by Jenna Jacob
“How long’s he been flat lined?” Freddy asked as he set up the portable defibrillator on the other side of Liz.
“Couple of minutes,” Sam huffed, still pumping Kerr’s chest.
“You can all move back. Jeb and I will see if we can get his ticker started again,” Freddy announced in his familiar unflappable manner.
James leaned down, wrapped his arms around Liz’s waist, and plucked her off the floor. Ian sidled in next to her possessively. Sam stood, extended his hand, and helped me to my feet. But he didn’t let go: he simply laced his latex-and-blood-covered fingers with mine. We stood in silence, watching as Freddy injected an atropine/epinephrine cocktail while Jeb continued CPR. Like paste, tension hung in the air, and I held my breath as Freddy readied the paddles, then sent a low current of joules to Kerr’s heart.
I darted a glance up at Sam, but his stony expression remained fixed on the busy EMTs. Next I skimmed a glance over the members and was instantly stabbed by Destiny’s hateful glare. The reminder of her association with Sam landed with a solid kick to the stomach. Self-consciously, I slid my hand from his. How could such a beautiful woman be jealous of me?
Turning away from her surly stare, I noticed long, red drapes had been drawn around the kinky furniture, masking the true nature of the club. Most of the members had vacated the dungeon, leaving only a handful clustered around Kerr. Mika stood in a sea of empty tables and chairs, talking to several police officers. I knew then the others had opted to hide out in the private rooms to keep their identities from being compromised.
A curvy dark-haired woman, with big blue eyes and a thick leather collar adorning her neck, approached us carrying a trashcan. “For your gloves, Master Sam,” she softly explained.
“Thank you, Raven’s Song,” Sam replied with a gentle smile. “You honor your Master with your willingness to help, girl.”
The regal tone of Sam’s voice made me shiver. As we peeled the soiled latex from our hands, I watched a crimson hue crawl across the girl’s cheeks. Sam’s praise had suffused her with pride. A low vibration hummed within me. What would it feel like to be steeped in his approval to such degree?
“We’ve got a rhythm back,” Jeb announced triumphantly. “Let’s pack up and transport, stat.”
“You got it,” Freddy replied.
As they loaded Kerr onto the gurney and began to wheel him away, the remaining members began to disperse.
Darting a glance at Liz, I found her staring at me with a look of apology and regret. Sam’s lecture about anonymity echoed in my ears. My stomach twisted as it dawned on me that Liz hadn’t tossed our friendship under the bus to side with Sam. She hadn’t purposely kept his secret, or this aspect of her relationship with Ian and James, from me because she wasn’t a true friend. She’d kept the secrets in order to honor the rules of the club. While that knowledge didn’t wipe away all my anger, it definitely lessened the fire. I couldn’t hold a grudge with Liz for keeping confidences, not when that was just one of the reasons I admired her as a friend.
Easing away from Ian and James, Liz nibbled her bottom lip as she made her way toward me.
“I owe you an apology,” she softly offered.
“No. I owe you one…many, in fact. I acted like a bitch today. A spoiled, bratty bitch. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t. You didn’t know, and I…I couldn’t tell you what—”
“I understand now,” I explained, interrupting her. “I should have trusted you more. I wasn’t a very good friend today.”
Tears started to pool in Liz’s eyes. “Don’t say that, Cindy. You’re an amazing friend. I know how hard it is for you to trust, and though I didn’t mean to, I gave you every reason to doubt your trust in me.” Her voice cracked. “Keeping all this a secret tore me up inside. There were so many times I wanted to say fuck it and tell you everything, but I couldn’t. This isn’t just about me.”
Tears slipped down both of our cheeks. I felt horrible that she’d been putting herself through hell. Leaning in, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tight.
“From now on, screw the rules.” I sniffed on a soft laugh. “You tell me any and everything you want. I’ll keep all your secrets locked up like Fort Knox.”
Pulling back, she choked on a sob, then flashed me a watery smile. “Deal.”
