‘Perhaps I am, a little,’ she confessed. ‘I don’t make a habit of kissing my colleagues.’
‘Is that so?’
He arched one eyebrow, and she instantly regretted such a candid confession. Especially since it only served to make more of what had happened between them rather than less.
‘No, I mean, yes...’ It was irksome that her attempt to remedy the situation wasn’t entirely going to plan. ‘I’m sure the longer we work together this shift, the easier it will become.’
‘Kat—’
‘Please don’t.’ She held her hand up, arguably too close to Logan’s chest for comfort.
‘I think we should talk about this.’
‘I don’t.’ She shook her head.
‘Then what do you propose we do?’
Quickly, she dropped her arm and gave him her most professional, yet cool, smile. ‘We keep it strictly to innocuous subjects.’
‘Like the weather perhaps?’ She hated that his all-too-familiar crooked smile fired that heat up inside her all over again. ‘The traffic?’
As ridiculous as it seemed, Kat found herself lifting her chin slightly, as though it would help her to convince herself that she was disdainful rather than charmed.
‘How about the holidays?’ she suggested, before a more pertinent question tugged at the edges of her mind. ‘Is Jamie looking forward to Santa visiting?’
It was hardly the innocuous choice of subject matter that she’d intended. Far from it, in fact. Yet Kat couldn’t help herself. She could pretend it was the emotion of walking through the atrium and seeing the enormous tree for the first time, but she wasn’t certain she believed it.
Something gleamed in his eyes as he stared at her hard and then, just as she thought he wasn’t going to answer, he spoke.
‘Jamie can’t wait. This will be the first year he’s really understood the concept of Santa Claus and will be able to get into the excitement of it.’
‘He’s sleeping better again now that Doc Terrence is back?’
And, just like that, everything seemed to flip back from awkward to okay.
‘Like a log,’ Logan confirmed with a devilish flash of a grin.
‘Is he with his grandparents now?’
‘Actually, no. He’s in the hospital crèche, and that damned dinosaur was the first thing he packed in his brand-new backpack. We’re going to go shopping for more Christmas decorations as soon as I finish here today.’
‘Didn’t you mention your parents had already brought you some stuff over?’
‘Yeah, but Jamie has seen some other decorations that he wants, and I thought, Why not?’
‘Why not?’ she echoed with a soft laugh. She would have done the same for Carrie. ‘You didn’t mention he’d be going to the hospital crèche.’
‘Yeah, just some days to start to get him used to being around other kids, and for us to get a bit of a routine together. My parents are close by, though, so they’ll be around for any night shifts, or if Jamie just wants them.’
‘He really loves them, doesn’t he?’ A laugh slipped out as she thought about those few precious minutes with the little boy the other night.
That feeling of uncomplicated freedom that she’d experienced every time she’d spent time with Carrie. She knew it was pointless to torture herself with memories, but she couldn’t help herself.
‘Like I said, they’ve practically raised him for me,’ he said fondly. ‘But Seattle is a fresh start, and Jamie and I will get to be a proper family.’
‘I think that’s lovely.’ Her throat felt thick, aching as it did with emotion.
And still she wondered what had happened to Jamie’s mother. Logan had said she wasn’t around any more, but what she found she really wanted to know was how Logan felt about that.
Was he relieved? Or did he want his wife back?
But before she could ask him—or even think about working up the guts to ask him—the loudspeaker sounded, another trauma code was announced, and Logan stepped past her, all business.
‘We’ll finish this conversation later,’ he ground out over his shoulder, and she couldn’t be sure if it had been a promise or a threat.
It didn’t matter either way, because a second later he was gone.
CHAPTER SIX
MAYBE IT WOULDN’T be so difficult working with Logan after all, Kat decided as she strode back across the atrium after her shift was finally over. They’d worked together on another case after that encounter in the hallway and that time it had been as though nothing out of the ordinary had ever happened between them.
She wasn’t sure she liked it. It unsettled her. And it wasn’t helped by the fact that she was still trying to ignore the too-big, too-bright pull of the tree, only now she had the added complication of trying to avoid Logan.
Her body still threatened to melt when she saw him, of course. But if her head could just keep that bit ahead, they should be fine. No one appeared to have noticed the tension between them during that first shout, they certainly hadn’t mentioned it. And Kat told herself that she felt intensely relieved and not at all piqued.
Eyeing the weather outside as she approached the glass doors, Kat pulled her coat more tightly around herself and had her hand on the metal framework when she heard her name being called.
The high-pitched, excited voice was unmistakable.
‘Hello, Jamie.’ She smiled, turning around and just about dropping to her knees as a little blur hurled itself into her arms.
‘Jamie,’ Logan censured him, ‘you can’t just jump on people, champ.’
But Kat simply shook her head to stop him, her arms going around the boy as she inhaled his little-kid scent and held on for as long as he let her, only making herself release him when he pushed himself back to talk to her.
‘We’re going to get new Christmas dorations.’
‘Decorations,’ Logan corrected.
‘Dec-rations,’ he repeated dutifully.
