Pull Me Close: The Panic Series

by Sidney Halston

  God, what must’ve Katherine felt all those years ago? Now that I’ve had a glimpse, my heart breaks all over again for her.

  Back in the waiting room, mothers, fathers, husbands, and wives are notified about their loved ones, and I see some of them break down—a depth of sorrow the likes of which I’ve never known. A man falls to the floor wailing, a sound so heart-wrenching that my own eyes fill with tears. He fists his hand and slams it on the linoleum floor and screams as others try to comfort him. My God, I can feel his pain in my gut and deep in my soul. If I lost Katherine, I would not survive. I would be destroyed.

  I go looking for the man who let me use his phone earlier. He’s still sitting in the waiting room, and I ask him for his cellphone one more time. He gladly lends it to me.

  “Hello?”

  “It’s me again,” I respond.

  “Nico! Any news on David or Geo?”

  “No, not yet,” I say. “Katherine, I’m so sorry about the way I left…about the way I was short earlier…about everything. I had to call back and just tell you—”

  “No. Don’t apologize. Don’t say anything else. Don’t worry about me. I need you to get back to me, okay?” She’s sobbing into the phone. “Okay, Nico? You get back to me safely.”

  With a big lump in my throat, I nod.

  “Nico?”

  “Okay.”

  “Call me when you know something about Geo or David. We’ll be fine, you and I. I’m here, waiting for you. Just keep remembering that.”

  “I will.” He clears his throat and runs a hand down his face. “I love you, Katherine.”

  “Nico, I l—”

  I quickly cut her off. “Don’t say it. Tell me when you see me. Not like this. Not over the phone.”

  “Then come back to me so that I can tell you,” she says.

  I end the call, then fruitlessly dial David one last time before returning the phone to its owner.

  —

  It’s hours later…so many I’ve lost count. Geo’s now out of surgery, but still no David. I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to say to her if she’s awake.

  As I’m about to walk back to the ICU, I hear a commotion and see David running toward me. He’s bloodied and looks completely frantic.

  I rush to David as his eyes meet mine.

  “You’re okay!” he says.

  “Yes. Where have you been? I was going crazy.”

  “In another hospital. Nurse outside said Geo was in surgery and just got out.”

  “Yeah, I was about to go see her. You go. I’ll wait here,” I say, giving them their privacy, relieved that David has survived.

  An hour later, I’m walking into the ICU to finally see Geo. David meets me at the door to her room and tells me that the doctors are hopeful she’ll pull through. They were able to stop the bleeding and there were no major organs damaged.

  “You look like shit, Nicky,” Geo says in a weak and raspy voice as I walk in. Half of her face is bandaged.

  “We can’t all look as beautiful as you, Geo,” I say, reaching for her hand, which has an IV inserted. She also has an oxygen cannula in her nose, and there’s a ton of machines beeping behind her. Tears start falling from her eyes. “No. No. Don’t cry, please,” I say.

  “Sweetheart, please,” David says from the other side. “Don’t cry.”

  I look at my friend, still feeling relief that he’s alive. He’d been trapped in a bathroom with five other people, he explained. As soon as it was clear, he raced out to look for me and Geo. When he finally found us at the hospital, he was a wreck from not knowing if we’d survived.

  She touches her bandaged face and winces. I don’t know if it’s because of pain or because she’s worried about the horrible scar that might result. The wound was so big and messy, I don’t know how it won’t leave a scar.

  She takes a deep breath and tries to school her emotions. “You saved my life, Nicky.”

  I wave my hand, not wanting to hear this, but I see more tears come out of the corner of her eye. David swipes them away and looks at me. “You were my friend before, but now…” He shakes his head. “I couldn’t have asked for a better brother.”

  “It was nothing more than—” I begin.

  “It was everything,” David interrupts. “Geo told me. You held her. You carried her out. You fucking shielded her.”

  “Just following directions,” I say, squeezing his shoulder. “You told me to take care of your wife.”

