It was Anise again.
"For your own good, don’t meddle with the affairs of the Meros! You’d best understand this right here, right now.”
Someone else said that once. Trinity!
"Right here, right now? Get my head screwed on straight? Is that what you mean? I meddled with their affairs, while they have destroyed my life.” Hesper tried to tear away from Anise’s icy grip to no avail. Instead, she shoved her chest with her free hand.
Anise’s jaw dropped.
What? Did she think Hesper was as placid and settled as the other brainwashed brides?
“Your god sees none of this because it is not a real thing. You cannot trust something you cannot see to defend you, you must do it yourself! You are so far from that truth that you are willing to be a coward and force others to be one, too!” Finger pointed in Anise’s face, she growled, “You have no courage, loyalty, or desire for unity with your own people. Traitor!”
“You really don’t understand the situation you’re in, or how deadly this game can become. You’re being foolish, Hesper!” Anise tightened her grip and shook her. “Accept the warmth and love you’re offered. This is the only place you’ll find it. I choose to survive as our ancestors did. In this way, I’m Unified.”
“Passive unity. Selfish unity!”
This must have been how Tane started. Passive resistance to the Meros was outrageous. What am I becoming?
The door opened behind them. Anise released Hesper and stepped back, averting her gaze. David closed the door and leaned back against it as the shuddering groan of a laboring mother poured out of him. So far, he had been only pristine, now his field-of-wheat hair and straight-as-a-pine carriage failed under the uncertain wave of tragedy.
"Hesper”—his desperate whisper made her uneasy—"you need to stay out of this and leave Jade alone. She’s not in her right mind.”
“I will not,” Hesper said.
A frowning smile answered her. Hands stuck in his pockets, he passed by and headed toward the stairs to the dining room.
Evelyn emerged from Jade’s room and slammed the door behind her. With a quick sneer for Hesper, she strutted after David.
"Hesper,” Anise said, taking her by the shoulders. “I know what you’re thinking. You are doing quite well here. David is smitten. Do not ruin your chance of a good life. Stay out of that room. It’s against the law for a Gentle to disobey her Meros husband. You’ll endanger your life.”
A fair warning.
Hesper grabbed the doorknob. "He is not my husband yet.”
Jade lay on the floor with her hands clasped, muttering under her breath.
"Jade.”
Wide-eyed and tearful, she sat up. "I’m pregnant, Hesper.”
"I heard that. What is going to happen?” She knelt on the hard floor, knee-to-knee with Jade.
"Jail tonight and a trial tomorrow.” Jade took a fistful of her short red hair and squeezed. "Hesper, I can’t do this. I would rather die. It hurts my heart.”
"Can David stand up to them? Defend you? Convince them they are wrong to do this?”
"Oh, Hesper. It just doesn’t work that way.” Jade’s hand, sticky and warm, grasped Hesper’s. Pity shone in her eyes. "No one can change the law. Cole talked them out of a much worse penalty last time, but what can he do now? They’ll never hear him.”
"Does it matter if no one will hear him? Or is it the trying that matters?”
Jade shrugged and shook her head. Hopeless. She had lost hope already.
“I stand by the truth that my feelings should not determine who I help,” Hesper said. “I care about you, Jade, but even if you forbid me to try to help you, I am interested in saving your baby’s life, too. They are not able to forbid me, so I will persist.”
"That sounds nice, Hesper. You can try if it makes you feel better. Just remember, you’re going to suffer for something that’s not going to happen. They can’t do anything to stop it. Mongrels are mongrels, no matter who loves them.”
“Humans are humans!”
Hesper would live without company, love, pleasure or hope for anything more as long as she lived where kindness was the rule—not gentleness.
"I am not equipped for this world. It is a place of nightmares.”
"You are,” Jade said, “‘cause you’re here. It’s not a mistake. You know how I said that the moon makes everything wonderful? You are your own moon, Hesper. The sun may be on the other side of the world, but the moon is kind enough to reflect it for us. Sunlight is still here. That’s the reason I like the moon so much. It’s my example.”
