Just had a run in with the bitch from HELL!
I take it u mean Sam?
Yep. She was talking to Kate in staffroom saying I’m preggers with Johan’s kid.
LMAO!
It’s not funny!!!
Yeah it is, especially after our conversation last night, lol. She’s a bitch, ignore her.
I stared at the glowing screen for a moment, trying to compose myself. My heart was still pounding against my ribcage, adrenaline rushing through me after that confrontation. I sighed heavily and typed my reply.
Not that easy.
I wanted to tell her Samantha was also taking things out on little Ellie, but that would likely make the situation worse—and I still had to work with this woman. I waited for a response and looked at the clock. I needed to get back into class soon. My phone buzzed.
Darren is an idiot. Sam is a bitch. Lucky escape from them if you ask me.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I was linked to them now; I couldn’t get away from them. It wasn’t as simple as that. If they wanted to spend time with baby bean, I had no right to deny them.
Wish it was that easy. I have to go back in. Speak soon
How r things with Johan? Any more smooching?
I laughed loudly as I typed my reply.
No, lol. My lips have behaved x
I returned to class feeling a little happier. I couldn't let Samantha get to me, she’s been a bitch for years, a spoilt bully. Her family indulges her and she has yet to realise she’s an adult and the world doesn’t revolve around her.
When I arrived home that night, my feet were killing me, my back ached, and my stomach was beyond queasy. I felt like shit. I had planned on going to the hospital on my way home but I felt so lousy I didn’t want to take my mood with me, so I decided if I came home first and had a shower I could compose myself. Then I could face seeing my sister without letting on what a horrible day it had been. I knew she would ask about Johan and truth be told I didn’t know what to tell her; I didn't want to betray Johan by telling her about last night and how I’d found him.
My head was a messy shed, boggled with what had happened last night, and infuriated by what happened at work. Mixed with my aching body, I couldn’t be arsed.
Suck it up!
“Brain, you can shut the hell up too.”
“Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness.” My irritating housemate called out from the living room.
Urgh, that is all I needed to deal with, his smug frigging face. I could tell by the tone of his voice what mood he was in, and I had run out of patience six hours ago so had zero tolerance for his typical teasing.
I walked into living room and his bright smile disappeared. I grimaced: did I really look that bad?
“What’s wrong?” He slowly rose to his feet.
I shook my head and held my hand up, motioning I was fine. “Nothing, just a crappy day.”
“Tell me.” He reached out grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the sofa. I sat down and he sat beside me. I ignored the giddy feeling his closeness brought—stupid hormones.
I let out a loud irritated sigh and recounted everything in one breath.
“...so now the whole teaching staff thinks I’m some slut who spends years with one bloke while shagging her new house mate and becoming pregnant with his kid. Stupid shits! I wouldn’t mind, but I was carrying baby bean before I met you so obviously you either have super duper flying telekinetic sperm or—”
I stopped ranting when Johan burst out laughing. I smiled despite myself.
“It’s not funny, you annoying idiot.” I giggled, nudging him with my knee.
“Yeah it is. So I’m going to be a baby daddy. Well, I’ll be damned. I never even got to enjoy spreading my super seed, the boys did good.”
We both cracked up laughing then. When I caught my breath I looked at his sparkling eyes and smiled shyly.
“I’m sorry.”
He frowned. “What for?”
“Well, this. For you being involved and having shit said about you. Darren doesn’t want to be a dad, but he didn’t need to drag you into it.”
“I don’t mind.”
“But what if somehow rumour spreads to your work or family?”
“I’ll tell them the truth. But Lou, honestly it’s quite a compliment to be insinuated in the conception of my little buddy,” he said softly. He looked down at my swollen bump and slowly lifted his hand and pressed it against my stomach. “I may not be his dad but together we won’t ever let him feel scared or alone. He’ll be loved, I won’t allow anyone to hurt him. I swear I’ll try to be a man he can be proud of.”
