Redemption

by Brent, Amy

  I stood at the front of the class. My clients sat and mingled with the women from Lindsey’s camp. To my right sat Paul, Nicole, and Lindsey. I faced them and smiled. Public speaking wasn’t my strongest attribute. But talking to a class, that was the same as speaking to soldiers which came easy to me. Having Lindsey's legs on view was distracting. I turned again and smiled.

  Stop turning and smiling.

  I ran through what we’d do for the first couple of sessions. All of them would pair up; one from my camp with one from Lindsey’s.

  “Don’t you think it’d be good to give a demo?” Paul yelled.

  I snapped my head in his direction. “I don’t think that’ll be necessary.”

  “What a great idea,” Nicole replied. “Lindsey can be your volunteer.”

  Nicole pushed Lindsey to stand. She faced me while we were surrounded by all the clients from both camps. The demonstration was to be how to take an assailant down when they attacked you from behind. The maneuver was, in itself, simple. But having Lindsey pushed hard against my body wasn’t.

  I stood behind her with my arm around her neck, she wiggled her ass while she bent over and attempted to throw me to the matted floor. For the sake of the demonstration, I let her do what she was supposed to do.

  “Paul, you bastard,” I said under my breath once I walked back to the front of the class. He giggled and found it very funny.

  “Well, I knew you’d enjoy it, rubbing up against her twice in less than a week,” he whispered.

  That’s not the point.

  “Go and check on the pairs, will you. I need to show Lindsey the new offices.”

  Paul walked around the crash mat and gave some instruction on the best ways to perform the maneuver. Lindsey stood and walked toward me. “Are you going to show me these new offices before lunch?” she asked.

  I spun to lead her away from the canopy. “You want me to come with you?” Nicole yelled.

  I cranked my head in her direction. “It’s okay. You can keep Paul company until lunch time.”

  Lindsey walked with me and mentioned that I’d let her throw me. I explained that of course I had, for the sake of the classes and the women from her camp. It wouldn’t be a good show if she’d stood there trying to throw me over her shoulder and then couldn’t.

  “Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” she replied.

  I pushed the first office door open and explained this would be the waiting room. Although it was easy for Lindsey to see, we’d gone for natural colors, earthy colors of orange and beige. The plants, of course, were plastic; there wasn’t much light entering that part of the building.

  “When do you think it’ll be finished?” she asked.

  I stood behind her and smelled the sweet aroma of her skin. You could throw me on the floor anytime, but it’s a shame you cheated on me.

  “Open the door, and you tell me,” I said.

  Lindsey pushed on the handle and let the door swing open. The smell of fresh paint flooded toward us, and apart from getting rid of the smell, only a desk was needed.

  “I see you found a couch?”

  “That was my first priority, and can you believe I found one in less than a day?” I replied. “It’s also very comfortable. Do you want to try it?”

  Lindsey shook her head and explained that right now wasn’t the time to be testing couches. She was right, and the triangle was being sounded outside to signal lunch.

  “Food time,” I said.

  “Do you eat here or go off-site?” Lindsey asked, walking out of the office.

  “On-site. I feel it helps the recruits to be at ease.”

  “We do both, it all depends on Nicole.”

  “I thought you were the boss?” I had a cheeky grin on my face.

  “I am, but it’s her belly which controls lunchtimes, unfortunately. And if she wants a break, then we leave Joanne with the women. Oh, and Spirita too.”

  We headed over to the canteen. Paul and Nicole were already seated and eating when we joined the line. Paul hinted he’d saved us both seats. I nodded while we collected our food and headed over to their table. We started eating lunch, and I found that my eyes continually focused in Lindsey's direction. Her wearing a t-shirt which hung away from her chest didn’t help.

  Don’t look and make things too obvious.

  “So, how do you think this morning’s classes went?” Paul asked Lindsey.

  “I talked to some of the girls between classes, and they were super-excited.” Lindsey’s eyes still glinted when she was excited.

