by Marika Ray
“I probably could have handled that better.”
I was mumbling to myself as I got ready for our dinner over at Lily-Marie’s house on Wednesday night. Nodding to myself in the full-length mirror, I eyed the new jeans I’d bought for the occasion, feeling like my reflection was a stranger. I couldn’t remember the last time I wore jeans or had an easygoing conversation with a woman.
As soon as Lily-Marie shut the door in my face on Sunday, I’d gone back to my house and berated myself for my lack of social skills. I’d been elbow deep into my lecture planning for microbiology when she rang my doorbell. I’d gone from fungal pathogenesis to staring at Lily-Marie’s beautiful face, her long hair up in a bun with strands escaping to frame her face perfectly. Could anyone blame me for stuttering and stammering like a mute middle schooler in the presence of a blond angel?
By the time I’d reengaged my brain, she was gone, off to bake pies at her place. The list specifically said not to be a bookworm and I’d failed that task miserably. Then I remembered another item on the list and how it encouraged men to do nice things. Unexpected things. So I dug through my kitchen boxes until I found my grandmother’s pie cutter I’d never had the occasion to use but still schlepped around from house to house. It was time to redeem myself.
That second conversation should have gone so much better. I was prepared with my nice gesture and I’d gotten out all my awkwardness in the first conversation. I even remembered to lead with a smile. But then she’d said something about single men at work eating her pies and my brain had taken the ride with my stomach when it dropped down to my feet. I didn’t want these coworkers eating her pie or anything else. I wanted her pie.
Or, I wanted her to at least offer me her pie. I didn’t even really like pie, but the offer would have been nice. You know. For the sake of my experiment.
My grandmother had written her list of fifty ways with a more natural conversationalist in mind, I was sure. It wasn’t her fault the list wasn’t working; it was mine. And tonight was my opportunity to get it right. I owed it to the entire field of science to really give this experiment a fair try. My bumbling beginnings could be smoothed over as quickly as tonight when we had dinner at her place.
I had on my favorite forest green sweater over a tan striped collared shirt. My hair was actually cooperating and my shoes had undergone a fresh buffing that morning. I even dug out my trusty bottle of cologne from a box of toiletries I hadn’t gotten around to unpacking yet. I said trusty, but I didn’t know that I’d ever relied on it to do anything more than make me smell like an Abercrombie model. I didn’t look like one, but maybe I could smell like one and, as such, catch the olfactory senses of a beautiful lady. From there, it was up to my conversational skills to keep her head turned my way. And those were definitely not trusty.
“Dad!” Stein skidded into my room, his socks sliding along the wooden floor. “Can I wear my favorite T-shirt?”
I loved that boy with all my heart, but he had zero fashion sense. Which, coming from me, said quite a bit. His favorite T-shirt was from three years and ten growth spurts ago. It was snug, to say the least, causing his arms to jut out at a ninety-degree angle from his body.
Tilting my head, I tried to come up with placating words that wouldn’t send him stomping to his room with hurt feelings while I also wondered why that shirt hadn’t gotten “lost” in the move. That had been the fate of a few other items and I was disappointed in myself that I’d missed that one.
“When meeting new friends for the first time, you should always put your best foot forward. Now, that is a really nice shirt, but something a little newer might be a better choice for tonight.” There. That was nice.
His little face scrunched up. “Why does it matter what shirt I wear if it’s my foot I’m forwarding? Do you mean shoes, Dad?”
I resisted the urge to run my hands through my hair. My new wax pomade was not designed for fathers of eight-year-old boys. “Get a new shirt on, buddy. How about that blue one we bought the other day?”
He rolled his eyes and ran out the bedroom door, hopefully able to get out of that old shirt before it started restricting blood flow. By the time I finished rolling my pants and sweater with a lint roller, Stein was back, the blue polo shirt over his jeans.
“Ready?”
