by Carina Lupo
“Just hang in there Lor.” Chris says to me giving me a tender kiss in the forehead. He takes my hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. I give him a halfhearted smile but he does make me feel a little better.
When we finally arrive, we navigate our way through the red carpet, posing for what seems like millions of pictures along the way. It feels a bit awkward standing there with lots of people yelling at you posing for a sea of cameras. We stop for a couple of interviews along the way. When we finally get inside, we are directed to our seats right in the front row. Then comes the easy part, we just have to sit and watch the show until it is time to get ready for our performance. When our moment gets close, we are directed to our dressing room where we get changed again into the outfits we were going to perform in. Once ready, we are directed to a dark stage where we wait, butterflies rushing in our stomachs, until the presenter announces our name and the lights come on. We are extremely nervous but the performance goes well without a hitch. The visuals are awesome and the crowd is standing up and roaring when we finish playing the song. That pumps us up full of adrenaline and we ride that high through the rest of the show. As the awards get announced we win Best Rock Performance, Best Rock Song and Best Rock Album. It’s a dizzying feeling. It all feels like a dream you’re going to wake up from at any moment. Finally, we get to the end of the ceremony and they announce the most prestigious award of the night, Album of the Year. We hardly believe when we hear the presenter say, “…and the Grammy goes to… Wildfire!”
We hop onto the stage one more time to accept the award. It all feels surreal. I head to the microphone for my last thank you’s of the evening. I keep it short and sweet. My throat has a huge lump in it as I hold up the trophy close to me. “This is for my family… I hope you are looking down and you are proud of me today. This is for you.” My voice breaks up and my eyes tear up and the guys just hug me and we walk off of the stage.
Backstage we are directed to the “photo room.” As we enter in front of the huge Grammy banner background wall, immediately thousands of flashes sparkle as photographers snap pictures of our band, each one of us holding our own golden Grammy award. The nonstop bright lights practically blind us. Finally, when the photographers decide they had enough, we get to leave the room. We pass through a myriad of people congratulating us until we spot a familiar face. Susan approaches us looking super excited smiling from ear to ear. She hugs and congratulates us. Then, she announces that we need to go to the pressroom for interviews.
Without question, the absolute last thing I want to do right now is talk to the press. In spite of this day and the emotions it brought with it, I had actually managed to enjoy the evening but this was not fun. Being questioned by the press, inevitably, about my family, about what this day means… I don’t think I could handle it. I’m drained and tired beyond belief. As much as I didn’t want to ruin it for the guys I had reached my limit. They would probably enjoy all of this better without me dragging the mood down anyways. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, hand Susan my Grammy, and then sneak away to the dressing room. I change from a dress to my jeans. I slip on my t-shirt and a baseball cap I had packed in a bag at rehearsals earlier today and then quickly head to the exit used by the crewmembers and leave. No one gives me a second glance. It is a night of glamour made for rustling your feathers. Anyone dressed in street jeans doesn’t get noticed.
**************
“Where the hell is Lorelai?” Susan asks the guys exasperated. They shrug in response.
“Stay here,” she says. “I’ll go get her.”
About ten minutes go by when she returns looking flustered.
“She’s gone!” he says with mix of anger and panic in her voice.
“What you mean she’s is gone?” Chris asks, concerned.
“She is nowhere back there. I looked in the ladies room, she wasn’t there. I asked around but no one has seen her. So I went to the dressing room. Her dress was there thrown over a chair but she wasn’t there either. I think she actually got changed and slipped out!” Susan finishes in complete disbelief. “Damn woman doesn’t do a damn thing I tell her! Who disappears on the biggest night of their career anyway?” Susan finishes off flabbergasted.
“I don’t understand…” Chris says still concerned. “She ran away?”
“Apparently, yes.”
“I’ll go look for her,” he replies, but Susan immediately cuts him short. “Oh no! You will do no such thing. It is bad enough you guys haven’t appeared in the press room yet, but it’s even worse that you will show up without your bandleader. You are ALL heading straight there right now! You will tell them the truth about what this day means for Lorelai, say the emotions of today has been too much for her and explain that she is feeling indisposed. Apologize for her not being there and then start taking questions normally. Otherwise, tomorrow there will be all kinds of silly rumors in the press.”
The guys quietly look at Susan for a moment processing all she just said. “Come on,” she yells exasperated again, “Don’t just stand there, get going!”
As soon as they return from the pressroom, Chris corners Susan. “Have you found or heard from Lorelai yet?”
“No I haven’t. I can’t believe she did this. I left her a message but I take it she knows she is in trouble. I swear I could kill her right now.”
“Take it easy Susan,” James steps in. “Seriously, are any of us really surprised by this? This is a really dark day in her life and honestly this was by far the very best I ever seen her handle this day, ever. The fact that she was not in a drunken coma by two in the afternoon was nothing short of a miracle. Take it from someone who’s seen her on this day before. She tried really hard, so let’s cut her some slack. She probably needed some time on her own.” One could see Susan considering James words, her face softening as she eased up her demeanor.