  “You’ll never know—”

  “Stop, it’s—”

  “No.” He stands and puts both hands on my shoulder. “You’ll never know what you did. You saved my wife. Love you, man.”

  I swallow down a lump and give him a nod, not able to say anything else, not sure if anything else is even necessary.

  “Katherine…” Geo whispers, her voice hardly audible.

  “We want you to go home, Nick.” David clears his throat. “Go back to your woman. Tell her you love her. Beg if you have to. Forget all the other bullshit. If there’s something to be learned from this, it’s that life is too short.”

  “I’ll go, but only after I know you two are okay.”

  “We’re fine.” He looks at his still weak wife. “We’ll be fine. I’m buying you a ticket,” he says, pulling out his phone.

  “No, man. I got it. I’ll go. You sure you two’ll be okay? I feel like I need to stay.”

  “You don’t. We have a lot of recovery to do. But we’ll deal. I know you’re dying to get home. Go.”

  I can’t argue with him, because the truth is, I want to go home. I need to go home. “Call Katherine or Matt if anything changes or if you need anything. I’ll get a new phone when I land.”

  “Got it. Don’t worry, man.”

  I reach for Geo and kiss her forehead. “You were so brave, Geo. Real fuckin’ brave.”

  Her eyes well up again, and she just squeezes my hand. I give David a man hug before exiting the hospital and going to the hotel to shower. Then I get on a plane to go see my Katherine.

  Sixteen

  Relief

  Nico

  Nearly twenty-four hours later, I’m finally on a flight home. After giving a detailed statement to the cops, which took forever, I had to wait on standby for nearly eighteen hours. I quickly call Katherine from a pay phone, letting her know that Geo and David are okay, and hop on. I can barely sit still, which is likely driving the person seated next to me insane, but I can’t wait to get home. As soon as we land, I grab my carry-on and can’t get off the plane fast enough.

  My heart skips when I finally find Katherine. Her eyes are wide, as if she’s seeing a ghost. The moment she sees me she runs at full speed and jumps on me, her legs wrapping around my waist and her arms around my neck. “Nico! Oh God, Nico.” She’s sobbing hysterically, and my eyes are wet too.

  “I’m okay. I’m okay,” I assure her as I hold her tightly against me. “God, Katherine, I’m so fucking happy to see you. I wasn’t sure if I’d see you again.” She slides down my body, and I take her in. That thick hair, warm smile, and toned body all belong to me, and I can’t believe I’m finally back. I’ve lived through hell since the last time I saw her, which feels like years, not weeks. Not caring that we’re in the airport, I take her hand and pull her to the nearest corner, press her against a wall, and attack her lips like a crazed man.

  There’s something to be said about thinking you’re going to die. Once you survive, you don’t want to waste a single goddamn moment on unimportant bullshit, and right now I don’t want to waste another second without having her lips on mine. Pressing her harder against the wall, her lips part and my tongue slides into her mouth, and her hands fist my hair with such intensity, my scalp prickles with pain. “Oh God, I missed you so much,” she says as my lips move down her neck.

  “You’ve got no idea, baby,” I say, my hands pulling her hips against me.

  “Maybe instead of parking the car I should’ve brought it around and dropped you tw
o off at the nearest motel?”

  Slowly I let go of Katherine and pull my brother into a hug.

  “Never been so happy to see you, Nicky. Not ever,” Matt says.

  “Same here, Matty.”

  “So, about the motel?” Matt teases. Katherine pushes off the wall and shoves his shoulder playfully.

  “Come on, let’s go home,” I say, holding my woman’s hand and following my brother to the car.

  I tell Matt I don’t want to talk about the events in Paris today. I know he wants to know everything, but I just can’t. Not today. I’m emotionally drained and I just need some time. Without hesitation, Katherine comes home with me, and Matt leaves shortly after.

  —

  After a quick shower, I find Katherine on the balcony looking out over the water, her hand on her chest by her heart. “Are you okay?” I ask.

