by S. Ann Cole
“And ignored my calls,” he added.
“Yes, that too,” I confirmed on a laugh. Which reminds me… “What’s the meaning of that poem you sent?”
“Whatever you want it to mean.”
“It meant nothing to me. Just befuddled me.”
His hands stilled for a beat. “Then it means nothing.” He sounded wounded.
“Natalio, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just…” I paused, being sure to choose my words carefully. The man could be real sensitive at times. “Poetry is mind-screwing. It’s not straightforward and it never means what you think it means. Always something far beyond; more profound. Prompting one to read it over and over, dissevering and deciphering. It’s too laborious a task, so I’ve never been a fan of poetry.”
Natalio remained silent.
I tried again. “It’s said that no one ever truly knows the real meaning of a poem but the poet. Would the poet, N.N., care to divulge the true meaning behind his work?”
I felt, rather than saw, his smile. “Some other time. Not now.”
“Okay,” I agreed. “Expect me to ask again.”
“Spend the day with me. Stay the night,” he pressed again.
“I start working tomorrow.”
“I’ll assure you get there on time. Also, your car is here for you.”
My car. The man’s ridiculous. “I haven’t finished thinking about the car yet.”
“You will take it, Sadie,” he pinned.
“No, Natalio. I will not.”
His hands fell away from my temples. “You’re so goddamned intractable!”
“Hey, I was enjoying that,” I whined.
“Sadie…” he warned, ire striating his tone. Raking a hand through his hair, he made a short shake of his head before flouncing off, leaving me alone on the balcony.
What’s his problem? Hell and damnation, the man was beyond all measure of volatility.
In search of him, I sallied back into the vast, modernly decorated bedroom, but he was absent. Best for me to keep distant until his anger subsides. Longing for a hot bath, I went into his sumptuously stylized black and white bathroom suite and ran myself a hot bath. I chose a lemon-scented body wash from his cabinet and squirted a little into the water, then later discarded his T-shirt—that I don’t remember him dressing me in—and sank in the bath.
It was hardly believable how blurry my memory of last night was. I couldn’t even recall how I had ended up in his bedroom. That’s how deep a sleep that man hand sent me in. The last place I remembered being was on his fluffy white pelt in the main room. A smile visited my face at the memory. No idea I had that I was playing with flames. Natalio had put me out for fourteen hours with just his fingers. I squirmed miserably at the thought of what else he could do to me.
The relationship we had was rather peculiar. It’s as if we’re both wary of the other, but neither wanted to stay away. He’d been explicit about what he wanted from me: To need him. To fall helplessly in love with him—though I wasn’t sure why he wanted that. At his ridiculous wants, I scoffed. It was all lust on my side. And even if I wanted to love him, I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to love or trust anymore.
But how genuine was he? Could I at all trust him? A small laugh escaped from me at the thought that I was questioning the issue of trust, when I was sitting bare-butted in the man’s bath.
He was handsome. He was sexy. He was caring and thoughtful. Perplexing. Angers easily. Has stalker-like mannerisms. Sometimes scary and a bit creepy. Determined. And wields ultimate control over my body.
An odd combination it was.
Drawing a breath, I went head under water, testing how long it would take me to panic and start gasping for air. I couldn’t remember the last time I panicked. Or really feared. Though Mr. Mysterious in Black sometimes gave me the chills.
Death, on the other hand, I liked to challenge. The insidious bastard was just always there, smiling slyly, telling me to come. Come. ‘I’m easier than Life’.
Death was easy. I could simple open my mouth now and allow water to flow in, and in minutes, I’d be gone. I could place a gun to my head and with one easy move of my finger, I’d be gone. It was that easy. Yet, it was such a laborious and painful task to bring about Life. Why was death so easy when life, which should be the best gift of all, was so difficult? It’s a hoary question, I know, but still it has never ceased being asked.
Abruptly, I found that my body was being hauled from my reveries and from the bath by two strong hands. Unable to speak because I’d held my breath for so long, I gasped.
