“Don’t forget annoying,” I joked.
“There you go.” She ran her thumb along my bottom lip. “I love your smile. These dimples are...” She pulled herself up my body, dislodging me from inside her, then licked my cheek. “I’ve wanted to do that since the first time you showed me these bad boys.”
“You like dimples?”
“I have ovaries, obviously I like dimples.” She laughed and I loved that sound. She pressed another kiss to my dimples and trailed a tingling path down my neck.
“Why do you put up with me? Why don’t you think I’m damaged?”
She pressed her finger against my lips, silencing me. “You’re fine until you speak.” She smiled to let me know she was joking. “Make love to me.”
“I—”
“Make me yours.”
I pressed my mouth against hers, threaded my fingers into her hair and held her, rolling her underneath me as I rocked my hips. I pulled the used condom off and threw it in the bin. Her desperate whimper woke my snoozing cock. I rocked my hips again.
“Being with you feels natural,” she began, “like we’re two magnets drawn to one another. I tried to fight it. I was attracted to you the day I met you in Eve’s bedroom, and even though you did everything to antagonise me I couldn’t seem to pull away. I think you are the type of man who is easy to fall for, but impossible to pull away from.”
“You terrify me.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve given you the power to break me. I swore I wouldn’t allow that to happen again. For years I’ve learnt to guard myself, to never let myself become vulnerable to others. But you, you broke in and stole everything. You robbed my heart. The strange thing is, even though I know the pain of you leaving would be the worst I’ve ever experienced, I can’t fight my attraction to you. I don’t want to fight it.”
“What are you saying?” she asked.
Fuck the consequences, I was all in.
“I’ve done the one thing I feared more than anything. I’m falling in love.”
She sucked in a loud breath as her gaze searched mine. I wanted to hide, to cover my face, but I held strong. I masked the fear behind my eyes and fought against the panic rising in me. My heart beat furiously in my chest. She was going to leave. She was going to shatter me and leave me in a bloodied heap. Alone again.
She ran her fingers through my hair and pulled me to her, her lips pressed softly against mine.
“Make love to me.” She let out a shuddering breath, fanning across my lips.
It hurt like a motherfucker that she didn’t say it back, but I knew in my heart she never would. I didn’t deserve to hear it, but I couldn't hide how I felt about her, and I prayed to God to let me keep her, to keep her safe and let me love her.
***
“Johan?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you think you can let me go now? I have cramp in my arse cheeks.”
I laughed loudly, I couldn't help it. “You have such a way with words.”
“What? I’m being honest, I can’t feel my arse, which is a huge thing seeing as it’s the size of a small country.” She laughed and got to her feet.
I blatantly stared at her gorgeous body, she had no qualms about showing it off and I loved that about her. She pulled the sheet from the floor and wrapped it around her shoulders like a cape. We had ended up on the floor around the third or fourth time she let me into her body. We laughed, licked and loved each other. Every inch of her body I’d tasted, I wanted to memorise her. I loved the sounds she made when she came, and the way her eyes would gloss over when she wanted me. I have nothing to compare this with, but I'm pretty sure she is damn near perfect.
“I’m cold, and you are going to be my blanket while I sleep.” She pointed to me before pulling me to the bed.
“You Beaumont women are a sucker for my sheets.” I laughed, and her shoulders stiffened as she hesitated at the side of the bed.
“How do you mean?”
“Eve, she’s the only other woman to spend the night here. Although she kind of hogs the sheets so I’m hoping it’s not hereditary.”
Lou stepped away from the bed and stared down at it as if it was going to bite her. I tilted my head to see her face and her expression nearly killed me. She had tears in her eyes and a pained look on her beautiful face.
“Lou?”
“Maybe it would be better if I went home, you were right, we should take this slow. Maybe just be friends and see where—”
“Lou, what’s wrong?”
