by Leanne Davis
Chris shook his head. “I’m stunned. This isn’t what I thought could ever happen.”
“Neither did I. But it has. Consider this, Chris, I might not have helped form the man you are today, but I instantly liked you and I genuinely wanted to know you better, which is why I worked so closely with you, and tried to mentor you. Now, I just want to enrich the connection we already have.” Lloyd leaned forward, holding his hand out. “Will you please consider it?”
Chris blinked, feeling unsure. After contemplating the alternative of not allowing Lloyd to get any closer than he already was, Chris decided it seemed a little too mean. He leaned forward, offering his hand to his father. “All right, Lloyd. We can… spend time together. See where things go. But I can’t guarantee anything.”
“No. No. We’ll both just take it one day at a time. That’s all anyone can ask.” But the smile on his dad’s face was enough to make Chris realize somehow overnight he’d become the most important factor in Lloyd’s life. He found it odd and unsettling and yet this man was his father and seemed to want to be. It was the reaction he’d have asked for four years ago, and here it was. After all these years, he had a father who was interested in spending time with him.
****
“He did tell me all that. Before…” Julia glanced around the room. She was blushing again, and very awkward. After hearing about Chris’s encounter with his father, she hoped by saying it a few more times she could get over her astonishment. Chris’s dad. Daddy. Father. Yes, she needed more time before she could accept it without an internal alarm going off.
“Lloyd thinks I’m his second chance to do things right.”
“Maybe he means it. He did seem rather lonely. I’m sorry,” she added, “I’m sorry, but he did seem lonelier than just being interested in me, specifically.”
“So what? I should just give my father another chance? Even after all that happened?”
“Yeah. Perhaps you should. He never knew about you. Sure, he has plenty of faults. But he’s not all bad, Chris, there’s a lot of good inside him too. He’s complicated and flawed, like most humans.”
“You mean, like Vickie?” Chris said softly.
Julia winced. They were at her parents’ house, sitting at the kitchen table after eating a delicious dinner served by her mom for Julia, her sisters, and their families. Everyone else had already wandered out to the patio. Now, Julia and Chris were holding hands on the table top and softly talking.
“No. We have too much history. Too many things she did.”
“She’s sick, remember? Doesn’t that change something?” Chris countered.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“But we can talk about my dad?”
“Yes.” She glared. “Because your dad is new to you.”
“And he still works with my girlfriend. Maybe I don’t want that.”
“We agreed on that all ready. Let’s act like grown-ups. Try being professional, remember all that?”
“I remember.”
“Then don’t lecture me.”
He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “All right, Julia. But all people are complicated and flawed.”
He quickly exited to the patio where her parents were sitting. She glared after him.
Minutes later, her dad entered the house and noticed her still sitting at the kitchen table. “Chris retreat for some reason? Caught his guilty look and wondered if he said something to you.”
She shrugged. “Not really, just the usual lecture about Vickie. I mean, he refused to tell me about his father as I’m… well, anyway, and then he passes judgment on Vickie.”
Her dad sat near her. “Your mother—”
“Vickie. And please stop doing that. You call Tracy my mother and then at other times, you refer to Vickie as my mother just to make a point. Do you really want to relegate Tracy to being no more than my stepmother?”
“I don’t. I know, she’s been your true mother. I appreciate that more than I can ever express.”
“Don’t. Don’t you dare do that.”
“What?” Donny glanced up, startled at her vehement statement.
“Don’t act like Tracy did it out of obligation. She never sought our gratitude or considered it her duty. She raised me and chose to do it because she loves me, Dad. She loves me as her daughter. You always insisted on including Vickie, always trying to promote a love between her and me, and no one else. Not even between me and you. Technically speaking, I might be your only natural daughter, but Tracy was never once my stepmother. She was always my mother.”
