Yesterday, in the late afternoon, Viola visited me. By the time she’d climbed the tower stairs and entered the parlour, she was out of breath and in need of a champagne or two. We both were. Viola was dressed extravagantly as befits the most prosperous brothel madam in the southern hemisphere: yards of peach silk, offsetting black velvet and lashings of intricate beading. She couldn’t remain seated and her voluminous skirts swished every time she doubled back on her tracks. Alphonse became increasingly agitated, he dreads arguments and emotional scenes.
‘Viola, for God’s sake, tell me what is bothering you.’
‘I’m here for the poison. I’ll kill Roger, if you won’t. I’ve got someone lined up to do the deed. With your cooperation Roger could be dead by tomorrow night.’
I held up my hand and stopped her in her tracks. ‘Something else is bothering you. What is it?’
She sat down next to me and I put my arm around her shoulders. ‘One of my thoroughbreds, a redhead known as Lizzie the Dove, is infatuated with Roger. She’s deeply in love with the bastard, despite the fact he treats her with scant regard and makes her cry. Lizzie hasn’t admitted she’s made an assignation with him. But Lizzie’s dearest friend told me that the new Lord Dasher and his demon rod, as my girls call Roger’s infamous cock, will be waiting outside my establishment tonight. He plans on taking Lizzie out in his carriage. We all know what that means.’
‘Oh, Viola.’
‘It’s infuriating. Even though I’ve banned Roger from entering my establishment, I can’t stop the bastard from courting Lizzie. She’s chosen to liaise with him and it’s none of my business. I’ve always stipulated that my girls are entitled to a private life and I make a point of never interfering. Unless I’m invited to do so.’
‘I understand your reasoning but under no circumstance will I be giving you the poison. Besides, what’s the hurry?’
‘Well obviously it’s because he survived death by drowning.’
My heart was thumping but I feigned detachment. ‘I’m surprised. No one told me.’
‘But I thought your informant came to tell you about it, this afternoon?’
‘I refused to see him. I simply cannot face any more intrigue. I’ve had an absolute gut full.’
Viola spoke slowly, as though choosing her words. ‘Sasha, you need to know that Adam was spotted on the Dasher Estate lake with Roger.’
‘What!’
Viola leant down so we were eye to eye. ‘Adam’s ghost was seen wrestling with Roger. As you know the Dasher pile overlooks the lake. Two maids, Rufus and the Dasher family priest saw the brothers together in Roger’s sail boat. Father Johansson has been on his knees praying to the devil ever since. He insists that the only reason Roger didn’t die is because he’s the devil’s spawn. He firmly believes that Roger is under Lucifer’s protection. Rufus thinks Johansson is losing his mind.’
‘Bloody hell. What happened?’
‘Roger was still half-cut from luncheon at the Riff. He’d sweet-talked a barmaid into taking a twilight sail with him. But the girl was smart enough to rethink the matter and didn’t turn up for the assignation.’
Viola paused to top up our glasses.
‘Go on, Viola.’
‘So there was Roger, feeling sorry for himself. He decided to take a bottle of wine out onto the lake and drown his sorrows. The storm broke, lightning struck the boat and Adam’s ghost appeared out of nowhere. They had a fight and Adam threw Roger into the water and held his brother’s head under until he stopped flailing around.’ Viola took a long slow sip of champagne and I tried not to show my impatience. ‘Johansson, who was returning from the Dasher chapel at the time, saw what had happened. He waded in, dragged Roger out of the water and tried to resuscitate him. Adam disappeared into thin air. Johansson swears that Roger wasn’t breathing and he had no pulse. The stableboys carried Roger’s body up to the house and laid him out in the parlour. But when Dr Dual arrived to confirm the death, Roger sat up and said “Doc, what the fuck are you doing? And why are you all staring at me?”’
I collapsed back onto the sofa. ‘My God, how extraordinary!’
‘It gets worse. His near-death experience has induced a raging appetite for life. He will be celebrating his survival with the Cads tomorrow night at the Dasher Estate with a feast. Several deliveries have already been made: three geese, two pigs and eight capons from Buntings Emporium. Cognac, champagne, claret, sauternes, port and numerous wines from Darlings. There will be further deliveries tomorrow of four cherry clafoutis, six dozen Hazel Decadents, a towering croquembouche and numerous other sweet things from your patisserie.’
