by Anne Leigh
I’d walked around school wondering if each girl I met was her.
The one he cheated with.
There were lots of them. Even when I’d confronted him, he couldn’t pinpoint exactly when he’d started cheating.
I got over him because I’d realized he never really loved me.
I was just there. Readily available, convenient, fit in his two-kids-with-a-dog future.
Xavier was there for me when Jerome cheated.
The meltdown, the aftermath, the recovery.
He was my friend through the sobbing and the tissue-inducing moments.
He’d known how low I’d gotten and he’d reached for my hands and held them high so I could stand back up.
So—
Tell Me.
How are you supposed to act when the woman your boyfriend slept with while you were carrying his child stood in front of you?
How do you stand up when you’re recovering from the loss of the most precious being in your world and she’s right there, sizing you up, cataloguing each freckle, pimple, black head on your face, with a slight smirk on her perfect pouty lips?
I’ll tell you how.
You stand up to her height, well not really to her full height because she’s six-feet Glamazonian tall.
You pull on your messy ponytail and stand straight. The straightest your spine could hold.
Then…
You hold out your hand and say, “Hi, I’m Nalee. Xavier’s girlfriend. I didn’t catch your name. Would you like some coffee?”
I’d almost called my buddy Zander to ask if his plane was parked anywhere near Cleveland when I heard that my flight got delayed.
At first it was for an hour.
Then another hour.
Next thing I knew, my ass was burning a hole in my seat for another two hours.
Claire tried to find an earlier flight that could accommodate me.
Alas, all the flights to San Francisco were fully-booked.
When my feet hit the pavement of San Francisco, I was overcome with relief. Joy. Elation.
Nalee’s dad had given me his blessing.
Nalee’s mom hugged me her blessing.
I’d spoken with her right after I had coffee with her husband.
Nalee’s mom was speechless at first, then she cried, hugged me, sobbed into one, two, five Kleenex tissues, and hugged me again.
She was semi-retired now, so I’d met her in her kitchen, and after my stomach was stuffed from her homemade ravioli, I’d asked for Nalee’s hand.
By the time I left Nalee’s childhood home, I was armed with the wisdom that her mother gave me, and my phone had tons of childhood pictures that I could blackmail Nalee with in case she didn’t say yes.
It’d been a long time coming.
Before we’d gotten back together, I’d known that when Nalee accepted me back into her life, I’d make her mine for forever.
The worst times of my life was when she wasn’t with me.
The best times were when she was with me.
I’d never had an emotional connection to a woman as strong as I had with her.
She was the better half of my soul.
I could already foresee my future with her – our children will have her eyes and my smile or the other way around.
They would be freakishly good-looking because hey, have you met Nalee? Have you seen me?
Apart from good looks, they would have solid moral principles and become law-abiding citizens because their mother would beat the crap out of me if they became self-entitled and extremely spoiled.
I’d asked her where she was at, half-expecting that she was still in bed, waiting for me.
When she’d replied that she’d been running, I was thinking of dropping off my bag at the house and meeting her at the hospital because that’s where her feet led her.
It was part of her grieving and the best thing I could do was be supportive and wait for her to finally let the cloud of mourning go.
My heart kicked when she’d replied that she was at Koala’s.
After the tragedy of losing our daughter, she hadn’t veered off her running path once she was able to run again.
It was where I’d find her when she wasn’t home or going on dates that witch, Tanya, who had forced her to go on.
I’d texted that I loved her before I got into the Mercedes that Claire had waiting for me.
My heart doubled a beat when I’d gotten an I love you, too back.
I wish I could’ve seen her face when she’d sent that message.
Was she smiling?
Was she distracted?
Did she really mean it?
There was no way I was waiting for her at home after she’d sent that text so I’d dropped off my bag and taken off my business jacket and requested Karl, the elderly gentleman who had picked me to and from the airport a few times now, to drive me close to Koala’s. Karl was only too happy to oblige.
My eyes easily found her as I scanned the coffee shop.
Dressed in her workout clothes with a light green sweater, she was looking down on her phone so I spoke before she saw me.
When her eyes met mine, my soul settled with a longing ache.
Being apart from her for two days was hard.
I hadn’t seen her since she worked Thursday morning and Facetime didn’t count so, yes, I missed her.
I couldn’t show her how much because Koala’s would kick us out, but I could communicate with my hands.
So I touched her hand, and kept it there. Even when I drank the coffee. Even after I drank the impostor, rotten cup of wanna-be iced espresso that Nalee had been sipping on.
I was too engrossed in staring at her lips touching the cup, her left hand rubbing aimlessly on her earlobe, and her eyes sparkling with amusement that I didn’t foresee what was coming.
A foreign weight landed on my shoulder. I tried to shake it off, but when my eyes fell on blue ones instead of dark caramel and emeralds, my vision blurred.
I’d just gotten Nalee back.
She was finally saying she loves me again.
I’m marrying her as soon as the word “yes” comes out of her mouth.
I really hated karma or whatever feng-freaking-shui just took a shit on me.
“I get that you’ve been avoiding me. I asked about you, but your secretary says you’re always busy. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.” She was speaking, but her words weren’t making sense in my muddled brain.