I covered his hand with mine, and blinked away the tears pooling in my eyes. “You already are.” I choked passed the lump in my throat.
He looked up at me, and I swear a totally different Johan was sitting beside me. Gone was the cocky, charming A-hole and in his place was a lost boy, desperate and alone. I lifted my free hand and cupped his cheek.
“Tell me,” I whispered.
He closed his eyes and bowed his head. “It’s just hard to survive sometimes.” He let out a shuddering breath. “I feel like I’m drowning all the time. You shouldn’t have to fight every single day of your life. But I have to, I have to survive, I have to do it for him. I promised I would.” He spoke with such heartbreaking honesty I couldn't help the tear rolling down my cheek.
“For baby bean?” I asked.
His shoulders heaved with the deep breaths he inhaled and I was certain he was about to refuse to answer when he surprised me.
“For Ryan. I survive for him, to make his sacrifice worth it. But I’m tired, Lou, so fucking tired of it.” His body relaxed and he slumped forward, pressing his face into my neck. Shocked at first, I remained stiff and unmoving. Slowly I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly. I threaded my fingers through his hair and gently massaged his scalp, leaning us back against the sofa. I didn't know if this was a downer after his nightmare, or if it’d been caused by what happened between us yesterday.
“Is this about your nightmares?”
His body stiffened and his hold on me tightened.
“Last night isn’t the first time I’ve heard you scream in your sleep.”
He snorted and his body shook with silent laughter. “What a pussy, huh?”
“No. Not at all. Something scared you, Johan. That doesn’t make you a pussy.”
“Yeah it does.” He started to pull away but I held onto him.
“Talk to me. Don’t shut me out,” I pleaded. “Who’s Ryan? Tell me about him.”
His body tensed, but when I rubbed our joined hands over my stomach he relaxed.
“Ryan is my hero. He was the most selfless person I have ever met. Your first hero in life should be your dad, but mine was Ryan.” He sighed and relaxed into me. He tilted his head and watched our hands on my stomach. “He was my best friend, my brother, my uncle, my dad, everything a little boy could need.”
I frowned, not understanding his meaning.
“Ryan was my dad’s younger brother. My biological father, that is.”
“Was?” I swallowed, dreading the answer and hoping it was just a slip of the tongue.
“Yeah, he died. Or should I say he was killed in action. He went into war already a hero to me. I miss him every single day, and every single day it gets harder without him. I wake up every morning and the first thing I hope for is for him to walk through the door to rag my ass about staying in bed, to say ‘hey, little buddy, it’s just me Ryan’. That was what he always used to say, but he was never ‘just Ryan’ he was everything to me.”
I swallowed back tears. “He became a national hero as well as your hero.”
He lifted his head to look at me. “What?”
“Sorry, that was lame.”
“No...no it wasn’t. I just never thought of it that way before.”
I smiled.
“God you’re beautiful,” he whispered, reverently starin
g at my lips.
“I—”
“I pushed you away because I’m not right for you, I spoil things, I make good things turn bad. Every time I get close, something happens and I can’t bear the thought of something happening to you. I want you, so much I ache with it. But I cannot risk hurting you. That first time you kissed me was amazing, but equally as scary. I can’t lose you, Lou.”
“You won’t.”
“Yes...yes I will. I’m jinxed. Everyone I love gets hurt. Look at Eve.”
My heart soared and then plummeted at the reminder his heart belonged to my sister.
“Eve getting hurt wasn’t your fault. Elliott was a fucking psycho.”
“But she was fine until I came into her life and made her go to the police.”
I shook my head vehemently. “No, she wasn’t. She was surviving. It was bound to happen, and had you not been there she would be...we would have lost her forever. You are my hero.”
He pulled away from me and his gaze searched my face.
“You saved her. You gave her the strength to fight back. You’re a hero. Just like Ryan.”
He stood up so abruptly he startled me. He lifted his hands to his hair and pulled hard.
“Johan?”