  “How about you?” He was talking to me, but my gaze was fixed across the table. “Ben, are you in there?” asked Paul.

  “Sorry. I was thinking about the afternoon classes,” I replied.

  Lindsey politely butted in, to my defense. I watched the shape of her full lips when she spoke. “We spoke about it in the offices, didn’t we Ben?” I nodded. “We thought they went really well.”

  Ben, be careful, you can’t let her back in.

  “I know, letting my guard down,” I said. I looked up and spotted the three of them staring at me. I chuckled. “I was running through our demonstration about how I let my guard down.”

  Nicole slurped on her soda and then looked at me. “So, Ben, what’s your story? How did you end up back here? We thought the town was free of your presence, forever.”

  Trust Nicole to come up with a question like that. It might be a good time to make a further introduction, though.

  Paul looked in my direction; he’d have a fair idea what was coming. “Being a SEAL was wonderful. It’s a life full of excitement, and you get to travel the world. However, at some point, you need to make important decisions in life,” I said. “I made one and decided to come back here for two reasons.”

  Nicole, being the walking news bulletin she was, pushed a bit further. “What were those two reasons?”

  Paul began to come to my aid. “I’m sure now’s not the right time.”

  “Button it, Paul!” Nicole snapped.

  It was a good job they’d grown up together. Paul would’ve taken offense if it’d been anyone else.

  “It’s okay,” I replied. “Firstly, on my travels, I saw no end of people who were defenseless and unable to fight for themselves. I’ve even seen it on the streets in this country.” I took a sip of my flavored water. “With self-defense, I thought it’d be a good opportunity to help people survive in whatever environment they were in.”

  “I’m sure that’s only one reason?” Nicole asked.

  I lifted my gaze to Lindsey. The bun she’d tied her hair in fell open, and the long locks of brown hair fell over her shoulders. I stared directly into her eyes and watched for the glint.

  “I thought it best to come home for my son.”

  Paul stood and attempted to divert the conversation away from Jacob. He failed miserably, although he still sauntered off to fetch some more drinks. I also saw that Lindsey squinted, the last comment had hit home. Laying my cards on the table over lunch and with friends was the best way I saw to do it. That way there’d be no uncomfortable silences and pauses because I had Paul watching my back. Lindsey might’ve only squinted, but I knew her more than well enough to see she was holding back on looking shocked. I wouldn’t push the subject any further in her direction; I was sure Nicole would do that all on her own.

  “Does this Jacob have a mother?”

  If you call a woman who cheats on her husband and walks out on him and their son a mother, then yes. Otherwise, no.

  “She left us both,” I said. “It’s only Jacob and me and has been for a while.”

  “Is there any chance of her turning up out of the blue?” asked Nicole.

  The questions came like rockets in a war zone. Nicole pushed further, and I noticed that it was making Lindsey feel uncomfortable. She more than likely felt uneasy with my feeble attempts to keep my eyes off her. I failed miserably, and there was no need for my personal situation to make her uncomfortable too. Not in th
is situation, anyway. We were here for the clients’ needs, not our own.

  “Paul, isn’t lunch time over now?” I asked. He looked at the large clock and noticed there was still ten minutes remaining.

  “Yeah, it’s time.”

  He stood and walked over to the large triangle. He picked up the iron bar and rattled it around the inner edges, ringing out that it was time to get moving again. The clients stacked all their dishes and headed back to the canopy.

  Lindsey had received some news from me that she wasn’t expecting. I thought it best if we cut the classes short for the day. The groups crammed a lot in earlier as there were a larger number of participants, and all the girls needed to drive back to Lindsey’s camp before heading home.

  “We should call it a day,” I whispered to Lindsey.

  But I forgot how much of a fighter she was when she was riled up. “Hands up who wants to see unarmed combat for real?” she shouted. All the clients raised their hands. “All form a circle.”

  All the clients formed a circle around the edge of the crash-mats. Paul glanced at me, and I shrugged my shoulders.

  “I need a volunteer,” Lindsey yelled.

