It takes me a second to process the very real anger radiating off her. Off the one person who has always had my back. Who has never scolded me in such a way.
“Gavin,” Jaxen says warningly, his gaze sharpening on him.
“Don’t Gavin him. If you have a problem with me, just say it,” Cassie says, her anger rearing its ugly head. “I’m trying to make a point. This isn’t to hurt Faye. This is to protect her. There’s nothing we can do at the moment, and rather than letting this turn into something ugly, why don’t we change subjects and get back to the real matter at hand? What’s next?”
“Where’s this anger coming from?” Jezi asks her. “You were fine just a minute ago.”
“Yeah, that was before she decided to throw all of us under a bus,” Cassie says with a nasty glare in my direction. “I won’t stand for it. End of discussion.”
Tension strikes me like a whip.
Every muscle in my jaw clenches. “Okay,” I say as calmly as I can. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but I’m not done discussing this,” I say murderously low. “Just because I don’t know the spells you do, doesn’t make me any less of a Witch. I’m a quick learner. I can guarantee that we won’t be found out. My magic is strong now, Cassie. I’ll make sure it’s done quick and clean. Just teach me how.”
“I know this isn’t easy for someone like you to accept,” she starts to say.
“Someone like me?” I ask.
She looks at me pointedly. “Someone who always gets her way. I get it. I’d be freaking out too if the roles were reversed and my Grimoire was in someone else’s hands.”
“Then you should know—”
“But, I’m sorry, this is something we can’t risk,” she finishes, cutting me off. She holds her hands up and eyes the room. “This house—this is our last resort. This is the only place right now where they can’t find us, so long as we keep the wards strong and the magic low key. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say that this is not a risk worth taking at the moment.”
“Why are you acting like this?” Gavin says to her, searching her face. “This isn’t like you.”
She looks at him and, for a moment, her anger fizzles out a little. “I-I don’t know. I’m just… I’m just irritated.”
“Still,” he says, trying to be quiet enough to keep it between them. “You never speak to people like this. Especially not Faye. Think about what you’re saying.”
She’s staring at me with a mixture of anger and regret, arms crossed against her chest.
My body’s trembling with disbelief. My bones are melting in the fires of resentment raging inside of me. I feel betrayed. Alone. Like I’m standing in a school yard waiting to be picked, only to find I’m the last one standing and all the teams are full. I know I should agree. I know our safety is key. To them, having that piece of my mother isn’t something worth risking everything over, but then why does my heart disagree? Why do I feel like my future depends on having that book? Why does every fiber in my being boil under the thought that Clara could be using any means necessary right now to try and hack into my mother’s Grimoire?
Because it’s the only piece of my mother I have left.
Jaxen tries to pull me back against him, but I shift out of his lap and stand, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. Stuck. Lost. I turn from them, looking up at the ceiling, wishing resolution wasn’t such a rarity to come by.
“You understand, right?” Cassie says, her tone calm, light-years from the anger she just expelled.
But there it is. There’s her finger pushing that invisible button located somewhere between my heart and my brain that detonates my temper. Somewhere like my mouth. I brace myself in a breath and spin back around.
“Understand?” I repeat, rubbing my hands harshly across my eyes. “I’m sorry, but this is my lineage, Cassie! A source of magic that can’t be replicated!” I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing the searing heat would go away. Wishing my tongue was broken to keep me from saying something awful and irrational, because that’s all I can be right now. There’s no room for reasoning.
“Faye, calm down,” Jaxen says, standing next to me. “We can talk this out.”
“She doesn’t speak for all of us, mouse,” Weldon says. He smiles at the cutting look Cassie throws at him.
One thought repeats over and over in my head, twisting the knife further in my heart. “It’s the only thing I have left of her,” I say, grief, anger, and hatred spilling from my heart and through my words. “The only thing of my mother’s Clara can’t take away from me.” Bitterness poisons my taste buds, and it’s a flavor I can’t swallow away. “If I don’t get it back, then she’s robbed me dry. She’s taken every part of my parents. They’re as good as dead… something I still don’t know if they even are or not.”
The silence in the room is so loud. Words have jammed inside of every mouth, and I can’t stop the uproar of thoughts brewing inside my head. This is the problem with working with others versus working alone. I can’t just think for myself. Neither can they. We have to think of everyone. Every action, every desire, every need has to be considered by everyone.
And I’m not so sure I can handle it. Not when it comes to this.
I’m searching my brain for something more to say. Anything that will make them see just how important this is to me. But then Jezi stands and moves next to me. There’s a strange look in her eyes, like she’s seen a ghost, but not just seen… more like acknowledged. She swallows thickly.
“Then we’ll get it back,” she declares. “It’ll take a few hours, because the ingredients needed for that type of spell have to ferment, but it can be done.”
I blink a few times, repeating her words in my head just to make sure I heard her right. Just to make sure that it was her and not Cassie who has my back.
“Is that okay with everyone else?” she asks, taking time to lock eyes with each and every one of them.
“Hey,” Gavin says with a chuckle. “You know I’m always down for breaking the rules.”
