I could no longer control myself. I wanted Damon entirely. He pushed me back so I was lying flat and then he lowered his body over mine. I savagely ripped at his belt as he kissed me. One hand on the bench above my head supported his body as he used the other to gently move my hands away. I froze as he ran his hand up my inner thigh. The silky material lifted as he ran his hand underneath. His thumb brushed past the lining of my underwear.
His lips kissed over my collarbone and down toward my breasts; his hand simultaneously caressing me over my underwear. I could feel the breeze sweep past my hot skin as he then pulled my dress down over my purple silk bra. His fingers then traced over my bra straps as he continued kissing down my chest. A moan crept past my lips as his fingers that brushed over my skin triggered an exquisite reaction within.
I could sense the hotness come from his shaft, and I wanted to grab it as I raised myself on my elbows, kissing him again. His wet tongue was pushing against mine firmly. His hand tightened around my shoulder as he pulled away from my kiss, both of us breathing in heavily as he looked at me with distant eyes.
I knew then that I had lost him. Instantly I felt shattered as I collected the silky straps of my dress, glancing to the ground in utter shock. “He is pulling away,” I realized to myself in alarm and surprise. “But I thought...”
“I’m sorry, Clover,” he said under his breath. “I just...I...” His hard chest rose and fell quickly. Panic spread across his face as he extricated himself and struggled to his feet. He looked shell-shocked as he buttoned his shirt. “I’m sorry.” He turned his back on me, collecting the red bottle of wine from the ground before he walked out.
I panted hard, my mouth open in shock. A tear began to slide down my face. I was still perched on my elbows, my dress around my hips. My face contorted in pain as I realized I had been a test for him. Maybe he wanted to see if he was up to the challenge, and I was his guinea pig. He was too broken to fulfil the hunger I was after.
“How stupid of me to kiss him,” I thought, covering my face with my hands.
I glanced down at my disheveled state. The humiliation made me feel sick in the pit of my stomach. I combed through my hair and straightened myself before storming toward the villa, wiping away tears as I went.
I heard Phillip and Michelle laughing with one another as I approached. Their smiles disappeared when they saw me.
“Clover, what happened?” Michelle asked, panicking when she saw my face. Phillip was searching behind me, obviously looking for Damon.
I wrapped my arms around myself insecurely, conscious of the tears that still lingered on my face. “Thank you for this opportunity, but I would very much appreciate it if your driver took me to the airport now,” I asked, almost in tears.
“Of course,” Michelle said, instantly seeming to sober up. She understood and immediately turned to her husband. “Phillip, can you grab her bags please. Call Richard and ask him to get the limo ready.”
“Clover, I am so sorry,” she said, coming toward me to hug me.
I smiled at her lightly, trying to show that I was fine. I raised my hand to her, knowing if she hugged me I would only cry all over again.
“I really am appreciative,” I said, my voice cracking and a few tears spilling over. “But I just want to be at home right now.”
She nodded and stepped aside in silence. Phillip had already collected my things and had handed them to the limo driver, who waited for me out front.
With no exchange of awkward goodbyes, I walked out to the limo. As we pulled away I registered the shock on Michelle’s and Phillip’s faces as they watched from the door. Phillip put his arm around Michelle to comfort her.
In the back, now alone in the darkness of night, I cried into my hands, embarrassed by my urges. I had let my body take control, and for that I had faced the ultimate humiliation.
Chapter Seventeen- Moment
The plane trip home was miserable, and to make matters worse, there was a baby wailing most of the trip. I felt as if at any point I could drop through the sky and not mind because I felt so numb. I just stared through my window into the vast black void, repeating the scene in my head of Damon touching and caressing me. What had I done wrong?
My apartment felt familiar yet when I placed my key into the door and opened it, the air felt stagnated. I instantly looked to where my laptop usually sat and thought of when Damon had helped me with my website. When I looked at the couch, I thought about when we sat and drank coffee together. His empty cup sat on the table. My own apartment now felt foreign. Around Damon I had changed. I had shown my vulnerable self and it had backfired.
Pudding was quick to start rubbing around my leg and meowing loudly. I dumped my bag near my small dining table and picked him up gratefully. I slid down to the floor, Pudding in my arms, and then rested my head against his soft fur, much to his despair. Eventually I made my way to my bed, trying to push the thoughts of Damon out of my mind. I was determined to focus only on my job at Candice—an ambition I should never have strayed from.
*
Four weeks went by and I found myself slowly recovering from his rejection. I didn’t hear a thing from him, something for which I found myself grateful. He had no place in my life. I tried to push away the memory of my time spent in the Bahamas, but when Cassidy first asked, I nearly broke down in tears. Holding myself together, I told her I didn’t want to talk about it.
Debra’s sly remarks washed over me as usual. As if knowing something went wrong, she was quick to jump on it, and brought Damon up every chance she got. “I think he would be a great model for our front cover next month. Could you have him drop by my office sometime soon?” she casually asked one week. I ignored her as best I could.