‘Viola, the patisserie is no longer under my jurisdiction.’
‘On paper it’s not. But Snuff has told all your customers that he and Charlie are only holding the fort until you get out of gaol.’
‘They’ve been so very loyal. I’ve –’
Viola leapt to her feet. ‘Stop trying to change the bloody subject!’
She banged her champagne glass down so hard on the tabletop that it shattered. We both pretended it hadn’t happened. Viola tried to speak in a conversational tone but her distress was quite obvious.
‘Roger has also requested twelve lively whores from Clops McCoy’s. His Lordship offered to quadruple my going rate if I’d send him my best girls but I refused. He particularly wanted redheads. I told him that I will not allow my courtesans to be degraded by the likes of him. Did you know he has a perversion for courtesans dressed as nuns? Sacrilege and blasphemy has never rattled me but many of my girls are staunch Catholics and they find it deeply offensive.’
I poured Viola another champagne and placed it in her hand. My mind was spinning backwards. ‘Ah, Viola, if only Roger had drowned. I wish I could kill the bastard but I just can’t.’
‘Then let me do it. He’s had it coming for years.’
‘No. I won’t allow you to put yourself at risk.’
Viola was back on her feet and carving another track across the floorboards. She suddenly stopped, gripped me by my shoulders and stared deep into my eyes. There’s no way of avoiding Viola when she’s on the rampage. I tried not to smile. When I’m deeply distressed I often slide into hilarity. It drives Viola crazy. She detected the laughter in my eyes and shook me quite hard.
‘This isn’t funny, Sasha. Do you want to spend the rest of your life in gaol?’ She gave me another shake. ‘With no freedom but furtive carriage rides at night? Rushing through the countryside in a darkened carriage, knowing full well we let that fucker get away with it!’
I removed her hands from my neck and tried to calm her down. ‘Of course not, Viola.’
‘Then let’s seize the advantage. Townsfolk expect him to die. Roger is unbridled in his pursuit of all the vices. He’s liquored up and out of control most of the time. Roger’s wilfully broken most taboos and codes of conduct. Why only last week he was thrown out of the Riff for having his way with a wharf doxy.’
‘Why on earth did they throw him out? Whoremastering is approved etiquette at The Riff. You know damn well that after midnight Ma O’Brien runs her own knocking shop from the back kitchen.’
‘You’re wrong there, Sasha. Doxies can be gainfully employed upstairs or in a darkened stairwell but Roger had her squirming on his lap in the front bar.’
‘That’s interesting. Roger’s always been discreet. He’s never felt a need to flaunt his libido in public places.’
Viola sighed and glanced with annoyance at the mantelpiece clock. She was letting me know that I hadn’t given the desired response. She flung on her cape and seized her umbrella. ‘I must rush, I’ve arranged to meet your informer. He’ll be attending Roger’s dinner.’
‘Goodbye, Viola. Thank you for coming.’
Her expression softened and she gave me a hug. ‘Sorry for getting angry but it’s only because I care about you. I hate seeing you stuck in this hideous place. And my sincere apologies for breaking that lovely champagne glass.’
�
��That’s quite all right, mon ami. I have several more. One can never have too much Florentine eighteenth century crystal, don’t you agree?’
She laughed. ‘I’ll be back on Thursday. Please think about my request. Bye.’
I kissed her cheek and from the barred window I watched her get into her coach and drive off through the prison gates. Becky waved at me from the rear window of the carriage. God knows what she was up to. It doesn’t bear thinking about.
I poured myself another champagne and stood staring out the window. Eventually darkness fell and the sea turned black under the sinister moon.
An hour or so later, I woke up Alphonse and consulted him. He’s always pragmatic in times of crisis. I leant over his fishbowl. ‘Alphonse, should I kill Roger and become what I despise? Or do I let nature take its course?’
