This Is Love

by Nana Malone

  It all came crashing into him. Kissing her at the door. He wasn’t sure what the hell had possessed him. But all through dinner, he’d kept thinking about her lips and wanting to taste them again.

  He understood the basic rules. One simple one, really—don’t sleep with the woman pretending to be your girlfriend.

  But she’d been so sweet and they’d been having a great time and next thing he knew, they were kissing and he was lifting her up and carrying her into her apartment.

  Just remembering how she tasted made his erection jerk against her butt. She whimpered something about more sleep. Hell. Hell, hell, hell. She was his one shot to get this Voss thing right, and he’d screwed it up by sleeping with her.

  You’re an idiot. Worse, he wanted to do it again. Like last night. They’d made love three times. This was not supposed to happen to him. And he’d spent the night? His sex-fuzzed brain offered up the image of him passing out with her sprawled on top of him.

  He’d broken all the rules. First, don’t sleep with her. Second, don’t spend the night. Third, keep things light. And finally, don’t catch a case of feelings.

  He scrubbed a hand over his face. Trevor was right. The more time he spent with her, the longer he wanted to keep doing it. And he didn’t have time for a relationship. He was heading out soon, if everything went well.

  She stirred in the bed, and when she spoke, her voice was hushed and hoarse. “I think the front door offers your best escape hatch. Being six stories up, the window is out.”

  “I’m not trying to escape.”

  She rolled over, the sheets clutched to her breasts. “Yes, you are. I usually get up at five. You were holding me pretty tight, so I had no choice but to wait until you were awake. I figured you’d, uh, go home at some point.”

  “Someone knocked me out.” Though now, he was more than ready and willing to do it again. He needed help. “Val, look—”

  “You don’t have to give the speech. Where you tell me this was fun but it’s not serious and you’re busy. Clearly last night we got caught up in the moment. It’s not a big deal.”

  As she spoke his heart hammered against his chest. She was more than cool. Why was she so blasé?

  “Val, come on.”

  “No, I said I wanted to let loose, have fun. And we did that. You don’t have to worry. I’m not going to go get your name tattooed on my butt or anything.”

  “That’s a bummer. I could be your tattoo artist.”

  She laughed. “I really don’t do needles. My point is, I had a great time. And you are clearly very good. There is a reason women line up outside your door. I’m not going to think you’re suddenly in love with me or anything. Nothing has to change about our plans.”

  His brows shot up. “You still want to move forward?”

  She nodded slowly. “If you don’t mind. I kind of like being spontaneous. And exciting and slightly irresponsible. You can help me do that.”

  Oh, hell, what was she saying? Could she see the internal conflict in his eyes? “You want to keep doing this? Last night?”

  She licked her lips. “Yeah, I guess I do. Temporarily, of course. Clearly we, uh, work well together. After this is over, we’ll stop. I’m trying something new. And while we might not have been able to keep our hormones in check, I like how it feels being a little out of control.”

  He slid down to pull her close. “So, what, we’re friends with the best kinds of benefits now?”

  “Look at you wanting to label things.”

  He had to smile at that as he brushed a lock of hair off her shoulder. “Okay. In that case, there is another benefit I want to try.” Even as he kissed her again, he tried to shove aside the twinge of regret. He wasn’t a relationship guy. This was the best of both worlds. And she clearly she felt the same.

  Chapter 11

  “It’s lovely to have you over, Valentine. When Adriana told me Bennett had a fiancée, I couldn’t have been more thrilled.”

  “Thank you. Your home is beautiful.” And Val wasn’t lying. Even if Adriana Voss was after Bennett, Val couldn’t fault her taste. The Voss penthouse overlooked Central Park and the wash of natural light made the already open space seem cavernous. Adriana’s choices might have been a little bland in the color department for Val, but from the textures to the paintings on the wall, it was perfect.