“Don’t say that okay? Please don’t say—”
I stood before him and cupped his face. “Hey.” When his blue eyes focused on me I wanted to crumble with the pain shining back at me. “Ryan would be so proud of you. Of the caring, beautiful man you are.” I held my hand over his heart. “In here is the most amazing, caring heart. When you allow it to love, it is the most courageously loyal and purest love ever known. And the people lucky enough to receive your love are the luckiest people in the world.” I don’t know where those words came from but I meant every single one of them.
He pressed his forehead against mine. “I can’t lose you, Lou. Don’t leave me.”
“You won’t lose me. I swear it.”
His breath fanned across my lips.
“Be patient with me,” he whispered before his lips pressed against my forehead. It was a chaste, closed mouth, gentle kiss to my brow. But it was the most erotic experience I had ever had. Marilyn Monroe was right: ‘The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.’ He truly was a dangerous man to my heart. Johan was finally letting me in, he was opening his security gates and beckoning me forward. He pulled away and I slowly opened my eyes to look at him.
He ran his index finger across my bottom lip and smiled. His dimples nipped in and transformed his handsome face from attractive to devilishly sexy.
“I have a feeling I won’t survive you,” he whispered.
“Bear Grylls couldn't survive me, moonbeam.” I smiled sweetly.
His loud roar of laughter lightened my heart. I had a feeling breaking into the enigma that is Johan was going to take some doing. But by God I was going to try.
***
The next day at work I decided to forgo eating in the staff room; it would be safer for my sanity to sit in my car. I couldn't be arsed going into town and finding parking, so I grabbed my phone and my bag and ran to the car avoiding puddles the wretched rain was causing. Luckily the carpark was a short distance from the school’s main entrance. I could see my car as I opened the door. I noticed Johan standing beside it with my huge rainbow coloured umbrella.
“What?” I shook my head and dashed towards him. I stood close to him to gain refuge under the umbrella. “What are you doing here?” I asked breathlessly, looking up into his sparkling blue eyes. His dimples dipped into his cheeks making me smile.
“I came to have lunch with my woman, thought her and my love child would need sustenance.” He grinned.
I turned to make sure no one was out here. “Ssh, don’t say that.”
“Come on, you’ll get wet.” He opened his mouth to say something else and shook his head mischievously.
“You were going to say something dirty then.” I pointed my finger at him.
“Yep, but I value my balls too much,” he joked. He opened my car door for me once I unlocked it and ran around the car and got in the passenger side. It was such a lovely surprise to have him here.
He held up a brown bag I hadn’t noticed him holding. “I know you brought lunch with you, but these are the best subs around and Eve swears by the carrot cake muffins.” He leaned into me and looked around the car park as if he was sharing secret information. “I think the carrot cake is responsible for Eve and Dominic getting together, they spent enough time at the dinner table eating together.”
I laughed and pushed him away. “I think those two were destined at birth to be together.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right, although I still think she was hot for me. She’s simply in denial.” He winked and I laughed.
“So why are you here?”
“I just told you, the carrot cake is to die for and has some magical matchmaking qualities. A guy has to try everything in his arsenal to get a girl to notice him.”
A giddy feeling fluttered around my stomach, making me all gooey inside.
“Thank you.”
“Anyway, my little buddy needs feeding more than the pathetic salad you brought.”
I couldn't help it; tears stung my eyes and my lip trembled. I turned to look out of the window before he could see but he noticed immediately.
“Hey.” He dropped the bag between his feet and gently turned my face with his hand. “What’s wrong? I can go if me being here is too much hassle.”
“No, no, it’s not that.” I wiped my cheek with the back of my hand. I looked directly into his gorgeous, captivating eyes. It was so wrong for a man to have lashes as thick and dark as his. “Why are you so good to me? I’ve been nothing but a bitch to you.”
