The Woman Upstairs

by Camryn Eyde

  “But you were.”

  “Not the point. You could have been a dog’s dinner by the sounds of it.” Ricci rolled the door back down with a clatter. “That was a foolish thing to do.”

  “Not as foolish as hiding or running away in the middle of dinner.”

  “I’m not hiding.”

  Tara raised a brow.

  “I’m not. I didn’t run away either.”

  “No? Is that why half your dinner is still on your plate?”

  Ricci crossed her arms and looked across the warehouse.

  Tara stepped closer and put a hand on her crossed arms. “Ricci, what’s going on? Nothing has been right since the New Year. You’re killing yourself on this new project. What are you running away from? What are you so afraid of?”

  Ricci pursed her lips and felt her chest constrict. The air thinned and she found it difficult to get a full lung-full of oxygen. “I’m not afraid.”

  “Yes. You are.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Stop lying to me.”

  Ricci knocked Tara’s hand away.

  Tara looked like she wanted to growl. “Do you have any idea the risk I’ve taken here?”

  “I told you the streets aren’t safe, you—”

  Tara’s hand shot up. “That’s not what I’m talking about.” Tara sighed and lowered her hand. “I’m afraid, too.”

  Ricci looked back to Tara to find vulnerability pasted across her face. “You are?” A part of Ricci hoped Tara was feeling the same foreign emotions she was, but another couldn’t help but doubt.

  “I feel something for you, despite my best efforts not to, and it’s, quite frankly, terrifying.”

  Ricci pouted. “Thanks,” she muttered.

  Tara let out a long breath and looked down at the ground. “Coming here to New York was my chance to escape a terrible situation, and a chance to start afresh. I didn’t picture finding another person to care for in that scenario. I doubted it was even possible.” Tara looked back up. “Yet I have. You’re the most irritating, stubborn, independent person I’ve ever met—”

  Ricci frowned. That didn’t sound complimentary.

  “—but you’re also strong, loyal, and committed to everything you do. You do nothing but create beauty.” Tara stepped closer and cupped Ricci’s face. “You’re beautiful, intriguing, and damn good in bed.”

  Ricci blushed and looked away. “What are saying?”

  “You say don’t want anything more than friendship from me, and I wish that’s all I wanted from you, but it’s not. I’m done with playing this game. I need to know if there’s a chance that you want more. I’m hoping you do. I don’t want to be in this alone.”

  “You want to be with me?”

  “No one challenges me like you do. You’re frustrating, but you’re so easy to talk to, and so easy to be quiet with.” Tara nodded. “I want to be with you very much. Even more so since you disappeared on me. I…” Tara bit her lip. “I’m not used to feeling like this, and never suspected I would. It’s infantile, but inescapable.”

  Ricci scoffed. “Sounds appealing.” She huffed out a breath. “Are you sure being together is the best idea? I’ve never even had a relationship before, and you just got divorced. It’s complicated before it even begins.” Ricci shook her head and rubbed her brow. She wanted to say yes, she wanted this so much it hurt, but the realities were staring them in the face. Tara just emerged from a messy break-up, and Ricci was emotionally-stilted.

  Tara clasped her hands together. “You’re right, this is probably a bad idea.”

  “We’d probably kill each other.”

  Tara nodded and stepped back, conceding space. “I would never intentionally hurt you.”

  “That’s not—I never said you would.” Ricci sighed. Joking wasn’t going to cut it for this conversation. She wet her lips. “So…now you’ve changed your mind? This is a bad idea?”

  “Yes, it is.”

  Rica couldn’t help but feel a little rejected and averted her eyes to compose herself.

  “Rica, do you want to be with me?” Tara asked, stepping closer again.

  Ricci sucked in a long breath. She did, but the leap of faith it required was daunting. “I need time.”

  “Okay.”

  Ricci’s gaze darted up to Tara’s. “Okay?”

  “I haven’t changed my mind, but I think the timing is off. I’ll wait. We should wait.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying I want to date you. When you’re ready.”

  “You want to hang around why I try and muddle through what’s going through my head?”

  “I’m not promising I’ll wait forever, but yes, I plan to hang around.”