A ray of hope blossomed inside me. If felt good to mend fences with Liz. At least one relationship had been salvaged tonight. Sliding a gaze across the room, I saw Sam engaged in a discussion with Destiny. Though their conversation was hushed, I could tell it was a wildly heated discussion—based on the angry fire shooting from her eyes. She was up in Sam’s face, and I wanted to bitch-slap the little tramp into next week. Instead, I clenched my teeth and fists in tandem.
“Retract the claws, kitty,” Liz whispered softly. “She’s not a threat. Trust me on that.”
“I’m not so sure,” I mumbled.
She issued a derisive snort. “I am. You don’t need to be jealous of her.”
“Right. Just like he’s never had sex with her.”
“He hasn’t. Ever.”
“How do you know for sure?”
With an explosive exhale, Liz’s cheeks puffed out. “Destiny is…needy. She tends to sink her claws into any Dom who works her.”
“Oh, she’s possessive, huh?”
“Not in the usual way. She’s not here for sex, unlike some of the Doms who have slid under Mika’s radar, like Kerr. I understand why she’s like she is, but that’s another story. But trust me, Sam has never once encouraged her in a sexual way.”
Pondering Liz’s words, I watched Destiny. Her pinched angry expression and limbs as rigid as marble said she didn’t like what Sam was saying. His posture, on the other hand, appeared normal. Relaxed and in charge, he wore his command like a finely tailored suit.
Suddenly, Sam reached out and snagged the pissed-off woman by the elbow. With wide eyes, I watched as he marched Destiny to the end of the bar, then pointed to the floor. She sent him a pleading expression before bowing her head and dropping to her knees. Reaching inside his pocket, Sam pulled out a coin and pressed it against the wooden panel in front of her. Slapping her hands behind her back, Destiny lifted her chin defiantly, then leaned in and pressed her nose to the coin.
“What the fuck is that all about?” I whispered.
“Oh, hell. She’s pissed Sam off, royally,” Liz replied with a strangled chuckle.
“What is he doing?”
“Punishing her.”
“Why doesn’t he just chain her to a cross and beat her ass?”
Liz smirked. “Because that wouldn’t be punishment for her. She’d like that.”
“I’m never going to grasp all this shit,” I mumbled.
As I watched in fascination, Sam bent, obviously talking to Destiny, who willfully kept the coin in place. The jealous bitch inside me wished the woman would sneeze or cough so I could see what bizarre punishment Sam would dream up next for her. Maybe he’d make the prissy little pain clean all the toilets in the private rooms. Maybe she’d break a couple of nails, have a total meltdown, and be banned from the club.
“I won’t lie,” Liz stated soberly. “The learning curve for this lifestyle is pretty steep, but once it all clicks”—she let out a low whistle—“ it will blow your mind, in a magical way.”
I grunted skeptically, watching as Mika approached Sam with a friendly slap on the back. After the two exchanged a short conversation, Sam turned and walked back toward me. His expression was sullen.
“We’ll talk more later,” Liz whispered, then scampered back to her lovers.
“I’m sorry, Cin,” Sam began. “I had to deal with Destiny’s disrespect. Unfortunately she crossed the line.”
“I assume she’s pissed at you because of me.”
“In a way. She’s angry that all the Doms she’s counted on to help her achieve relief have basically left her for other subs. I think informing her that I would no longer be working her was th
e last straw.” He shook his head. “She was wrong to keep her animosity about the other Doms locked inside her.”
“Sounds like she needs a session or two with Tony.”
Sam cringed. “Actually, Tony is one of the Doms who used to work her.”
“Oh.” That was an interesting tidbit of information. “I saw him with a cute little blonde when the EMTs arrived.”
“Yes.” Sam nodded. “That’s his wife, Leagh.”
“I knew he got married, but… So she’s his submissive, too?”
“She is, but again, that information isn’t for public consumption.”
“I understand. I do. When Jeb and Freddy came waltzing in…well, so much for anonymity, right? Do you think they’ll rat us out?” I asked, trying to tamp down the anxiety rising inside me.
“No. They won’t say a word,” Sam assured as he slung his arm around my waist and led me back down the hall.
