"I feel it, too, though I have already been touched, Cole,” she said with shame.
Cole sat beside her. "Look at me.” Without a touch, he curved his hands around the sides of her face as if holding it. "We are going to do things right. Meanwhile, remember that you have done nothing wrong. You and your heart and mind are precious to me. You are not impure, and I hope I can convince you of that.” He wiped his eyes. "I’ll get a grip on myself. No compromise for my own self-control issues. No guilt on you for anything.”
Picking up his book, he crossed his legs and attempted to read. In two seconds, he clapped the book shut and tossed it behind him. "I’ll go kiss David instead.”
Twenty-Two | Post-Conquest: 232
They were to say Cole had gone to his father’s old vineyards for a time of reflection. The truth was, Cole had to sneak out under the Kyrios’ nose and tie up loose ends in Hesper’s community.
He allowed Avriam and Theia to tell him of Hesper’s loss. Avriam fell to his knees, ashamed, begging Cole for forgiveness for his daughter’s behavior. It was heartbreaking and infuriating at the same time.
The following day, Cole announced that he would be leaving the community. Avriam didn’t seem surprised. Almost as if it were the most natural thing to do after losing your betrothed in such a manner.
While Cole packed, Avriam did basic repairs on the loft, preparing it for someone else to use once Cole was gone. After a while, Avriam’s nail pounding stopped. Haunted and empty, he held a hammer at his side.
"What is it, Avriam?”
The words seemed stuck in his throat. He opened and closed his mouth several times before gaining the courage to say, "I am full of such regret.” He choked up on the hammer. "I have a confession to make.”
"Yes, sir?”
Shame softened his face. "I already apologized to you for Hesper’s behavior and loss, but she returned home, Adahy, and Theia begged me to persuade her to stay. I would not. I could not bear one more disobedient child, knowing she had been touched. No compromise! Compromise wears down the integrity of a people. But I was wrong. Forgive me.” He spat out the request for forgiveness, then broke down into sharp, coughing sobs that wrung tears from his eyes. "You are a better man than I am. I believe you would have married her with the black X, and my pride took that from you.” He wiped his eyes and turned away to make himself busy. "You will find a woman who is worthy of your strengths, but I consider you a son and a brother forever. You have been good to my family.”
Cole touched Avriam’s shoulder. "You are right. I care little about a black X on Hesper’s face, but I forgive you. I will not marry anyone else.” Cole put his arms around him for a firm pat on the back and a kiss on the cheek. "Farewell, my friend.”
"I wish you sunlight, prosperity, and peace, Adahy.”
Cole slipped out of the loft and lowered himself to the ground. Falling night pressed itself into the forest. Cole didn’t care if the Kyrios knew he had it in for them, but he cared if they caught him showing it outright and ruined his and Hesper’s lives because of it. Time to get home.
In the open, Cole looked back for the last time. A quiet smile brushed his lips upward. This place flipped his opinions over to expose them and drove a wooden wick into his heart. It waited to be set alight by an opportunity for revolution—a real one—not a subjugation of the unbelievers. The only way for healthy humans was to live with the freedom to choose and declare what they believed without fear.
David and their mother often said Cole was unrealistic. The claim had little merit coming from a woman who expected children to think with adult logic and a man who believed he could marry several women while maintaining a happy home. Their good father, a simple man, praised Cole and believed in him. He accomplished nothing worth anything to the Kyrios, and his missing finger disqualified him from joining the military to even try. Wise and kind, Dad never declared Cole’s hopes to be unrealistic.
If only he were here now.
* * *
Hesper sat in the honeyed-rose room with a book of Theocracian philosophers Vincent had assigned during her conversion classes. Since she could read and take on more "in-depth” assignments, he thought it would be a valuable study for her.
Vincent treated Hesper with kindness. He did nothing inappropriate. Not a touch, not a raised voice. Nothing. A few days into her classes, the thought that Vincent murdered Jade came to her mind less often. His patience when she challenged him the first couple of days earned her respect. She would never respect him, though—only his patience deserved it.