“Lou.” He cupped my face in his hands. “Apart from the fact I seem to incite the bitch in mostly everyone I meet, when I needed you, you were there. Your sister was in the hospital but you stayed with me. You comforted me. I’ve not felt that safe for such a long time, but you did that for me. You held me, you were there for me, I’m returning the favour.”
I tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace because I wanted it to be more than a favour.
He must have noticed my crestfallen expression because he continued after taking a deep breath and swallowing audibly.
“And...it’s quite possible that...” He ran his fingers through his hair nervously. “Eight hours is a long time to go without seeing you. I...missed you.” His cheeks reddened and this time my smile was genuine. “I hated you being upset last night because of those people in there.” He pointed across to the school.
I reached over and laced our fingers together. “I kind of missed you too.”
“Kind of?” He asked in mock offence. “Woman, I’m the man of your dreams, don’t play coy with me. You saw me standing by your car and you immediately wanted to play hide the—”
“I take it back. My blood pressure needs the eight hour break.”
His dimples came out to say hello and I fought my body’s reaction.
“Oh shit!” He jumped out of the car into the rain, reaching up onto the car roof before slumping back into the seat holding two take away cups. “I brought you a hot chocolate, with whipped cream, and no before you ask you are not smearing it on my delicious body.” He laughed. I blushed brightly, because how the hell could he read my mind.
“Thank you,” I said in a breathless whisper and wanted to slap myself.
“You’re more than welcome.”
“Not just for the food.”
“We are a team, you and I, no thanks needed for anything more.” He grabbed a sub out of the bag and handed it to me.
“Come here.” I pulled at the lapel on his jacket, then pressed a kiss to his cheek just above where his dimples appeared. I whispered in his ear. “Thank you.”
He pulled away slightly and we stared into one another’s eyes, the electricity
between us ramping up. The hairs on the back of my neck tingled; I shivered watching his eyes glaze over, turning iridescent. This close I could see the water droplets of the cool rain nestled neatly on his lashes.
“Lou?” He looked down at my mouth, the heat of his stare searing into my lips. He leaned over the handbrake and pressed his mouth to mine; I sighed happily at the contact. His lips parted, taking my top lip between his. I closed my eyes and a soft moan escaped at his gentle coercion to control the kiss. He cupped my jaw, holding me to him, his thumb adding slight pressure to my chin to open for him. I parted my lips and my brain failed to work when his tongue slipped inside, teasing my own into play. He tasted of coffee and the cool rain. His skin felt chilled from the crisp air. I moaned against his mouth, pressing into him, moulding myself to him. He gave a few playful licks of his tongue before pulling away. The cold air blasted between us. I slowly opened my eyes to see him staring at me.
“You are so incredibly beautiful.”
His lips were a deep red, and glistened with moisture. I ran the pad of my thumb over them, desperately wanting to feel them again.
“Lou, please stop looking at me like that. I’ll end up getting arrested for indecent behaviour in a school parking lot.”
I blinked as his words penetrated, and I pulled back immediately scanning the area for any peeping toms.
He chuckled beside me.
I turned to glare at him.
“I’m sure they think we have done more than kiss, especially seeing as you’re carrying my love child,” he joked.
“That’s not funny.”
“Eat your lunch.” He grinned. I tried to glare at him but I couldn’t be angry at him when I saw his happy smile.
And yes, the carrot cake muffins did have magical qualities to them.
Dare to Dream...Happy?
Chase Dermont Junior III
8 Years Old
Boston Massachusetts
I woke up on the bed and saw Ane wasn’t asleep next to me. I’d stopped sleeping on the floor and now slept on top of the bed and Ane stayed here with me every night. She read me stories and sang me to sleep. I liked when she stayed here with me, we had fun together. We even went in the pool sometimes; she would sit in her clothes on the side of the pool dangling her feet in the water while I splashed about. Will had gotten me some awesome shorts and water wings, and when he and Ryan came home they would get in the pool with me and we would have races to see who could get to the other edge first.
Surviving Love (Surviving #2) Page 14