Nalee would walk out.
She’d run and leave me.
She’d be packing her bags the second she stepped foot outside of Koala’s.
Myma removed her hand from my shoulder and gave me a toothy smile.
She was very pretty.
I could blame everything that happened on the alcohol or some crap-ass excuse.
She was smart.
The company that she worked for was one of the companies that we relied on for outsourcing some of our audits when we became impacted, especially around tax season.
She was everything that a man could want.
Just not me.
It was a one time deal and it didn’t rock my world.
Instead my world fell apart and crumbled upon me where I could barely stand.
Myma moved and I saw Nalee’s expression. Her eyes got bigger as if she was caught off-guard, then her lips thinned into a line. Shadows of despondency and annoyance crossed over her dainty features, all within a span of thirty seconds.
Myma kept talking and Nales was listening.
I kept my feet planted to the ground, ready to run after Nales as soon as she hightailed it out of there.
My hands gripped the side of the table.
A better man would have stood up and said hello.
But I’ve never claimed to be a better man.
I was barely good on my own.
Nales was what made me better.
I eyed Nales as she stood up, her petite figure slight against Myma’s towe
ring height.
Nales stood straighter and I swore under my breath. “Fuck.”
Her eyes were shooting fireballs and they were not the good kind.
She started to say something and then stopped, as if rethinking her actions.
She held out her hand to Myma and said, “Hi, I’m Nalee. Xavier’s girlfriend. I didn’t catch your name. Would you like some coffee?”
Wait.
What?
What the ever loving fuck?
We’d been sitting here for twenty minutes.
I know because I’d been watching the digits change on my watch.
The ladies were doing the talking. About their jobs, best places to shop for shoes, and great ramen places near the bay.
My palms were sweaty from holding Nalee’s hand so tightly.
There was a nagging, persistent feeling deep inside me that she’d bolt.
That she was pretending to be okay when she wasn’t.
That she was going to break into tears or karate chop Myma and me at the same time, any minute now.
It didn’t matter that she was sitting, looking all calm as she continued to sip that heinous drink of an espresso.
It didn’t matter that once in a while, she smiled at what Myma was saying and asked questions.
It didn’t matter that she asked me to go grab a raspberry scone for her and an oatmeal cookie that Myma requested.
Now I know how it felt to be inside a torture chamber.
I bet you those people didn’t die from the actual torture.
Their hearts probably gave out because of the exhilarating, numbing, mindless anticipation of what was to come.
Myma’s head shook when Nalee asked, “You don’t work for Xavier anymore?”
Myma singled me out. “Maybe he ordered his people not to send their business to ours.”
I actually had.
It wasn’t a petty decision.
Maybe twenty percent of it was. I didn’t want to see her because I wouldn’t know what to say.
One night stands didn’t offer the same benefits as long-term relationships.
There were no courtesy calls, they were usually wham-bam we’re done so see you if I see you.
It just so happened that Young and Sawyer, the small firm she worked for, did not turn out their products on time. Rory from Finance had complained twice that they were late with the paperwork, so Rory had removed them from our vendors.
“It was a business decision.” I cleared my throat, my eyes fleeting momentarily to Myma’s then back to Nalee’s.
“Isn’t it always?” Myma shrugged, her hair much lighter and longer than the last time I’d seen her. “Men, when they can’t find their way out, say ‘business decision.’” Her brows waggled with a matching twitch on her mouth.
“Or they say, ‘it’s my fault, not yours’,” Nalee supplemented, the slight crook of her chin defying any assumptions that I had. That maybe she was faking it, that what she really wanted to do was to beat me with her Hello Kitty hockey stick, yes she had one, and then she would drag my bloody body out of her life.
“Exactly.” Myma’s brows raised, her eyes filling with wonder…and respect. “I have to get going.”
Nalee smiled and picked on her half-eaten scone. “It was interesting to meet you, Myma.”
“Why is that?” Myma asked, her hand reaching for the vibrating phone that she’d set by her side.
Nalee flexed her neck to the right. “Honestly, I just never thought I’d meet one, if any, of Xavier’s exes.”
Myma wasn’t an ex.
It was one night.
One misery-producing night. I wished I was The Flash so I could change my past to remove the memory of the pain that one night had caused.
“He’s not an ex,” Myma corrected. “It was more of a fling.”
Nalee nodded, the dark tendrils of hair flowed loose on the side of her ear, and I tucked in a few between the longer strands so they would stay wrapped in her ponytail.
“I can see why he wouldn’t call me anymore,” Myma concluded, standing slowly as she took the last bite of her cookie. “He’s got a great girlfriend.”
Nalee’s cheeks reddened, she was gorgeous when she blushed.
“It was nice meeting you, Nalee.” Myma’s smile reached her eyes, her words rich with sincerity.
Nalee could have treated her unkindly, she could have created a scene, or just run away from the situation.
Instead she held her head high, talked pleasantly with a woman from my past, and in turn Myma turned and left with a smile and a light heart.
“I’m still upset,” Nalee proclaimed as she continued to watch Myma’s form disappear among the crowd. Her hazel eyes filled with the tears that had failed to appear when Myma was still around. “I’m upset and jealous and annoyed and I want to scream.”