Alphonse gazed at me unblinkingly. I felt his response as surely as if he’d vocalised it. He thought any move to end Roger Dasher’s life was unnecessary and dangerous. Alphonse urged patience as he was damned sure Roger’s wretched life would unravel of its own accord. He also assured me that after Roger’s demise I’d be set free. I wish I could be as confident as my goldfish. Alphonse is so unwavering in his belief that all will be well. Perhaps it’s got something to do with the fact that he’s a Buddhist. Alphonse meditates a lot and it clears his mind. He firmly believes that everyone has the Buddha in them.
But try as I might, I find it impossible to discern any glimmer of the Buddha in Roger Casanova Dionysus Dasher.
27
ALL THE WORLD’S A STAGE
During my time in gaol my memoir became something of a confessional and enabled me to finally make sense of my turbulent life. I’ve not put pen to paper for quite some time but I’ve been dying to reveal all.
My circumstances have changed dramatically due to several bizarre events that occurred six weeks ago. I can barely contain my excitement and keep wondering if I’ll wake up and find out it was nothing more than a sensational dream.
It turns out that Alphonse was absolutely right about Roger Dasher. Late one night at the gaol, there was a hammering on my boudoir door. Alphonse and I were startled. He was meditating and I was working on my memoir. It was after midnight, so I toyed with the idea of ignoring the interlopers. I don’t like to disturb Alphonse when he’s communing with the spirit world.
We could hear Theo yelling, ‘Open the door! Open up! We really must speak to you now, Miss Torte. It’s real important!’
That’s the problem with being in the slammer, you can’t pretend you’re not at home. When I opened the door, Theo was standing there with Milton Freebank. Milton was wearing his impenetrable lawyer’s mask and immediately I suspected the gods had been at work. But I decided to proceed cautiously. ‘Good evening, Milton, please do come in.’
Milton opened his mouth to speak but Theo shouted, ‘Miss Torte, Roger Dasher’s as dead as a fucking doornail!’
‘That’s not possible, Theo. Two nights ago he was alive and consuming suckling pig with members of the Cads gang. My informer had dinner with him.’
Theo was hopping from foot to foot. Milton signalled for him to continue. Theo explained, ‘He died after . . . you sees, Miss Torte, he –’
‘For heaven’s sake, Theo, spit it out.’
‘It’s real sort of embarrassing.’
‘Just tell it as best you can.’
‘Well, I only just heard it from another guard. Last night Mr Dasher was pissed as a newt. As fucking usual. So he eats up his noice grub and goes to the Baudelaire. After Don Juan was done Mr Dasher picks out three chippies from the pits and takes them back home. Theys weren’t like Lady Viola’s classy ladies but your more . . . everyday type of whore. From Clops McCoy’s.’
There was nothing out of order so far. ‘Go on, Theo.’
‘One of them, Milly’s her name, that’s young Ben Valentino’s new missus, a lovely gel, says to Ben that Mr Dasher only fancies redheads. He won’t touch no blondes or brunettes and he wants them to wear nothing but white aprons and ugly wooden clogs. Strange, eh?’
I detected Milton’s sly smile from the corner of my eye.
Milton was aware of my glance and made a belated attempt at restoring decorum. ‘Please just give us the bare facts, Theo.’
‘Whoa. Bit carried away I was. Well, his Lordship goes and dies on top of Ben’s Milly! He made a panting and rattling sound and then carked it. She was stuck under him until the other two whores dragged him off. Milly was buck naked except for an apron and them awful wooden clogs. She’d never had no john die on her before. Poor Milly is real upset. But Ben’s real proud, he reckons his missus could take any bloke to heaven and back.’
I tried to wipe the smile off my face and failed. Milton had lost all control and was grinning from ear to ear. Nevertheless I attempted a ladylike tone, ‘Obviously Milly possesses a rare talent and once the scandal dies down, she’ll attract new clients eager to experience ecstasy.’
‘Yep, Mr Dasher’s dying gives Milly a great reference I suppose.’
Milton pretended he was looking for something in his Gladstone bag but I knew damn well he was supressing his mirth.
I struggled to say the right thing. ‘I see it like this, Theo. Initially the men of Wolfftown will be reluctant to seek Milly’s services. I know what it feels like to be publicly shamed, so I’d like to arrange some financial compensation for Milly. Help get her back on her feet. So to speak.’