He gave me a head nod, and while he might have been ready to go to dinner, I could tell he wasn’t ready to talk to me. He always went silent when he was mad at me. I thought of my list again and remembered the one about well-behaved children and refraining from yelling at them in front of the ladies. I wasn’t a yeller anyway, but considering how badly I was messing everything else up, I’d better cover all my bases.
I walked to the front door and Stein followed behind me. Before I opened it, I crouched down and tugged him to me.
“We’re meeting new friends, so let’s be on our best behavior, all right?”
His gray eyes stared back at me with so much trust, I wanted to freeze time and hug him to my chest for all eternity. That piercing ache in my chest? That was love. But from my experience, and those in my circle, that kind of love was not possible in a romantic way. It was puppy-dog eyes and holding hands and being obnoxiously cute in public, but it wasn’t an arrow straight through the chest that you’d gladly live with for the rest of your life if you could only get to love that someone. Romantic love wasn’t truly love at all. At best, it was affection.
“Oh! I almost forgot.” I ran into the kitchen and grabbed the bouquet of flowers I’d kept in a vase of water since I got home from my last class of the day. Bright yellow sunflowers with pink roses and white baby’s breath. They’d reminded me of Lily-Marie when I saw them, so I went with it.
“Let’s do this, Stein-man.” I held out my fist, which he bumped with his small one, and off we marched next door.
I lifted my hand to knock on the door, but it swung open, revealing Lily-Marie’s daughter.
“Hello. You must be Mr. MacMill and Stein.” Her blond curls were a messy halo around her head. Even as we heard Lily-Marie call her from the back of the house, reminding her not to open the door, her gap-tooth smile stayed in place. She shrugged her little shoulders and I struggled to hold in my chuckle.
“Milly, you know better than to answer the door without me.” Lily-Marie walked up to the door and I nearly squashed the flowers before I remembered to lighten my grip. “Welcome, gentlemen.” Her smile lit up, its wattage matching the bright yellow dress she had on.
Without taking my eyes off her face, I pushed Stein forward and entered the house behind him. I thrust the flowers in the space between us, a strange quaking beginning in my torso region when her eyes lit up at the offering.
She put her hands on the bouquet, her pinkie brushing against mine. “Thank you so much for the flowers. They’re beautiful!” Another dazzling smile and then she was whirling around, taking the flowers and my attention into the kitchen.
“Dad?” Stein tugged on my arm and I turned with a start, remembering the kids were in the room too. “Mind if I go out back and play with Clark?”
I nodded quickly and smiled absentmindedly, my gaze split between him and Lily-Marie’s backside. “Sure, sure. Go have fun, son.”
He ran out of the room with Clark, Milly following behind, an energetic ball of short limbs trying to move fast enough to keep up with the boys. I followed Lily-Marie into the kitchen to find her scrounging around a bottom cabinet, her pretty dress brushing against the floor. Moving quickly to her side, I squatted down and offered assistance.
“Here, let me help you.”
She pulled her head out of the cabinet, her cheeks flushed pink. “Thanks. I know I have a vase in here somewhere.”
I leaned in closer to get a better view of the dimly lit space, ever conscious of her body just inches away from mine. If I leaned just a bit to the right, I’d be close enough to kiss her.
Not that I had any intention of doing that.
Just that I could have. If I’d
wanted to. Which I didn’t.
My sweater suddenly seemed like a bad choice as it was a million degrees in this house. No wonder she was blushing. We were in danger of heatstroke.
Before I could pass out from dehydration, I spotted a sparkling crystal vase in the back of the cabinet. I reached as far in as my long arms would allow and scooped it out, handing it to her and standing up.
I swayed for a second, thinking I just might pass out after all. Black dots swam in my vision and I gripped the counter to stay upright. The collar of my shirt was restricting air flow, so I gave it a stiff tug and blinked my eyes. The dots went away as I focused on Lily-Marie filling the vase with water and arranging the flowers, her back to me.
“These are just gorgeous. You know it’s funny, I’m so used to people getting me lilies that I’ve come to hate them.” She glanced over her shoulder at me, that smile just as dazzling as the first time I saw it.