“What the hell are you doing?!” Natalio shouted, his eyes glacial, though tinged with fright. I stared up at him, panting and wide-eyed at his exaggeration. “I left you for five freakin’ minutes and—” he tilted his head to one side, “were you trying to kill yourself, too?”
As much as I wanted to burst into laughter, I didn’t. He was already raged, and I wanted not to rile him further. “No.”
“Sadie, you were head under the water for God knows how damned long! I panicked. I—” he stopped, ran his long fingers through his glorious dark hair, then grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me. “Come.”
“I’m not done with my bath.”
Given my parents’ separate attempts at suicide, one successful and the other failed, I understood why he’d think I was attempting the same. But I didn’t hate my life that much.
“Yes, you are. Come. Now.” His eyes were an icy blue and I knew then that this side of Natalio was not to be messed with.
Hoping to defuse him, I peered up at him through my lashes. “I need to brush my teeth.”
His eyes never left mine as he opened a glass cabinet, removed a new toothbrush, ripped off its packaging, squirted toothpaste onto it and handed it to me. Wow. “Here. Brush now. I’m not leaving you alone.”
“I’m not a child,” I protested.
“I know. But you’re obviously disturbed. Now brush.”
Repressing the urge to howl in laughter, I raised an eyebrow at him. “More disturbed than you are?”
“Brush,” he commanded.
On a furtive eye roll, I obeyed. The man thought I was trying to kill myself. The hilarity and ludicrousness of his stupid assumption had me swallowing gulps of laughter. But then, I wondered if I would’ve come up for air had he not drawn me up, or if I would’ve capitulated to death…because it’s so much easier.
I thought about my life. There was nothing exciting about it. Nothing interesting or meaningful. I was kept together only by tenuous hopes that my mother would get better soon. That maybe then I could find some semblance of happiness with her. The only thing that did make me smile was designing. There’s nothing else. Was nothing else. Until Natalio…He made me smile, and feel, and want. Sometimes.
Turning off the tap at the sink, I glanced up in the mirror found Natalio watching me with intent, one hand pressed up against the wall. I noticed a small dark scar on his arm that I’d never noticed before, and I immediately identified it as a gunshot wound. I knew, because Cali D had two wounds like that on his leg. Natalio had been shot. How? Why? He wouldn’t tell me if I asked him anyway, so there was no pointing in asking. “There, I’m all clean.”
Wordlessly, he took my hand and led me to the bedroom. Before I knew what was happening, Natalio had discarded my towel, swung his arms around my waist and crushed me into him. He gave me a swift harsh kiss and then pushed me backwards onto the bed before landing on top of me, pressing me into the mattress.
“I’m all wet, Natalio,” I squealed.
“Shut. Up.”
My mouth immediately snapped shut at the acidity of his tone. What the hell?
He grasped my hands and placed them above my head, bounding them by the wrist with one hand. Bringing his free hand to grip my chin, he clamped his lips on mine. When I tried to reciprocate, he pulled his lips away. “Don’t,” he said through clenched teeth. “Don’t kiss me back. Don’t touch me. Don’t do anything.�
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What?
I opened my mouth to speak but his mouth was on mine again, kissing me so hard, my lips hurt. It was perfect. I kissed him back, because I couldn’t understand how he expected me not to.
“You wanted it rough, Sadie. Then I can give it to you rough. If it’ll deter your suicide attempts.”—Ah, that’s what this was about—”Rough is what you want, isn’t it?”
This time, I couldn’t hold back my laughs. “Natalio, I wasn’t trying to kill myself. Stop overreacting!”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “That’s what they always say when they get caught.”
Unable to help it, I bubbled into laughter. “Okay, dude. Just stop. You worry about me too much.”
There was a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “You’re making jest of my concerns?”
“No,” I squeezed through a fit of giggles. “I just think you’re too extreme. I’m not a child. You don’t have to worry so much about me.” I arched a brow at him. “You think I would’ve ended my life when I don’t yet know what it feels like to have Natalio Nelson inside me? Not a chance in hell!”