A new campaign was approaching and I hadn’t the nerve to confront Debra when she mentioned she couldn’t wait to see him there. She talked about him enthusiastically in front of both Cassidy and me. Cassidy only looked at me with sad eyes, as if she knew what had happened. She knew that Damon coming to such a stupid event was never going to happen. But I couldn’t face telling that to Debra—I couldn’t have her laugh at me. I knew she would find an indirect way to tell me I was never worth such a man. I did not need that reality rubbed in my face.
Although I had notice about the campaign, I lacked the energy to shop for it. Cassidy once again brought over clothes. She talked happily about her new boyfriend, who treated her well. I was happy for her; she was a very kind woman and she deserved nothing less.
She brought me a black dress which fitted nicer than her last one. “Maybe I have lost a little weight,” I said, looking at how the V-neck dress fitted my body. My hips were not as wide and my legs were slimmer. Cassidy fixed my hair into a nice bun, with falling tendrils that were teased to frame my face. The effect was feminine and classy.
“I worry about you. You haven’t been eating as much lately,” she said quietly. We now sat in my lounge. From my window I was watching the sun fall. I was tired of all the campaigns I had to dress nicely for. My drive for work began to plummet, even though it felt like it was all I had. The thought of moving back to Ithaca tempted me. Being with my sister and mother held a lot of appeal to me right now.
“Are you okay after Damon?”
Usually I would be defensive and say that I was fine. I had even avoided speaking to my sister over the past month so she would not know something was wrong. The incident had made me evaluate everything about myself. How could one escort singlehandedly pull me apart in such a way? It hurt so much that I feared I had fallen for him. I was embarrassed by what he had done to me—turning his back on me as I lay half-naked in a shed, leaving me alone in the darkness of a foreign place. I wished that he had chased me like I saw on the movies. But he was simply a man far too broken, and I had let myself fall for his charms. I wondered if I had done everything differently, if I had not kissed him, or provoked him, whether it may have been different now. Would we still be talking?
“I don’t know,” I replied honestly.
“Well,” Cassidy said sadly, walking around the couch and lightly teasing the curls of my hair at the front. “You look beautiful tonight, like always. Why don’t you try to enjoy yourself?”
I gave her a small smile in defeat. That seemed impossible. I did not want to share my time with the sponsors, and I certainly did not want to have to endure Debra’s company. Tonight, or any night.
“I will have to tell her tonight about Damon. She will only make my life hell until I explain,” I said. If it hadn’t been for her and her manipulative nature I would never have met Damon in the first place. And now I had proven right her earlier “concern”—that I was unable to attract a man.
“Are you sure you’re still happy to work at Candice?” Cassidy asked, resting her hand on mine. “You look so tired, and I don’t know, maybe the move might be good for you.” Cassidy and I had spoken at length about me moving back to Ithaca. I no longer had the strength and the motivation to keep working in a job that I now realized would lead me nowhere. Not whilst Debra was in charge, anyway.
“I’m just so tired,” I admitted.
She grabbed both of my shoulders, raising her big blue eyes at me. “Hey! You are Clover Granture. You are a beautiful, witty, clever woman.”
I smiled at her, and then looked over my shoulder to assess the time. “Well, I better go. Thank you for everything, Cassidy.”
“Anytime,” she said with an encouraging smile before giving me a light hug. She followed me into the elevator and walked me to my cab, letting me take the first one.
I looked out at the New York night life from my window in the taxi. The sparkle seemed to have gone. Everything around me lacked color. I no longer had the admiration I once had for city life. It had never really been within my grasp. I had devoted too much time and energy to work.
Chapter Eighteen- My Defeat
Iwalked into a tall building with marble white floors, my shoulders pulled back confidently. I made my way to the receptionist and told her I was here for the Candice event. She was quick to explain to me that it was on the third floor and a few guests had already arrived.
I waited patiently in the elevator, wondering why we had to invite partners along to these events. Debra wanted to make it as informal as possible so that our sponsors felt like they were part of a family. In my opinion, it was a waste of money. But maybe I thought that because I was in a bitter mood. It had never bothered me before.
When the elevator opened, I looked up to see two large wooden doors that were opened across the hall. There were a few guests in the room who were standing around and sipping on their drinks. They looked at me as I entered, then turned back to their idle chat.
I noticed Debra and her husband, Gary, and took steps to avoid them. I grabbed a glass of champagne and knocked it back. I didn’t want to tell her anything. I grabbed a second glass. I no longer wanted to be pretty and perfect, on display like a puppet for my superiors.
One of the sponsor’s wives I had once met came to talk to me. Nula was a lovely woman and a fitness fanatic. She had tight blonde curls and a body to die for. She looked stunning for a fifty-year-old woman. Like last time, she commented on my shape and how I might “sculpt” it through minimal eating and exercising. I nodded in politeness as I gulped another mouthful of my drink.
We were interrupted by Gary, who came to join in the conversation. He seemed more than happy to look me over as Nula talked on about squats. When she left to fetch her husband, Gary and I were once again left alone in awkward conversation.
“You look stunning tonight,” he said shyly. “Although you look like you have lost a little weight since I last saw you.”
“Clean eating,” I said sarcastically, instantly regretting my unfair tone.
