by M A Roth
“I’m just passing through to make sure everyone is alive, and no one had drowned in their own vomit.” Cathy said smiling at me before returning to the couch. “Really, Abigail, you can’t expect Daniel to pick you up every time you fall.” She blinked her eyelashes at Daniel, and I could feel the heat blaze in my face.
“I fell last night?” I asked Zee.
“It’s a m-e-t-a-p-h-o-r!” Cathy responded slowly, as if I was stupid, and then gave a little laugh at the two guys, as if I still didn’t understand.
My anger ignited, and I wanted to punch her in the face so badly.
Zee sat beside me, throwing his free arm along the back of the couch.
“You were fine, honest,” Zee said, looking at me.
“You wouldn’t lie to me now, would you?” I asked playfully, relaxing back into our normal banter.
“Never!” he said, taking his arm from the back of the chair and crossing his heart. It made me laugh. It was so easy with Zee, but I avoided the group unless Father Peter called us in.
“The new rota is up?” I raised an eyebrow at Zee. New, as in halfway through the week?
He shrugged and got up to retrieve it from the pin board.
A smile broke out across his face. “We’re together,”
I smiled and relaxed a little.
Cathy snorted into her mug and I could see Simon, shake his head at her. She stood, leaving her mug in the sink.
“It will wash itself, Cathy!” I said, but she rolled her eyes at me.
“Okay, children, I’ve got work to do, and it’s not washing mugs,” she said, looking at Simon; he was scheduled with her this week.
He stared, unsure for a moment. “You want me to wash the dishes?” he asked.
“No, idiot. Demons, work. We’re scheduled together.”
Simon slowly got to his feet. “See you, Abigail,” he said, looking like he didn’t want to go. I didn’t blame him. Working with Cathy was painful.
“Bye, Simon. I’ll say a prayer for you!”
He smiled at me and left. Cathy never said as much as a goodbye.
Once they were out the door, I turned to Zee.
“How bad was I last night?” I asked, still praying that maybe I came to the base by myself last night, preferably using my own legs.
Zee sipped from his mug before answering, “Define bad.”
“That bad,” I said, getting up. My head wasn’t as sore now, so the movement didn’t cause too much pain.
“So what’s on our agenda today?” I asked, folding the blanket that lay across the couch.
“I know you’re scheduled with me, but you have a few days off. Father Peter never told Steven so that’s why you’re still scheduled in.”
I gave him a pleading look. “I am really better off keeping busy and once I’m with you, I’m safe, right? I took time off and look how that turned out. Seriously, I really just want to keep busy,” I said all of this really quickly and gave him the best smile I could muster.
He laughed. “Okay, since today will be easy, a few abandoned buildings that had some sightings recently, and a woman who swears that her son is possessed.”
I looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Why do you say it like that?”
“Because he’s a teenager, acting out by the sounds of it, but she has the local priest harassed. She spoke to Father Peter, so since we’re quiet today, he’s asked me if I would look into it, and I told him yes. At least, the priest the mother is hounding will have some peace, so think of it as our good deed.”
“Great!” I said, heading for the shower in Zee’s room. I walked past his bed, trying not to think of him in it. I could hear him walking towards the room and my stomach tightened. What the hell was wrong with me? “Have you got a spare T-shirt I could borrow?” I asked, not looking at him and trying to avoid looking at his bed. I could wear my jeans, but the top I had on yesterday had seen its day. Zee picked up a black T-shirt off a pile and gave it a quick sniff before throwing it at me.
“It’s clean,” he announced.
“Thanks,” I said, grabbing it before closing the bathroom door.
Twenty minutes later, we were on Zee’s motorcycle.
“Can’t we take a car?” I asked, already feeling nauseous at the thought of the ride, but he kicked the stand as I held on tight, and we left the base.
It was a thirty-minute journey with me trying to think about not being sick on Zee’s back. We stopped a few feet away from the entrance of the building. I could see a man in the distance, shuffling from one foot to another, looking very nervous and his head twisted in different directions.