She dropped her books, feigned ignorance, snapped her pencil tips, over-sharpened her pencils repeatedly, and "accidentally” spilled things on him until he no longer permitted drinks during her classes. Since he was not even annoyed by her petulance, the effort wasted her time and energy. Not to mention how dangerous her actions were. How far could Vincent be pushed? The day she stopped her little rebellions, he acknowledged it with a smile. "Now that you’re done flailing your indignation about, we can be productive.”
Productive meant teaching her to pray.
He insisted on praying in the Judgment Room, but Hesper refused to go. So, he dropped the matter, and they prayed in the classroom. Hesper could not appreciate Vincent’s hands raised in worship to an allegedly spotless being. If his hands were holy, they were holy unto himself, not God.
He taught her many things about the Meros, the Kyrios, and The Conquest.
That she must be dedicated to God.
All she did and said belonged to the invisible deity, and by extension, to the Kyrios.
She must separate herself unto the mighty ruler of all as a consecrated vessel of Its love, goodness, and beauty.
Efforts to be spiritual struck Hesper as an attempt to manufacture the feeling of living in the woods. A weak form of it touched her once while reciting a prayer with raised hands.
She had only a few days of classes left, with two days off for marriage. Once the classes were done, she had to read the extra books her literacy earned for her.
A simple thing, this conversion concept. How did they ever determine that someone truly converted to their beliefs? They spoke of conversion as if it were a matter of faith and conviction, but when it came down to it, knowledge, not belief, satisfied them. Which was fine. It made it easier to complete the classes and find peace in her new home.
The ticking clock entered her consciousness. What had she just read? The words went through her head, but nothing stuck there during the last few minutes. She had to have better self-control and focus on the words.
How was Mama doing? How was Cole in the woods? He planned on being home today. It would be nice to see him before going to sleep. The clock over the fireplace indicated a late hour, but she did not fully understand the clocks yet. Still, he could be back . . .
Lorelei had left a cup of jasmine tea some time ago. It was cold by now. She clapped the book shut and drank the tea. It was a little warm yet.
Driving rain rumbled on the roof and windows in the foyer. Hesper set the cup down and sighed.
He would not be home.
David had introduced her to spicy-sweet pickles at lunch, and they were on her mind for the rest of the afternoon. Maybe she could crunch a few before bed . . .
Outside of the honeyed-rose room, cigarette smoke ruled the air. David drank and puffed away his woes in the dining room all evening, stuffed in a hollow tree of a house to smoke himself like a slab of meat. She did not judge him, but she did regard him more highly than he regarded himself and hated to see him this way. She hated seeing Papa display anger when he felt fear, too. This behavior had a different face with the same mind.
She had to go through the dining room to get to the kitchen, so she entered with gracious feelings, trying to pretend David was not drunk. Perhaps he was not.
"How are you, my dear?” he asked.
His voice was clear, and he seemed alert and pleasant.
"I am well, David. How are you?�
��
"Ohhh . . .” He twisted his hand back and forth with a shrug of the shoulders. "Pretty crappy, actually.” He gave his cigarette a flick into the tray and took a puff, blowing the smoke through his nostrils.
"Is there anything I can do for you, David?”
Mischief twinkled in his eyes. "Nah. Just take care of your happiness, honey. Let yourself be happy.”
"I can do that. I think.”
"Say . . . Why’re you up?”
"Reading Theocracian philosophy.”
He cringed.
"Cole said he would come back today, right?” she asked.
"Yeah, that’s what he said.” David grinned.
Thunder shook the windows. Storming now? If Cole came home in this, Hesper would be upset. "Do you think he will be reckless enough to try to come home in this downpour?”
