by Jenna Jacob
“Thankfully I didn’t have to. You dissected your own issues. Some people never look inside themselves. It’s easier and a lot less painful to simply turn a blind eye to the things we don’t want to see, not only in ourselves but life in general. I’m very proud of you for not doing that.”
I felt heat rise to my cheeks. “Thank you, Sir.”
Sam sent me a tender smile. For the first time in days, I finally felt as if everything might truly work out.
“I need to know something.” His smile vanished. “The few things I introduced to you in regard to the lifestyle…controlling your orgasms, the spankings. On a scale from one to ten, how much did you honestly enjoy them?”
“Nine,” I blurted out.
This time it was Sam’s eyes that grew wide and his mouth that fell open. “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”
“No, Sir,” I whispered. “I-I was afraid. Not that you were going to beat me or hurt me. But afraid that…well, of a lot of things, actually.”
“List them for me. One by one,” he instructed in that panty-melting Dominant tone.
I mentally aligned the fears that kept me from embracing the lifestyle. “You already knew I equated submission with weakness. You tried to tell me that wasn’t the case, then I spent time with some of the subs at Mika and Julianna’s, and I finally saw that for myself.”
“I’m glad you kept your mind open enough to discern that, girl.”
I nodded gently.
“Continue.”
“After Jeb and Freddy showed up the night Kerr was shot, I worried that rumors would start circulating and that I’d lose my job and have to explain to my parents why. At the time, that was so ungodly overwhelming I wanted to steer clear of the club and everything it represented.”
“And now?”
“A bit, but I’ve decided to pull up my big-girl panties, so to speak. How I choose to live my life is no one’s business but my own…kinky proclivities and all. If I’m outed, I’ll deal with those consequences, but I’m done borrowing trouble and automatically jumping to negative conclusions.”
Sam’s smile said he approved, but he cautioned, “I don’t want you putting undue pressure on yourself, because breaking old habits is hard. Simply do your best. We’ll establish a set of rules later that will help you accomplish what you want. Go on. I need to hear the rest.”
“I don’t want to do or say anything that will embarrass you in front of the other club members. I’m afraid—”
“Stop right there,” Sam interrupted. “Every member of that club was new at one time or another. Most are well aware that you’ve had no formal training…yet. They’re not as judgmental and unforgiving as you assume them to be.”
“I’m not concerned with their opinion of me. Well, that’s not entirely true. To some degree, I am, but I’m worried I won’t exemplify your status, Sam…I mean, Sir.”
A strange, quizzical expression settled over his face. “Did Ian talk to you about submissive responsibilities?”
“No, Sir.” My heart fluttered. “Is there some kind of test I have to pass in order to get my…I don’t know, submissive badge or something?”
He bit back a laugh and shook his head. “That’s not a bad idea, girl. But no, we’re not a kinky scout troop or anything.”
“See?” I groaned. “That’s what I’m talking about. I don’t want to embarrass you in front of your friends with my ridiculous questions.”
Sam reached out and cupped my cheek. A current of electricity zapped my senses. “There are no ridiculous questions. I thought you didn’t care what other people thought anymore.”
“I don’t…not about me. But my ineptness is a reflection on you.”
He smirked. “Trust me. If you cross the line, I’ll take you straight over my knee.”
Desire rippled down my spine. My nipples grew taut, and I bit back a moan.
A knowing grin spread over Sam’s lips. “On second thought, I’ll arrange another form of punishment. One you won’t enjoy quite so much.”
“As you wish, Sir.”
“Now that’s a sweet response I’ll never grow tired of hearing, girl.” With a wink, he released my face and silently waited for me to continue.
“I think what I feared most and what caused me to fight the lure of submission you awakened within me is that I would like it too much. I wouldn’t be able to walk away if I needed to.”
“From me or the lifestyle?”
“Both, Sir.”
“Are you still worried about that?”
“No, Sir.”
“Why not? What changed that for you?”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Instead of answering him, I slid from the couch and knelt at his feet. Casting my eyes to the floor as Ian had taught me. Sam hissed a curse and shoved the ottoman aside. I could practically feel the heat rising inside him. Uncertain if his fire was lust or anger, I inhaled a deep breath and readied myself to see either.