His little body practically shook with excitement, like an over-excited puppy, and his enthusiasm was so infectious it left Kat powerless to resist.
‘Wow.’ She laughed. ‘That sounds super exciting.’
He nodded gleefully.
‘It is. Daddy says I can choose one bubble all by myself.’
‘Bubble?’ she echoed cautiously, her mind whirring.
‘He means—’
‘Bauble!’ she exclaimed, her brain ticking over after a moment.
‘Bauble,’ Jamie pronounced slowly.
Kat’s heart swelled at the pride in his voice.
‘That’s amazing,’ she told Jamie solemnly. ‘Your daddy must trust you very, very much. You’ll have to choose a really special bauble, okay?’
‘Yes,’ Jamie confirmed boldly. ‘You help me.’
‘Oh, no, sweetie, I...can’t.’
But it shocked her just how much she wanted to say yes.
Only a couple of minutes ago she hadn’t been able to look at the Christmas tree because of how painful a reminder it was of being without Carrie. Now her heart was aching because she wanted to accompany Jamie and his father on their Christmas-bauble shopping trip.
She ached to see that wide-eyed, unequivocal belief in the magic of the season that only a young child could show. The way she’d expected this Christmas to be for her with Carrie.
‘Why?’ Jamie’s voice pierced her thoughts and, in a tiny sense, it was a little bit gratifying how crushed he looked. ‘Pl-e-e-e-ease, Kat?’
She should say no. She opened her mouth then closed it again, but didn’t dare look at Logan.
‘I think this is a trip for you and your daddy,’ she managed instead.
‘I’m sure Kat has better things to do than come shopping for Christmas tree decorations,’ Logan cut in, making her jump.
�
��Right.’ She stumbled over the word, tugging her mouth into some semblance of a smile and pretending that her head wasn’t screaming at her to disagree. ‘Of course. Lots to do.’
She stood up, her eyes slamming straight into Logan’s.
‘Don’t you?’ he asked, a little more quietly this time.
She hesitated, unsure what to answer. The idea of returning to her empty place was no more palatable than it had been the other night.
‘You’re welcome to come if you want to,’ he went on, just as quietly. ‘I just didn’t want you to feel obliged.’
‘I don’t.’ She shook her head instantly. ‘That is, I wouldn’t. I’d love to join you both.’
There it was again, that infuriating unfathomable expression. And then it was gone, and he was addressing his son.
‘Okay, champ, then that’s settled. Kat can come after all.’
‘Yay!’ Jamie did a little dance in front of them before slipping his hand into Kat’s. ‘C’mon, Kat, help me find dinosaur bubbles.’
‘Baubles,’ she corrected happily, blushing when she chorused it in time with Logan.
‘But,’ Jamie announced imperiously, holding his hand up, ‘first we’re starting with a sleigh ride.’
And she told herself there was nothing in the least romantic about that at all.
* * *
‘Well, that’s the second colleague from the hospital to have seen us,’ Logan observed a few hours later as they left yet another store with yet another Jamie-selected tree ornament.
The little boy’s hand was still firmly lodged in Kat’s—clearly his mother had been right about his son craving a younger female presence in his life.
‘It’s okay.’ Kat turned around to answer him. ‘We’re just talking about innocuous topics like the traffic. And the weather.’
It took Logan a moment to realise that she was teasing him. He wanted to tease her back, but that was a skill slightly out of his wheelhouse.
‘You might not be laughing when those two colleagues tell the hospital that they saw us together,’ he pointed out instead.
Not that there was anything they could do about it now. He waited for the stab of regret to hit him. But it didn’t come.
‘You’re very much about being ordered and correct, I think.’ She tilted her head at him. ‘About protocol.’
He hadn’t really considered it like that before, Logan realised. But it made sense. First in the military, then as a bodyguard, his life had been about keeping things neat and squared away, whether it was his kit or the separation of his personal and private lives.
‘I suppose I am,’ he conceded eventually.
Except he’d been breaking his own rules ever since Kat had come into his life. And he could pretend it was about the way she had clicked with Jamie, but that would be pretending there hadn’t been that...frisson between them that first day when she had examined him.
‘At least, that’s the way I usually prefer it,’ he amended.
‘So it bugs you that colleagues have seen us together?’
He knew it ought to. But he found he felt remarkably, uncharacteristically, carefree.
‘Actually, no.’ Logan leaned on the doorframe and folded his arms over his chest as Jamie and Kat stopped to admire a Christmas-themed model train set in a window. ‘People love a good gossip, whether it’s those two or someone else.’
‘Those three, actually.’ She wrinkled her nose as though in apology. ‘There was someone you probably didn’t recognise in the last shop we went into. I just didn’t like to say anything.’
‘I guess that’s a new supply chain for the rumour mill, then.’
And even then he didn’t care, he was having so good an evening with Kat. Plus, it had turned out that her presence was helping him to connect a little better with his son.
He’d always thought he and Jamie had a good bond, but Kat had a knack of being able to interact with him on topics he’d never before considered but which seemed so obviously perfect for a four-year-old once she’d highlighted them.