“Ah, Clover, glad you could make it,” Debra said, quickly clinging to her husband’s arm. “But no Damon, I see?”
“Damon and I are finished,” I said, swirling my champagne in agitation.
Her thin lips curled into a smile before she composed herself again. “Oh how sad. He was rather charming. Although I did wonder how long it could last for,” she said facetiously to Gary, making the atmosphere awkward.
I smiled, holding back my fierce words as I swallowed the last of my champagne.
“Don’t be jealous of her just because your husband so obviously wants her,” Damon’s voice spoke out from behind.
I spun around to face him. His hair was now slightly longer since the last time I saw him. He was wearing long black pants, pointed polished shoes, and a long buttoned white shirt.
“Gary does not want her!” Debra said, her voice breaking.
I looked at her, noticing that her composure was broken. She looked at me savagely. I couldn’t help but glance at Gary now, who was shuffling uncomfortably beside her.
“Is that why Debra was treating me so terribly... because she thought I was a threat?” I wondered inwardly. I thought of all the things she had done to make my working life hell, all because she was jealous. Perhaps that’s why she made such an obvious play for Damon.
Gary looked at me and then away from the group as red blushed across his cheeks. He fumbled for words, but found none. I recalled Damon suggesting this to me once before. But it was Gary and Debra’s broken composure that confirmed it in front of my own eyes.
I turned from them. “What are you doing here, Damon?” I asked, his name causing a lump in my throat.
“I’m sorry...I’m so sorry,” he said, stepping toward me. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I just...I didn’t want to be hurt again, and then when I went to apologize, you were already gone. And I knew I couldn’t apologize enough for what I had done anyway. I am not deserving of you.”
I took a step back, wanting to protect myself from him. I couldn’t leave myself as vulnerable as I had last time. I couldn’t handle the risk of being humiliated and rejected once again.
“Can we speak about this elsewhere,” I said, the lump in my throat catching my words. Everyone was watching us as the air stilled. Not even Debra had a snide comment to make.
I walked down the hall to another conference room, away from eavesdropping distance at least. Damon walked behind me, his hands in his pocket as he fidgeted.
“You have no right to be here,” I said angrily.
“I know. Cassidy called me and told me you would be here. I thought you would hate me for what I did to you, how I humiliated you like that. But I didn’t mean it, I truly didn’t. I was sickened with myself for what I did to you. I just, I didn’t know what to do. I panicked. I have never met a woman like you, Clover...”
“Not even during your research as Anonymous, right?” I asked bitterly.
He looked taken aback by my comment. “No, it was never like that with you. I wanted to be around you, but you terrified me. Around you I couldn’t keep my composure, everything in my life was set, and yet when I had the chance to see you I took it. For the first time in my life I couldn’t control myself. That terrified me, Clover,” he said, his voice raw and sensitive. “I have thought of that night over and over in my head, regretting it. Never did I think after doing that to you that I deserved to fight for you.”
A tear slid down my face as I tried to control my quivering lips.
He raised his hand slowly to my cheek, cupping my face and wiping away one of the tears that fell. I felt timid, wanting to flinch away from him but unable to do so.
“I am so sorry, and I will never forgive myself for doing that to you. But I realized—even without my sister telling me—how much of a mistake I had made. After leaving you and abandoning you in that shed, I have realized how empty and alone I feel. I want to be near you, laughing with you, having you in the same room as me.”
He cupped his other hand around my other cheek, his dark-brown eyes earnest. “I have only known you for such a short time, but already I know I want you in my life. I feared falling for you, and not being wanted in return. I was scared of that and ran like a coward,” he said
. “I only want you, and the chance to get to know you properly.”
I looked at him longingly, my legs feeling as if they were going to collapse at any moment.
“Please Clover, say something,” he whispered, holding me fiercely.
I curled my hand around the back of his neck, pulling him into me and kissing him. His lips parted mine. Something my body had ached for, for so long.
“You took too long,” I said as I pulled back breathlessly.
“I know,” he agreed. “You win, Clover, I can’t be without you.”
His words lingered in the air. My heart ached at the words. I firmed my grip around his neck, smiling at his confession. “I have won.”
Damon’s face brightened, and his dark-brown eyes danced as the traces of a cocky smile pulled at his mouth. He swept me off my feet. A small squeal passed my lips. He kissed me again, looking at me longingly. “Now, we have a month of unfinished business to attend to,” he growled.
I smiled at him wickedly, the fire spreading through my body once again.
Thank you, Companion
Anonymous
My companion was someone who worked hard and talked little. They let the air go still in the cab.
We drove past a small shop. I had to stop for this shop, had to convince this companion to accompany me. I questioned: could it be? Could it be that shop I so long ago visited, the one my mother took me to before her too-early death? We stepped out, already fighting the familiar chill of a New York autumn.
My companion and I were only new. We were little more than acquaintances, actually, that had met in the busy world of high-fashion and glamour. We were both writers, and this was how we bonded.
Little did this amazing person know that when I escorted them into the antique café, I had guided them there selfishly, because I needed support. Still, to this day, they do not understand the transition they helped me with.
My Escort Page 12