I didn’t share his confidence. Instead I let myself imagine the fallout if Jeb and Freddy decided to talk. The subsequent chain of events could only lead to the demise of my career. I wanted to throw up.
As we entered Sam’s room once more, he plucked his cell phone from his pants pocket. “It’s almost one in the morning. Would you like spend the night here with me?”
What I wanted was to be on my own turf with Sam in my bed. To snuggle against his rugged body and feel his arms around me and pretend clubs like this only existed in books and movies.
If I stayed with him here at the club, he might take that as a sign that I could embrace this kind of lifestyle.
Could I?
That was the ten-million-dollar question.
What I needed was time…time away from Sam’s compelling charisma so I could sort out the onslaught of emotions pinging through me.
“I can’t,” I replied with a weak smile. “I need to be at work early so Metcalf doesn’t—”
“If he talks to you again like he did today,” Sam interrupted with a smoldering murderous look in his eyes, “it will be his last mistake. I won’t allow that arrogant prick to stroke his own ego at your expense.”
“I appreciate you sticking up for me today, but don’t do it again. I won’t have you risk your job or reputation for me.”
“That’s a promise I can’t keep,” he countered before moving in close.
Cupping my nape, Sam pulled me tight against his firm chest, then slanted his lips over mine. The kiss was deep, erotic, and steeped in desire. It would be so easy to succumb to his passion. To drown in all the spine-tingling pleasures he’d bestow, but it wouldn’t change the crossroads I now stood at. It would only blind me, in a shroud of sexual fog, from seeing which path I should choose.
“I think you’d better take me back to my car,” I whispered, taking the cowardly way out.
CHAPTER FOUR
Before Sam had even pulled out of Genesis’ parking lot, a myriad of emotions circled my brain. The entire day had been surreal, like the hallucinations of a crack whore in detox. Well, all but making love with Sam… That had been spectacular, as always.
I’d spent most of my day in a schizophrenic twist thinking that Sam had been unfaithful. While trusting men was never going to be my strong suit, it’d taken Liz’s corroboration to Sam’s claims he hadn’t slept with Destiny before I’d been truly convinced. My continual lack of faith in men lent little hope at finding a lasting relationship. But a part of me wanted something more than just a casual fuck with Sam. If only I could find a way to stop projecting that every man was capable of a crippling betrayal, I might possibly find my happy ever after.
My subconscious scoffed. This is the real world. Not some stupid fairy tale.
Why couldn’t I have both?
Because Sam wants a submissive woman.
His allegation that one resided deep inside me still had me bewildered and confused. And while I felt in some ways Sam knew me better than I did myself, he should know I wasn’t the kind of woman who would strip off her pride and fall at his feet. Yet no matter how vehemently I wanted to deny it, the curious parts of me wanted to delve deeper into his dark desires. Take a taste of the strange allure that beckoned him, Liz, Ian, James, Tony, and the other members of the club to embrace such an alternative lifestyle.
Could I find a compromise that would extract enough acquiescence to fulfill Sam? Was there a way to ride the edge of submission without slicing myself into pieces, and keep us together?
Probably not.
Sam wasn’t the kind of man to be content with only the parts of myself I wanted to dole out. He’d want all of me.
If only he’d told me about his kinky desires from the start, maybe…
You mean like how you’ve been so open and honest with him? my conscience mocked.
I couldn’t point a finger at Sam when three guilty ones pinned back at me. There was a big, ugly ghost in my closet as well. Not a kinky one like Sam’s, but horribly embarrassing, nonetheless.
People in glass houses…
“You’re awfully quiet, Cin,” Sam regarded, pulling me from my thoughts.
Turning, I issued a weak smile. “I know.”
Sam sat silently brooding over my short response. “Don’t shut me out, Cin. Tell me what’s going on inside your head. I can’t help you get a handle on anything if you run and hide.”
When he glanced at me, I couldn’t miss the rejection in his eyes any more than I could miss how he wanted to crawl inside my brain and dissect my emotions.
