“Why can’t you let me make that decision?” Oregon’s voice rose a notch, taking on steely resolve. Duke wanted to cheer her on, but Lilly was next to him, wide-eyed and listening. “Let’s have a sit on the patio.”
A minute later the door opened. Oregon walked out, running a hand through her hair and taking several deep breaths. Duke got up from the patio table and headed her way. She saw him and offered a tight smile. There wasn’t much to the gesture. It didn’t say that everything would be okay. It was one of those looks a person pasted on when they wanted to fool people.
It didn’t fool him.
“She bought my daughter a bird. One that talks. It’s huge and has a messy cage,” Oregon told him.
“That makes me feel better about the horse,” he teased, hoping to ease the tension.
“Yes, the horse now looks like the best gift ever.”
“Not a gift. She has to work for it.”
Oregon’s hand reached for his. “Thank you.”
“No problem. Saving damsels in distress is my job.” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “And I made you dinner.”
“I think I lo...” She stopped, and a stricken look settled on her face. “I...I...”
He did his best to lighten the mood. “Of course you love me. Who doesn’t?”
“My grandma, obviously,” Lilly said with a smirk as she walked past them on her way inside. “I’m going to see this bird.”
Oregon cleared her throat, the corners of her mouth tugging up. “So what’s for dinner?”
“Pulled pork sandwiches with my homemade BBQ sauce, potato salad and baked beans.”
“Perfect.” She came in close to his side. “A man who rescues damsels, then cooks for them.”
“Yep. Easy to love.”
She didn’t reply. But even in her silence, he felt hopeful. He was an optimist, after all. Maybe even a man of faith.
Chapter Ten
The soldier on the ground cried for his mom. He wasn’t young, maybe midtwenties. But when they were wounded, they were all kids. They all still begged for their mom or dad, their wife. Duke tried his best to comfort him. Tried to tell him it would be okay, he’d make it to the hospital, and they’d save him. But the private kept telling him it wasn’t going to help. It was no use.
Duke couldn’t accept that. He kept trying. The sound of helicopters pounded in his ears, and wind swept across the terrain. It wouldn’t be long. Suddenly the ground where the soldier had just lain was empty, and the helicopter had disappeared.
Duke woke with a start, his heart racing.
He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. Sick to his stomach and soaked in sweat, he buried his face in his hands. He glanced at the clock on the night table. It was just past four in the morning. For a minute he sat there trying to force the dream from his mind. It had been a while since he’d had that nightmare.
As his heart settled into a near-normal pace, he decided he might as well get out of bed because he knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. He splashed cold water on his face, got dressed and headed down the stairs. There was only one way to clear his head. He would go for an early-morning run before he took care of livestock. Today was his day off from the diner. So much for sleeping in.
The air hadn’t cooled much overnight, but it still felt better than it would when the sun came up. He headed down the driveway. If he ran to the main, then back and to the barn twice, he would run almost two miles. The dogs Daisy and Belle joined him. Daisy only stayed with him part of the way, stopping at Jake’s place to go lie on the porch. Belle stayed with him the whole time.
On his second lap Belle gave up and joined Daisy on Jake’s porch. Duke kept pushing, focusing on his steps, on breathing, on anything but that nightmare.
When he got to the barn the second time, he slowed, stretching his arms over his head as he walked, breathing deep. Belle and Daisy ran past him, chasing something through the brush behind the barn.
“Duke?” The timid voice came from behind him. He turned, and it was Lilly, her dark hair pulled back in a braid.
“What are you doing up?”
“I heard a noise, and when I looked out, I saw you jogging.”
“You should go back to bed, kiddo.”
She made a face, and he realized how much she looked like his sister, Samantha. “I can’t sleep. I thought maybe something was wrong.”
“No, nothing is wrong.” He walked with her back to the house. As they got to the patio, the porch light came on, and Oregon opened the back door. She peered into the darkness, standing there in sweats and a T-shirt, her hair pulled back in a ponytail.
“Something wrong?”
He shook his head. “No, there’s nothing wrong. I woke Lilly up.”
“I was already awake,” his daughter grumbled as she walked through the door.
“Go back to bed.” Oregon kissed Lilly’s cheek and brushed a hand down her arm.
“I still think something’s wrong,” Lilly continued as she walked farther into the house.
Duke didn’t know what to say. He stood on the patio watching Oregon as she followed their daughter back inside. Now would be the time to make his escape.
He turned to walk away when the door opened again. It was Oregon, handing him a bottle of water, her mouth lifting in a shy, questioning smile.
“You’re not okay,” she said as she walked past him to the glider, where she sat down. She drew her legs up, wrapping her arms around them and pulling them in close.
He downed the bottle of water, then he sat next to her. She didn’t push for an answer. He appreciated that, because he didn’t have answers. He had doubts. He had anger. But answers were hard to find. He looked up at the sky, still inky black and full of stars. Somewhere in the distance a coyote howled.