  “Thank you. Adriana did all that.” Milton Voss studied her closely. “Ever since she mentioned you, I was very curious to meet the woman who took Bennett Cooper off the market.”

  She ducked her head and glanced at Bennett where he sat stiffly on the couch trying to hold a conversation with Adriana, who was sitting far too close. She spoke just a little louder to bring Bennett into the discussion. “Would you believe when I first met him, I didn’t like him at all? But over time I saw how great he is.”

  Bennett grinned at her, taking the opportunity to get up. “Well, I grew on you.”

  “Like a fungus,” she muttered and he laughed, draping an arm around her shoulder and kissing her cheek.

  Voss smiled at the two of them. “Ah, young love. I remember those days. When you can’t keep your hands off each other. It’s fantastic.”

  “Well, Val is fantastic. I don’t know where I’d be if she never said yes to me.”

  The note of sincerity in his voice made her heart pinch. Yes, that part was the truth. And she understood what it meant, even if Voss assumed Bennett meant his proposal.

  Adriana stood and wandered over to them. “Given his reputation, you must be some woman.” The emphasis on woman made Val think Adriana had meant to use another word entirely.

  “She is.”

  Val squirmed. If Bennett kept rubbing circles into her side with his thumb, Val might not be responsible for her actions. She was pretty sure he was turning her on on purpose. Jackass. “Thank you, baby. Bennett appeals to my adventurous side.”

  Adriana Voss narrowed her gaze. “Well, I must say, dear, you’re not his usual type. I know Bennett has dated a lot of models.” Before Bennett could interrupt she said, “If the rumors are true, of course. He’s been such the bad boy. I guess you’ve reformed him from his naughty ways.”

  Val caught the ticking in Bennett’s jaw before he spoke. “Don’t believe everything you read in the papers. When I’m committed to something, I’m all in.”

  Adriana placed a hand on Bennett’s arm and Val had to struggle not to toss it off. “Oh, dear, you mustn’t take that the wrong way. I just know it can be challenging for a new couple when the other is traveling all the time. I mean, look at me and Milton. We were hot and heavy, too, but our work keeps us apart for so long. We have to try hard to make it work whatever way possible. You two have certainly found a solution.”

  What Adriana Voss didn’t know was Val had been dealing with nuanced insults all her life. Her mother was an expert, so she wasn’t fazed by anything this woman could say. “That we have. I’m so excited to take this man to the altar with me. I know we have a lifetime of laughter and love ahead of us.”

  The older woman’s smile morphed into a scowl as her brows drew down. “Well, of course. Whatever magic spell you cast on him, I wish you well. If the rumors are true, Bennett, you’ve never had an exclusive relationship, right? Valentine must be truly special, like her name suggests.”

  Bennett’s voice was low as he spoke. “She is special. Completely unlike anyone I’ve ever been with. And that’s what I needed. Someone different so I could see what I’ve been missing. To her my past doesn’t matter.”

  Before Adriana could start again, they were called in for dinner. Val slowed her pace. “You okay?” she asked quietly.

  He shook his head. “Yeah. I just hate having to do this.”

  “Well, it’ll be over soon. I promise.” More than wanting to put Adriana in her place, there w
as no way she was standing by and letting her maul Bennett.

  Careful there, princess, your feelings are showing. But for right now he was hers.

  * * *

  Back in his apartment, Bennett couldn’t lift his dour mood. For the most part, he couldn’t care less about his reputation. Nobody knew the real him. But to have Val subjected to it from Adriana, and in his own way, Voss—none of it gave him the warm fuzzies.

  Val, however, deflected, reworded, defended. With aplomb and grace, she protected him. It was far more than he had ever asked for. For the most part he could take it. Whatever. The only reputation he cared about was his ability to get the job done. And on that level, he was a bona fide rock star. He turned down more jobs than he could possibly do in a year. Then why does it feel so empty?