“I’m not trying to shut you out, Sam. I’m tired, overwhelmed, and more confused than I’ve been in a long damn time. I just need to sort everything out.”
“Nothing has changed between us.”
I snorted. “You’re wrong, Sam.”
“No. I’m not. The only thing that’s transpired today is you now know why I enjoy controlling you in bed.”
“Yes, but before you took me to the club, I thought you wanted to take charge because of some doctor-god-complex-ego issue.”
“A doctor-god-complex-ego issue?” he repeated with a slight grin. “I hope to hell you’re not suggesting that I have something in common with Metcalf, sweetheart.”
“Heavens no.” Mortified at his assumption, I shook my head. “I was referring to the way you doctors waltz into the trauma room and take over. I just assumed you were all hardwired that way and it simply spilled over into the bedroom for you.”
The sound of his rich, deep laugh acted like a balm, soothing my frazzled nerves. “Oh, I’m wired that way for sure, but I doubt it’s a universal professional DNA twist.” Sam smirked as he pulled into the hospital’s parking garage. “When you give me control of your body and you’re writhing, panting, and screaming my name, like earlier tonight, it flips every hardwired Dominant switch inside me. Whether I’m holding you down or not.”
Flashbacks of Sam soaring me past the heavens made my nipples grow hard and my clit begin to throb. Though he’d thoroughly sated me a short time ago, the sexual hunger he bred within only proved how much of my heart and soul he already owned. I’d given him the power to hurt me, either generously or erroneously.
Stop making so many foolish mistakes, Allisinda. We have a reputation to maintain, and a woman of your stature must remain above reproach.
From the far recesses of my brain, the reproving voice of my mother clanged in my ears.
Every tendril of arousal instantly died and turned to ice.
Pulling into the vacant parking spot next to my car, Sam turned and gave me a weary smile. “Go home and get some sleep. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
Nodding, I moaned affirmatively.
After escorting me the few yards to my car, Sam settled a toe-curling kiss over my mouth, then grudgingly pulled back. As I stared at the moisture glistening on his lips, he cupped my chin, drawing my focus to his compassion-filled eyes. “When you get home, I want you to shut off your brain, climb into bed, and get a good night’s sleep. Questions and doubt will try to crawl inside your
head. That’s completely normal. But I will be by your side the whole way through this, Cin. You’re not alone. Understood?”
“Yes.” I nodded.
“Text me so I know you’re inside your apartment safe and sound.”
“I will,” I promised as I shut my door and started the engine.
Glancing in my rearview mirror as I drove off, I saw worry etched on Sam’s face. Unfortunately, I couldn’t turn back and offer him any reassuring words—I didn’t have any. My emotions were bobbing up and down like the balls of a circus juggler.
When I arrived home, I sent him a text, then climbed into the shower. I’d hoped that the hot water might pelt away some of the chaos in my brain. No such luck. Though utterly exhausted, I tossed and turned, unable to turn off my brain. Sleep was nothing more than an elusive fantasy. Finally, I gave up and tossed back the covers before climbing out of bed.
Long before dawn peeked over the horizon, I was dressed and swilling coffee at the kitchen table. As I’d done all night—ad nauseam—I weighed the pros and cons of my relationship with Sam.
The idea of dipping my toes into submissive waters brought visions of alligators with razor-sharp teeth latching onto me and dragging me under the murky depths of no return. While the thought of being alone again wasn’t nearly as violent, the waters were still as dark and dank.
Even trying to compare my courage—or lack thereof—to Liz and her fearless foray into the lifestyle with Ian and James did little to bolster bravery.
“What is keeping me from hiking up my big-girl panties and taking the plunge?” I asked the walls. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
That list is long, my goading conscience snorted.
Actually, it wasn’t. The number one horror holding me back was having my heart broken…again. But before I’d let myself start strolling down memory lane with its unnerving spoils, I shook the thoughts from my head.
Instead, I focused on the reservations plaguing me about the lifestyle but realized I couldn’t make any rational decision based on assumptions. Assumptions that had been proven wrong at the club. I wanted guarantees, but I needed more facts.