by Anne Leigh
“Just answer me, Nales,” he cajoled, while proceeding to lightly caress my fingers with his rough hands. “When was it?”
Grr. Fine. “September twelfth. Wednesday. 5:15 in the afternoon, right after I stepped out of CSUF’s clinic, I went to his place and poured bleach all over his pants that were still attached to his cheating dick and broke up with him. Happy?”
His chest vibrated with a chuckle. “Good for you. You should’ve broken up with him way before that.” Drumming his free hand on the steering wheel, he added, “He didn’t deserve you.”
I nodded my head, agreeing to what he’d just said. “He didn’t. Now do you have any more questions for me? Or should we call it a night?” I wasn’t going to sit here and play Truth or Consequences with him the whole night. I had a job to get to early in the morning.
“One last question, sweetie pie…” Uh oh. Now he had that determined gleam in his eye, he was no longer laughing, instead he was looking at me…the way he always did. Unmasked desire, lust, passion – it had always been there for me.
From the first time he met me, that fateful night where our friends, Sedona and Zander’s love affair started, Xavier’s desire for me hadn’t wavered. Back then I was in a committed relationship (at least I was committed) with Jerome so Xavier had kept the flirting to a minimum. The minute he learned I was a free bird, he packed on the charm, and by the time Sedona and Zander had become engaged in Hawaii, Xavier and I were unofficially a couple. We made it official a month later, after my other BFF, Tanya, went to my apartment for a surprise breakfast visit. Tanya was having cofee and I was gorging myself with the freshly baked muffins and croissants that Tanya had picked up from our favorite pastry place, Never Ending Sweets and Treats, when Xavier had entered the kitchen in his famous Peter Pan boxers and a whole lotta glorious nakedness that I could have sworn Tanya’s red hair turned pink. As if it wasn’t enough, Xavier had planted a big, wet kiss on my face, pulled up a chair, and drank from my mug of green tea.
Xavier and I didn’t want to rob the spotlight on Sedona and Zander’s engagement, so we just kept the fact that we were dating to ourselves. Needless to say, Tanya called Sedona with the earth-shattering news and I spent the whole afternoon giving them the chronicled timeline of our relationship. They wanted to know about everything – and while they were my best friends, I still left some things out. One was that Xavier’s mouth was a magical weapon; it could lick, lave, and stroke in orgasmic-inducing ways. And two, he was a consummate lover, so giving, and you would never know by looking at his ever-present uber-relaxed persona that he was a very kinky guy.
My throat began to dry at the intense fire in his eyes, and when his emerald stare landed on my lips, I had a feeling that I would not be stepping out of his car unscathed. We might have been apart for months, but each night, when I had the bed sheets drawn up to my chest, my fingers found their way to my private parts and with each pull on my nipples and each rub I deigned underneath my soaked panties, I thought of him. How he’d pound my body against the wall, the enormous size of him filling me almost to the brink of pain, and the way his neck muscles strained and stretched when he came. Sex was sex. But with him, sex was an experience;a tantric, mind-blowing meeting of our bodies.
“Nales, I’ll let you go, I won’t even bother you anymore…” His jaw flexed, tensed, his nostrils flaring, and his throat muscles bobbed up and down as he whispered, “Just answer one more question for me…”
If I had known this was how we’d end up, would I have moved in with him? Would I have taken a chance with him? Would I have reserved a space in my heart for just for him, solely for him?
Our time apart has led me to believe that even if we were no longer together, he would always be a part of me. You know when people talk about once in a lifetime kind of love? The young, wild, and free type of love where you give yourself, all of you, completely, without any inhibitions or reservations? That was the kind of love I held for this man. And to top it all off, I gave him the same amount of trust. Now he was letting me go, breaking free, finally…
For the first time in months, the anger I held for him no longer mattered. The essence of who I was, who he was, what we were to each other coalescing, fusing, slowly disintegrating the chips of resentment, crumbling the blocks of blame I had put on him.