"I want to think about a way to help you.” Hesper stood. A battle against injustice was best begun while the passion was fresh. “Your poetry is nice, but you are in trouble. I am going to go fig—”
David had been standing in the doorway. Hesper’s body jerked, and her heart jumped with the surprise. This was, quite possibly, the worst trouble she’d ever been in. Maybe if she left quietly . . . As Hesper slipped by him, he squeezed her hand but said nothing about disobedience or consequences. As a matter of fact, the squeeze seemed thankful. The door closed behind her, shutting David in with Jade, leaving Hesper alone with her thoughts.
Seventeen | Post-Conquest: 232
Light from the full moon painted Hesper’s room blue-gray. What had begun as “resting her eyes” to consider her course of action became the rest her body demanded. She traipsed down the hallway to Jade’s door. The scent of Jade’s incense lingered in the empty room, but she was gone. Hesper’s stomach sank and growled.
A dark thing had happened. People had taken away a woman because she did not want them to destroy her child. Thinking it through that way stabbed Hesper somewhere deep and intangible. Things would not look better in the morning. Not this time. Adrenaline surged through her, weakening her knees and hands. A frantic, wild desire to escape pushed her down the hallway and stairs.
Fearless, placid, and ready with many hands to do the work before her, the blue lady of the honeyed-rose room caught Hesper’s eyes and thoughts. She stopped at the door to stare.
If a statue could inspire a desire for competence and a sense of loyalty, why couldn’t Hesper do the same? She and Jade were kin. They were of the same people, and the Unified had to remain unified or they would lose their identity.
If Hesper steeled herself against the fear of death and pain, she could plead with those who had a voice to speak for her in the outside world. Death would come someday, and pain was just pain.
Perhaps Cole . . . He knew their laws and he helped Jade before. She whipped around the corner into Cole’s wing. A small, warm light emanated from his haven. He was awake.
Good.
Bad.
Awful.
No. Good.
She proceeded through the moonlit hallway and stopped at the door, where she lingered in the shadow near the light of sight, breathed deeply, and stepped over the line.
Cole faced his window, away from her. Loose, brown hair hung to his shoulders and he appeared to be reading a book beside a small light that kept the room dim but warm and welcoming. Hopefully, he was unaware of her presence. At least until she was ready.
Unmoving for several minutes, barely breathing, she watched him as he turned his pages. Notes of music expanded, filling the room, touching her emotions like the call of a loon. Her heart swelled, and the music caused a trembling in her, much as Adahy’s box of salt had. If only the music gave her courage as much as it gave her heartache.
Why was she even here? The madness she felt in the hallway had passed. And if Cole could do something about Jade, surely, David would have talked to him about it.
Perhaps she only wanted to see Adahy, a piece of home.
Perhaps her motives were selfish.
Perhaps she would never trust herself again.
Cole stood and mumbled something to himself, then chuckled as he sauntered to his bookshelf and slid a thin, dark green book back in its place.
Hesper
half-hoped he would see her as he rolled a ladder to the next shelf with a careless hand, though she almost completely hoped he would not.
"Sir.” Her voice wavered.
With perfect calm, he whirled around, glasses low on his straight nose, an open book in his hand. "I wondered when you would speak up. It’s still sir, even though you know who I am?”
"Do you know what has happened to Jade?”
He clapped the book shut. "No. Tell me.”
"She has been caught withholding her suspicion of pregnancy, sir.”
"This is the second time,” he said, exasperated.
Hesper jumped in quickly. "I do not know what your feelings are on this, sir. I only ask that you be willing, if there is anything in your law that permits it, to defend her.”
He said nothing.
"Sir, it is too bold of me to ask, considering our situation and my ignorance. I have seen the grief of a mother who has lost her child. My own mama. I cannot bear not to try to help, and I believe Jade would try for me. I promise to do anything you require of me for your efforts.” She bit her lip and winced. "You forgave me, after all.”