She looks at Cassie, whose arms are crossed. Lips pinched. “It looks like I’m overruled,” Cassie says, not sounding too happy about it.
Jaxen and Weldon both nod.
“Okay, so, with that out of the way, let’s talk about what our next move is,” Jezi says, guiding the conversation as if she’s done this many times.
I’m not sure I’m looking at the same person I first met. The girl who hated me. Despised me for being loved by her partner. She’s helping me. Standing by me almost as if…
“As if you’re my partner?” she finishes in my head. “You still have to work on closing off your thoughts when you’re emotional, chick.”
I blink a thousand times. Stare at her, mouth gaping open.
“It’s just a favor. Don’t think too hard about it.”
“For once in my life, I’m fresh out of ideas,” Gavin says, leaning back.
“We should research the unholy seal. See what we can find on it,” Jaxen suggests.
“How about take a breather and enjoy life?” Cassie throws in with a frown.
“I think we need to go back to Ethryeal City,” I say definitively.
Heads spin in my direction.
“You’re joking, right?” Cassie says.
“No,” I say.
She throws her hands up.
“Then you’ve lost your mind,” Gavin adds, chuckling.
I count to three. Ensure that my tone is even and my mind is blocking out the need to lash out at them, because I know I sound crazy. “Listen, Sterling told me to find him when everything went chaotic in the courtroom. I think he wants to help us,” I say quickly, ignoring the shocked looks.
“Getting your Grimoire is one thing, but we can’t go back, Faye. You know that,” Jezi says.
“That place is one giant trap,” Gavin throws in. “There’s no way we could, even if Sterling wanted us to.”
“You might as well slit your own throat,” Cassie says, staring out the w
indow now.
I shift my stance. Stick to my guns. “We have to,” I say. “How else are we supposed to finish what we’ve started?”
“She’s right,” Jaxen says, moving closer to me. “Even if we research it, we still won’t have what we need. The Priesthood knows its exact location. They know where the Exanimator is. We need inside intel if we’re going to make it through this mission alive.”
“Who says we should even complete the mission?” Gavin prompts. “Everything we did, we did because the Priesthood asked us to. Well, now we’re banished outcasts. We work for ourselves. Why should we continue? Why should we break the last thread keeping the Veil up and the paranormal out?”
“He’s right,” Cassie says strongly. “We don’t have any real reason to continue on. We can split off and hunt for the rest of our lives, staying under the radar. At least we’d be alive, and we wouldn’t be slaves in the Underground.”
My eyebrows scrunch together. “Are you serious? That’s how you want to live? Hiding? Always having to look over your shoulder?”
“Do we have a choice?” she retorts.
“Yes,” I say, standing up. “I’m not saying we continue Clara’s mission and destroy the Unholy Seal because I agree with you. I never wanted the Veil to drop. I never wanted the humans to be harmed by something we were forced to do. But I do think we should fight back. What’s done is done, and we can’t go on pretending like it didn’t happen. But living your life looking over your shoulder… worrying if you’ve used too much magic… that’s just as bad as being sentenced to the Underground. That’s just as good as being dead.” I take a deep breath and continue, “Half of the Veil is broken because of us. Because of me. And Clara and Bael won’t stop until they find me and bring the other half down. You know that. But what if there’s another way around this? What if we focus on the problem within our Coven?”
“What are you suggesting?” Cassie asks. “That we overthrow the Priesthood?” She snorts. “I can see it now, the six of us fighting against Clara and Bael’s army like we’re some kind of impenetrable force. That sounds so ridiculously stupid.”
“Not if we gather our own army,” I say, feeling every inch of what I’m implying as a foreseeable truth.
Cassie laughs. Shakes her head. “You have a powerful imagination,” she says, blowing me off.
But I’m not joking.
“I’m not imagining anything. I’m telling you what we can do,” I say calmly, despite the heat boiling beneath my skin. “There are Watchmen out there who have waited for this moment. All they need is a reason. A voice. Someone to tell them it’s time.”
“And you think that someone is you?” Cassie says, her eyes raised in question. She looks at Gavin, and then leans forward, her features darkening with seriousness. “Are you sure you’re ready for a role of that magnitude? Ready to lead? Because there’s no room for the scared little girl act once you put those pants on. There’s no room for doubt, no room for turning back. You show your face as the leader, then the leader you will have to be.”
“I know,” I say, meeting her gaze full force. “I’m ready.”
“She is,” Weldon says, backing me up. He moves to stand on the other side of me. “She can handle this.”
“Oh, yeah?” Cassie says. “So what do you suggest then? How are we going to get her voice out to everyone, rally them up, build them into an army that falls in line and takes Clara down? With a snap of our fingers?”
A wide smile spreads across his face. “No,” Weldon says simply, “we do it with a general.”
A CACOPHONY OF ANGERED OPINIONS erupts at the mention.
I can almost see our sacred circle splitting at the seams, tearing apart before we ever really even had the chance to grow stronger.
Cassie shoots up from her seat, her wild, red hair bouncing with her hasty movements. “Oh, right, because we have so many generals at our disposal. So many that aren’t held up in the very city we were just banished from,” she says, shaking her head. “I don’t think you’re even listening to yourself right now. You sound insane! Like maybe you’re one of those who are into self-punishment or something.”