  Ricci couldn’t stop her smile. “Umm…thanks?”

  Tara smiled back. “You’re welcome.” She took a deep breath and looked around the warehouse, spotting the destruction and the mallet Ricci had been wielding.

  “I’m sorry, you know?” Ricci said as she watched Tara.

  “For what?”

  Scuffing her feet, Ricci said, “For leading you on with that friends with benefits thing. For kissing you. For sleeping with you. For everything in between. For making it all harder.” Ricci shrugged. “I’m so confused.”

  Tara appraised her for a long moment before stepping closer. “Maybe this will help?” Cupping Ricci’s face, she drew her in for a soft kiss. She tasted the spices of their meal, and was comforted in the sweet aroma of her perfume—warm and welcoming. Pulling away slightly, Tara rested her forehead against Ricci’s. “I may not have the answers either, but there’s something about you Rica that makes me want to find them.”

  Tara pulled Ricci against her, and Ricci fell into the hug that felt so comfortable, and so warm, she was wondering why she was protesting a relationship so much. It was the cool air that washed between them when they pulled back that reminded her. Everybody leaves. At least, that’s what she believed. As Tara took her hand and led her to the car, she thought maybe it could be different. Maybe, just maybe, this would be the end of her fear, and the beginning of so much more.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Now What?

  Their time together was uncomfortable to begin with, but united in stubbornness, they pushed past it. They resumed their dinner dates, and distracted themselves from the awkwardness with plans for Tara’s new loft. It pleased Ricci to find she had an eye for detail. The lofts, however, was the main obstacle for working on their relationship. Knee-deep in approvals and regulations, Ricci moved straight into construction and management as they built the internal structure of the old warehouse.

  “Howie,” Ricci said, gesturing him to come over to her. Her jaw was clenched as she glared across the warehouse.

  “Yeah?”

  “What’s he doing?” Ricci asked, pointing to one of the contractors they hired to install the steel beams to support the new walls and flooring. He was a good foot off the marks they had discussed the day before, and they were moments away from drilling the holes to brace it, thereby, weakening the structure and potentially costing her a lot of money to fix.

  Howie scratched at the beard he was growing and frowned at him. “Good question.”

  “Tell him that if he doesn’t pull his head out of his ass, I will permanently fix it up there with my steel-capped boot.”

  Raised voices drifted across the empty space a moment later, and Ricci reared back in surprise as Howie fired the man on the spot.

  She stormed across the space as the contractor strode off cussing.

  “What the hell did you just do?”

  “Fired him. He’s a dick.” Howie turned away from her and called over a group of men working near the back of the building. “See that?” He said, pointing at a bright pink marked they had used a laser to measure. “That’s where this brace needs to be. Get that and the rest of them installed today, and I’m buying you a case of whiskey.” The boys cheered and got to work.

  “You fir
ed him?”

  “He called you a lezzie bitch that didn’t know her bush from her pits.”

  Ricci’s jaw dropped at the vulgar statement.

  “You’re welcome,” Howie said, dropping a kiss on her cheek, before walking off adjusting his hard hart. “Oi! Lawrence,” he yelled, moving to the back. “Have a listen to this, bro.”

  Ricci had no doubt he was about to inform him of what happened with the contractor. The release of employment was the highlight of Ricci’s day. The partially installed beams, wasn’t. Halfway through the job, one of the outer walls buckled, forcing everything to a stand-still. It was because of that headache, and the associated engineering and regulation nightmare, that Ricci forgot Tara was coming over to cook tea.

  Furious, two hours late, and swearing at someone on the phone, she slammed her door against the hinges after fighting with her lock and yelled out a string of curses. She tore her shoes off her feet and slammed her phone and keys to the table beside the door.

  “God damn scum-sucking—”

  Ricci was suddenly engulfed by a flying body whose blonde hair hit her in the face.

  “Tara?”

  Tara pulled back and slapped Ricci on the arm. “Where have you been!”

  “Ow.” Ricci rubbed her shoulder. “What the hell?”

  “It’s after nine, Rica! Nine!” Ricci blinked as Tara nearly snorted like a raging bull and stormed back the way she came.

