for a while. Lots of kicking opportunities in the future.”
He grunted and followed me into the kitchen.
“Thanks for dinner, Shax. It was amazing.”
“I will have more food tomorrow,” he said.
I smiled and turned around to give him a hug. This time, his arms didn’t hesitate to wrap around me.
“Thank you. For caring and for keeping my secret. It’s a scary enough world to live in without worrying about people wanting to kick me out.”
His arms tightened around me.
“No one will make you leave.”
I patted his back and pulled away.
“I hope you’re right.”
He hovered as I put all my layers on again.
“Do babies make you cold?” he asked.
“Just the opposite, I think. I wear the layers to hide my belly. It gets a little hot sometimes.”
He grunted and didn’t say anything more as I shrugged into my jacket and waved goodbye. But he did take a step like he would come with me.
“It’d be better if I walked home alone. You don’t want word
getting back to Hannah that you’re hanging out with another girl. It’ll make my job harder. I’ll see you tomorrow, though, right?”
He nodded and watched me leave.
Outside, the car lights were already on. Several people randomly walked from house to house, knocking on doors to ask for food from other survivors. There were a few raised voices before I made it home.
When I opened the door, Garrett was sitting at the kitchen table. The rest of the house was dark.
“Where is everyone?” I asked.
“Up in their rooms. I found the battery bank. With the clouds, we need to change how we’re using the electricity and start turning things off.”
My eyes went to the basement door.
“Don’t worry. Those are the only lights that will stay on all the time. Actually, those little plants are the reason for the change. I removed the snake, too, by the way.”
I took off my jacket and hung it up. It sucked that they’d found the planters and lights. The deal with Shax kept me fed now, but what about in a month? Yet, I wasn’t overly upset the others knew. Those few pots wouldn’t have been enough. They were a band-aid at best.
“Make sure to point out to bitchzilla that I wasn’t hiding them. They were in the open in the only space available to me.”
“We saved you some dinner,” he said, not acknowledging my comment. Or maybe he was just trying to avoid a fight.
He went to the microwave and removed a small bowl of plain noodles. It wasn’t much, but I had a feeling, this time, it was an equal share of what they’d had for dinner.
“Thank you,” I said. “But I already ate somewhere else. You can have it.”
He glanced down at the bowl.
“I’m glad you found something. This isn’t much to live on.”
“No. It’s not. I think I’m going to get ready for bed.”
When I re-emerged from the bathroom, the kitchen was empty. I turned off the light and took my place on the couch. Garrett had left me a pillow. Sure as hell wouldn’t have been anyone else in the house.
Even with the pillow, I slept fitfully. The cupboard door slamming around dawn jolted me out of a semi-decent doze.
“Carol, you know there’s no food in there,” Garrett said.
“She might have hidden some more,” she said.
I rolled my eyes behind my closed lids.
“I doubt that.”
“If we want to eat, we need to go outside the wall and look for supplies,” Harry said. “There’s a group heading out this morning to go through Warrensburg. What the group finds, they divide between the people who help. At least two of us should go along. It’s safer in numbers.”
“Send her,” Carol said.
I didn’t need my eyes open to know she meant me.
“No. We’re not forcing anyone,” Garrett said. “I’ve been to Warrensburg before and know the areas the Whiteman supply runs have already touched. I’ll go. And what I bring back, I’ll share with everyone in this house.”
“Your risk, your way,” Harry said even as Carol swore and slammed another door.
“Let her sleep,” Garrett said.
“Why? Why should she get more sleep than any of the rest of us?”
“Maybe because I’m the one sleeping on the crappy couch.” I got up and started folding the blanket.
“That’s on you for being selfish.”
“So, the broomstick up your ass is your punishment for what?”
She actually tried coming after me. Harry stepped in front of her and glared at me.
“I know. I know. It’s all my fault, and I should leave again until Carol can pull her shit together.”
I walked past them to get my jacket.
“It was people like you who cost my daughter her life,” Carol accused, her face red with her rage.
“We’ve all lost someone. Whatever anger you feel is because of your regrets and has nothing to do with me.”
She went completely still, her eyes wide like I’d slapped her. Then, she lunged for me. I left while Harry was holding her back.
The sun was barely up when I stepped outside. I set out in the direction of Shax’s house. There weren't many people moving around, yet. Probably because they were sane, unlike the people in my house.
Tired from a crappy night’s sleep, I shuffled along the sidewalks and nodded to the occasional fey I spotted. I didn’t know what I was expecting when I reached Shax’s house, but it definitely wasn't the no-answer I received.