  She pointed to me. “Ben, you’ll do.”

  Shit.

  Lindsey

  For some reason, I found my mind wandering to the whole “son” situation. How could Ben have had a child with anyone else but me? I wasn't tooting my own horn or thinking that I was holier than thou. I just felt like we'd had something phenomenal all those years ago. I mean, to me it had been so phenomenal that I hadn't been with anyone else since. I just couldn't. I'd been asked out a few times, but I couldn't even get to first base with anyone because I didn't truly love them. I needed to be in love to make love with someone. And this probably meant that I still wasn't over Ben. Not fully.

  I knew the alcohol had made me feel less awkward, but I'd imagined us together so many times after he'd left. The other night together was better than I could've imagined. It had felt so right; so perfect, just like it used to feel six years ago, even if I was a little, okay, a lot tipsy. And we'd both grown since then. We were more mature, and we hadn't argued like cats and dogs how we used to. About nothing. I was so excited when he took me, and I felt like the world stood still as we made love.

  I needed to bring myself back to the present moment and take my own advice. I couldn't live in a fairytale that was in my mind. It was one night together; nothing more, nothing less. I had to move my thoughts from it, so I could keep moving forward with my career and helping the people I needed to help. For the sake of the women that came to me and anyone from Ben's camp that might also need my counseling.

  In reality, he hadn't believed me when I'd mentioned Chad. He still thought he was right, which was the way he was and had always been. I couldn't be with someone who didn't trust my word. I was sure it was better to leave the past right there—in the past. I needed to move on and stay centered on myself. I had done me for six years, and it had worked out fine so far. I needed to keep going. Otherwise, I could get hurt again. I didn't want to ever feel a repeat of what I went through before. It was hard enough to get over the first time. The nights I'd cried and the hours I'd wasted by keeping my mind glued there, in a past that had no future. It was crazy to let myself become engulfed again. I had to stay in the right now. I had to do it to keep my sanity intact.

  Nicole and I readied ourselves for the hike. I always loved The Squirrel Trail. We called it that because of the many critters that we saw during the walk. Some of the women acted like kids when they saw the animals, including the birds that sat high in the trees and sang their beautiful songs. It was pure magic.

  * * *

  About twenty minutes into the walk we were greeted with a squeal of fright from the right of the trail. Nicole stayed with the women as I ran quickly, moving as fast as lightning to catch up with Freya.

  When I reached her, she was horrified as a man in dark clothing peeped through the low bushes about twenty yards away. He had his cheeks painted with camouflage paint. It looked suspicious, but I worked it out immediately.

  I smiled at her. “It’s alright. I think he's from the other training camp,” I said, trying to calm Freya down.

  I stood watching the man disappear into the bushes; I think he felt embarrassed about having been there. I sent Freya back with the others as I made my way through the brush. I reached an open section, and I saw Ben. He had a compass and was explaining something to one of his recruits.

  “Hi, I'm sorry to bother you. We were hiking with our day group and one of the women got a fright from a man in the bushes.” I tried to sound funny, and Ben gave me a warm smile.

  “Hey there, Lindsey, the rec center gave us strict instructions as to what land we could use. It runs up to this part. I didn't realize it encumbered on your hiking trail. I'll have to check the borders.”

  “It's fine. I'll be able to go down the other pathway. I wasn't aware of it either.”

  “Thanks, heaps,” he said, getting a look from a recruit who was eager to have the attention placed back onto him. He said nothing else as I retreated and found myself back with the others. They were looking at one of the huge trees as they waited for me.

  “Okay, we're gonna need to take Domino Path from now on. Otherwise, we'll be greeted by lots of scary camouflage faces and goodness knows what else!”

  Nicole smiled at my attempt to put a positive spin on it.

  However, we didn't like going that way because of the rockier ground. There was more chance of a fall or a sprained ankle that way, especially if the women weren't used to walking on uneven ground.

  “Okay everyone, listen up!” yelled Nicole. “We're taking Domino Path. This has rocky, uneven ground, so I want you to take it slow and watch the person in front of you.”