"Your loyalty is fierce, Hesper.” He smiled. "I will see what I can do, but not because of your plea, my friend. You owe me nothing. When is the trial?”
"I do not know. Jade is gone already.”
"Are you certain she’s pregnant?”
"No, but everyone else is. I must have missed something while I was with the doctor.”
"I wonder why the man didn’t tell me. I spoke for Jade last time, and we decreased the severity of her punishment. He must assume there’s no way out of it now. I give him a hard time about these things, too. Maybe he’s ashamed.” He crossed his arms and stared at the ceiling. "If Jade would have told them, they would simply sterilize her. Since she concealed it, her life is on the line.” He closed his eyes. “Come on, Jade!”
"Sterilize?”
"A procedure that makes it impossible for a woman to have children. Long ago, the Kyrios banned major surgical procedures in the belief that they caused more harm than good—except in this circumstance—so it’s a last resort. After two pregnancies, concealed or not, a Gentle woman will be sterilized. Of course, if it’s been two concealed pregnancies, she’s usually going to die.” He shrugged. "No need to sterilize a dead woman.”
Somber after such an explanation, Hesper cleared the horror from her throat and rasped, "The outside world is worse than any nightmare.”
Cole chuckled and put the book back. "You are more right than I hope you will ever know.” He crossed the room to stand in front of her. "Listen, I don’t know what I can do. Jade’s a special person, and you’ve felt that, too. I hope I can—”
"Me, too.” She stepped back. "Sir, as grateful as I am for your forgiveness, I do not feel I can forgive you. If that changes anything, I beg you to reconsider for Jade’s sake.”
"I’ll stand with her. Don’t worry about that.”
That was all she wanted. Hesper bowed and turned to leave.
"Hesper.”
"Yes?”
"Normally, the entire family is to attend a trial, but you’re not a Chandler yet. Even if . . . if David insists you come—and he might, because it’s the law—I strongly recommend that you feign illness.”
"Lie?”
He sighed, flopping his hands to his legs. "Absolutely. If I can’t talk them into mercy, their methods of execution are difficult to watch. They’ll require you to get your X and make a vow to God. You won’t be permitted to simply step outside.”
"It is kind of you to look out for me, sir, but I am capable of taking care of myself. We do not all have a god to call on for help. I am strong enough for this.”
His face carried so much doubt. "Hesper.”
"What?”
"I am going to take a chance that you will hate me more than ever after this, but I beg you not to allow guilt to harden you. Feeling that you have done wrong and never truly cleansing the conscience may lead to a host of mental illnesses.” He gestured to her. "Don’t let those precious healing hands of yours clench up too tightly. It would be a tragedy.”
These hands had done good things and touched many of nature’s wonders. Now they were clean and softening. Ridiculous and useless. Hardly precious healing hands.
"There are times when tragedy is necessary.”
* * *
Early in the morning, Cole awoke from a short sleep, bathed, dressed in his uniform, and headed to the dining room for an early breakfast. David sat in his usual place, picking at his food.
"Have you slept, Dave?”
As if waking from a dream, David’s tired eyes widened and sparked with life. "I’m sorry. I can’t believe I didn’t tell you.”
"I already know. It’s fine.”
"Who—?”
"Hesper.”
Tender fondness swept over his face. Then worry. "I couldn’t sleep.” He rubbed his brow into wrinkles. "I’ve never been irresponsible with Jade—I swear it—and she would never be unfaithful. I’m at a loss.” He hung his head.
Cole sat at the table. "I’m going to defend her.”
David picked up his napkin from his lap and dropped it on the table. "Stand up like a man and let me hug you.”
Eighteen | Post-Conquest: 232
Through the Bastion’s paper-and-ink business of the foyer, the Chandlers followed the blood-red carpet to the Judgment Room. Many had gone up the stairs and through these doors on their feet. Half of them were then carried to the back door and never seen again.