“You may be right, but I’m going to go look for her,” Chris says, still worried. “I don’t trust her on her own right now, not after what happened!” His voice is unusually loud and Susan motions for him to keep it down as she sees a couple that is close by look at them curiously. Chris notices them too now and stops talking abruptly.
“No, I’ll go look for her.” Susan says with authority. “Don’t worry, I’m sure she is fine, I’ll track her down. I’ll let you guys know as soon as I find her. You guys go to the party, you really should be there… you are the big winners of the evening so people will expect to see you there. Tell the same thing you told the press about Lorelai to whoever asks. And last but not least…have fun! You deserve it!”
Susan then says goodbye to them and heads towards the exit.
“Fuck that,” Chris says to Ted and James as soon as Susan is gone. “I don’t care what she says, I’m going after Lorelai. Sorry guys, you go to the party.” Chris turns around and heads towards the exit in a hurry.
“Well I guess it’s just you and me,” Ted says to James. “Will you be my date for tonight?” he says with a cheesy smile, batting his eye lashes.
James pushes him away laughing. “No way! I can do better than you dude! Let go party!”
“Oh yeah baby,” Ted answers. “I’m going to bring the house down! We won four Grammy’s baby! Woooohooo!” he yells excitedly as they start walking away.
Chapter 28
I head outside and start walking down the busy street away from the stadium. Limos pass by my way as the guests start leaving Staples Center heading to parties scattered around town. About ten minutes into my walk, it starts pouring rain. Within a couple minutes I’m completely drenched but I just keep on walking. Looking past the curb I notice a limo has slowed down and is keeping pace with me. I stop to look. The limo stops now too, the window rolls down and to my surprise it isn’t Susan. I totally expected to that to be her….
A very pretty woman, with long flowing blond hair, hazel eyes and a perfect smile is staring at me. I recognize her immediately. It’s Lara Parker, a very famous singer.
; “Lorelai Hathaway?” she asks, but doesn’t wait for confirmation. “My husband recognized you. What are you doing out in the rain honey? You’re going to get a cold. You know, you really should protect your voice!” The limo door swings open as she invites me, “Come on in, and get out of the rain.”
I’m still looking at her surprised at this strange turn of events. “I’ll get your car all wet,” I answer lamely.
“We don’t care!” she replies laughing.
After some hesitation I climb in.
“This is my husband and manager extraordinaire, Harold,” Lara explains once I’m inside the car. Harold is a middle-aged man, with graying hair and blue eyes, not particularly handsome in a traditional way, more handsome in a powerful man kind of way. He extends his hand giving me a strong handshake that makes my fingers hurt.
“You’re Susan Carmichael’s protégé right? He asks me. I nod, feeling very self-conscious sitting in a limo in my jeans, soaking wet, with these people dressed in high fashion.
“Susan and I go way back,” he continues not noticing my uneasiness, “We’re good friends. We used to work for the same agency ten years ago or so. I remember the last time we spoke she was excited about starting to manage this new band, your band….. She couldn’t say enough good things about you guys. She always had a sharp ear for talent. Congratulations for tonight.”
“Thanks,” I respond shyly.
“So,” his wife takes over the conversation, “how does one go from winning four Grammy’s to walking alone in the rain, in the same night? I’m intrigued.”
“I ran away,” I say truthfully and immediately notice how silly that sounds but whatever… this whole situation is weird. “After we won the last award and took pictures we were supposed to go to the press room to give interviews and I just couldn’t handle all that right now… so I slipped away.”
“How in the world did you get Susan to agree to something like that?” Harold asks sounding amused.
“Who says she agreed to anything?” I say smiling. “I ran away, literally…”
They both have a hearty laugh. “We did see Susan and your band mates as we were leaving. They seemed to be having a tense discussion,” Harold says. “You really should contact Susan… I think they are all worried.”
“I know,” I say sighing heavily looking away watching the rain slowly roll down the car’s window. “You must think I’m crazy…”
“I really don’t mean to be such a pain to them… and I’m happy for today, happy for them, it’s just…” I’m silent for a moment. “My sister died this day five years ago. Today was a lot handle… in one day.”
“We know honey,” Lara says to me tenderly. “It’s been mentioned in the press a lot. It’s okay, no one is judging you. I tell you what, why don’t you come home with us? You can get dried off. Harold can contact Susan, ease everyone’s minds and take some heat off of you. We know Susan can be a real hard ass, sometimes.” Harold cracks up at his wife comment.
I finally let out a smile. “Yes apparently you know Susan all too well. How come you’re not going to the party?” I ask.
“Honey when you’ve been in the business as long as we have, you’ll understand. Those parties are fun at first but its suffocating being around all those egos… all trying to be bigger than the next one. It is what it is, a real bonfire of vanities. It grows tiring after a while.”