Lifting my head, I skimmed my gaze up his body, forcing myself to continue the trek past his enticing erection, and stared into his eyes.
Lust. Definitely lust.
Thank god.
“When I finally found the courage to strip myself bare, I realized that bringing you pleasure not only roused a sense of empowerment but also awakened a primitive and fundamental need deep within me. A need so visceral that all the dark, kinky eccentricities outweighed my fear of the unknown. When I was on the table in the dungeon, across your lap for that spanking, and again kneeling here tonight, a sense of absolute peace filled me. I want more of that, but only with you.”
A slow smile crawled across his mouth. “I’d say the submissive within you has woken.”
“Yes, Sir. I believe she has.”
“And that doesn’t frighten you any longer?”
“No, Sir. It makes me hunger for more.”
“Let’s see if we can fill you up, shall we?”
The idea set me ablaze. “I’d like that, Sir…very much. There’s one more thing I’d like to say.”
“Go ahead.”
“The day I was supposed to stay with you,” I began softly. “I’m truly sorry for disappointing you.”
Sam stooped, settling on his haunches before tucking a finger beneath my chin and forcing my gaze. A look of pain etched his face. “You didn’t disappoint me, Cin. You kicked me in the teeth. I was serious when I said that I hoped you would stay forever. I’m sorry, too. I lashed out at you in anger and slammed my own door in your face. Afterward, I questioned whether or not I’d done the right thing. My head and heart went to war. The battle was bloody and lasted for days. Like you, I couldn’t eat, barely slept, and all the while, I tried to convince myself that letting you go was for the best.”
The torment in his voice and the haunted lines in his face broke my heart. Sam’s confession was costing him. That much was clear. The apology I’d rendered paled in comparison to the agony I’d inflicted. I made a silent vow to make it up to him…if he’d let me.
“Even after I’d succeeded…or rather, thought I’d succeeded, and set you free, the paralyzing numbness didn’t go away.” He closed his eyes and exhaled a heavy sigh before capturing my stare once more. “Last night, when we were working on Gretchen, I wanted to crawl the fuck out of my skin. Your scent, the gentle sway of your body… Fuck. All I could think about was grabbing you, slamming you up against the wall, and claiming your mouth, kissing you senseless. I wanted to drive myself inside you, brand my soul so deep to yours that you’d never forget me.”
Tears trickled down my cheeks. “How could I ever forget you, Sam? You’re so deep inside me…wild horses couldn’t drag you away. That’s why you removed me from your team, isn’t it?”
“Yes. I was so distracted and unfocused that I had to fight to do right by my patient. It scared me, Cin. I knew that if I didn’t pull my shit together, I’d eventually fuck up and hurt someone. I couldn’t live with myself if I let that happen. I’m sorry. It wasn’t fair to do
to you, but I simply couldn’t see any other way. Telling Metcalf to pull you nearly ripped my guts out.”
“It’s okay, Sam. I understand… I do.” I sent him a watery smile.
“I never stopped wanting you.”
“Take me home, Sam,” I sniffed. “I want to pack my bags. That is…if you’ll have me.”
Fire smoldered in his eyes, and his nostrils flared as he cupped my cheeks and wiped my tears with the pads of his thumbs. Leaning forward, he tumbled onto his knees, then captured my lips in a spine-melting, earth-quaking kiss. I tasted his longing, his claim, his unbridled passion, but most of all…his love. Sliding my fingers against his scalp, I poured every particle of my soul into the kiss.
As I swallowed his moan of approval, Sam lifted me into his arms and laid me back on the couch. His lips never left mine as our tongues danced in a sweeping duel of passion. And when he tore his mouth from mine to devour my neck, and the lobe of my ear and to trace the line of my jaw with his lips, I issued a groan of bliss.
I arched up to him, wordlessly offering. Silently begging. Yearning for him to consume me at will. And he did as I writhed beneath him, heated, wet, and ready.