Golden chairs graced the bland, gray stone platforms with a supercilious air. Behind them, a large alcove, separated from the room by a copious curtain of red velvet. The sacred place where they kept the Book of Light would kill the unworthy soul who entered. It was common knowledge that guards were unnecessary because the Book would protect itself. No one dared to sneak in for a look.
Jade stood in the middle of the room with an officer acting as a guard.
Years of scrubbing and disinfecting after executions left numerous bleached patches on the stone floor. Cole and his siblings grew up with its strong fumes, eyes watering from their youth.
“God, I hate it here,” Cole mumbled to David, slipping his hand into a pocket for a licorice hard candy. He avoided trials on the base whenever he could. The more he was away, lecturing in universities or training law enforcement warden hopefuls, the better.
“I don’t blame you. We don’t have good memories of this place.”
Cole tucked the candy into his cheek. “That’s putting it nicely.”
“It’s rare that I don’t get through to Law Enforcement Councils elsewhere. They’re intimidated by the family name.” He shook his head. “The Kyrios know me too well. I’m trying to be positive, but whenever I’m in this room I see Mother cutting Uncle Mark’s throat and dropping him in his own blood.” He swallowed hard and pointed to the spot. “I wanted to speak up, but I couldn’t. Now I can speak up and make a difference, but the odds are stacked against us. I’ll go insane if I have to see another family member die that way. Especially if they have Trinity perform the execution.”
David patted Cole’s back. “Whatever happens, I won’t blame you, and you shouldn’t either.” His eyes burned into Cole’s consciousness. “Cole, promise you won’t lose your mind. Jade wouldn’t want it, and neither do I. You were eight years old when that crap hit the fan, but you’ve been through training now, you’ve performed more executions than you can count, you know how to turn off the emotions. Even when it’s someone close to you.”
True. He did. His emotional response to his uncle’s execution prompted Mother to send him to Early University “for his own good”—a high honor that he was worthy of but didn’t want.
Half of each year he was schooled away from his family, taking advanced classes and enduring physical training beyond anything typically required of military children. Besides education, the university’s goal was to take gifted individua
ls and make them into killing machines. So, he learned to control tears after witnessing and performing an indecent number of executions. Mother got what she wanted.
He completed school and childhood within four years and entered his specialty education at twelve. Everyone except Cole was impressed with that. It was nothing more than youth wasted because he mourned—an overreaction to a healthy expression of grief.
“I believe in you, Cole.” David adjusted his tie. “If anyone can find a loophole, it’s you.”
“It’s entirely contingent upon their willingness to see it. Plenty of loopholes and possibilities, but their minds are closed.”
Cole left David to talk to Jade. She smiled as he approached. "Did Hesper talk you into this?” she whispered.
"No. She requested my assistance.”
"You should be nicer, Cole. The two of you would be so cute together! I can’t believe you were going to marry a Gentle. When I heard she was betrothed to Adahy, I just . . . I just! Oh, my God, you scalawag!”
Cole smiled. She had such a clear mind, filled with happy thoughts. "That would take some doing at this point.” His lips curved upward without smiling. "I’ll do everything I can for you, Jade. Excuse me.”
The room echoed with his footsteps as he made his way to David, who stood near the doors with his wives huddled around him like frightened chicks with a mother hen. Hesper stood apart, though, and Evelyn never looked like a frightened chick, no matter how near she stood.
"You have to trust me, Dave.”
David squinted. Obviously, he already didn’t understand, but after three decades, he knew better than to question Cole if he said such a thing.
"I’ll try.”
"Did you know he was doing this?” Evelyn hissed.
A subtle eye-roll. "Since this morning.”
"And you’re letting him?” she scolded. "Jade’s beyond defense at this point, David. This will look bad.”
David cleared his throat and caught Cole’s eyes. "He’s a big boy.”
Several minutes passed before the Kyrios arrived, late and casual about it, of course. The Reverenced Ones, clad in black uniforms, wore large bronze medallions engraved with the Kyrios’ symbol of a circle and five downward rays. Trinity led the way as they filed in from the door at the right and sat in the chairs on the lowest platform.
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