by Carina Lupo
“Then why can’t we live here then?” Kristen asks, taking me by surprise. “Then I would be able to have my own horse!” She concludes excitedly.
I’m not sure how to answer that one but I surprise even myself by saying, “Do you want to go see it?”
Chris looks at me in a mix of surprise and worry. “Are you sure Lor?” He asks. “We don’t have to, you know.”
“It’s okay,” I say reassuring him. “I want to.” We walk there and I stand in front of the door of my childhood home for the first time in countless years. I look for the right keys on the key chain and open the door. It felt like I was opening the doorway to my past. Everything looked exactly the same, just as I remembered. The staff at the winery had done an excellent job maintaining the house too, everything is in perfect order, not even dirty or dust covered like I had expected. They had kept it as clean as if we still lived here.
I walk towards the living room, the baby grand piano still sitting by the window, the same piano I used to play when I was a kid. I run my hands over the top and then press a few of the keys. It sounds completely out of tune. I walk towards the fireplace, to look over the mantelpiece at the many picture frames that had been resting there waiting, for so many years. My parents wedding photo, my sister’s graduation from high school, a picture of me and a very young colt, Claude, when my dad first gave him to me. Looking at them brings a smile to my face. Chris walks to the living room with Kristen after they had explored the house on their own some.
“This place is amazing.” He says to me. Kristen immediately starts to look at the pictures too. “Is this you mom?” She asks pointing at a picture. “Yes,” I reply. “That’s me, and this is your Aunt Kristen when she was young. That’s grandma and grandpa.”
Standing in my childhood home, looking at pictures of my family with my own family, I realize I had finally come full circle. These memories were no longer painful to remember. Quite the opposite, they felt welcome. Looking at Chris and Kristen made me appreciate once again looking back at my own life with my family, without any regrets. The many beautiful moments I spent with them no longer felt like a life lost, but a life I would love to share with my own family.
It still hurt that mom and dad and my beautiful sis were gone… but being here made me feel closer to them than I had ever felt before.
“I like here, can we live here mom?” Kristen asks and Chris is surprised to see I’m actually seriously considering her question.
“It is quite perfect really,” he says, sounding careful and tentative, like he was treading dangerous water. He didn’t want to push something if it would not be comfortable to me. But I can see he is trying to contain his excitement, “It does need some work,” he continues carefully, “some updating to make it look more like us, but it could work. It’s got lots of space. We could even build our own studio in the back like we’ve always wanted too.”
I take a moment to play the idea in my head again, Chris and Kristen looking at me eagerly.
“Yeah, I think it’s a great idea. I like it.”
“Are you sure?” Chris asks me a bit concerned still. “If it doesn’t feel right Lor, please let’s not do it. We can always find another place I’m sure.”
“No I’m sure Chris. It feels right. It finally feels right…”
I watch as Chris and Kristen start celebrating high fiving each other before they rush at me for a family hug.
…I’m finally home.
* * *
[1] The song referenced here is: “Falling In Love At a Coffee Shop” (2007), from the album of the same name, by Landon Pigg - RCA Records.
[2] The song referenced here is: “Alone” (2000), from the album of Greatest Hits 1985-1995, by Heart - Capitol Records.
[3] The song referenced here is: “Train Wreck” (2003), from the album of Afterglow, by Sarah McLachlan - Arista.
[4] The song referenced here is: “Runaway train” (2000), from the album Black & Gold – The best of Soul Asylum, by Soul Asylum - Sony.
[5] The song referenced here is: “Who wants to live forever” (2003), from the album of Queen: Greatest Hits I & II, by Queen - Hollywood Records.
[6] The song referenced here is: “Waking up” (2009), from the album Waking Up, by One Republic - Interscope Records.
[7] The song referenced here is: “Answer” (2003), from the album Afterglow, by Sarah McLachlan - Arista
[8] The song referenced here is: “Run” (2008), from the album This is the Life, by Amy MaCDonald - Decca U.S.