I shook my head, confused. “Why would everyone get you lilies?”
Her smile froze. She set the flowers down and spun around, crossing her arms over her chest. “Jameson MacMillan. What is my name?”
I scrunched up my face, unsure why I was in trouble. “Lily-Mar—oh, I get it.” Jesus H. Christ, I needed to get my act together. She would think I was some sort of dimwit when the reality was that her smile short-circuited my brain every single time.
Before she could laugh at me like I deserved, I took a deep breath and infused some cheerfulness into my voice that I didn’t actually feel. “So, can I help you make anything?”
She opened the fridge and pulled out a platter of steaks. “Nope. I have a salad all ready to go, bread rolls in the oven, and I just need to put these on the grill.” She tilted her head to the counter across from me. “Maybe you can open the wine and pour us a glass?”
That I could handle way better than conversation. I nodded and she walked out with the steaks. I grabbed the bottle of red wine, seeing it was a cab from a little winery in Sonoma. That weird quaking in my belly was back when I realized she hadn’t gone cheap with the wine nor the food for our little dinner. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I just hoped the feeling wasn’t indigestion or gas. That was the last thing I needed.
I poured the wine and set our glasses on the table, then went to round up the kids and have them wash their hands. I was pleased to see that Clark and Milly were well-behaved kids, not even making faces when I made them use soap. It only took one peek at germs in a microscope to make you more conscious of hygiene.
“I hope you’re hungry, kiddos!” Lily-Marie came through the kitchen, grabbed the salad out of the fridge, and pulled the rolls out of the oven to put them in a bread basket.
The kids ran to the table and had a seat. I gave Lily-Marie a smile, taking the bread basket from her, and followed her, sitting down only after she sank into one of the chairs at the head of the table. I gazed at her smiling face across the table and lost the grin as something shifted. Something inside me. Like a bubble of gas maybe.
“You okay, Jameson?” Lily-Marie was staring at me with concern while the kids were busy buttering their rolls and flinging salad onto their plates.
“Oh, yes, fine.” I picked up the platter of steaks and selected a thick one. “These look great.” I passed the plate to Stein and told him to pass it to Lily-Marie.
Whatever was going on with my digestive system would have to wait. I’d eat every bite on my plate just so Lily-Marie knew I appreciated all the work she put into making this homemade meal. It was a rarity for Stein and me to go to this much trouble since it was just the two of us. I’m sure he was marveling at the food too.
When I saw Lily-Marie had all her food on her plate and had taken the first bite of salad, I picked up my knife and cut a piece of steak. It looked pretty pink for an outside piece, but then again, I was more of a well-done steak kind of guy anyway.
A few more bites in and I wasn’t sure if I could keep going. The fluttering was back, but it was more of a gagging sensation. The center of the steak was so red I could have sworn it still had a heartbeat. With a strong swallow and an iron will, not to mention stomach, I moved on to the salad, pushing it to the far side of my plate to miss the puddle of red seeping out from under my steak.
“So, Stein, what sports do you play?” Lily-Marie was politely engaging my son in conversation, which helped draw my focus from the carnage on my plate.
My chest swelled with pride when Stein swallowed before answering. “I play soccer right now, but I kinda want to try baseball.”
“Hey, I play baseball. You wanna play catch with me later? I can show you how.” Clark interjected, his big blue eyes sparkling at the thought of a new buddy to play with.
“I pway too!” Milly nearly jumped out of her chair to climb the table and get in on the fun.
“Let’s let the boys get some baseball time in and then I’m sure they’ll let you play some catch too.” Lily-Marie successfully refereed what looked like a common issue between the two siblings. She gave me a wink and I nearly choked on the leafy greens.
“Oh, I forgot the ketchup. My heathens like it on their steak.” She hopped up and I stood abruptly too, nearly tipping my chair over in the process. She gave me a funny look, but ran into the kitchen anyway. My list said to stand whenever a woman stood. I believed it was to show respect, quite like opening doors for women, but I wasn’t sure if she would take it that way.