This is where I belonged.
Suddenly, Sam pulled back and stared down at me. His lips were swollen and glistening, and in his eyes I saw my future. No longer hindered behind a worthless fortress of denial, I reached up and cradled his rugged face in my palms.
“I love you, Sam,” I softly whispered.
As if I’d taken a hammer to granite, his fierce and hungry expression crumbled. Even the muscles straining his arms and shoulders softened, and a tender smile settled over his lips.
“I love you, too, sweetheart,” he murmured, low and earnest.
“Kiss me. Please,” I pleaded, unable to peel my gaze from the raw emotion shimmering in his eyes.
“Only because you beg so sweetly.” He smirked before capturing my mouth beneath another devastating assault.
He cupped one hand around my breast. The heavy fabric and rigid bone stays made it impossible for me to feel the heat of his flesh, let alone the sublime slide of his thumb over my nipple. Yes, I felt the sensation, but it lacked the usual zing to my core.
“I need… Oh, god… I need…” I murmured as he bathed my neck in kisses.
“What, my gorgeous girl? Tell me, and I’ll make all your needs come true.”
He nipped the sensitive flesh at my pulse point and I groaned. “Your flesh.”
With his lips still pressed to my throat, he chuckled. The vibration rumbled through me like wicked thunder.
“We need to leave, sweetheart. I want to properly undress you with my teeth, lick your sweet, milk-chocolate skin, and sip the spicy nectar as it pours from inside you.”
Chills raced beneath my flesh. I nodded and issued a breathless, “Yes.”
He chuckled, stood, and then helped me off the couch. I wobbled slightly, drunk on everything about the man.
“I’ll go grab my clothes,” I offered.
“No.” His one-word answer stopped me dead in my tracks. “You no longer tell me what you’re going to do, girl. But you may certainly ask my permission.”
“Oh, right. Oops. Sorry, Sir. May I please get my clothes from Liz’s bedroom?”
“No. You may not. I happen to enjoy looking at your sexy little body the way it is. We’ll pick up your clothes and your car after work tomorrow before we stop by your place to pack your bags. Right now, you’re coming home with me…just the way you are.”
“Yes, Sir.” I grinned.
Before leaving, Sam shot off a text to Ian, thanking him for the use of their home. And informed him that we would lock up and added a rather ominous postscript that the two of them would be having a long, serious discussion soon. When I asked Sam about the latter, he flashed me a brittle smile.
“He knowingly left my girl unprotected. Ian and I will have words.”
That was one conversation I wanted no part of. “I don’t want my selfish actions to come between you and your friend, Sir.”
“Relax, girl. It won’t escalate into an argument. Trust me.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “I do, Sir. Explicitly.”
After sliding out of his suit coat, Sam draped it around my shoulders, then escorted me to his car. Seated in the soft, buttery leather seats once again, I closed my eyes and inhaled the familiar scent of leather and Sam. I felt as if I’d come home from a long, arduous journey. One I didn’t want to repeat. And in many ways, I had.
We reached Sam’s house in record time, and I followed him up the grand staircase and down the hall. Instead of turning into his bedroom, Sam gripped the knob—on what I’d always thought was a linen closet—and opened the door.
After flipping on the light, he pressed his hand to the small of my back and urged me inside an elegant dungeon. It was decorated in black and red, and the recessed lighting illuminated several pieces of glossy, polished wooden furniture. Floggers and whips and other toys I couldn’t recall the names of hung on individual hooks along the wall, much like at Genesis. The pungent scent of leather filled my senses. A long padded table covered in smooth black hide captured my attention. It resembled the one Sam had coerced me into lying on at the club.
He moved in close behind me and settled his mouth close to my ear. “Tell me where you’re at, sweetheart.”
Turning my head, I frowned. “I’m in your house in your dungeon.”
Silent laughter shook his body as he grinned. “Yes. Indeed you are.” Unable to wipe the smile from his face, he kissed me quickly. “I meant, where are you in relation to anxiety or fear?”