“Eve never told me you two...” She lifted her face to look at me and my heart stopped. Then realisation hit me like a sledgehammer. She thought more had happened between Eve and I.
“No! No, no, no, I didn't mean that. This is where she stayed when Elliott...” I ran my hands through my hair;. I grasped her hands and pulled her to sit beside me on the bed, trying to decide where to begin the story. “You know when we had fireworks at your house?”
“Bonfire night?”
I nodded. “Well, that night, or should I say that weekend, Elliott used Eve as a punch bag.” When Lou winced I swallowed, hating how blunt I sounded. “Sorry. When I arrived at work on Monday, Eve was in her office. She could hardly breathe she was in so much pain. I suspected he was beating her, but I couldn't be sure. The day we met, you had a go at me because I made her cry. But that was when I approached her and said I knew what he was doing. She freaked and started crying. That Monday when I found her, I wasn’t accepting any bullshit answers and threatened to tell Dominic. She wouldn’t go to the hospital so I brought her here. She stayed in my bed, that’s it. I thought you knew?” It was a low blow to threaten Eve, and I still felt like shit about it, but I knew Dominic was the one person she wouldn’t want to tell. She may have been dating his brother, but her heart clearly belonged to my infuriating colleague, and she’d been embarrassed about what was happening to her.
Lou shook her head slowly. “I didn't realise until your mum told me that Eve came here.”
“She only came here once. And she was in a lot of pain. I wasn’t lying when I said I’ve never...I’ve kissed girls before, but nothing more. Oh, that’s a lie, I touched Alice Matthews’s boobs once but she slapped me and called me a pervert.”
Lou giggled and wiped her eyes.
“Eve stayed here and told me some of what that dick was doing to her, and she finally admitted what we all knew, and how she felt about Dominic.”
“How did you see it and we didn’t?” Lou asked, moving herself farther onto the bed. I followed, pulling her into my side. I rested against the headboard with her head resting over my heart.
“I told you how my mom died?”
She nodded against my chest.
“Chase Dermont, my father, was a sick son of a bitch. I rarely saw him, Mom used to hide me away like I was this little secret whenever he was home. He was always so pissed off. He would come home from work, demand his supper like he was some kind of king waiting to be served, and she would scurry around doing everything he demanded. But he always found an excuse to use his fists. His meal was cold, his meat was overcooked, his beers weren’t cold enough, the house was a mess, anything, and he would use it. I would find her so many times in the bathroom covered in bruises with torn clothes crying her eyes out. She would grab hold of me and sob for hours. He used to scream at her for being a whore, and a worthless ugly bitch, but Lou, my mom was the most beautiful woman to walk the earth. She had this inner glow that I loved so much. Even with nasty bruises she would still smile.” I took a deep breath and pressed a kiss to the top of Lou’s head. Her hand stroked up and down my ribs in a slow and soothing way.
“One day mom and I were outside playing in the yard when he came home early. The terror on her face made me want to run and hide under the house. But she grabbed me and ran inside. He didn't like that, he was furious when he came in, saying she acted like some crazy person. What did she think he was going to do? He just wanted to spend
time with his son. Mom said she didn't think it was a good idea when he was so worked up, that’s when he backhanded her and sent her flying across the room. I ran at him and kicked and punched at him, but obviously being the tiny pathetic kid I didn't make a dent.”
“How old were you?”
“Four.”
“Jesus.”
“He laughed at me and grabbed a handful of my hair and lifted me into the air. I screamed, I remember crying because it hurt so much. But he just laughed some more. Mom was shouting at him to let go. But he said I needed to learn some manners, and men didn't cry. God, I hate that fucking saying.” I took a deep breath. “He slapped me across the face, ordered me to stop crying like a pussy. But the more he hit the more I cried. Mom ran at him and knocked him off balance; she yanked me out of his hand and ran like the devil himself was chasing us. She locked us in her bathroom and begged me to hide, she said she would calm him down.” I stopped, the vivid image of the last time I spoke to my mom etched in my memory forever.