  The real bomb to his need had happened later in the evening as they were leaving Voss’s house. He’d seen it. In the study, there was a photo of a snow fox cub, all alone and mewling for its mama. He knew the image well. It was one of his father’s.

  There were days when he missed his parents so much it hurt almost as much as the day they’d died. And other days where he could almost forget that they were gone. Those days were the worst. The ones when he didn’t think about them. It felt like he should think about them more than he did. Would they be proud of him? Probably not.

  The door to his apartment opened, and he knew without turning it was Val.

  She’d gone home to change when they returned to the loft.

  He knew he was messing this up. On all fronts. She was sweet. And the more he got to know her, the more he saw just how unpretentious and kind she was. She kept herself closed off because she was afraid of the perception. But once she opened up, she was bright, chatty and fun. She was silly, and being with her was effortless.

  Tonight, as Adriana tried to make her crack, everything slid off her like she was Teflon. It pissed him off to no end when she said she’d dealt with worse than Adriana. Had she learned to brush off insults like that because of her mother? He gritted his teeth at the thought.

  You are so screwed.

  He was totally falling for her. Somewhere in the midst of him learning about her, she’d started to slip past his defenses. He didn’t like it, because he didn’t want to be one more person who hurt her.

  “You okay? You’ve been really quiet since we left. Don’t let the shit Adriana says get to you. Now she should leave you the hell alone. Mission accomplished. She pushes the issue again, I will be a lot less polite.”

  “It’s not her I’m worried about. It’s that none of what she said was a lie. The reputation. My partying. I don’t look too closely most of the time, but I can’t help but wonder if my parents would have been disappointed in me. All I wanted to do was be like them. I idolized my father. I swear I can see him sometimes shaking his head at me. Like, ‘son, what the hell are you doing?’”

  “I’m sure they loved you.”

  He shook his head. “I know that. I just can’t help thinking I should be doing more to live up to their legacy.”

  “This is your life. Isn’t that what you told me the other day? You determine what you want to keep and what to throw away. You don’t like something, you have the power to change it. To be something else. Be someone else. You don’t have to be this.”

  “I’m used to going it alone. I’ve been a selfish prick for so long. I thought I just liked my life like that. Turns out it’s a great way to keep people away.”

  “Well, you’re stuck with me. When this is over, I think we’ll be good friends. Now that I know you’re not a motorcycle club drug runner or something. We could even work together sometimes. It’ll be great. I made a friend out of this whole ordeal. You saved me from myself. From James. To think I wanted to be with that guy.” She shook her head.

  The problem was, he was starting to think he wanted to be a lot more than friends. And he had no idea what to do about it.

  She shifted on her bare feet, her sweatpants brushing against the floor. She looked so tiny and innocent and he wanted to protect her from the Jameses of the world—and from himself. “You’re pretty great, you know that?”

  * * *

  Val knew what she’d told him, that they could do this whole casual thing. But the truth was, there was nothing nonchalant about her, and she was getting attached. She was already too involved. She cared about him and seeing him hurting worried her. But she wasn’t going to tell him that. Instead, she was just going to pretend she could do this. That they could be friends.

  She was drinking her own Kool-Aid. She’d been a fool to think this could stop at any time. Maybe she wasn’t too far gone.

  When Bennett looked at her like that, with eyes soft, lips tilted into a lopsided grin, muscles all bunched and tight, her brain took a vacation and her heart tried to convince her that this was real. That she belonged in his arms.

  She gently touched his back, letting her fingers play over his bunched muscles, and took pride in the way they twitched under her touch.

  When he turned she thought maybe making love again would be more of the same. That frenzied, desperate, clawing need to be together like last time. But no. He was gentle, achingly tender. His kisses lingered. His gaze stayed on hers, intense but with something else laced through it. Something softer, something more emotional. Something like love.

  No, Val, don’t believe it. This is just a friends thing. You are not to fall in love with the rolling stone.

  Yeah, well, someone should tell her heart that.