Gavin stands too. He moves behind Cassie, placing his hands on her shoulders, which seems to settle her need to pace. “You’ve seen the Night Watchmen News, guys. They’ve blacklisted all of us. Every Night Watchman out there, save the few that know us on a personal level, will probably try to kill us on the spot.”
“Not those who were a part of the rebellion,” Jaxen says, his eyes locking on mine.
Gavin snorts, cutting him off. “Did Mack give you a list with those names before the shit hit the fan?” he retorts—his anger brewing out of nowhere. “Because he sure didn’t give it to me. Aside from Jonathon, we don’t know who was a part of that and, in case you were listening to the earlier argument between Cass and Faye, we can’t just go contacting people outside of this house. It’s too dangerous right now.”
Jaxen’s shoulders stiffen. His muscles flex.
Gavin’s jaw tightens as his eyes narrow on him.
I swallow my temper and move in between them all, willing my words to behave. “Regardless, Sterling said to look for him,” I remind them. “He might want to help.”
“And if he doesn’t? If it’s a trap? Then we’re all screwed,” Cassie says hotly. “I don’t want to go through that again. Never! We almost died for them! And for what? A swift kick in the ass?”
Her anger keeps spewing, and I can feel myself on the verge of erupting. The way the heat slithers up my neck and spreads into my cheeks. The way it settles under my skin until I want to scream.
“Will you just listen to me!” I shout out.
The room freezes up.
“I know that Sterling is on our side,” I say with certainty. “I wouldn’t have suggested it if I thought otherwise. I wouldn’t even be surprised if he was a part of the rebellion.” I step up to her and Gavin, taking my time to look them in the eyes. “At some point, you’re going to have to hear me when I speak. You’re going to have to trust my instincts and let me be the person I’m meant to be.” When their mouths open, I let their gazes go and turn back to everyone else. “I feel it in my core that this is the right move. I can’t shake his words. Can’t forget the look in his eyes when he told me to find him that day in the courtroom, before Clara made us out to be the bad guys. He wants to help us. I know it.”
“You know what?” Weldon says as he makes his way back over to the makeshift bar. “I think she may be right. Sterling told Faye and me during one of our sessions that he has an inkling the Priesthood was behind his partners untimely turn with the wolves. He thinks they might have been set loose to ensure she was taken from him so they could see if a Watchman could actually function in our society without their partner. He has every reason to hate them.”
“Oh my!” Cassie says, startled.
“That’s so sad,” Jezi adds, her hand against her chest.
“I’m sure it happens more than you think,” Weldon says, his features hardened a little.
“But that still doesn’t mean we can trust him,” Cassie replies as she plops back down on the couch, rubbing her forehead in thought.
A thought pops up. “He offered me a way out when we were about to break the Holy Seal,” I say quickly. Everyone looks over at me again, and I gather up the rest of my story, hoping this will be all that’s left to sway them. “He didn’t agree with General Tillman’s orders, so he offered me a chance to escape.” I don’t look over at Jaxen, who’s staring openly at me now. “I’ve seen his aura. You’ve seen his aura. We all know he’s good. He’s with us. And we need him. He has the potential to get us the info we need. He can teach us so much more than he already has.”
No one says anything, so I jump on their open interest.
“I’m not saying we have to do all of this at once. I’m just saying this is the only way I can see us getting ahead. If we want to set right to all that has gone wrong, then we have
to know what their plans are now that we’re gone. The only way we can is through an insider.”
“I hate to beat a dead horse, but again, why? Why do we need to know? We owe no one anything,” Cassie says harshly. “We’re banished, which means we no longer have to do the Priesthoods bidding. The Underground, the Darkyns, the Priesthood… none of that pertains to us anymore. We’re scot-free.”
“My partner Claire isn’t,” Weldon says from the rim of his glass. “Faye’s parents… Russell and Mary… they aren’t. And what about the countless others who are down in the Underground, locked away from their families? You’re saying their justification doesn’t pertain to us anymore?” His golden eyes are swirling. His voice deep and filled with shadows no light could ever touch.
Jezi looks up at him, this time, keeping her eyes on him.
“If that’s not a good enough reason to continue… if only just to save them… then I don’t think you ever were a Watchman,” he says, staring blatantly at Cassie.
Her mouth hangs open, words wedged inside her throat.
“We have to finish,” I cut in, using Weldon’s momentum. “The Veil is already partially broken, and the only way to return it to its natural state is to finish what we started. The only way we’re going to figure out what the hell is really going on, is to keep going. The only difference between before and now is that now we have two enemies—the Priesthood and the Darkyns. Both want the Exanimator, and both will never obtain it if I have anything to do with it.”
“You make it sound as if adding the Priesthood to our enemy list is something small,” Cassie says incredulously. “They’re an established society. A strong government with overflowing amounts of intel and soldiers at their disposal. They’re ten times worse than the Watchmen!”
“Watchmen?” Gavin asks.
Cassie stares at him for a moment like she doesn’t understand the question.
Everlost (The Night Watchmen Series Book 3) Page 4