IF ANYONE EVER TRIES to tell you that withdrawal, or helping someone through a withdrawal, is easy, please punch them in the face for me. By day three, Jace is completely lethargic, shaking like a maniac, covered in sweat, and probably one of the biggest pricks I've ever met in my life. However, when I go to tuck him into bed one night, he murmurs something about pulling a letter out of his nightstand.
My brows furrow as I open the top drawer and pull out an envelope with my name on it. He's asleep before I can even ask what it is, so I cover him with a blanket and make my way back out to the living room. Once I'm alone, I open it.
Paige,
I'm writing this because after listening to what Zayn said, I'm worried about what you might think of me while I'm going through this.
You are a remarkable woman. I don't know if you know that, but I do. You have a heart of gold and never fail to see the good in people, even when you shouldn't. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I hope you never leave.
Seeing you almost walk out that door was exactly what I needed. The thought of losing you again felt like a scorching hot rod going straight through my heart. I don't think I've ever needed much of anything in my life, but fuck, I need you.
So, please. Anything I say while I'm coming off the drugs, don't listen to it. None of it is true. You are, and always have been, the best thing in my life. But don't tell Carter. He gets a little green sometimes.
Thank you for everything,
Jace
I read it over three more times before finally putting it inside my purse.
Maybe everything really will be okay.
Let's hope.
It takes five days before the sight of the sun doesn't make me feel like a vampire who could burst into flames at any moment. I'm finally able to sit up on the couch, and the sound of people talking doesn't make my fist twitchy with the need to punch something.
Paige sits next to me as she flips through my old yearbook from senior year. It's almost comical, looking at how much we thought we were adults back then. We had no idea what life was like. Hell, we probably still don't.
"It's fun to look at this and see all the people who are dating now that weren't dating when we were in high school," she says.
"Really? Like who?"
To say I haven't paid attention to pretty much anyone who I went to high school with is an understatement. I basically only know the whereabouts of Carter, Paige, and Becca because Paige talks about her. Other than that, Grayson, Wyatt, and Hayden text me from time to time, but that's it.
She shrugs. "Holly and Taylor."
My brows raise. "They're dating? Taylor hated her."
"They got together the summer after we graduated."
"Wow. I could have sworn Taylor was gay."
Chuckling, she shakes her head. "No, but Nate is."
"No he's fucking not." There's no way.
She nods. "He is. Him and Jesse are practically engaged at this point."
"Jesse is gay, too?"
Damn. Good for him, I guess, but I never expected that. Then again, if I was gay, I probably wouldn't have come out in high school. People are too critical, and you're essentially becoming the target of bigoted people who don't have open enough minds to realize that you being gay has absolutely no effect on them.
As she flips further into the yearbook, a thought comes to mind. "You know, you never told me who you lost your virginity to."
She freezes for a second. "What?"
"The first time we had sex, you said that you'd done it before, it had just been a while," I explain. "But you never said who with."
As she lets out a deep breath, she looks at me nervously. "You."
My jaw drops in shock. "You lied?"
She looks away and elbows me in the side. "Can you blame me? You had sex with like half the damn school before we hooked up. I didn't want to seem like some inexperienced little girl."
"I, uh. I didn't—have sex with half the school, I mean," I admit.
"Oh, so who's the liar now?" she teases.
I shrug unapologetically. "It was guy talk, and if I didn't make it seem like I was keeping up, I never would have heard the end of it."
Giggling, she seems to get it. "So, was Carter lying about being a man-whore, too?"
"No. He absolutely has had sex with a phone book’s worth of women."
The things I could tell you, and the amount of times I've walked in on him, is enough to scar me for life. Not to mention the amount of girls we've done together, but I don't think that's a road I want to take Paige down.
"So, who did you lose yours to?" she questions, sounding so fucking innocent.
I cough, choking on air. "What?"
"I told you who I lost mine to. It's only fair."
Fuck. I look over at the yearbook. "That's from our senior year?"
"Mm'hm."
"You need a different one."
"Which one? Junior year?"
I shake my head and speak into the sleeve of my hoodie. "Freshman."
Her smile drops right off her face, and she stares back at me. "You lost your virginity to a senior when we were freshmen?"
"I mean, that was before I knew you and I were a possibility."
It's a good attempt at getting out of it, but she isn't buying it. Instead, she goes back to flipping through the pages. However, I don't miss the snide remark that comes out of her mouth after.
"Carter was definitely not the only man-whore."
And okay, fair.
BY THE SIXTH DAY, I wake up feeling better than I have all week. My headache has mostly subsided, and what hasn't goes away with one of the Excedrin that Carter grabbed from the store. Why he had to buy enough to overdose a small army, I'm not sure, but I'm thankful I have some.
Paige is sleeping peacefully in bed, and I made sure not to wake her as I climbed over her. She's spent almost a week taking care of me. I think it's time she gets taken care of. After all, she's how I was able to get through all of that. I don't know what I would have done if I was stuck with Carter.