  When he carried her into his bedroom at the top of the loft and stripped off her clothing, taking the time to kiss all of his favorite parts more than once, she shivered in his arms, longing to stay there forever.

  As he teased her nipple, making her breath catch, and her back arched and her legs splayed to make room for him. In her mind, she tried to catalog every piece of this experience.

  Because one day soon, when the wedding was done and this was all over, she wouldn’t have this anymore. She wouldn’t know what it was like to be loved like this.

  It’s not love.

  Maybe not, but she could pretend. And even if it wasn’t the real deal, she understood how she should be cared for. How she should be treated. She wasn’t going back to before. She wasn’t going back to less than she deserved.

  But as he loved her, there was a point when something shifted. Where everything turned from Don’t get too attached to What if this was real? What if he could love you?

  Because the way Bennett studied her as he rocked into her looked a lot like love. He kissed her deep and whispered her name even as his body took hers, rolling them both over so she sat astride him. He worshipped her with his eyes and hands. She knew something in his gaze was different. Val clamped her thighs over his, desperate to hold on to that emotion in his eyes that she couldn’t quite place. And as her orgasm rolled over her, sending her to her happiest places, she knew she’d fallen in love with Bennett Cooper. She could only hope that he might love her back.

  Chapter 12

  This time when Bennett woke up, he knew just where he was. Somewhere in the last two weeks, he’d fallen for the woman with the dark eyes, wide smile and unholy love of flavor.

  And that reality scared the hell out of him. Val was the complete opposite of everyone he’d ever been with. Polar opposite to what he’d always told himself he wanted. But now what he wanted was to keep on holding her. To let her past the wall. Let her see him. The real him. And if she didn’t like what she saw? She might embrace all of it. But she’d been genuine when she said they would actually be friends after all this.

  And she was deluded as hell if she thought he could give her up now. Maybe he needed to show her how it could be. All she’d seen of him so far was the carefree, fun guy, and she enjoyed him. Maybe she’d keep him around if he was a lit
tle more emotionally open.

  Bennett slid his gaze over her sleeping form. Two weeks ago, the idea of a woman in his bed would have had him running for the hills. His bed was his space. But he relished having Val here. He wanted her to stay here.

  Her lashes fluttered lightly as her eyes scanned back and forth with the frenetic energy of REM sleep. Easing out of bed, he stretched and yawned. When was the last time he’d been so relaxed? She had a calming effect on him, that was for sure. The fire still burned. But it wasn’t so frantic.

  After throwing on boxers, he padded into the kitchen. He might be questionable with anything dinner related, but pancakes he could do. His mom had taught him. As he pulled out the stuff for the batter and dragged out his frying pan, his phone buzzed on the counter. “Yeah, hello?”

  “Bennett? It’s Milton.”

  “Mr. Voss. Hello.” He took one glance at the clock. Hell, it was barely eight in the morning. “What can I do for you?”

  “Well, it seems that the original photography team for Earth’s expedition to Antarctica has run into an issue. The lead photographer has an Argentine visa problem. Would you like to go in his place?”

  Bennett froze. “A-Antarctica. You’re serious?” This would be an opportunity to showcase his talent. For years he’d been chasing his father’s legacy. This would be a chance to prove himself.

  “That I am. You would leave in two weeks, on the twenty-first. You’ll be gone for a month. You think that pretty fiancée of yours will survive that long without you?”

  He’d be leaving Val behind. Automatically his gaze swung to the loft where she still slept. He cared about her. He could have both. He’d just have to figure it out. “Yes, she’ll be fine. I want this.”

  “Fantastic. I’ll have Clair call you with details.”

  “Thank you, sir.”

  When he hung up with Voss, Bennett leaned against the counter. Wow. He was getting his dream. Finally. This was his chance. This was something his father would be proud of. Something good that he’d be doing. He’d worked so hard to get here. Newfound feelings or not, he had to take advantage of the opportunity. He and Val would work it out.