"Psh.” David’s shrewd smile answered for him. "You’re planning on getting married tomorrow, right? You think he’s going to postpone that for a little rain? Especially with the way you two torture yourselves with this no-touching business.” He winked, lazily wagging his fingers in her direction, the cigarette propped between them. "You know that fool came and kissed me because he couldn’t kiss you when you agreed to marry him?” He shuddered. "Disgusting. Good thing I’m man enough to take it, but I sure hope he’s a better kisser for you.”
"Better?” He was obviously kidding somewhat, but . . .
He chuckled. "I suppose if there isn’t any kissing before you’re married, there won’t be any comparisons made, hm? I’ve never thought about it.”
"Jade said your kisses were like a mugful of drinking chocolate made with cream.” Perhaps it was too soon to mention that?
"Did she now? I like that. Sounds pleasant. I think I’d kiss that.” He flicked cigarette ash into the tray and took another drag. "I’d say hers were . . . berries fresh off a sun-soaked berry bush.” He blew out a sigh and forced a smile. "Well, honey, you’ll have to report to me on Cole’s, hey? I’d say his kiss resembled puppy breath and cheesy noodles.”
The front door opened, sucking in a chilly gust of wind and a quick earful of its screams. Hesper ran to the foyer. Cole pulled his hood back and wiped his face with his hands. He took off his cloak and dropped it on the floor, and finally noticed Hesper after he removed the first moccasin.
She approached and picked up his wet cloak.
"I can’t believe you’re up.”
"Reading. Waiting for you.”
Cole picked up his bag. "Let’s talk. I need a bath.”
* * *
Hesper hurried ahead of him. By the time he reached his wing, water already rushed into the tub and fresh clothes waited on the back of his sofa.
"How are your classes at the Bastion?” He plopped his things on the bed.
Annoyed, Hesper grunted. "I hear what he says. I answer his questions. I behave. At first, it was difficult to keep from dreaming of field dressing Vincent.”
Cole entered the bathroom. "Normal ladies around here dream of undressing him.”
"That is ridiculous!” Hesper dripped oil into his bath. "Why would anyone undress a grown man unless he is near death or paralyzed?”
Cole froze. What did she say? The Unified were too pragmatic about marriage and reproduction for her not to understand what he meant. Then again, maybe not. They explained biology but not presentation or romance. He laughed. They probably had an adventure on their hands.
"You don’t understand what that means, Hesper?”
She capped the oil and frowned at him. "Is this more poetry? I am getting better about that.”
"No, ma’am! Quite literal. We can talk about it another time. Tomorrow, perhaps.” His cheeks went hot. When did he become a blusher? It’s not like sex was uncharted territory for him.
You’ve never loved anyone before, though.
He followed her with his eyes as she returned the bottle to its cabinet. "How do you know where everything is?”
"I have been sneaking around, trying to learn about you.”
He shrugged a shoulder. "That’s okay. You look embarrassed, but it’s okay. How is David?”
"The same. He is up now, drinking wine in the dining room.”
"Still? Is Evelyn around?”
"She left the country. That is all I know.”
Cole sucked at his teeth. Not good. David suspected Evelyn of affairs long ago, and for her to go so far away? Suspicious. "How about Anise and Dulce?”
"Dulce just lives. Quietly walks around, reads, plays the harp in her room. Anise has not been seen. Her door is still locked.”
"That’s unfortunate.” Cole took his hair down. "Anise reported her suspicion about Jade to Evelyn and David. I wonder if she didn’t realize what would happen. That’s an awful load of guilt to carry without talking to someone about it.”
"I have tried to get her to come out, but maybe another try would be worth the effort. How did things go with Mama and Papa?”
"Avriam knelt to me, begging forgiveness for your disappearance. Before I left, he asked forgiveness for not letting you stay when you visited.” Cole’s voice cracked. "Your Mama returned the box of salt.”
"Poor Mama and Papa,” Hesper whispered. She checked the water in the tub, flicked it from her fingers and turned off the faucet. Wiping her eyes, she said, "I rarely cried until I left the woods, Ada—Cole.” Sometimes she said his name without difficulty, but other times, she forgot herself.