Somewhere out there, maybe as distant as the stars or as close as the air he breathed, God existed. He had always believed. Maybe he hadn’t been the best sheep in the fold, but he’d gone to church, he’d prayed and he’d trusted that God would always be there to rescue him.
He’d come to realize that God had rescued him. He’d sent a lifeline in the form of a twelve-year-old girl and a woman who possessed the ability to wait for a man to gather his thoughts.
“Nightmares,” he finally admitted into the silence. He crushed the empty bottle and held it, staring at the label.
“Want to talk about it?”
He never talked about it. But she looked at him, her gray eyes shadowed in the pale early-morning light. She was easy to be around. And it felt good that she cared enough to ask him. It wasn’t like when he’d first come home and needed space. He’d brushed off the questions. Everyone had wanted to know if he was okay, and how bad it had been over there. Eventually his family, the people in town, they’d all learned to leave him alone. They’d stopped asking questions. He’d once heard Jake say that he would work through it in his own way and in his own time.
He had been working through it. He’d built a business, helped take care of the Circle M and he’d remembered each of those young men he’d lost. He’d written down their names, the ones he could remember.
He’d yelled at God. A lot. A long time ago Pastor Allen had knocked on his door and given Duke the advice that it was okay to be mad, but eventually he would know when it was time to let it go.
“Duke?” Oregon leaned her shoulder against his.
“There isn’t a lot to tell. The dreams are always the same. I’m back in Afghanistan, and I can’t save anyone. Help never gets there in time.”
Her hand closed over his. “I’m sorry.”
“Me, too.”
“Do you ever think about the ones you saved?”
“No, I guess I don’t,” he admitted.
“Maybe you should th
ink of those men, too.”
“Yeah.” They sat there for a long time, just holding hands, letting dawn chase away the darkness.
“I’m taking the day off,” she told him after they’d sat there awhile. “Can Lilly stay with you for a few hours?”
“Where are you going?”
“I have to run to Austin to deliver a few orders and check on some things.” She didn’t give more details. He wanted to push, but he didn’t.
“What about your mom?”
“She’s leaving this morning. Someone to see in Colorado, and then she’s going on to California. I knew she wouldn’t stay long. One night surprises me, but it doesn’t matter.”
He couldn’t tell if she was hurt or relieved. Maybe both.
“I’m off today. I could go with you to Austin. We could all go,” he offered.
“No.” She stood, slipping her hand from his, her fingers brushing his palm as she did. “I don’t want to drag Lilly to town. We have to go next week for her checkup. You can come then.”
“What day?”
“Wednesday.”
“Sounds good.” He wished he could reach for her one last time. But he didn’t. The sun was starting to rise. It wouldn’t be long before the day started to heat up. “I have to get some work done around here. Ned is opening for me this morning.”
“You’re sure it won’t be a problem for Lilly to stay here?”
“It won’t be a problem. If she gets tired of following me around, she can stay with Breezy.”
She nodded. “I’ll have her get ready.”
They stood there, facing each other for a long moment, as he tried to convince himself he should walk away. It made him feel a little better that she didn’t seem to be in a hurry to walk away, either. He closed the distance between them, drawn to her warmth, her calm presence. He tangled his fingers with hers and brought her hand to his lips. He dropped a kiss on the back of her hand, knowing it wouldn’t be enough.
He wondered if he could ever have enough of her in his world. He considered telling her that, but he knew she’d spook the minute the words were out. If he had any sense, he’d walk away. The Duke of six months ago would have.
Maybe. Or maybe not.
Walking away was a lot more difficult when this woman stood in front of him. Still holding her hand he brushed his lips against hers in a light kiss. He needed to memorize her. He settled his lips against hers.
Her hand rested on his chest. She broke the kiss, whispering that they shouldn’t. No, he thought, they should. They should kiss at least once a day for the rest of their natural lives. They should raise a half-dozen kids, some cattle and a few horses on this piece of land.
But once again, he knew better than to voice that thought. He would keep it to himself, maybe replacing that nightmare with this dream.
“I need to get ready,” she whispered.
“I know.”
She rested her forehead against his chest. He hugged her close, making the moment last as long as possible. When she stepped away, his arms felt empty. He knew that someday they would work this out. He would find a way to make her his.
As if she knew what he was thinking, she said, “Duke, this isn’t real. It’s you learning you have a daughter and me acting a little bit vulnerable.”
He let her go without telling her she was dead wrong. It wasn’t only about Lilly. It was about something he’d never felt before. He wasn’t a green kid who mistook his feelings for her. This was the most real relationship he’d ever experienced.
A man didn’t walk away from that.
* * *
Oregon drove home from Austin in a daze. She didn’t know what to think or how to feel. She didn’t know how to go home and face Lilly. Or Duke.
She drove down the dirt road and rather than going all the way to the end, she stopped at Breezy’s. Jake, who was climbing into his truck, waved. She waved back, as if everything would be okay. And it would, she told herself. She’d been repeating that over and over on the way home. God hadn’t gotten her this far to forget her.