When she came back in, I waited for her to sit, and then took my seat as well, smoothing my napkin back over my lap.
“So, what specifically do you do for Disney?” I figured showing interest in Lily-Marie’s line of work would have been on Granny’s list had she made the list in more modern times.
She chewed a bite of steak and then answered. “I’m an admin for one of the marketing executives, so it’s a little bit of everything, to be honest. I’ve learned so much in this position. It’s an incredible company.”
She cut another section of steak and took a bite as Stein asked her a question. “Do they give you free Disney DVDs?”
She quit chewing and her face took on a paler shade. She put a napkin up to her mouth and coughed. When she pulled it away, she finally answered. “Um, yes. We do. We get a lot of the movies for our personal collection and when they have special editions. One of the many perks.”
I decided I’d better work on a roll, rather than attempt the steak again. “What’s everyone’s favorite Disney movie?” I asked the table.
“Ohhh, I wuv Cindy-wella.” Milly smiled a cheesy grin, one I couldn’t help but return. Damn, that kid was cute.
“I used to love Cars, so I’d say that’s still my favorite,” Stein answered, with Clark nodding his agreement.
Lily-Marie put another bite of steak in her mouth, then promptly spat it back out onto her plate. Everyone stared at her and her bad table manners.
She looked up, eyes wide and face heated. “I’m so sorry. Oh my goodness. It’s just the steak is way too rare.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, it’s a little on the rare side, but still good,” I reassured her.
“It’s still cold in the middle,” she confessed.
“Yeah,” I agreed with a grimace, then burst out laughing.
She stared at me for a second and then began laughing too. “Oh my God. It’s so bad! Why didn’t you say something?”
“You went to a lot of trouble and I really appreciate it. No reason to complain.” I held out my hand across the table. “In fact, let me have your plate. I can put it back on the grill.”
“No, no. I’ve got it.” Lily-Marie stood up, which of course, meant I had to stand up too. She cocked her head to the side, but took my plate without a word. We discussed movies until she came back, well-done steaks still sizzling from the grill.
She sat down and took one bite before jumping up again. I stood for a third time, wondering if I should have stretched before coming over, not realizing I’d be getting a squat workout with my dinner. She gave me a loo
k I couldn’t decipher and then sat down again without going to the kitchen. I narrowed my eyes at her and sat back down to eat the rest of my dinner without further interruption.
By the time we finished dessert, Milly was lying in Lily-Marie’s lap, completely asleep. The boys had to be rounded up and forced to quit playing. After a million “thank yous” for the dinner and conversation, we left for the long walk home.
“Whatcha smiling about, Dad?” Stein asked through a yawn as I unlocked our front door.
“Just thinking about a science experiment of mine,” I replied.
The most fun one I’d ever been a part of.
7
Lily-Marie
“I think one of the kids stole my headphones again.”
I had my cell phone wedged between my ear and my shoulder, probably giving myself a crick in the neck that wouldn’t go away for days, but I couldn’t wait to talk to Gabby. She’d been crazy busy the whole week and I hadn’t gotten to download her on how my man-pies went over with the single guys at work, or how dinner went with Jameson a few days ago.
But my hands were required elsewhere when a sewing needle was jabbing up and down in a rapid fire staccato on the herringbone twill that would soon be my new skirt. I was a mother, therefore, a master multitasker.
“You need to get a Bluetooth headset. They wouldn’t steal those.” When I snorted—because hello, have you seen how expensive those are—she continued. “Just put me on speakerphone.”
“Okay, but the kids are upstairs watching a movie, so keep the f-bombs on lockdown, sailor.”
“Yeah, yeah. What’s all the racket anyway?”
I took my foot off the pedal on the floor and straightened my back. I’d been hunched over the ancient sewing machine for thirty minutes already. My mom taught me how to sew when I was a little girl, on this same machine in fact, but it never held my interest back then. Plus, with how expensive fabric was these days it proved cheaper and easier to just buy the clothes from a store.