The limo enters a wrought iron gate and curves up a perfectly manicured drive to a beautiful modern looking house, secluded in the famous Hollywood hills. The massive oak front door gives way to a huge open living room, modernly decorated, with black leather sofas, marble white floors and a black baby grand piano that faces floor to ceiling sliding glass doors that lead to an elegant patio and swimming pool. The view of the beautiful LA skyline in the horizon is absolutely amazing. Lara leads me down a long hallway toward the bedrooms. She opens a door and flips on the light. “This is the guest bedroom,” she says, “The bathroom is just through that door. There are towels you can use to get dry.”
The room is huge and has a king size bed with expensive white linens. Above the dresser on the wall is a 51” flat screen TV. I go to the bathroom and grab one of the big plush towels to dry myself a bit. Lara comes back after a while.
“I brought you some dry clothes you can change into if you like. I think I’m just a size bigger than you so these should fit you fine.”
“Thanks,” I say shyly as I take the clothes wondering what the hell I am doing here. Why didn’t I go back to the hotel?
“Harold just spoke to Susan,” she says casually. “She was angry… won’t lie… but relieved to hear you are ok. She said she sent your band mates to the party but she was going to call them to let them know you are ok so they won’t worry. Then she said,” Lara starts giggling now before continuing, “and I quote here, I’ll take a massive sleeping pill, turn off my phone and deal with her tomorrow!”
“Sounds ominous,” I say smiling. “Hopefully, a good night’s sleep will put her in a better mood tomorrow.”
“Why don’t you stay here tonight? If you don’t want to its fine, I can have our chauffeur take you to your hotel, but we would be happy to have you as a guest.”
I want to say no but she is being so nice to me it feels awkward to refuse, besides, after an entire day of tension… I’m feeling so tired and that massive bed is calling to me. I end up agreeing in spite feeling completely out of place.
“Great!” She says happily, “just make yourself at home.”
“Thanks… I think I’ll go straight to sleep if you don’t mind, my battery drained a long time ago.”
“Yeah, don’t mind us. Have a nice rest. You look like you need it,” she says kindly leaving the room.
I start to check my pockets for my cell phone to call Chris but can’t find it. As I’m still looking, it dawns on me that I had forgotten it back at the hotel room. I look for a phone in the bedroom but there isn’t one. I didn’t really feel like going out there again…or having a private conversation with Chris in front of them…
Lara did say the guys were at the party and that Susan called them. He was probably enjoying the party now… I might as well let him have fun without making him worry about me. I change into the t-shirt and sweatpants she put out on the bed and hop in the soft plush bed. I feel my bones hurt for a few minutes and then I’m out.
**************
Chris dials Susan’s phone one more time to no avail. It just goes straight to voice mail. Lorelai’s phone just rings until it goes to voice mail too, she is not picking it up. He must have dialed both numbers now a thousand times. He checked Lorelai’s hotel room but she wasn’t there and there were no signs that she had been there at all after the party. He is trying to keep calm, reminding himself there is probably a good explanation for all this but he can’t. He keeps having flash backs of that dreaded Christmas day… and he could feel himself getting more and more desperate by the moment.
**************
I wake up and it’s dark out. I look at the alarm clock by the nightstand, its 4:15 in the morning. It takes me a while to remember where I am. I try to go back to sleep but I know in a few minutes it would be a useless endeavor. I’m wide-awake.
I get up and slowly navigate through the dark silent house to the living room. I take a seat at the piano bench and watch the city lights for a moment. I’m feeling very guilty now for not having called Chris. I should have called him anyway, it was stupid not to, especially after the way I left.
I let my hands run across the piano keyboard keys, feeling the familiar feel of the smooth wood under my fingers. My fingers practically quiver with want to press those keys. That’s how much I’m drawn to music. It practically has a magnetic hold on me. I start wondering if I would wake them up if I played. Considering how big the house is if I played lightly I probably wouldn’t.
I let my fingers tentatively ring a few notes and then stop almost expecting people to come rushing out, angry at m
e. But obviously nothing happens. The house is still fast asleep so I daringly start to play.
The melody comes easily to me, the verse, the chorus, and the bridge… a new song taking shape. I practically run back to my room, tripping along the way to go fish for a piece of paper. I scribble the lyrics on the back of a magazine. All those feeling of the night, my feelings about Chris, it all pours out in the lyrics of this new song. I now calmly make my way back to the piano where I start to play the melody again, thinking about the lyrics I had just written.
“That sounds beautiful.” The voice coming from the dark of the house startles me to the point I almost fall off the piano bench. I jump and let out a yelp.
“Sorry!” Lara says equally startled. “I didn’t mean to scare the shit out of you.”
“It’s okay,” I say, still catching my breath. “I’m sorry I must have waked you up! I’m a terrible guest. Who the heck plays the piano at 4:30am in someone else’s house? Sorry about that, I’ll go back to my room.”
“Relax, you didn’t wake me! I couldn’t sleep, so I went to the kitchen have a glass of water… okay… and maybe a little late night snack too if I’m being honest here…” she laughs before continuing. “Then I heard the music and I walked this way to listen and almost gave you a heart attack in the process!”
“I couldn’t sleep either.” I say shyly. Lara then starts to inspect my scribbling on the back of the magazine.