  The women were great as we descended down the slope. It turned out to be more fun. But I was angry at Ben who could've compromised on the subject a touch more or at least asked if it was alright with me. There was another path we could take as well, but it could only be used at a join that branched off earlier than this one. We'd already gone too far, unfortunately.

  Safety had to be our biggest concern. Some women never exercised, and so it was hard for them to walk for a hike. And we weren't doing it to make them fit; we were doing it so that they could connect with nature as a healing tool.

  Maneuvering through Domino Path wasn't the most effective way to do that. You could land on your ass and bump your way down if you weren't being careful. And today, of all days, we had some bigger women who weren't finding the path as easy as the others. I was frustrated at the situation, but in reality, I think my frustration was due to the love I still hadn’t got over regarding Ben. That was what was really driving me crazy.

  As we neared the end of the descent, we found ourselves on the easier section of Minnows Way. The trees were bursting with life as the bird sounds rippled through our ears. The women were congratulating one another for making it down the descent, and I couldn't get Ben out of my head. He looked absolutely gorgeous in his navy-colored tee. I hadn't expected my feelings to rise up so quickly again, and as I'd looked at his dimples when he gave me that gorgeous smile, my whole core had lit up. He was the picture-perfect guy. Short cropped hair with mesmerizing green eyes. Those ripped muscles; the unmistakable tan. He was all that, and more. In reality, he had a soft and caring heart, and I knew he would make a wonderful father to his son. I'd imagined it years ago, him running around with our kids, but how wrong I'd been about it all.

  “Lindsey!” Nicole patted my back. “I think we'll eat here today. I've let Joanne know already.”

  I smiled, knowing my thoughts were up in my head and needed to be brought back down to the 3D plane. Not up in the ethers with the clouds and Disney dreams of happily-ever-afters.

  “Yep, cool!”

  As we ate lunch, the women talked quietly and found their hearts struck by the beauty of the landscape around us. Nicole was mentor
ing a woman named Kiah, and I found myself remembering the lovemaking I'd enjoyed with Ben. I was definitely all for being in the moment, except when the moment I was remembering was better than my present one. I couldn't seem to shake the feeling of seeing his eyes look into mine as we connected our bodies in exquisite erotic pleasure.

  “Lindsey, you're so lucky to be able to work out here. But what happens during wintertime?”

  I smiled at Sarah as she asked me. “We do everything inside and focus more on the meditation and yoga. The big window in the art room still gives us great scope for seeing the landscape. But we can do it in a heated room, rather than in the ice-cold winds. I guess it's only the hike that gets missed out on during that season.”

  Sarah gave a kind smile and seemed happy with my answer. I chewed on my perfect sandwich which had just the right amount of every ingredient. It was curried egg with mayo, salt and pepper, and yummy, crunchy lettuce. A taste my belly would never get sick of. Then, of course, there was cake, oh, and tea and coffee. It was heaven eating such yummy food in such a picture-perfect setting.

  “Oh, my goodness, this cake is heavenly!” exclaimed Dana, enjoying the whipped cream delight. “I love cooking, but I'm not this good,” she said.

  “The recipes for some of Joanne's specialties will be in your take-home pack. So, everything you've tasted today, plus more, is all in her free book.”

  “Oh really?” asked Sarah. “That's so awesome!”

  We headed back to the community center, and the women had the chance to take a shower before the afternoon group session, which included a guided meditation. They were a happy bunch, this lot, and most of them just lacked the self-confidence and the know-how about how to move forward. By the end of the day, I could see that most of them would begin to have their breakthroughs. That was the goal, and it made Nicole and I extremely excited to come to work each day. It also made us both grateful for what we had in our own lives. Some of the women had fought disease, breakups, abuse, trauma, and more. Others had lost all hope and even felt like suicide in the past. We were there to help all of them. None of them had to suffer anymore; it was totally up to them to take on board what we taught them. They all had a choice about how they felt and how they reacted to situations or circumstances.