I go out into the living room and rummage through the cabinets to find what I need. I may not be entirely skilled at cooking, but I know how to make pancakes. Or at least the just-add-water kind.
Pulling out the electric griddle Paige bought us, I plug it in on the counter and let it heat up while I mix the batter. According to Google, it's the easiest way to make sure they cook evenly. And yes, I Googled how to make pancakes this morning. Don't judge the rich kid.
As the first batch starts cooking, Carter makes his way out of his bedroom.
"Oh, that smells good." He comes over and hovers over my shoulder. "It even looks edible."
"It's for Paige. Not you," I snark.
He snorts. "Yeah, you try giving that girl a tower of pancakes. Watch how fast she punches you in the face for thinking she eats that much."
The thought of how right he is makes me smile. "She is a bit of a handful, isn't she?"
He grabs a stale donut out of a box and takes a giant bite before shrugging. "You and I both know someone worse."
I lock eyes with him, and it only takes a second before I realize exactly who he’s referring to.
"Tye,” we say in unison.
And he’s right, she is definitely worse.
Tyeler Morgan was Davianna's best friend, and a total fucking firecracker. I literally watched the girl make a grown man cry before. She's absolutely ruthless. I mean, Carter is a hard dude to make tear up, but she managed. I also witnessed her knee a bouncer in the balls because she said he touched her boob while carrying her out of a club one night.
Needless to say, she makes Paige look like a goddamn angel.
I finish making the pancakes and toss a couple on a plate for Carter. The smart-ass looks at it like it very well might be poisoned, but he eats them anyway. At least one of us can cook something halfway decent. If the whole world went on lockdown for some absurd reason, we would both be fucked. You can only live for so l
ong on Hot Pockets and sandwiches.
Setting up the tray all nice, I pour a glass of orange juice and even draw a heart in the syrup like some kind of sappy bitch. Thankfully, Carter is too busy picking apart his pancakes like they're a science experiment to notice. Otherwise, I would never live it down.
The sound of the bedroom door opening causes Paige to stir awake, and when she sees me standing there, she looks shocked that I'm even up and walking around before her. She sits up in bed and ties her hair back as I put the tray in front of her.
"Good morning."
She smiles at me. "Good morning." Looking down at the tray, she looks a little confused. "You look like you’re feeling better. You made this?"
"A lot better. And yes, but I promise, I followed all the directions on Google."
That manages to pull a laugh out of her. "You had to Google how to make pancakes?"
I narrow my eyes at her playfully. "Shut up and eat before I give it to Carter."
"Carter is afraid to eat the ones he has," he calls from the kitchen.
Shaking my head, I groan. "The two of you are impossible."
Paige chuckles softly. "I'm just kidding." She cuts a piece off with her fork and puts it right into her mouth. "Wow, it's actually good."
"And you haven't died yet?" Carter shouts.
"Fuck off." I reach over and slam my bedroom door shut.
He can keep his comments to himself. At least I didn't try cooking bacon in a damn pot.
IT'S WEDNESDAY BY THE time I finally go back to classes. Thankfully, Paige and Carter managed to score a doctor's note to excuse me, but it was from my therapist. Which means she's going to have questions for me when I go there later today.
Paige and I walk through campus, with her happily under my arm, and I can't help but think about how much I want to take her on a date. Like a real date. Not just going to dinner or hanging out and fucking at my place. I want to take her somewhere well thought out and planned. Somewhere she deserves. Somewhere that will show her that she's not just someone I'm fooling around with. But what?
"What time is your appointment today?" she asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I have to think about it for a second. "Uh, five?"
She nods. "Okay. I'm going to spend some time with my dad while you're there."
"That sounds nice. How's he been doing?"
"As good as he can be, considering. Mom said his oxygen keeps getting dangerously low though."
I pull her closer and kiss the top of her head. "I'm sorry, baby. Do you want me to call you when I get out of my appointment?"
"Yeah, that sounds good."
As we reach her next class, she arches up on her tip-toes and presses a kiss to my lips. It's short and sweet, but it's exactly what I need. Something normal. Something that feels so natural. I feel like I can only have that with her. With anyone else, I don't want it.
"NICE TO SEE YOU again, Jace," Dr. Litman greets me.
I nod at her and go in to sit down. Anything to get out of that lobby. I swear, there isn't a single time I come here that her receptionist doesn't try hitting on me. I mean, does she not realize that the only people that come here are the ones that are at least partially fucked up in the head?
Maybe she has a thing for toxic guys. I mean, you'd be surprised how many actually consider toxic as a type. However, I've dealt with enough crazy to never want to go down that road again.
"How are you doing?" Doc asks. "It's been a couple weeks since I last saw you."
Usually, I wouldn't answer, but this time, for once, I feel like I want to. "Better, I think."
Her brows raise as she realizes I actually responded for once. "That's good. I'm really happy for you."
"Thanks."
She takes out her clipboard and her pen. "Do you want to talk about why you had to miss last week's appointment, and needed a few days out of school, for that matter?"
I look at the notebook. "Can it be off the record?"
Thankfully, she smiles at me and puts it down on the table. "Of course."