Breezy walked out the front door, a twin on each hip. Breezy had taken to motherhood, and to life in Martin’s Crossing.
“You’re home,” Breezy said, easing the twins down to stand on the porch.
“Was Duke wondering if I wouldn’t come back?”
“Not at all. He did want me to tell you, if I saw you, that he and Lilly are in town. His evening shift cook didn’t come in, so he’s stuck at the diner till closing time.”
“I should probably go pick up Lilly.” Oregon turned to go, but Breezy stopped her.
“She was running the cash register and having the time of her life, last I heard. And I’m going to go out on a limb and say that maybe you need some girl time.”
“I’m good.” But as she said it she could feel the sting of tears in her eyes, feel her throat tighten.
“Are you?” Breezy asked.
“Yes, of course.” But a tear trickled down her cheek.
“Right, so why don’t you come in, and we’ll discuss how great you are over tea. Or coffee.”
“Coffee would be nice.”
They sat on the patio, watching the twins playing on a plastic slide in the backyard. The dog Daisy curled up nearby as if to guard the two little girls. Breezy watched them with a sweet look of contentment. Oregon wanted that. She wanted not to face battles. She wanted life to ease into a simple rhythm with no surprises.
“I have tiny squash in my garden.” Breezy broke into the silence with conversation that had nothing to do with Oregon. It was a relief.
“I started a container garden at the shop,” Oregon admitted. “And I’ve already killed it.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll have plenty to share. Duke makes a great stir-fry. A man who can break a horse, fix a fence and cook.” Breezy shot her a sly look. “What a catch.”
“I’m not interested in catching anything.”
“Violet, give Rosie a turn,” Breezy called out to the girls then settled a steady look on Oregon. “Right. Of course not.”
“Breezy, that isn’t why I’m here. I didn’t come to Martin’s Crossing because I felt some need to force Duke into marrying the mother of his child. I came here for Lilly, because she deserves a father. She deserves to have someone there for her. I mean, what if something happened to me?”
That was when she lost it. The dam broke, and the tears poured. Breezy immediately hugged her tight.
“Oregon, you’ve got to tell me what’s going on.”
Oregon shook her head. She pulled away from Breezy, wiping at her eyes. She watched the twins play, and she felt a longing so deep that it ached inside her. Breezy’s hand was on her arm.
“I’m okay.” Oregon repeated the mantra she’d been telling herself for almost two years now. Sometimes the fear crept in on her, but for the most part, she believed that she was okay.
“Because people who are okay always burst into tears at the drop of a hat.”
“Hormones,” Oregon admitted. That much was the truth.
Breezy sat there, watching her, watching the twins with one eye. “It’s more than hormones.”
Oregon sighed, wiping the last tears that trickled down her cheeks. “Eighteen months ago I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. They caught it early and did a full hysterectomy.”
Breezy’s hand clutched hers. “I’m so sorry.”
Oregon nodded and drew in a breath. “Me, too.”
“That’s why you came here?”
“Yes. It made me realize what a fragile thing life can be. And I wouldn’t want Lilly left alone. I wouldn’t want her left in the care of my mother. I want her to have stability and roots, not the constant drifting I endured as a kid. I definitely wanted more for my daughter.”
>
“But you’re okay now?” Breezy asked, giving Oregon’s hand a squeeze.
“I think so. I haven’t felt great lately, and decided to get it checked. They’re going to run tests next week. It’s probably nothing.”
“I’m sure it’s nothing.” Breezy sounded so sure. Oregon felt a surge of relief, and faith. It felt good to tell someone.
“I’m sure it is, too.”
“You can’t go alone. I’ll go with you. Or Duke can go, and Lilly can stay with me.”
“I’m not going to tell Duke.”
Breezy’s eyes widened. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to give him any more reasons to take care of me. He does like to take over.” Her heart, her life, her peace of mind, those were the things he was taking control of. And it scared her.
“Why in the world wouldn’t you want Duke to help you?”
For a minute she observed the twins at play. They were about to pounce on the Border collie, but the dog caught on and moved. The twins gave up and went back to the slide, having a brief fight over who would go first.
Why wouldn’t she want Duke to help her? She knew the answer to that question. Because she was this close to falling in love with him. Because he was strong and caring, because he made her believe that a man might stay forever.
When had a man ever stayed in her life? The answer was never.
Chapter Eleven
Oregon drove to church on Sunday morning glad that the week was over. Not that it had been a bad week. But she needed Sunday. She needed church, needed a moment to slow down and sit in God’s presence. In the seat next to her, Lilly was talking about her horse and going over her “things to do when the cast is off” list. Normal. Oregon felt the tension of the week draining away.
“Mom, do you think you and Duke will get married?”
Oregon nearly slammed on the brakes. Somehow she kept a steady foot on the gas. “I’m sorry, what?”
“You heard me. Don’t act like you didn’t.”
A phrase Oregon had used more than once on her daughter was suddenly being used on her. “All right, I did hear you, but I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”
The Rancher Takes a Bride Page 10