  “My heart is fluttering so hard right now.” Katherine turns, cups my face, and kisses my nose, my forehead, my cheek. “My Nico,” she cries. It’s like all the stress was being held back, and now the dam has burst. She starts to sob. “I love you so much. I’m scared of how much, but I don’t care. Because I love you. I should have told you before you left. I should’ve told you months ago. If something had happened to you without you knowing how I felt about you…”

  Squeezing her closer to me, I say, “I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I said those things to you. I was an asshole. And most important, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you repeatedly how much I love you. I should’ve said it every single day, even if you didn’t say it back. All I want is for you to be okay, and I don’t know how to make you all better, so I get frustrated and stupid. But I’m not disappointed in you or mad. Not even a little bit. I don’t blame you for not coming. In fact, I thank God you didn’t.” I take a deep breath. “I saw one of the shooters, Katherine. He didn’t care—he was just shooting at us and wouldn’t stop. There was so much blood. It was everywhere. I hid in a corner with Geo, holding her side while she held her face. I didn’t think she’d make it, I didn’t think I’d make it.”

  “Nico…”

  “I don’t know if I would’ve survived one more second. I don’t know how you did it for so many hours.”

  “No one was shooting at me, Nico. You can’t even compare.”

  “It’s not about that, Katherine. It’s about how scared I was. I didn’t even know terror like that existed, and all I kept thinking about was you. I will never be able to express how glad I was that we had that fight and you weren’t there. If I had to keep pressure on a gunshot wound to your stomach or your face, blood seeping out…” I shake my head. “I’d have lost my goddamn mind.”

  I wipe the tears that escape her eyes.

  “I’m just glad you’re back, Nico. And you’re really okay?” she asks.

  “I am,” I tell her, wiping more tears from her face. “Were you actually ready to get on a plane to Paris?”

  “I was. I couldn’t sit at home waiting.”

  “That means so much to me, corazón. Especially now that I have a small understanding of how you felt all those years ago. I get it,” I say as I hold her tight against me once again, glad to be home, glad to be away from the nightmare of the past few days.

  We hug for a little while longer, and then she pulls away, looking up at me shyly and with a gleam in her eyes. “Is it completely inappropriate to want you right now?”

  “Hell no. I want you too. I need you, baby.” I pick her up in my arms and take her to my bedroom, where I carefully undress her and kiss every square inch of her body. She sits up on the bed and helps me strip, and I waste no time in pushing inside her. We’ve never had sex like this, tender and so full of emotion. And even though it’s not hard and rough, it’s just as intense, and it’s the only way I know to show her how much I love her and need her in my life. My hands cup her face and we don’t close our eyes, not even when the powerful orgasms rip through our bodies and I see a tear leak out of her eye.

  Katherine

  We’re walking hand in hand along the beach. It’s been two weeks since Nico got back. He’s been quiet since returning, and I’ve been trying to give him space. The depth of my feelings leaves me dizzy and short of breath sometimes. That first night back, he picked me up, carried me to his bed, and made love to me so gently and reverently that he left me in tears. Neither of us spoke as he tenderly worshipped my body. We needed to reconnect in this gentle way that screamed of love and adoration. Never before had he made love to me this way, treating me as if I was made of spun glass, and he’s done this almost every day since. I’ve been trying to give him the time and the space he needs…

  But I miss my strong, commanding Nico.

  —

  During the last two weeks David has been calling and has confessed to Nico that Geo is not coping well. Yesterday I was able to Skype with her, and even though she’s trying to keep her spirits up and is grateful she survived, she has several surgeries to undergo in the near future. It’s hard to ignore the thick, angry red line, still held together with stitches, that starts from her lips and goes straight across her ear in a knotted mess of scar tissue, But Geo being Geo, she smiles and jokes and tries her hardest to make the best of it, even if there is a sadness behind her eyes.