A renewed calm and a peace I’ve longed for so long coated my voice. “Ask away.” One. Final. Time.
One, two, three, four, five long seconds passed. He had removed his seatbelt while I remained locked in mine, his whole body facing me, his long legs folding in the space in front of him, his eyes seeking my expression as he solemnly asked, “When did you know you loved me?”
A coil of unease was lodged in my throat, my heart started beating rapidly, and cold sweat filled my veins. “Xavier…”
“Answer me, Nales,” His look was unflinching, steady, yet uncompromising. “When?” Both of his hands were clasping mine tightly, and when his fingers rolled on the crease of my right hand’s middle finger, the wall I’d erected for so long bowed and started crashing down, the splinters leaving me breathless and I needed to get some air.
In quick, unfastidious motions, I pulled both of my hands from his grasp, unfastened my seatbelt and jumped out of the car.
I didn’t know where I was going, I just needed to be away from him. The assaulting memories were too much for me to bear.
Everything around me reminded me of him. Me. Us.
I couldn’t help the barrage of tears that soaked my face. I’d held them at bay for so long. Silently hoping and praying that if I could just hold on to them just a little longer, I would be okay. Okay in the sense that I could no longer feel, become numb to the array of emotions that warred inside of me.
My knees slowly gave out, and just before my shins hit the ground, strong hands scooped me up, and I was engulfed in the comfort he was giving me. He didn’t break his stride as he led us inside the house, towards the foyer, the space I had considered as mine when I moved in here.
“I’m here, Nales.” The ferocity in his assertion held no reluctance, no room for misgivings. “I’m always here.”
My chest kept shaking and I couldn’t stop the waterfall of tears that kept streaming down my face. It was suddenly all too much. I’d restrained my emotions for so long, masking them with indifference and anger that crying felt so foreign now.
His arms didn’t leave the cradle of strength, the bubble of protection he surrounded me with, and as long as I could, I held on to the solid, familiar chest, one I’d woken up to countless of times, and when I left, I couldn’t sleep for a month because I had missed him so much.
“December twenty-third, two days before Christmas…you were making me breakfast and when I came out of the bedroom, you looked at me and breakfast was forgotten. The fire department came because the smoke alarms went off and we didn’t do anything to silence them.” My speech was garbled between my crying, and blowing off the liquid that started to get stuck in my sinuses, but I trudged on, “It was the day I knew I loved you…”
Pressing a soft kiss to my forehead, he said, “I know.”
“Then why did you ask?” I said, his hands wiping at the wet mess I’d made of my face. I had looked like a demented dragon, but his stare was just the boost I needed to keep talking. “I’ve told you I loved you before. So many times.”
Bobbing his head, I noticed the faint trace of stubble beginning to form around his jaw. He was always clean shaven. He hated hair on his face.
Brushing the strays of hair that got stuck on my tear-stained face, he said, “You remember every date, Nales. The day you got your rocker Hello Kitty. When Precious Moments and Hello Kitty collaborated on a project, you have that day earmarked in your brain.” My fascination with Hello Kitty was worthy of a documentary. “The day you met Sedona, Tanya, everyone. If it means something to you, you know exactly when and where it happened.”
My body felt so tired I caved into his warmth. I leaned in towards
his embrace, my cheek rested on his shoulder, the suit he was wearing would need dry cleaning asap because I’d totally ruined it with my makeup.
He spoke slowly, “When you said you didn’t love me anymore…”
I breathed in long and hard at his words because even I didn’t believe it when they came out of my mouth.
His chest pulled in for an intake of air as he continued, “A part of me wanted to tell myself that it was true…but when you said you didn’t know when you stopped loving me, I knew you were lying because if you loved me that much, you’d remember exactly when you stopped.”
“I’m sorry…” his hands massaged my back as he uttered his apology, I’ve heard them one too many times, but this time it sounded different to my ears, as if my heart was actually hearing his plea. “I’m so sorry I did what I did. I’m sorry for hurting you. For allowing myself to become the person you hated. For not being there for you when you needed me the most. I’m so sorry, Nales.”