My hands reached around her shoulders and I helped her get out of her chair.
She breathed deep and long as our steps matched, finding our way towards our house.
“She’s beautiful,” Nalee confessed, her words breaking me. “I see why you were attracted to her.”
She’s not you.
My unspoken words hung in the cool misty air.
“But she’s not me,” she surmised, the emeralds in her eyes cutting through the brown of her irises, her gaze penetrating, her confidence building, slowly but surely. “You don’t love her the way you love me.”
“I don’t,” I said, speaking the truth. “I’m sure of that. Are you?”
She blinked and her hand reached to touch my chest as we stood in front of the house, the “Welcome” sign she’d bought hanging over the door, and with assuredness in her voice, she said, “I’m sure, Xavier.
You don’t look at her the way you look at me.”
“How do I look at you?”
“Like the world would fall into pieces if I disappeared from your sight.” She sighed, restoring the calm in my galloping heart.
“You’re damn right, Nales. Damn right.” I swooped up her tiny frame in my hands, tossed her over my shoulder, unlocked the door, and laid her on our bed.
It was time for me to keep picking up the pieces and let things fall in their rightful places.
“This is a great party, girlfriend.” Complimenting Sedona wasn’t hard; she did everything perfectly.
She’d turned her house into a mini-Legoland for Nicholas’ party. He was barely a toddler, but you couldn’t tell with the way he turned the ladies into mush. He was a certified flirt. With his mom’s unique violet eyes and a dimple that deepened when he laughed, Sedona and Zander would have their hands full when their gorgeous twosome grew up.
“I had tons of help,” Sedona admitted, her eyes twinkling with happiness. Nicholas had gotten better two days after she’d brought him to the ER. Apparently he’d had a really bad case of the stomach flu. Thank God he was able to recover quickly. That little boy was loved by so many.
Tanya winked at me while she dipped her left index finger into the blue frosting of one of the cupcakes. “We know you had help, mommy-yo. You may be able to make up equations about cooking, but the reality is, cooking is not one of your talents.”
Sedona laughed, her right hand slapping Tanya’s fingers, which were ready to take a stab at another cupcake that Brynn had worked so hard on assembling into this huge cupcake stand with a bunch of Marvel superheroes. The Hulk, Captain America, and Iron Man were in the front because they were Nicholas’ favorites. Brynn outdid herself; she’d created a wonderful mesh of characters, and from what she had me taste earlier, the flavors were outstanding. How she maintained her figure with all the baking she did was a wonder.
Brynn joined us, her long blonde hair pulled to one side, her dark blue sleeveless shirt and shorts making her blue eyes appear darker. “Sedona, we need to call everyone to gather ‘round and sing happy birthday before the sun melts the Hulk.”
I eyed the palm-sized Hulk figurine standing tall on a green cupcake, and it did
look like his hands were starting to melt. The last few times I’d visited Sedona, Minnesota didn’t have this warm of weather. Climate change was happening and it’s real. I dared those who contradicted to visit Iceland and witness the shrinking glaciers. Or go spend a week in Alaska and measure how fast the glaciers were melting.
“Alright, lemme call the boys,” Sedona agreed and walked towards the farther end of the pool where the guys were gathered.
“What moisturizer do you use, Brynn?” Tanya’s green eyes honed in on Brynn. Her question was so random, but that’s how Tanya was. You’d never know what she was going to say from one minute to the next.
“AKTA. It’s by Gunilla of Sweden,” Brynn responded, her hands busy rearranging the cupcake arrangement, trying to save Hulk’s arms from being dismembered by the sun. “Why?”
“Just wondering,” Tanya said nonchalantly. “Your skin looks really good.”
“Thank you.” Brynn smiled as she grabbed a bottle of edible glue from the small basket of baking supplies that she was carrying.
“Your skin’s glowing, too. Maybe it’s all that loving you’re getting from a certain Olympian,” Tanya teased, her eyes pointing to Kieran who was lounging by the pool. He was lying on his stomach in a pair of light blue swimming trunks, his long body stretched out on the chaise lounge. Was he sleeping? He’d looked tired when he greeted us earlier. He was already in the house when Xavier and I arrived from the airport.
Brynn grinned. “Kieran’s under a lot of pressure these days. It seems that everyone’s out there, trying to beat the records he’s set. He’s been training non-stop and I think it’s wearing him down.”
“Doesn’t he get vacations?” I asked. Kieran was Sedona’s best friend, and ever since Brynn became his girlfriend, she’d become one of our good friends, too. In the beginning, Brynn didn’t say much. She was shy and private. Tanya pulled the shyness out of her. Becoming Kieran’s wife suited her, she wore that extra glow these days.
Brynn shook her head, her fingers now busy with gluing Captain America’s shield. “Not when Pan Pacific’s in a few weeks, so Kieran’s been exerting himself. I apologize if he’s not much of a partier today. He only had three hours of sleep before we got here. He had a late training last night and I had to be here early, so we took the red eye.” Brynn and Kieran lived in Arizona where Kieran trained.