  Since Nico came back from Paris, I’ve been staying at his apartment almost exclusively. Tonight I’m staring up at the ceiling, my head tucked into the crook of his arm, like it normally is when we’re in bed. He just got home from Panic and he’s still in his clothes, too exhausted to change just yet. Even though some days are harder than others, things have slowly started getting back to normal—except for our sex life. We’ve made love every day since he’s returned, but it’s been different.

  “David feels like he failed her,” he says suddenly and out of the blue, catching me off guard. I turn around, my chin on his chest. “I’d feel the same. I’m so fucking glad you didn’t come to Paris with me.” It’s something he says often. “Katherine, my sweet Katherine, I would never hesitate to do whatever’s necessary to keep you safe. I love you. You’re it for me, and when I think of what he went through…” He closes his eyes. “I understand. I couldn’t imagine a world where you weren’t in it. A world where I’d thought for long agonizing hours that you were dead. I can’t stop thinking about that.”

  He cups my face in his hands and places a soft, lingering kiss on my lips before getting out of bed to let Julius, who’s scratching at the door, out of the room. When he turns to come back, I jump out of bed and walk to him.

  “Nico, I love how you’ve been so sweet and gentle with me.” I get on the tips of my toes and kiss his neck. “But it’s not the real you.” I kiss a little lower. “It’s not us,” I say, looking up at him through his lashes. I reach down and pull my pajama shirt over my head. His jaw tightens in response, but he doesn’t move. Slowly I unbutton his shirt. He looks so sexy all dressed up. His beard has mostly grown back, although it’s still prickly, and his hair is getting longer. The dark and dangerous man I met all those months ago is staring back at me.

  Once his shirt is unbuttoned I run my nails down his chest, causing a low, guttural growl to reverberate through his body. I continue down, unbuttoning his black slacks and pulling them down. “I’m not made of glass,” I say, kneeling in front of him. “Neither are you.” I pull his boxers down. “We’re okay. We’re here. We’re alive. Stop thinking about all those what-ifs.” I take his hard cock in my hand and lick the tip. “Show me we’re alive.” As I’m about to take all of him in my mouth, he hoists me up by my armpits and pushes me hard against the wall. “Show me,” I whisper.

  “You’re alive, we’re okay,” he repeats to himself. He has an odd look on his face; it’s as if he’d just come to that realization. He shakes his head slightly, then focuses his attention on me. His cock, wet from my saliva, is pressed against my bare belly. Ripping my panties off me, he cups my sex as he bites down on one of my nipples. “Hands over your head, stand still,” he demands, and
with those words I know my man is back. Turned on by his command, I do what he says as he rubs me over and over, his finger slipping inside me. I want to hold on to him, press up against him, but I keep my hands up. He needs this, and I need this. He continues to pump his finger in and out of me, and I’m so wet I feel it drip down my thigh. His rough beard scrapes my neck and breasts as he rubs himself all over me. Claiming me. Owning me. Knowing we’re alive and these are the moments that really count.

  He lifts me up, and I wrap my legs around him, my pussy sliding down his cock, my back pressed up against the wall of his bedroom. He’s relentless and rough and I love it. Tomorrow I’ll have bruises on my body from where his grip was too tight or the wall too hard, but I relish them. The thought sends me spiraling into an intense orgasm, leaving me weak and limp. “Fuck…this cunt loves it rough,” he mutters, and grunts his orgasm into my neck as he thrusts one last time, releasing all the bottled-up emotions from the last month.

  I don’t know which I like better—soft and sweet or rough and primal. At any rate, I’m so sated right now, I don’t think I could make it to the bed if I tried.

  His boxers are still around his ankles as we slide down to the floor, sweaty and tangled together. “I missed you, baby,” he tells me. It’s like he just snapped out of the zombie-like state he’s been in and is seeing clearly for the first time in weeks.

  “I missed you so much too,” I say, relieved to have my man back. My eyes are glassy with unshed tears as I kiss his lips.