Suddenly, he looked pained and despairing. “I can’t have sex with you rough, Sadie. Not with you. I can’t. I’m sorry about that treatment just now…whenever I’m at a loss I always…do shit like that.”
“But shit like that is what I want.”
“I won’t.”
“Make love to me, then,” I breathed.
“No. That’s not what you want,” he said. “You only want me to make love to you because you think it’s what I want. I’ve told you what I want, Sadie. I want you to want what I want. I want you to want me.”
Oh Christ, this man was giving me migraines.”I do want you, Natalio.”
“Not just for sex,” he snapped
“No, not just for sex.”
“How much, then?”
“More than you know.” I sighed. “You remember when we had pizza at that roof restaurant?”
“I remember every single thing we do together, Sadie. Every second of every minute I spend with you is monumentalized.”
This man…
“Okay. You remember asking me what was bothering me then?”
“Yes.”
“Well I was irate, disappointed and frustrated all at once because I thought you were gay.”
He afforded a short laugh. Finally. “You thought I was gay?”
I traced my fingers around his amazingly sculptured lips. “Yes. And I was pissed at myself. Pissed at you because I wanted you so much. I’ve wanted you since we first talked in the club. Fantasized about you. An odd current was just there between us. There’s something very familiar about you that makes me attached. I…I can’t explain it.”
Natalio gazed at me, unblinking, for several heartbeats. Then he smirked. “You fantasized about me?”
Shyness suddenly washed over me. “Yes.”
“What was I doing in your fantasies?” he drawled, flashing me a wicked grin.
“Oiling baby chickens…”
Natalio broke into a laugh. “What?”
“Just kidding,” I smiled back at him. “You were doing very naughty things to me, Nelson.”
“Like?”
Touching my lips with my forefinger, I whispered, “You kissed me very gently, here.”
Natalio brushed his moist lips against mine. “Like that?”
“Yes,” I breathed. “Then, you let me taste your tongue.”
He kissed me then. And I opened for him, granting his tongue permission for exploration. And we kissed. Kissed how my Natalio thinks I should be kissed. Ardent. Savoring. Revering. Our tongues entwined. Mine massaging his. His massaging mine. And it’s divine. So…sublime.
Natalio kissed my nose, my eyes, my cheeks, nibbled on my ear. While I twisted and squirmed with need for him inside me.
“Sadie,” he groaned. “My Sadie.” His mouth traveled down to my neck, licking and tasting and nipping. “You smell of pear and lemon.”
“Your body wash,” I breathed.
On the left side of my neck he paused.”Can I?” he asked. “Lovebite,” he added when I raised an eyebrow in questioning.
Lovebites were tacky and obsolete…But anything for you, Natalio. “Yes.”
His warm mouth sucked at the delicate area of my neck. It stung slightly, and I remembered being given a lovebite at the exact spot. He released my flesh and stared at the mark, then said, “My neck. My mark. You’re mine.” He kissed me there again. “Every time you see it, you’ll remember me.”
Natalio resumed his jaunt down my body, kissing and nipping and licking down to my breasts. Twirling his tongue around one taut nipple then sucked, while he cupped and kneaded the other. Beneath him, I was like a slithering snake, bucking my pelvis up to his, trying to find some friction against his pants.
“Be patient,” he scolded, before trailing his warm tongue to the unloved breast, pleasuring commensurately.
“Natalio…” I moaned.
He dropped hot, melting kisses down my body, while brushing his hands gently up and down my sides. Briefly, he stopped at my navel for a quick swirl of his tongue and I bowed into him as warm fluids pooled at my center. He traveled lower, trailing kisses from hip bone to hip bone. And I was a like a jiggling pressure cooker control, whistling steam I could no longer hold. Just like this, I could orgasm, from his gentleness and tongue worshiping of every inch of my body.
He was right. He knew what I needed. He knew that I wanted all of this…all this tenderness. Softness that I haven’t felt in so long. He knew me. How? God, I wanted to weep.