‘You’re really good with him.’ The words tumbled out as the stood at the crossing and Kat entertained Jamie by singing funny kids’ Christmas tunes.
It had been intended as a throwaway remark, but something flitted across her features, too fast for him to read, reminding him of that night at his house when she’d mentioned the child she used to mind. Carrie or something.
Now, like then, she made a point of deflecting, putting it down to her nursing skills, and Logan nodded, as though he agreed.
But he filed it away for another time.
If he wanted to get to know Kat Steel a little better, then he had a hunch that the key lay somewhere in that.
For now he just watched her, and how happy Jamie was to have her around, and he felt more relaxed that he had in a long time.
Clearly Jamie was crying out for a younger female in his life, and he’d fallen for Kat’s charms—he couldn’t fault his son’s choice. And, all right, Kat might not be a long-term solution, but it was working for Jamie, and bringing him out of the shell he’d started to retreat into. When he weighed everything up, Logan calculated it could be good for his son—just as long as he kept some distance from Kat and kept reminding Jamie that she was just a temporary person in their lives,
And if that was also his own take-home message, then so what?
‘Daddy, Kat, look at all the trees,’ Jamie enthused a few moments later as they turned the corner to see the square full of Christmas trees—at least one hundred of them—all decorated differently.
Logan grinned as Kat allowed herself to be dragged along by the little boy as he—carrying the bags—merely lengthened his stride to keep up. They had enjoyed the sleigh ride, been to Santa’s grotto, and wandered through a snow village with little wooden sheds decorated to look like life-size gingerbread houses. Jamie had been thrilled and awestruck in equal measure.
But even Logan had to admit that the waves of trees, all decorated in their own unique way—some quirky, some traditional, and some absolutely breathtaking—looked pretty damned spectacular.
‘It’s the Christmas tree parade,’ Kat realised. ‘The public can judge them. Gemma told me about it—her niece entered a tree this year. You can buy tickets and there are several categories you can judge, like Most Beautiful, Most Fun, Most Original, et cetera, and you get to choose your favourites.’
‘Can we choose, Daddy? Please?’
‘It’s good fun,’ Kat encouraged, not even attempting to hide her bias.
‘Oh, it’s like that, is it?’ Logan laughed, and she nodded so preposterously that all he wanted to do was cup her face and kiss her.
‘It’s like that,’ she told him blithely, completely oblivious to his less than platonic thoughts.
‘All right,’ he agreed, setting the bags down to pull his wallet from his pocket.
‘No, these are on me.’ Kat put her hand on his, a bolt of electricity shooting through him at the mere contact. She snatched her hand back, tellingly, which let him know she’d felt it too. ‘You’ve paid for everything else tonight.’
Then she was darting away with Jamie holding one hand before he could say anything, and he was glad because he wasn’t sure what he would have said.
It was strange, the things that made an impact of different people. For him, that simple gesture unlocked a slew of emotions from him. In three years with Sophia, she had never—not once—offered to pay for anything. She’d expected people to indulge her. Always. And they had, because she was pretty, and flirty, and exceptionally practised at being manipulative.
How had he fallen for it for so long?
Except that he already knew the answer. Mild PTSD, the army doctors had called it when they’d...encouraged him to leave after that final tour. Grief at the loss of his buddies.
He’d
thought Sophia had been his saviour. An outgoing, breezy, fun-loving girl to breathe air back into his dying life.
He’d realised too late that she was demanding, volatile and avaricious. Well, perhaps not too late, or else he wouldn’t have his incredible Jamie now. But certainly she hadn’t helped to pull him up from that dark pit he’d been in.
King Roberto had done that. Though the old man would say Logan had done it for himself in the end.
‘Right, here we go.’ Kat bounced back into sight with a deliriously happy Jamie, his little hand still firmly lodged in hers.
‘Okay, you get five tickets each and the categories are written on each of them. Come on, sweetheart, let’s read them together and then we’ll go and look at the trees. I’m sure I saw one with wellies all over it.’
‘Wellies?’ Jamie chortled into his hand in typical four-year-old fashion. ‘Not real wellies.’
‘Oh, yes. Real, bright red wellies,’ Kat assured him. ‘I think it was probably the coastguard’s Christmas tree. What do you think?’
‘I think that’s getting my...’ checking his tickets, Logan was determined to join in the fun ‘...quirkiest ticket.’
Kat beamed at him, and he couldn’t stop his chest from tightening at her approval.
‘Well, now, wait just a moment, we should see what else is out there first, don’t you agree, Jamie?’
‘No. Quirky wellies.’ Jamie grinned up at him, and his heart swelled with happiness.
Even as she waggled her finger, Kat laughed.
‘Oh, siding with your daddy, huh? I see how it is.’
For the next half-hour or so they wandered up and down, admiring the trees and choosing their winners, although the latter part became ultimately a matter of choosing one of any of the nearest trees as Jamie’s attention began to wane.
And once again Logan marvelled at how instinctively Kat picked up on Jamie’s mood changes a fraction ahead of him, and he was supposed to the parent.
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