Donny sighed, leaning forward to curl an arm around her shoulders. “You’re right. It’s primarily from guilt, I guess. I hate to be a bad example to you. But the reality was, whether by mistake or what, I fell in love with your mother while I was still married to Vickie. Desperately, madly, crazy in love.”
She tilted her head to look into his face. “And you still are?”
He half smiled. “Yeah. I still am.”
“Then let it be, Dad. I don’t want to see Vickie, even if she has cancer.”
He gripped her hand. “I’m asking for Tracy. Not for Vickie’s sake or yours. Loving your sister is very different from loving your mother, you know? Tracy is well aware of what Vickie is and isn’t. She always tries to take your side to protect you, but she still loves Vickie as her sister. Sometimes, what their relationship entails does not involve you. It would help Tracy if you could go see Vickie. Maybe just try and suspend everything right now. Make sure Vickie will be okay, and then—”
“Go back to the feud?”
“Maybe.”
They heard the sliding door close and Kylie and Ally walked in. Ally smiled and sat down with them. “Vickie?”
“Yeah.” Julia sighed.
She took Julia’s hand. “I know Vickie’s hard to deal with. Believe me. I hated the woman. But you know what she did?”
“I can only imagine.”
“She was the first one who understood my bulimia, and why I was doing it. She understood because my compulsion to eat was an addiction and despite all the chaos it caused, the need to do it was similar to her alcoholism. I couldn’t find the words to explain it to others, all of you, not even Mom or Kylie or Nate. And Vickie didn’t need any words, she just got it. I can’t tell you how much her support helped me. And considering how awful I was to her until that day, I hated her so much. I thought the same things about her that you do right now. She’s stupid and flaky and steals all the good from anything she touches, but it turned out, she got me when nobody else could.”
“She did?”
“Yes. She did. She also gave me Nate. Unlike you, I couldn’t handle it as well as you did with Chris and his father. I couldn’t deal with Nate and Vickie. I was so ready to walk and be done with it. She gave me her ticket to his graduation along with a swift kick in the ass about it. That he lost his mom and really needed me there.”
“She was always nice to me. I was screwed up and she always seemed to understand that about me,” Kylie suddenly interjected in Vickie’s support.
“She was always my friend, too. Never mind our former history,” Nate’s voice added, joining the group as he walked in from the patio too.
“Intervention, full force,” Julia grumbled.
“You were too young to remember. But she and I were together. You get it now, right? Older and younger sometimes works. It doesn’t have to end in tragedy. Later on, she became my friend.”
“Why is your dad still supporting her? What kind of manipulation is that?”
Nate shrugged. “Because he still cares about her. He knows she’ll never stay with him but she helped him heal after the loss of my mom.”
“How could he forgive her?”
“Cancer. It’s a strong word for most, Ju-Ju-Bee,” Nate said calmly.
She shook her head. “I know what you’re all doing. Finding the good in Vickie. I’m not saying she hasn’t got any good inside her. I’m not saying there ha
ven’t been good times that I remember with her. When she was fun or spontaneous or even managed to save the day. But all the bad stories happened three times as often. And no offense, but you were her nieces or friends or siblings or love interests, not her daughter. She never mothered me. That’s no minor thing. It’s not so easy for me to ignore or shake off.”
Kylie stuck an arm around her. “Maybe you need to shake it off for yourself. That way, you have no regrets. You don’t know what life will bring you, Julia. It’s supposed to go one way, but quite often, it goes the opposite way for no reason. Just think about it and consider it. Maybe we’re pressing you so hard because we can see that it might be the worst thing if you are not there with her. If you could only find some way to forgive her.”
“Why? So she can be my mother?” Julia’s voice was stoically stubborn.
“No. Never,” Kylie stated and her voice was definite. “You belong to us. Our daughter, our sister, our sister-in-law, ours. Vickie can’t ever have you. But she can love you. We’ll allow her to have your love. Maybe it doesn’t have to be articulated or defined. Just love her. The closest thing she has to what we five shared, were her sisters and parents. And you. None of us think you need her, not anymore. But she does need you. And maybe you could give her that for a little while. And yes, only because she’s facing cancer.”