"I was doing drugs. Last week, my friends helped me get off of them."
She brings her hand to her face and rubs her knuckle against her lips as she crosses her legs. "I see. And what drugs were you taking?"
I shrug. "Oxy. Percocets. Molly. Just about anything I could get my hands on. It didn't matter."
"And you were doing that for fun or to block out the trauma you endured?"
"To block out the trauma, for sure. I don't think I ever would have started taking them for the hell of it."
I watch as she thinks it over for a second and hums. "What made you want to get off of them? If you don't mind me asking."
"My...friend." The term sounds so wrong. It doesn't even begin to explain what Paige is to me. "Well, I guess she's more than that, but it's not really defined."
"I see, and this friend, she got you to want to quit?"
"I didn't have a choice," I answer honestly. "It was her or the drugs, and I'd pick her a million times over."
The doctor's smile widens, and she looks proud. "I'm glad you've found someone who makes you find living worth it. That's important. But have you told her about what happened?"
I shake my head. "I can't. I haven't told anyone. I can't...I can't think about it. It pulls me back to that place, and I can't go there."
"I understand," she says softly. "But I don't think keeping it bottled in is helping you at all. I can see why you don't want to tell me. After all, I'm just the doctor your father makes you come see. But I really think you should consider telling her. You might find that letting it out can be very therapeutic."
The whole idea scares the crap out of me, but there is the chance that she's right. I mean, she is a professional. "But what if she leaves me?"
"This woman stayed with you through a drug withdrawal, Jace," she points out. "It doesn't seem to me like she's the kind to hold anything against you. It also sounds like she cares about you very much."
Even just thinking about Paige and her feelings for me makes me bite my lip to conceal my grin. "She does. We've known each other since we were kids."
She nods. "So, she knew you before everything happened."
"Yeah. We kind of dated before we left for college, but we were on opposite sides of the country."
"And I'm guessing this is the same person you thought of when you had a reaction to me asking if anything new happened that week?"
"She and I had just started getting back into the swing of things, I guess you could call it." I pause to think of how to explain it. "She's going through a lot with her dad. He's dying of cancer. And of course, I'm a walking train wreck who isn't capable of having a healthy relationship."
"Why do you think that?" she interrupts.
"Think what?"
"That you're not capable of having a healthy relationship."
I look down at my hands and start cracking my knuckles—a nervous habit. "Things just never really work out for me, so I guess I'm just constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, or for it to go wrong."
She gives me a knowing look. "And how's that been working out for you?"
I can't help but laugh. "Does my dad pay you to be a smart-ass?"
"Not exactly," she teases. "But I formed my own practice so I could do whatever I want."
Talking to her now, I realize she's not as bad as I thought. I mean, no part of me regrets being quiet through those sessions we had. Especially because I don't know how far this doctor-patient confidentiality goes. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if my father paid her extra just to get her to rat me out. But today, she seems all right.
"Well, at least you're not one of those boring doctors that put you to sleep."
She makes a sound of disgust. "I went to one of those when I was a child. I honestly would rather watch paint dry."
Yeah, okay. She's pretty cool.
The two of us spend the rest of the session talking about Paige and other things. She let
s me lead the conversation, careful to stay away from topics I'm obviously not comfortable with yet. Who knows if I ever will be. But by the time I leave, I do know one thing, and that's where I'm taking Paige for our date.
IT TAKES A BIT of planning, and a little more than a few favors pulled in, but I manage to make it happen. Paige sits in the passenger seat as I drive through town. To her, it probably looks like we're going to one of our houses. She doesn't get really confused until I pull up to our old high school, Haven Grace Prep.
Since it's the weekend, there are no people here, but I still had to get permission so no one called the cops on us. Luckily, Principal Hyland has loved me since Carter and I were on the football team. Let's just say he has a soft spot for anything sport related.
"What are we doing here?" Paige questions as I put the car in park.
I look over at her, noticing how the sun rests on her face and makes her look like an actual angel. God, she's stunning, even when she doesn't try.
"Just trust me, okay?"
The two of us get out of the car, and as she walks around toward me, I take her hand in mine. It's a little cold, so I'm glad I made the choices I did.
Instead of going into the school, I lead her around back to the football field we both spent four years together on—me with football and her cheerleading. The second she sees it, her face lights up.
Sitting in the middle of the field is a picnic blanket, surrounded by outdoor heaters to keep us warm. I couldn't exactly cook her favorite foods, but I definitely made sure to order everything she loves.
"You did all this?"
I nod. "You deserve something special."
We make our way over to the picnic blanket and both sit down. Paige keeps looking around, almost as if she can't believe this is really happening. Honestly though, I can't blame her.
Dates, or anything romantic for that matter, have never really been in my character. I guess I was always too self-absorbed to want to do anything for anyone but myself. Selfish, I know. But seeing the way Paige stopped everything to help me made me see how things are supposed to be. When you care about someone, everything changes.
Change My Game: An Emotional Second Chance Romance (North Haven University Book 2) Page 14