“What happened?” Lou asked quietly.
“I didn't stay where mom told me to, I followed her out into the bedroom. Dad was shouting at her, right in her face, screaming shit at her. Then he caught sight of me. This really sick twisted grin crossed his face and he laughed. Fucking laughed like what he was doing was funny. He said something about taking me to Grandpa and having him teach me what a man really was. Mom went nuts, she started railing at him, screaming she would kill him before she let me anywhere near that guy. I never understood why we couldn't see Grandpa Chase. Now I wish I’d never laid eyes on the bastard. Dad didn't take kindly to Mom’s reaction so he started hitting her, and he didn't stop until she stopped moving. He knelt beside her panting as we both watched the life drain from her. I watched her eyes fade, the sparkle dimmed to nothing, she watched me, she reached out for me, I was the last thing she saw before she died. A weak pathetic little boy who caused her death. Dad sat there crying like a fucking baby, then he looked up at me and said it was my fault. If I hadn’t been born she would still be alive. After what I went through with my mom, I saw the fear in Eve’s eyes and I knew what was going on.” I choked, I couldn't get any more words past the lump in my throat. Lou’s arms slid around me and tightened. She didn't say anything, the only noise in the room was her harsh breaths and soft sobs. I felt warm tears on my chest.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.
“Why?”
“No child should experience that.”
“Trust me, I hadn’t arrived in hell just yet. That happened the moment I met Grandpa Chase, the devil himself.”
“Your mum said you were called Chase.”
“I changed my name when they officially adopted me. Every firstborn son takes the name Chase like it’s some fucking privilege, it’s a bastard curse. My grandma signed the adoption papers like she was handing over lease of a company. Like I meant fuck all.” I snorted. “Truth is she didn't give a fuck about me, she hated me. When I first arrived she would hit me and punish me for stupid shit any four-year-old would do. I became Johan Senior because I despised everything associated with the Dermont name. I was once told it was a legacy, more like a fucking death sentence. My mom was called Johanna. When Ryan helped me escape and took me away from them he said I had my momma’s eyes so he called me Jo, he hated the name Chase as much as I did. So when Mama-su and Dad wanted to adopt me, I asked to change my name to Johan.”
“That’s sweet. A happy ending.”
I shook my head in denial. “I became a freak, a fucked up mess no one wanted to be around. I was on meds, anti-depressants and sleeping pills. I was begged on numerous occasions to see a therapist.”
“That doesn’t make you a freak, it makes you a survivor. Jesus, anyone who survived the hell you did would come out with some battle scars. Give yourself a break.”
“Why do you like me?”
“Whoa, let’s not go crazy, who said I liked you?” She laughed as I tickled her sides. “You have a beautiful heart, and you saved my sister. You make me laugh, you make me want to kick you in the balls, and I find I want to spend time with you.” The little minx always had to add sass.
I kissed her temple. “You’re going to be the death of me, Louise.”
“But what a way to go, eh?” She tittered and pressed her lips to mine, and for once my nightmares disappeared.
***
I listened to her gentle breathing, the soft rise and fall of her chest as she slept beside me. I kissed her bare shoulder and wrapped my arms around her. I threaded my fingers between hers and held our joined hands over my little buddy. I shifted closer to her, not that there was much space between us, I pretty much crowded her, but I needed her. She had just given me such a gift by allowing me to make love to her. I loved having her sleeping in my bed. The sun rising in the distance cast a soft glow on her skin making her beauty ethereal. And I was starting to sound like a chick!
I pressed my cheek against her back and listened to the soft thump of her heartbeat; I let it lull me into sleep, my muscles relaxed, I felt light and free for the first time I could remember, and it was all thanks to my beautiful sunbeam. I sighed against her back and snuggled closer to her. Sleep was coming and for a change I wasn’t afraid, I welcomed it.