“Oh, I’m fine, Sir. I’m not afraid at all. Anxious? Well, yes, I’m anxious to experience what you have in store for me, but I’m not afraid.”
“Very good. We’ll adopt the same phrases commonly used for safe words and stoplights. Green means you’re totally fine. Happy. In a good place mentally and wish to continue. Yellow is, of course, caution. You’ve reached a point where you’re not sure you want more. You need me to stop or at least slow down while we discuss the scene for a bit. And naturally, red stops everything. Use that word when I’ve hit an unknown trigger or you can no longer endure the sensations. Does all that make sense?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“If you have any questions, ask. In light of your inner awakening, I think communication will be a much smoother road for us. However, we need to invest a lot more time and energy into conversation. If I can keep my mouth off you long enough to talk, that is.” With a feral growl, he nibbled the ticklish spot behind my ear.
With a squeal, I started to giggle. My laughter quickly morphed into a low whimper when Sam slid his jacket from my shoulders and snaked a hand to my cunt. Sliding his fingers beneath the fabric of my thong, he swiped them along my saturated folds.
“Mmm,” he moaned. “Hot and wet. Just the way I like you.”
I closed my eyes as a blissful sigh tumbled off my tongue. Suddenly Sam stepped away, and I slowly dragged my heavy lids open.
“Your safe word is still red. Now up on the table, my little sparrow,” he instructed, patting his hand on the thickly padded surface.
I sucked in an anxious breath and climbed onto the cool leather. It felt good against my heated skin. Sam extended his hand and I placed my fingers in his palm as he helped me recline. An icy chill rippled through me as my body slowly began to warm the chilly hide.
“Tell me where you’re at now, girl.” Sam smiled as he trailed his hand up and down my leg.
“Green, Sir. Totally green.”
“Good girl.”
Another quiver racked my body, this time from the pride infused in those two small yet powerful words.
“You won’t be needing this any longer,” he explained as he reached over and gripped my thong. After dragging it down my legs and off my body, Sam raised the scrap of silk to his nose. Sucking in a deep breath, he inhaled the scent of my arousal as if it were a rare, expensiv
e wine.
“Christ, I’ve missed the smell of your tart and tangy spice, girl.”
Everything about him screamed controlled savage. Arousal spiked. Anticipation, like a string of tiny explosions, fired in my cells. Sam was my own personal demolition team. And I thoroughly suspected that before this night was through, he would flatten me…all the way to my foundation.
“You look… I can’t describe it. Words don’t do justice. Having you spread out before me like a succulent smorgasbord of submission…well, you’re even more beautiful than my fantasies. Oh, yes, little one, I fantasized about you gracing my dungeon, constantly.”
My cheeks warmed and my heart melted. “I’m honored to be here, Sir. Hopefully I can make the dreams you’ve longed for come true.”
“You already have, my love. You already have.”
Bending, Sam softly kissed my lips, then stood and plucked up a bundle of white rope. My pulse quickened, and my mind sailed back to the silk scarf draped over my wrists. Holding the rope in his open palm, Sam studied my reaction with the pinpoint precision of a hawk.
“Still green, gorgeous?” he asked, arching his brows.
“Yes, Sir.” I nodded.
“Good. Reach out and touch the rope for me, girl. Caress your fingers over the braided silk. I am going to bind your wrists tonight, Allisinda. But only your wrists,” he explained as I stroked the soft twine. “If for any reason you get scared, I want you to use your words. My responsibility is to help push your submission to endless levels, but your responsibility is to communicate with me. Tell me if you feel that I’m pushing you too hard…too fast. Do you understand your job?”
“Yes, Sir.” I sent him a confident nod.
“Very well. Relax and hand everything over to me. Let me be the guardian of your body, heart, mind, and soul.”
Butterflies fluttered, dipping and swooping in my stomach. But I needed to press forward, for both of us.
Sam lifted the rope to my lips. “Kiss the cord that I bind you with.”
“You want me to kiss the rope, Sir?”
“Yes. You worship my cock with your mouth to give me pleasure, correct?”
“Yes, Sir.” I timidly placed my lips on the soft cord.