Alex lifted his head to look at me, and I saw in his brown eyes pain like I’d never seen before in my life. His voice gravelly, he said, “I’m sorry, Poppy. I’m so sorry.”
I felt the tip of the blade pierce my skin and forced my eyes to remain open so the last sight I saw was him. If I had to die at the hands of a madman, then I was going to do it gazing at the man I loved as he looked at me.
In that moment, just as I accepted no matter what I did I was going to die, I silently told my father I loved him and then said, “I love you, Alex.”
Ken moved to slit my throat and behind me I heard a noise like a gunshot. The knife fell from his hand as he collapsed on top of me, pressing me to the floor. Stunned I’d been saved, I pushed him off me and turned to check on Alex as I saw Derek coming toward us saying something about making this a habit.
He smiled down at me, but I didn’t care to think about what he meant or didn’t mean by that. All I cared about was Alex. Cradling his face, I kissed him on the lips and whispered against them, “Everything’s going to be okay. You’re okay. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”
Just before he closed his eyes, he lifted his hand to touch my face and smiled. “Thank you.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
I stood holding Alex’s hand as the chilly February air whipping across Ridgewood Cemetery stung my cheeks even as it made me appreciate life in that place where he’d buried his wife all those years ago. Then he hadn’t known who had taken her from him. All he’d known was she was gone and he’d never have the chance to tell her all the things he thought he’d have the rest of his life to say.
When he asked me if I’d come with him to see her, I didn’t hesitate in saying yes. From the very beginning, she’d been a part of first our friendship and then what had blossomed into love afterward, a third soul never seen but always there. Sometimes I’d hated how much she affected him, but now as I stood in front of her grave with him, I didn’t feel that way anymore.
Alex took a deep breath and let it out, sending a stream of smoke into the cold air as he stared down the hill. “Right after we met and were still getting to know each other, I found out she fed that homeless man behind the restaurant. I walked past homeless people every day, preferring not to think of them as I went about my life. I asked her why she did that. To me, it was only enabling him to never seek a better life.” Turning to face me, he asked, “Do you know what she told me?”
I shook my head and smiled. “No.”
“She told me it wasn’t her job in life to do anything but help if she could. She was kind and good, and I wanted to believe I deserved that in my life after what I’d seen in my job.”
My heart ached for what he’d lost. I understood the loss of a parent, but that was different than losing someone you’d promised to love and cherish for the rest of your life.
He looked away and in a sad voice admitted what I’d known since that first time I met him. “I’ve never really let her go. I know that. I know it’s been unfair of me to not move on, but it was like as long as I didn’t know who had taken her away, I couldn’t let her go. Bethany wanted more from me, but I couldn’t give it to her, and she paid the price for being with me just like Helena did.”
Squeezing his hand, I leaned my head on his shoulder. “Don’t say that. You were honest with Bethany just like you’ve been honest with me.”
“Was I? Maybe I shouldn’t have even started seeing her since I knew I hadn’t let go of Helena, even after all those years. If I hadn’t, she’d still be here today.”
He looked at me and I saw how much he blamed himself for both her death and Helena’s. “This wasn’t your fault. Neither of them deserved what Ken did, but you aren’t to blame for his actions, Alex. Don’t do this to yourself.”
“What about you? Can you really say I’ve been honest with you about how much I still keep of the past?”
I thought about that and couldn’t blame him. It didn’t matter that he’d never actually said to me that he still loved his wife. I didn’t need to be told that.
Standing on my toes, I kissed his cheek and smiled up at him. “You have always said I have such great instincts, yet you think I didn’t know you were still in love with ghost? Trust me. I knew from the moment I met you. Anyone willing to really look can see it in your eyes.”
“I still wake up in the middle of the night and reach over to the other side of the bed expecting to find her there.”
“So that’s why we’ve never…?”
Alex nodded. “It’s not that I didn’t want to stay with you all those times I pretended to be tired or sick. I just didn’t think I could do that to you. I did it to Bethany, and it wasn’t right. I didn’t want to admit I’d never moved on, even though I wanted to with you. I need to tell her goodbye and move on, but until recently I haven’t been able to. Now I know it’s time.”
I slipped my hand from his and looked down at Helena’s grave. “I’ll leave you so you can have some privacy.”
As I turned to go, he grabbed my arm, and I looked back to see his eyes pleading with me to stay. “Don’t go. I want you to hear this too.”
Weaving our fingers together again, he kissed my cheek and sighed. “Helena, I’m so sorry you had to pay for Ken’s madness, but he’s finally paid the price for what he did to you. After all this time, I never stopped loving you. I couldn’t as long as your killer was still out there. But now you can rest in peace and I can begin living life again.”
He stopped talking as the last words got caught in his throat and hung his head. I wanted to make his pain go away, but I knew I couldn’t. What I could do was show him I loved him and be there for him now.
I leaned against him and whispered, “You’re a good man, Alex. Don’t ever forget that.”
Turning to look at me, he smiled. “She used to say that to me too.”
“Then you should believe it.”
He looked down toward the headstone that read Helena Montero, loving wife and beautiful soul, and said, “I know what you’d tell me, Helena. You’d say it’s time, Alex. It’s time to be happy again. I think you’ve tried to tell me that a number of times over the years, but I wasn’t ready to listen. I’m finally ready, so I wanted you to be the first to know.”
His words sounded like they were torn straight from his heart, and as he finished, I couldn’t keep my tears from falling any longer. Tears for her and Bethany and what they’d suffered. Tears for Alex and all he’d endured since that night Ken killed Helena. Tears for all the love he had held onto all those years because he’d been unable to let go.
He looked over at me and smiled as he wiped my tearstained cheeks. “She’d like you, Poppy. She’d like how you make me want to live again.”
Just then, a bird landed on her headstone and made a noise like it wanted to sing. Struck by this singular bird in the middle of winter appearing at that moment, I pointed to it and said, “It’s like a sign, don’t you think?”
He tilted his head and studied the bird for a moment. “That’s so strange. Helena had fed two birds on our balcony and when she died, I didn’t continue it and they stopped coming around. This one reminds me of the one bird that used to always be there. It had a tiny yellow spot on its chest just like this one.”
We watched it and it stared up at us, like it was taking one last look before leaving. After a few moments sitting there, it flew away, and I couldn’t help but think it was a sign that she too thought it was time for him to move on.
Poppy and Alex return in Happy Hour:
A Poppy McGuire Mystery (Poppy McGuire Mysteries Book #5)
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About The Author
Anina Collins has always loved a good mystery. From Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s famous detective Sherlock Holmes to Dan Brown’s intrepid Professor Robert Langdon, she’s spent some of her favorite reading times with mystery novels. When she’s not
writing her favorite mystery couple, she can be found watching entirely too much Supernatural and dreaming about the beach.
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Books by Anina Collins:
The Poppy McGuire Series
The Eleventh Hour (Poppy McGuire Mysteries #1)
After Hours (Poppy McGuire Mysteries #2)
Top of the Hour (Poppy McGuire Mysteries #3)
The Darkest Hour (Poppy McGuire Mysteries #4)
Happy Hour (Poppy McGuire Mysteries #5)
The Witching Hour (Poppy McGuire Mysteries #6)
The Finest Hour (Poppy McGuire Mysteries #7)
Project Artemis Series
In The Darkness
After The Storm
Behind The Scenes
The Darkest Hour Page 23