Quiet fell over the room. Julia glanced up, and saw Tracy standing at the back of it. Tears streamed down her face. She stepped forward. “You don’t have to do this. Everyone, please stop. Julia’s always worried that she is not one of us. Not fully. Because of Vickie. Somehow, Vickie remained in the picture, but was an undefined figure to her. All she remembers is Vickie taking her from us. Making her less mine. Less… ours. It wasn’t easy. So Julia’s right, cancer doesn’t change that.”
“I disagree,” Ally argued. “We had similar circumstances. She’s been one of us from the start, as we’ve all been a family since our dad left. Donny is still our dad. He is my dad, regardless if his DNA belongs to Julia and not to me. I don’t think that makes me any less his. Even with my ‘natural’ father back in my life, Donny is still my real dad,” Ally said, putting air quotes around the word, natural.
Kylie chimed in. “I agree. We have never been a stepfamily. Our kids don’t discriminate between their ‘real’ grandparents and their step-grandparents. Mom and Dad, Tracy and Donny. Sure, we benefited from having other people in our lives who influenced us or gave us their DNA, but you two raised us. You two made us a family. The real kind. The kind I plan to model my marriage and family after.”
“Me too.” Ally nodded.
Julia glanced at her sisters. They tilted their heads, their eyebrows jutting up and challenging her to say they were wrong. Or insist she wasn’t one of them. Julia smiled slowly and then with more confidence as she added, “Me too.”
“Then if you see Vickie, it’s neither here or there. You know who your real family is and how much you belong, so she can’t hurt you. Being around her is just another thing to deal with,” Kylie explained.
“You’re not our fucking stepsister.” Ally interjected. “So get over it. Be here. In this family. See Vickie like we see Micah. He doesn’t take anything away from our family, not the five of us… and still growing. Vickie doesn’t extract anything from us as a unit.”
It was a breathtaking realization. Julia smiled, tears shimmering in her eyes. “No, I’m not your fucking stepsister.”
“It’s about time you realized that,” Kylie added, getting up and yanking Julia into her arms. Ally came up behind them and enveloped them both.
“But Vickie is my sister,” Tracy added. “She’s still my little sister and she’s sick and—”
“I’ll see her,” Julia interrupted her mom. “She’s your sister and you love her no matter what. My seeing her could help her and besides, it’s cancer.”
Tracy nodded, wilting. “Yes.” Julia was instantly enveloped by all of them. Even Chris. He waited until her family released her and then he simply scooped her up like a child and held her next to him, kissing her cheek.
“You must know, you’re not a step anything, not if you’re referring to the many who love you,” Chris told her softly.
She turned and accepted his kiss and then replied, “You must know then, my family adores you and accepts you as part of our family too. I think you not only have the father you never had, but you kind of inherited all my siblings, cousins, aunt and uncle, grandparents and even my parents. All of me is now all of yours.”
His eye flashed with both hope and his usual reluctance to believe people loved and wanted him. “Really?”
She squeezed him to her. “Really. I love you. They love you. We are your family now, and you are the cornerstone of mine.”
He smiled the shyest, sweetest, most longing smile that had her heart expanding with love and care towards him. He needed her family as much as he needed her. Seeing how Chris longed for and enjoyed her family, he made her reevaluate how she felt about them. How she accepted them. Because it was clear, they adored and accepted her and she’d been unable to accept that. Until now.
Half her life she’d let her insecurities dominate her, maybe it was time to not only grow up, but face who her natural mother was. She’d thought banning Vickie from her life was the answer so she could figure out how to gain confidence in herself and others, and yet here she was, still unsure and still doubting her place in her own family. Blaming it all on Vickie worked in her teens, but now she’d found a place in the world that worked for her, starting with a job she’d never imagined she’d like to a boyfriend she never thought she’d love. But she did on both accounts. And it was time to start acting like it. It was time to let go of an outdated version of herself and believe in not only herself but everyone she loved.