“Did Father Peter see me last night?” I asked Zee’s back. It was bothering me wondering if he saw me in such a state. I couldn’t remember anything, so I must have been completely out of it.
“No.”
“Thank God!” I said.
Zee switched off the engine, released the pedal and turned to me. “He’s not stupid, Abigail. He knows you drink.”
I could see annoyance on his face now. “So why doesn’t he say something?”
“Because he doesn’t want to upset you.”
“Why don’t you say anything?” I asked, my heart beating wildly.
“If I did, would you stop?”
“Maybe.” I knew my answer was weak.
“Then stop drinking, Abigail!”
I looked away from his intense blue eyes and focused on the man who waited for us, he continued to shuffle. He had spotted us and looked really nervous.
“We better go. That guy looks like he’s on his last nerve,” I said, not meeting Zee’s eyes.
He turned around, flipped up the pedal, and we sped up towards the man.
“Hi, Kevin, what’s the problem?” Zee said, taking off his helmet. I followed suit and listened to a nervous and unsure Kevin tell us about the activity inside the warehouse. My stomach wasn’t holding up well, and I left quickly, emptying bile in a near ditch. I couldn’t remember the last time I ate.
I turned to find Kevin and Zee staring at me. Kevin’s face turned up, while Zee shook his head.
“Stay here, Abigail. This won’t take me long.”
I stood, wiping my mouth. “I’m fine. Let me help,” I said.
Zee shook his head again with more annoyance. “Just stay here, can you do that?” He sounded like he was talking to a child.
I turned my back on him and folded my arms. Fine, if he wanted to do this alone, just fine, I thought.
I sat on the gravel once Zee left. My legs were feeling too weak to hold my body up. Kevin kept his distance as if I had a disease he might catch. I wanted to stick my tongue out at him when I caught him looking at me, but knew that would be childish. So, I sat like a grown up on the gravel, letting the cold seep into my bones.
Chapter Seventeen
Abigail
It didn’t take Zee long.
He looked down at me, holding out his hand. “Come on,” he said, pulling me up before turning back to Kevin and handing him one of our cards.
“The information for payment is all there,” he said and turned away.
“That’s it? No more noises and weird stuff happening?” Kevin asked, bewildered.
“Yeah, it’s done.”
“Thanks!” Kevin said, but it wasn’t the most thankful tone, he sounded unsure.
Zee didn’t wait around, but took my hand and we walked back to his bike. It felt so odd, yet so right, but I couldn’t let myself get any closer. I pulled my hand away, making him stop. I walked past him and got my helmet on before climbing onto his bike, my heart pounding. I wasn’t sure what was wrong with me today, but I was putting it down to the alcohol.
Zee gave me one last look of regret before climbing on and taking us back to the base in silence.
When we returned, Father Peter was there, watching the news. I could hear Cathy saying, “I bet Abigail was there.”
“Where?” I asked, removing my jacket. Father Peter shushed us, so I
sat down and a bad feeling hit me.
“Three bodies were carried from Vanity nightclub last night,” the news reporter said, as a picture came up of one guy who I recognized, but couldn’t place. I couldn’t remember much of last night.
“Toby young was nineteen years of age and died of an overdose. Two other youths were found dead, one from multiple stabbing wounds, and the other was a young girl, her neck broken. She was seen at the nightclub, but her body was discovered in an alleyway beside her home.”
The pictures of both I recognized, but how did I know them? Maybe I bumped into them last night, yet my hand reached my face, searching for something, but I wasn’t sure what.
“The police are asking anyone with information to come forward.”
I zoned out, feeling like spiders crawled all over me.
Zee’s hand touched my shoulder, making me jump. “Are you okay?”
I didn’t look at him. “Yeah, grand!”
Father Peter muted the television and turned to us all, shaking his head. “What a waste of life!” he said, sounding so much older.
I left the room, with the feeling that all eyes were on me. I needed to be alone.