My face left his shoulder and I forced myself to look up at him.
He looked the same yet I knew in my heart, he was different. Maybe it was time for me to bridge the gap and for once, open my heart up to the possibilities…of something…with him…again. Letting my hands drift under his suit, I slowly unbuttoned his dress shirt, needing to feel his naked skin against my own.
His hands fell to his sides, he was giving me control of how far I wanted to go with this. Him beneath me, me straddling him, was one of my favorite positions. It was one of his, too. Xavier’s affinity to my breasts should be a legend. All I had to do was send him a picture of my cleavage and he’d come on the spot. This position allowed me to offer him the goods while I rocked my hips to my own beat.
With his help, I was able to remove his suit jacket and shirt, and just when I was about to kiss him on his full mouth, my eyes caught some lettering on the top left side of his chest.
Caught between the rush of passion and curiosity, I asked, “What’s this?”
It was a small tattoo, a picture of a tiny cat with angel wings. The wings of the angel had the initials “N” and “S” inscribed in Korean letterings. I knew because I could read Korean.
First of all, Xavier hated cats, especially a fictional cat. When we moved in together, we made a compromise that I would keep all my Hello Kitty paraphernalia in one room. The only Hello Kitty items allowed in our room was anything related to underwear and even the two pillows I’d managed to sneak in our bedroom, he’d asked for two months’ worth of sex. Yet here he was, his skin tattooed with the two-legged creature with six prominent whiskers that looked so closely like my obsession.
“It’s my favorite cat.” The humurous twinkle in his smoldering green eyes was back, this was the playful side of him, and while the ink looked out-of-place on his muscular chest, it was so endearing at the same time.
I giggled at his words. “Your favorite cat? You don’t even like cats.”
“A-huh. You know what?” The husky edge to his voice was unmistakable, he was way past the point of being turned on. “We can talk about it later.”
I licked my lips, tasting the salty tears I’d shed earlier. “Later?”
With a slight shake of his head, he husked, “Nales, I’m not going to last this time around. It will be quick and hard. But I promise you I’ll make it up to you.” He lost the modulated control in his demeanor, so I decided to tease him just a little more. Months of no sex could do that to a girl. Make her a conniving, teasing bitch, especially to the man who held the flood gates to her pleasure.
I climbed off his lap, and since I was wearing a one-shoulder jersey sheath dress, the only way to remove it was to lift it up from its edges and shimmy out of it.
With my dress out of the way, I was clad in my nude bra and beige stretch lace panties, which I was pretty sure were more than soaked.
Xavier hadn’t moved from his spot. It was as if he was in a trance, his jaw slightly trembled and the fire in his eyes could incinerate me on the spot. I stepped out of my panties and the bulge in his pants grew larger in size. Without further ado, I unbuckled his pants, let his cock strain free out of the front of his boxer briefs, and then I achingly, painfully, rubbed the tip of his cock to the top of my clit.
The roar that came out of his mouth was ear-splitting, followed with a, “Damnit, Nales. You’re so damned beautiful.”
Reaching behind my back, I unfastened my bra, and with one hard thrust, he was inside of me. His mouth touched my nipple, and with each suck, he pushed me to the brink of oblivion. The way he was kissing my breasts, you’d think the guy had never seen breasts before. He was always partial to them.
“Condom,” I struggled to say, “Xavier…condom.”
“Back pocket.” His words were muffled against the worshipping tonguing motions he was blessing my breasts.
With him inside of me, I slowly lowered my back to grab the discarded pants and took the foil wrapper out. I was on birth control, but I still wanted another form of protection.
It was torture for him pull out and suit up, but as soon as he did, he rammed up against me, filling me oh-so-deep to the hilt. My body was accustomed to his size, but after months of only having a vibrator inside of me, which was nowhere near close to his gigantic asset, I had to readjust, and he must have seen the slight pinch in my expression, because he stopped and asked, “You okay?”