Theo had a big grin on his chops. ‘That’s real noice of you, Miss Torte. Ben reckons Milly wants to leave town for a bit. Not that she’s running away or nothing.’
It was the very least I could do. By fucking Roger to death, Milly had pre-empted the need for Viola and I to bump him off. Theo is nobody’s fool and he could see how relieved I was. Nevertheless the situation demanded a show of concern, so I assumed a serious expression. ‘Roger experienced heart seizure I presume?’
Theo nodded. A brief minute’s silence for the deceased was observed. Milton tried to look suitably grave.
The silence was broken when Theo couldn’t contain his joy any longer. ‘Isn’t it great, eh? Mr Freebank has your release papers and a Dasher coach is already come.’
I turned to Milton. ‘A Dasher coach?’
‘Yes, I knew you’d want to get out of here as soon as possible.’
‘But Milton, what –’
‘After the court case Roger Dasher retained Algernon Wolff as his lawyer. It threw Roger into a quandary as he knew damned well that you wouldn’t have a bar of Wolff. So after I was sworn to secrecy, I was contracted to work with Wolff to obtain the best possible outcome for you. It seems that Roger did have a conscience after all.’
‘Oh my goodness!’
‘Roger rewrote his last will and testament months ago. You are now legally entitled to the entire Dasher fortune. The Dasher lineage ends with the deaths of the three Dasher brothers. I’ve examined it from every angle and –’
‘My God!’
‘Sasha, it’s watertight. You get the lot. The Dasher Estate and all their holdings, and trading companies along with monies stashed in bank vaults all around the world.’ He turned to Theo. ‘Could you fetch Miss Torte a glass of something fortifying?’
Obviously there were some things Milton didn’t want to make public.
Theo moved towards the door ‘To be sure, Mr Freebank. Won’t be a minute.’
I heard him rushing down the stairs. He knew he was missing out on pertinent information and was hastening his return.
Milton continued. ‘More importantly, Sasha, I have right here in my bag, the official confirmation that there will shortly be an unconditional official pardon, acknowledging a miscarriage of justice. Wolff has started calling in favours to facilitate your pardon as soon as possible.’
‘I’m lost. How? Why? When?’
‘Roger wrote a secret confession that was sealed with wax, placed in a bank vault and could only be opened on his death. I must say Wolff certain
ly knows how to hasten any judicial procedure. I’m learning a lot about how to manipulate the system, it’s a real eye-opener. Wolff cut through all the red tape and ensured that the seal was promptly broken in the presence of a judge and judicial witnesses. We’ve been finalising your release details today.’
I was feeling decidedly light-headed. ‘Milton, I’m having trouble taking all this in.’
‘So am I, Sasha.’ Milton led me over to a chaise longue and made me sit down.
He sat next to me. ‘I rushed here the minute the papers were officially signed. Wolff didn’t think it appropriate that he should be here tonight. But he’s been knocking himself out on your behalf. I think that’s as close as he can get to offering an apology for his treatment of you in court.’
‘I understand, Milton. I do apologise for questioning your loyalty. I had no idea you were under some sort of oath.’
Milton placed his hand on mine. ‘I knew you suspected me of disloyalty but given the circumstances I completely understand. Wolff was appalled by the depth of Roger’s duplicity. He lost the power of speech when he read Roger’s confession. We lawyers like to flatter ourselves that we always know when somebody is lying through their teeth. It brings us undone when we have to admit we’ve been someone’s dupe. Algernon Wolff’s ego has taken an almighty bruising.’
I was full of the milk of human kindness. Unexpected good fortune has that effect on one. ‘Roger was a masterful manipulator, Milton. The only writer I ever heard him praise was Machiavelli. So many of us have been taken in by Roger. Tell me, what’s Marietta Zendik up to?’
Milton sighed. ‘Apparently she was aware of Roger’s written confession. She skipped town after Clops McCoy blabbed to her about Roger’s death.’
‘Where’s she gone?’
‘I believe Miss Zendik is headed for Martinique. Her ship is well out to sea by now. She’s under the protection of the Desperado captain.’
The Scandalous Life of Sasha Torte Page 36