***
I closed Zee’s bedroom door behind me and sat on his bed. What was happening to me? I was normally strong, collected, but now, I was treading on thin ice. The door opened, and Zee walked in. Another mess was him. I had taken everything away from him. Zee sat down beside me and didn’t say anything.
“I feel like I’m falling apart. And sometimes, when I look at you, it reminds me of what I caused you to do. How can you even look at me?” I felt better after saying it, but then, the pain came with it. The white elephant in the room was getting smaller for saying it out loud, but saying it also meant it was real. I had never confronted him about saving me and if it were the other way around, would I have saved him? I wasn’t so sure of the answer.
“I gave an eternity up to spend a short existence with you, but I can’t exist without you," He took my hand and placed it over his heart, it was beating rapidly under my fingertips “You gave me that when I didn’t deserve it. I took your freewill away, yet you gave me mine.”
“Don’t say that. You saved me and I will be always grateful.” My heart pounded, it was the most he had ever said about how he felt about me. Yes, I knew there was a possibility he had strong feelings for me. I didn’t think it was love, but it was powerful. Why was I glad when only a while ago, I wouldn’t even let him hold my hand? My head hurt, I needed to place my walls back up, or I was going to crumble along with them.
“Yet I am never allowed too close to you? Not even to kiss you.” His eyes had grown intense. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it might burst out of my chest. My palms became sweaty. It was too much when he looked at me like that.
“You mean to kiss a human, Zee. But I can’t. I’m sorry. I just can’t…” tell you the truth, I continued to myself.
Coward.
“No, I mean to kiss you, Abigail. You. It’s always been you.” Sadness radiated from his eyes, but he moved back, releasing my hand, respecting my words.
“I need you to tell me about that night again. I need to hear everything that happened.”
Zee froze beside me, he didn’t answer straight away.
“Do you really want to go through it all, again?” I nodded, afraid I wouldn’t get the word out of my mouth if I tried to form it.
Zee looked at me intently. “Let me kiss you.”
I was thrown for a moment, as my heart felt like it was lodged in my throat, but I soon found my voice. “What, I have to kiss you in order for you to tell me?” I wasn’t sure why I said that, understanding that wasn’t what he meant. But I needed another emotion; anger, something, anything.
“No, I will tell you no matter what, but I really want to kiss you right now.”
My heart flipped again. He was gorgeous, but I couldn’t no matter what. The answer must have been written on my face as disappointment showed on his, then he gave me a small smile.
“I can do more than tell you. I can show you,” he said.
“What do you mean show me?”
“Close your eyes,” Zee said, but I stared at him. “Do you trust me?” he asked.
That was a no brainer. “With every fibre of my being,” I said and earned a huge smile from him that sent my heart skittering.
“Close your eyes.” I did this time and could feel Zee’s hands rest on either side of my face. “Remember, it’s only a memory and nothing can harm you,” he said, just as everything around me dissolved, and I rushed into a black hole, free falling.
***
“Sam, you play with Mr. Bear, okay?” I told him as I wanted to play with my new Barbie doll. I hated Sam touching them; he always got his sticky chocolate fingers in my Barbie’s hair. But Sam didn’t want to play with Mr. Bear. He threw it across the room and stamped his little feet.
“No, I want to play with her!” He pointed at my newest Cindy doll.
“Boys don’t play with dolls, unless you’re a girl,” I teased, getting a rise out of him.
He started to cry. “I’m not a girl!”
I rolled my eyes; if he kept this up, dad would put both of us to bed.
“Okay, okay, you can play with her, but go wash your hands first,” I told him. He bounced out of the room, delighted with himself. I was braiding my doll’s hair when the door opened. “Let me see your hands.” I turned, but it wasn’t Sam. “Dad?” I moved away.
He had a strange look on his face and the scariest part was the gun in his hand.
He didn’t say anything, but stared at me as he pulled the pump action of his gun back.
“Abby?” Sam stood in the doorway, looking at dad. I could see he was afraid.
I ushered him to me and pulled him behind my back.
“Daddy, what are you doing with a gun?” I asked as tears threatened to pour.
He didn’t answer.