I really had nowhere else to go, and it was cold as hell outside. I wasn't just going to walk around forever because Carol had a stick up her butt. I understood she lost someone, but I meant what I’d said. We’d all lost someone at some point. I was born with parents, but I had no idea where they were. I was a realist and figured they were probably dead like all of my other relations.
I knocked again, a little bit more aggressively, and when I still got no answer, I tried the knob. It turned under my hand, and the door opened.
“Shax?” I called, stepping in and closing the door behind me.
“If you're up there sleeping in the buff, you might want to put something on because you have company.”
There was still no noise. No movement.
I took off my jacket and kicked off my shoes, hoping that Shax wouldn't mind if I borrowed a bed for a while. There were three rooms in this place after all. I went upstairs and picked the guest bedroom, which had a full-size bed with a nice, comfy quilt.
I was out the moment I covered up.
“IT IS NOT A BAD WORLD. And I will keep you safe. You should come out, now.”
The sound of Shax’s voice had been niggling at my consciousness for a while. But it was that last gently-worded demand that woke me.
I rubbed my eyes and lifted my head. Shax was lying beside me. Sort of. His head was next to my belly, and his legs hung off the bed. Apparently, he was having a conversation with the ninja.
“He can't come out now,” I said. “He needs to stay in there until he's done growing.”
“He? Is it a boy?”
“I told you…I don't know. It just makes more sense to call him a ‘he’ or a ‘she’ rather than ‘it.’ ‘It’ seems so impersonal.”
Shax’s hand, which had been warming the side of my belly, moved in a gentle circle over the whole surface. It took a moment to register his hand was on my skin, not on my shirt.
“Making yourself right at home, I see,” I said.
“You, too.”
He had me there.
“Yeah, sorry about just coming in and grabbing a bed. I'm sleeping on the couch at my house, and it's starting to hurt my back.”
“I liked finding you here.”
I chuckled. Given how Shax had made himself comfortable with my belly, I bet he had.
“Want to learn how to give a pregnant lady a backrub?” I asked.
“Yes. But I do not have more food yet.”
Guilt hit me hard.
“This isn’t part of the trade. This is just me teaching you something that will make me feel good. Purely selfish on my part. But it’s a skill that any girl would appreciate you knowing. Still want to learn?”
“Yes.”
I grinned and rolled to my side.
As soon as I pointed out where to rub, he didn’t need any further instruction. His fingers were heaven, and I was groaning within seconds.
“What should I do when you groan?” he asked.
“Just keep going. Don’t ever stop when you get the girl groaning. She might die.”
He started rubbing more frantically, edging toward my sides which sent me into a fit of laughter.
“Stop! Stop! I’m going to pee!” I gasped out between laughs.
“But you groaned. You said you would die.”
“It was an exaggeration. The peeing will be real.”
He stopped what he was doing, and it took me a few moments to catch my breath.
“I'm sorry. I forgot you guys take
some things literally. If I groan, you can stop. I probably just won't like it when you do. I won't actually die because of it.”
“Did you pee?” he asked.
“I don't know…do you have a washing machine?”
He gave me an odd look.
“I'm kidding. I'm fine. But in a few weeks, tickling me will be dangerous. I sneezed the other day and had a bit of a problem.”
“Can I try rubbing your back again?”
“Heck yes. I should have warned you when we started out that lots of people are very ticklish on their sides. The closer you get to the armpits, the worse it gets. I don't know why that is.”
I rolled over to my side again, and he immediately started rubbing the spot that had made me groan. It felt so good. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had given me a backrub.
“So where were you this morning?” I asked.
“Some of the humans from Whiteman are leaving for a supply run today. I was helping them over the wall.”
“Yeah, I heard about the supply run. I think a few people from my house are going.”
Shax grunted and kept rubbing. The way his fingers seemed to find every knot almost made me drool.
“This gives new meaning to the term ‘Friends with Benefits,’” I said. “I could get really used to being your friend, Shax.”
“New meaning? What is the old meaning?”
“Friends with Benefits is used to describe two people who are just friends, who help each other out in special ways as well. Usually they're helping each other out sexually. But, with no strings attached.”
“What does ‘no strings attached’ mean?”
“It means that they're doing it without expecting any type of compensation or payback.”
“I will be your friend with benefits.”
I grinned.
“Oh? And what benefits are you hoping for?”
Given his infatuation with Hannah, I knew it couldn't be sex.
“I would like the baby to be mine when it is out.”
“You can't have my baby, Shax,” I said kindly.
“Why not?”
“Because I want my baby.”
“Cassie is sharing Caden with Kerr.”
“I think their situation is a little different. They’re a couple. We're not.”