Too many griefs at once. Time for happy thoughts. "You’re pampering me, my friend. We will be married tomorrow. I’m getting all the fire before I’ve chopped the wood—all these wifely things.”
"I show you my affection,” she said. "If you think this is all the fire I have to kindle, it is a wonder you ever wanted to marry me.” A passion-inducing saucy smile made her the most beautiful being he’d ever seen. She approached the door. "I am also quite good at sewing and patching clothes.”
The door closed behind her. Well, that was confusing.
Twenty-Three | Post-Conquest: 232
Trinity shoved the paper across the desk to Cole. He signed his name on a line at the bottom, and she snatched it up to file it away.
Certainly, Cole would have tried to go to someone else for this if he knew Hesper’s history with his sister, but why bring it up for no reason? To just say that Trinity exposed her and struck her and stepped on her hand and . . . Maybe she should have told him.
Still, looking at Trinity did not bother Hesper. Maybe because she had Cole with her.
"Do you have any mark or token for her?” Trinity asked, clearly avoiding even a glance at Hesper.
Cole shook his head.
Trinity gave an annoyed lid-fluttering roll of the eye. "Even David, the Ever-Benevolent-And-Gracious, gave his girls piercings.”
Cole set the pen back on the desk and stared at Trinity. "You’ve seen girls on the auction block. They’ve been owned by so many different men, they’re riddled with holes and inked from head to toe. Ownership. I hate its meaning. We don’t need that. It doesn’t seem in accordance with a god of love.”
"Something, Cole!”
"Is she my wife or not? My choice or not?”
Trinity seated herself. "Yes, I suppose it’s your choice. I’m your big sister. I’ve got to do something to bug you now and then.” She deigned to throw her gaze at Hesper. "Judging by the looks on your faces, I assume I should congratulate you. I can’t say I’ve ever seen a Gentle look that happy at her wedding.” Trinity warmed ‘til she was almost pretty. "Be happy.”
Cole extended his hand to Hesper. His gentle grasp spoke so many loving, silent words, the thoughts and feelings it elicited overwhelmed her. The sensation of fireflies rising inside of her was not new. David woke that up. She cursed it, resigned to it, cursed it, then honored it. It came with regrets as much as sweetness.
Cole drew her hand to his warm lips, and her mind clouded to such an extent she decided against speaking and laughed at herself. Such foolishne
ss. Blushing would not be so embarrassing now, right?
No. Still embarrassing.
Cole grinned, winked, and led her out and through the dim Bastion into daylight. Farther down the road, David walked toward them, waving his hands in the air. Dark glasses covered his eyes. When they met, his genuine smile forced Hesper to reciprocate.
"Well, fancy meeting you here,” he crowed.
"Is your head bothering you?” Cole asked.
David breathed a laugh. "Always. Not much, though. The only plaster last night was in the walls—I swear it—but the sun is too friendly for what hangover I do have—Say!” He gestured to Cole and Hesper’s clasped hands. "You went along and took care of business, I see.”
Cole squeezed her hand. "Maybe we can have a ceremony with dancing someday. Drum out some songs. Exchange actual vows.” He glanced at Hesper, his smile laced with sorrow.
David lit a cigarette. "Party like we’re Unified, hey? Heading back home, then?” He waggled his eyebrows and grinned, exhaling a stream of smoke.
"Your eyebrows are losing their head, you hedonist.”
"Yeah, guilty as charged.” David giggled. "Before you go, whenever you can spare time, we should talk. They’re tossing around the idea of an assignment for you in a few months, and you should get a heads up ‘cause ol’ Vince will probably be looking for prompt commitment. You know how he gets snap decisions out of people.”
“Good to know. Thanks.”
David clasped Cole’s shoulder and clapped it a few times. "Congratulations to you both. Your hair looks especially lovely with those chicory flowers, Hesper.” He gave her a wide-eyed, sassy smirk and wink. “And Cole, as usual, you look like a thick stick with hair.” He smiled and went his way.
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