****
The hospital smelled like astringent antiseptic and was so strong it stung Julia’s nose. Her nostrils twitched. She could hear soft murmurs of the TVs as she passed by the rooms. Daylight flooded in through the reception room windows, imbuing the gloomy place with light and air, but most of the people who were there did not expect anything to be light and airy. Not when the thing they were there for was cancer.
Her parents sat down in the waiting area with her aunt and uncle, along with her Grandma Gayle and Grandpa Jay. Her grandparents seemed disturbingly old today as they held hands, slouched together on the couch. Grandma cried. When she hugged Julia, she started crying harder. Julia patted her sloping shoulders as she gently helped her into the seat. Grandma Gayle nodded, lifting her gnarled hand to pat Julia’s as she said, “I’m so glad you’re here. A mother needs to see her daughter at a time like this.”
Julia held her tongue, remembering her family’s words of advice. She could handle anything as long as she remained confident in her family’s love. Her mother’s love, most of all. And if other people considered Vickie something that Julia did not, she could deal with it now. It was only a label, and not her reality. Nothing could change Julia’s reality but her.
Chris stood back, greeting everyone with subdued hellos and handshakes. Her heart burst as she watched him standing there. He was so good around her family. He easily accepted them, despite their being larger than life, incessantly nosy, having constant get-togethers and in general, ceaseless meddling. Chris came to all the family get-togethers with her and was fast becoming an expected attendee. Grandma sniffed in disdain when she first saw Chris, disapproving of his tattoos and erroneously assuming a few things that perhaps even Julia, herself, might have once assumed. But Chris easily won her over with his good manners, saying thank you, please, yes, ma’am, and Mrs. He always jumped up first to hold Grandma’s chair, and offered to get her food from the buffet or carry her plate or open the door for her. In essence, he was dutifully at her beck and call. In no time at all, Grandma Gayle started to blush and stammer over that “dear Chris” who hovered so close to her and eagerly brought her anything she asked for or needed. Chris had no gra
ndparents, but he adored all four of Julia’s.
Chris had found the family he’d never had.
He smiled at her encouragingly before she turned to head down the hallway towards the recovery room. Vickie was out of surgery and apparently, it went very well. Only two family members were allowed to see her now, so it was decided, one of them should be Julia. The surgeons told her the cancer hadn’t spread to her lymph nodes and they expected Vickie to make a full recovery. She still had to undergo radiation for nine weeks, but the medical staff had high expectations.
At hearing the good news, a collective sigh of relief from the family broke the silence like a huge wave. Tony took Gretchen against his chest and she started to cry although she hadn’t before that moment. Her aunt was often like that, and felt things long after they happened, and she was no longer required to be strong, capable, or the natural leader. Tony’s gruff demeanor belied his innate talent in knowing how to care for her. Olivia and Derek hugged Gretchen too. Derek took a keen interest in the doctor’s diagnosis. Did he envision his own future now that he was in college and studying medicine, Julia wondered. Shaking her head, she thought, Who could have guessed?
Her mom put her hand over her mouth and started nodding, smiling with joy, her eyes shining. Her gesture made Julia’s heart ache. It was so typical of her mom. She was often mushy, sentimental, and overly emotional. It easily flowed out of her to others. Her dad stood beside her mom, holding her hand. Ally and Nate were there with Kylie and Tristan. Their little kids were at Tony and Donny’s parents’.
Julia’s nerves thrummed through her body. The entire family was there as one, caring, loving unit of support and all agreed it was Julia who should see Vickie first.
Sucking in a deep breath, Julia reached the recovery room doorway and saw Vickie. Her breath whooshed out of her lungs and her eyes immediately filled with tears.