Natalio kissed and nipped leisurely until he was finally where I desired him the most, but then, he stopped. And I could only feel his hot breath passing over my thirsty folds. I moaned noisily and bucked up my hips, but he must have moved his head back because I touched nothing.
“Oh, please, kiss me,” I begged.
Pitying my torment, he kissed my folds once.
“Again.”
He kissed me once more.
“Again and again and again,” I mewled in frustration. “Kiss me, lick me, suck me. Don’t stop even if I beg you to.”
“Granted,” he said, amusement evident in his voice.
Natalio ducked his head and showed no mercy, his tongue slaughtering my bud, sliding through and over my folds. I cried out in pleasure, begging him to stop, trying to get away but he held my trembling legs in place. It felt so good… “Natalio…”
Afloat I went as my legs went rigid, then my body vibrated. “Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod,” I cried as I neared my orgasm, about to detonate under the penalty of Natalio’s tongue. Then I did. I busted into pieces, fisting my hands in his hair as I did, bucking into his mouth as my come released, while Natalio’s mouth kept hold over my swollen bud.
Then, I went stiff and motionless, because I’d reached the peak.
With a long sigh, I fall back down. Every jigsaw piece of me fitting back to its rightful place. When I opened my eyes, Natalio was above me, smiling. “Hi.”
“Hi,” I whispered. “Why are you still dressed?”
“I was worried you’d fall asleep for fourteen hours again,” he teased.
“You give me orgasms like I’ve never had before,” I droned. “My body’s not habituated with such intensity. I guess that’s why…”
He kissed my lips. “Is that a good thing or a bad?”
Hungry for more, I tugged at his T-shirt. “Let me undress you and see what else your body can do to me, then I’ll get back to you on that.”
I yanked his shirt over his head, before he planted his lips on mine, kissing me hungrily. With a pop of his pants button, I unzipped it and shoved my hand down his pants, curling my fingers around his veined erection.
“Very impressive, Nelson.”
He groaned in response, flexing his hips forward.
My hand up moved and down his length, but his jeans restricted complete movements. “Take it off.”
Rising from above me and to his feet, he doffed his pants and boxers, reached over to the nightstand—giving me clear view of his amazing ass—retrieved a condom and handed it to me. “Do your thing,” he whispered as he came back above me.
I suddenly felt self-conscious, being nude and sprawled on his bed, with his lean and sculptured body looming over me. He was there for me. Live and erected. And I was to receive what I’d yearned since I first met him. “How do you know that I know how?”
“Because I know,” he said without a doubt.
He was right. I do know how. I was taught…
With agility and dexterity, I tore the packet, pinched, and rolled.
Natalio smiled at me. “Good girl.”
Sliding my fingers through my wet folds, I collected moisture and began stroking him. My moisture on his hard, rigid, distention allowed me to slide my hand up and down with easy grace. Natalio closed his eyes and breathed a long, throaty sigh that resonated in his shaft.
Situating his crest at my entrance, I sweltered, “My body yearns for you, Natalio. Take me, now.”
His eyes slowly opened and stared with much intensity into mine. A dark, hooded blue his eyes were, flaming with ardor.
Then with his gaze never leaving mine, he sank into me. All the way in, allowing me to feel his preponderate length. He bucked deep into me and in return I sucked air through my teeth at the intense pleasure of his penetration.
Oh god. This man…
Then he moved. Slowly. In and out.
He kept his pace, lifting my hips and circling into me. Shifting his hips around. In and out and around. My back was arched up because he’d gripped me by the waist as he knelt upright and fixed me steadily onto him, so that only my head and shoulders rested on the bed. That way, I was feeling everything, all of him sunk inside me as he circled his hips. He wasted none of himself, giving me every inch of him. The penetration was sweet pain and I wanted it to go on forever. “Ah…I…I love…the feel of you inside me.”
Since when did I babble this much during sex? Stop talking, Sadie!
“Natalio…please…don’t stop…”
Stop. Talking. Now.
Natalio made a flex of his hips that touched some secret spot which was like a rift to my soul. “M’god, Na…Natalio…”