“You’re scaring us, Daddy,” I said.
His vacant eyes moved to me and he spoke, but it wasn’t him, “Good,” he said before a cruel smirk plastered his face.
He made a dash, and I moved, pulling Sam with me, but I couldn’t move fast enough. He pushed me back into the wall, slamming my body against it. Sam screamed as Dad pushed him to the floor.
“No, Daddy!” I got up, just as the first bang resounded in the room, Sam lay still, blood pooling out around him. I looked at the ground and screamed. Fear kept me rooted. Urine ran down my leg as my eyes rose to my dad. He had the gun pointed at me.
A light formed in front of me and I knew everything would be okay. It moved at such speed. The light spread around me, moving me away from the second bullet that ripped through the wall, sending plaster spraying across my dolls. I could hear my dad reloading the gun again. With the white light gone, I could see my dad, his face twisting as if worms moved under his skin. My legs fell from under me and I landed on the ground, looking at the barrel of the gun. The light appeared again, only this time, it was brighter, filling up the room, and that’s when he appeared, my guardian angel.
He was so beautiful. His wings expanded across the room. One struck out and wrapped itself around my body. I could hear the most awful roar, as a bullet ripped through his wing, sending feathers and blood everywhere. However, it didn’t let me go. I was protected in a cocoon of feathers. I could see through the ones that my dad had shot off and I could see my dad. He looked like himself again, tears streamed down his face. The gun moved away from me and into his mouth. His hands shook. It almost looked like he was fighting against an invisible force. I watched as he pulled the trigger and his head splattered all over the far wall. I tucked my head into my knees, shaking I couldn’t cry. I didn’t know why.
“Abigail.” I looked at my angel, the one who had always been there. I had never seen him before, only the light that was always with me when times were bad. His features were soft, his intense blue eyes shone with sympathy and love
for me.
Sirens blared in the distance.
“I have to go now, Abigail, but I will be with you soon. Forever.” He uncurled his wings. And they disappeared, but he seemed to still stumble.
“Don’t go.” I said.
He stopped and hugged me. He was like sunshine, warm rays on a cold day.
“I have to. Never tell anyone about me,” he said, letting me go.
“I won’t,” I whispered as he left.
I sat there, surrounded by feathers, blood everywhere, and two dead bodies. That’s how the police found me.
***
I opened my eyes and looked into Zee’s intense blue ones. No words would form in my mouth. I had been ten when it happened and so many details had escaped me, but watching it again, I could clearly see my father was possessed, until the very end, just before he pulled the trigger, he had been himself. A terrible sense of sadness filled me.
The way Zee had looked at me then was the same way he was looking at me now, full of sympathy and love. I traced his lips with my finger, wondering what it would feel like to kiss an angel, but I had done enough damage. He had given up being an angel once that first piece of metal had torn through his wings. My hands dropped to my lap, and then, the tears came, the sobs wracked my body and he pulled me into his embrace where I let my grief spill over.
“I’m so sorry, Abigail,” Zee whispered into my hair, and he meant it, but sorry for what? If anything, I was the one who should have been sorry, not him. I needed to pull myself together. This was the first time I had cried, and I didn’t like it.
A small knock on the door pulled us apart. I left quickly, not wanting anyone to see me like this and made my way into the bathroom to attempt to tidy myself up and try to stop the flow of tears that were free falling from my eyes.
***
“Is everything alright?” I could hear Simon’s concerned voice. “I thought I heard Abigail crying.”
“Yeah, she’s fine. She just had a rough day,” Zee said, and I could hear the kindness in his voice towards Simon. It made me smile, even against what I had just gone through.
“Can I talk to you about something? Well, it’s actually about the new guy, Blake. He’s creeping me out. He is always asking about Abigail, like how she got here and her background, and he is always wondering where she is. I don’t know, Daniel, it just seems strange to me. You know, that he shows up and all of a sudden he has this sudden interest in Abigail. I’m not saying she’s unattractive or anything.” I could hear the blush in Simon’s voice again and found myself smiling. “But it’s creepy.”