“Johan?”
I pressed my nose into the back of her neck and inhaled her warm scent.
“Hmm?”
“I’m falling too,” she whispered so quietly I hardly heard her.
“Uh?”
“With you, I'm falling for you too,” she said, and my heart stopped. I was fucking dreaming and this was the cruellest of them all, because I didn’t want to wake up and find out it wasn’t true.
She turned in my arms and I opened my eyes to look at her, then held my breath and my skin itched to hear her again. My ears buzzed with anticipation. She lifted her hand and stroked my cheek, my stubble rough against her velvet skin.
“I—”
I crashed my mouth against her before she could speak. “I love you, I love you, I love you so fucking much.” I didn't give a shit if it was too soon or if I scared her mindless. I needed to say it before she disappeared. If she walked out on me at least she would know how I felt.
I rolled her onto her back and slid on top of her, my cock pressing against her.
“Jesus, give a girl time to recoup.” She giggled.
“Sorry,” I said, laughing, as I pressed my lips to her shoulder at the same time I pressed my hips into her inviting warmth.
“That’s not...playing fair.”
“What?” I asked innocently as I pressed against her again.
“Do you not think three...four, maybe more orgasms are enough?”
“Isn’t that breaking some kind of woman code asking such a question?”
“Probably. But no one has had a Johan in their bed before, I think they’d understand.” She lifted the sheet to look down at my groin. “I mean, look at the victory V for Christ sake.”
I laughed at her, she was so adorable. “What do you reckon to one more victory roll.”
“That’s cheesy, you need more—”
I slid home, moaning her name, her nails biting into my shoulders.
“I take it back.” She moaned.
She was mine, I was keeping her. Hear that, fate? A big fat fuck you!
Chapter 13
Louise
I became aware of three things simultaneously as I opened my eyes: the delightful tenderness between my thighs, the heavy weight of an arm over my legs, and soft wet kisses being pressed against my stomach. I stretched my arms above my head and moaned loudly.
“Morning sunbeam, or should I say good afternoon? We slept right past lunchtime.” He peppered kisses up my stomach and placed a soft kiss between my naked breasts. “My little buddy seemed lonely down there all by himself.”
I smiled and ran my fingers through his sleep-rumpled hair. His jaw had a sexy dark shadow of morning stubble. He moved his lean body over
me and pressed his warm lips to mine. I sighed softly against his mouth.
“I could get used to this kind of wake up call,” I said sleepily.
“You hate mornings.” He chuckled, kissing my jaw and ever so gently suckling at my neck.
“Like I said I could be persuaded to like mornings, if this is how I get to wake up.” I stretched my arms above my head again and arched my back, effectively pressing my sensitised nipples against his chest.
Johan dipped his head to look between us, then up at me with a mischievous smile. “When it’s offered on a plate, a man’s gotta eat,” he said as he sucked one tightened peak into his mouth, hard. I gasped at the sensation, arching into him. He moaned, sending a vibrating heat straight to my core. His other hand cupped my other breast and when his thumb stroked across my nipple I nearly shot off the bed.
“Johan!”
“I got you, I got these babies too,” he said, paying the same attention with his mouth to my other nipple. I threaded my fingers into his hair, holding him to me. His hands slid achingly slow down my sides, causing a tickling sensation that was almost too much to bear. My skin felt electrically charged and the softest touch was like a million bolts of electricity. His hand continued its descent, curving over my hip, and I wriggled to the side to encourage him to my aching centre, but he ignored me and caressed my thigh, stroking a maddening pattern along my sensitised flesh. He slid his finger in the crease of my knee and pulled my leg up and around his waist, stroking his large hand up my thigh. He lifted his head and smiled at me, but I saw a brief moment of hesitation. I cupped his face, leaning on my elbows to bring my mouth to his.
“Can I...I need...” he stuttered, blowing out a perplexed breath, hiding his face in my neck.
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