“Yes.” I shuddered at the pleasure he was giving me. “I need it harder.”
“Harder?” The low groan vibrated through his body, and with both of his hands on my hips, he lifted me off of him.
“Yes.” My body burned at his touch, and when he flicked a finger on my clit, the keening sound that escaped my lips was so loud I might have shaken a chandelier or two.
Riding him faster, slower, faster had me panting in need and the exertions were starting to make a slow fire between my legs, but I didn’t care. I was past the edge of caring. I was on the ledge, the precipice of sanity, my mind completely focused and lost in the sensations he was giving me.
Xavier took command, pushing up against me and pulling me down for more contact, leaving no space in between us. Time and time again, he groaned, holding himself back, making everything last a little longer for me. When his cock plunged inside me once again and his teeth grazed the top of my left breast hard enough I knew it would leave a mark, I screamed out my release.
With his head on my shoulder, nipping and biting, he pumped into me one, two, three more times before he growled in his throat, his shoulders shook, his breaths rapid and shallow as the force of his orgasm hit him.
My head stayed cocooned against his chest, and when he finally asked for me to stand up and excused himself so he could get rid of the condom, I felt the loss of our intimate connection, making me realize that no matter what, he would always be a part of me…I wanted me to always be a part of him too.
But right now, it was just too much for me to handle.
Picking up my clothes from the floor, I started to don my bra, my panties were no good so I’d be going home without them. I was lost in the mindless motions of putting my clothes back on when I heard his voice, “What are you doing?”
“I, ah, am going home,” I replied, not quite meeting his eyes. Sex between us was always great, and it was the least of our problems.
“Nales, I’m not taking you back to your place now,” he admonished, his face contorted in disagreement.
Sinking back down on the sofa, my shoulders sagged in defeat, “I don’t know what to do, Xavier. I really don’t.”
Reaching my side in a few quick steps, I saw that he’d changed into a white shirt and blue boxers. A long look passed between us.
“I know I was funning you earlier, but now that I think you’re ready to hear me out, ask me why the cat has wings.” His eyes were still filled with hunger, but now an unfamiliar sense of calm pressed his voice.
My brows shot up in fluster. “What cat?”
“My tattoo.” His left hand pre
ssed on his chest, the other sifted through the ends of my short hair. He liked to play with my hair. I’d often asked if he liked it longer, but he’d just shrug and say, “Whatever floats your boat floats mine, too.”
“Oh okay,” I replied, trying to cover my body, especially my stomach. Now that the haze of passion had cleared, reality was sinking back in, fast. I had stretch marks and they weren’t a pretty sight. Xavier stopped my hands from covering any part of my body.
“Why do you have wings on your kitty tattoo?” Just the fact I was asking such a silly question was enough to make me giggle. I had no idea why he would tattoo a cat, of all things, on his chest.
Looking into my eyes, the emotions poured out of his mouth. “Don’t hide your body from me, Nales. That’s the last thing I’d ever want you to do. Well, aside from kicking me out of your sight every single time. You’re beautiful. ” Pausing for a breath, he added, “You’re passionate about a friggin’ cat so I had to have it.”
“Okay…” I replied, rolling my eyes. The ridiculous conversations I have had with him sometimes seem so pointless. “But why does it have wings? What are the Korean letters for?”
“Because even a cat can fly, you know. If you give her wings, she can fly.” He shrugged his shoulder, his eyes changed into a stormy, muddied green, “And I had to give her wings because her mama might love me or a fictional cat, but I knew her mama loved her most…so I gave her wings so she can fly straight into the heavens.”
His voice dipped an octave, his hands caressed my back as he said, “The letters are for you, Nales. And for her. Serafina.”
And just like that, I knew we weren’t talking merely about a cat anymore. He’d just reopened the festering wound that had broken and torn us apart.
There were so many beautiful, gorgeous women in this world. Last time I checked with my BFF Google, the world’s population was more than 7 billion. More than half of these were females.