  Ricci whispered a slow ‘okay’ under her breath and followed. What she found when she spotted the dining room made her gasp. Tall candles that had burned down halfway, meals on the table, and a demolished bottle of red wine reminded her of the date Tara had planned. It was their first step toward something romantic that both women agreed would assist their relationship. The nightmare at work had wiped the date clean from Ricci’s mind.

  “Tara, I—” She stopped, spotting Tara wiping her eyes and gathering her things. “Wait,” Ricci said as the women flew past her. “Tara, wait!” She said again, jogging to catch her at the door. “I’m sorry.”

  Tara wouldn’t look her in the eye and kept scowling at the floor.

  “Hey,” Ricci said quietly, putting her hand to Tara’s cheek and trying to direct her gaze up. “I’m sorry. I really wanted to be here.”

  “I thought you changed your mind.”

  “Look at me,” Ricci asked. When Tara did, it nearly took her breath away. Her eyes were the most vulnerable she’d seen them, and her posture looked defeated. “I didn’t change my mind.” Tara took in a long breath, bringing Ricci’s attention to her lips. Lips she had the sudden urge to kiss. Lips she always had an urge to kiss, but this time, she forgot her own hang-ups and moved forward, stealing Tara’s gasp from her mouth. In control, Ricci moved her mouth slowly, re-familiarizing herself with Tara’s taste, warmth, and softness. Ending the kiss sooner than she preferred, she leaned her forehead against Tara’s and sighed. “I’m really sorry.”

  “Where were you?”

  Ricci moved away and let her head drop in defeat. “Trying to rectify a monumental screw up.” She rubbed a hand across her forehead.

  “That’s why you came home like a madman?”

  Ricci let out a snort of derision. “Yeah.” Tara shot her a small smile, and Ricci gave one in return. Looking toward the dining room, she said, “Is it ruined?”

  “Very much so.”

  Ricci grimaced. “Have you eaten?” At Tara’s shake of the head, Ricci said, “Pizza and beer?”

  Tara bit her lip. “Pizza and wine.”

  “Done.”

  That night stayed in Ricci’s mind for a long time. Tara’s panic, her instinct to kiss her to reinforce her feelings, and the ease in which they settled into a quiet evening made her feel comfortable, nervous, and aroused. It was an odd combination of sensations, and it frustrated her because the speed in which they were semi-dating was entirely her own stupid choice.

  Especially since Tara started sleeping over. That happened at the end of another emotionally-wrenching moment.

  “—my daughter-in-law, anyway.”

  Ricci had frozen after entering her apartment. That voice, speaking Spanish, was her mother.

  “I think you’re getting ahead of yourself,” Tara had replied in Española.

  “Pish. She loves you, does she not?”

  Tara’s replied was hesitant. “I think so.”

  “And you love her?”

  “Yes.” The reply was quiet.

  “Well!” her mother had stated emphatically. “There you have it. You’re one of the family.”

  Ricci peered around the wall to see Tara’s reaction, and was shocked to find her bursting into tears.

  “Mi bella?” Gloria had said, wrapping her up in an immediate embrace. “What is it? What’s wrong, mija?”

  “I don’t have a family.”

  Her mother shushed her. “You do. You have us.”

  Tara head shook. “No, I don’t.”

  Gloria pulled back and took Tara’s face firmly between her hands. “Listen, and listen well. Rica is a fool.”

  Ricci’s head jerked back on her neck at the insult.

  “She knows nothing of love and what it takes to keep it. You love with all your heart, and I won’t see you doubt that because my daughter is too blind to see what she has right in front of her.”

  “I’m going to lose everything again.” Those words sounded so sure, and Ricci hated herself instantly.

  Gloria took a deep breath. “Then you still would have loved.”

  Tara scoffed wetly at the statement and pulled away to dry her eyes. The instant she did, she spotted Ricci. Ricci did the only thing she knew how. She ran and hid herself in her room. Predictably, Tara knocked only moments later.

  “Ricci?”

  Ricci, who was leaning against the door moved away to open it. “You don’t think I’m going to be ready, do you?”

  Tara’s look was desperate. “I don’t know.”

  Ricci pulled the door open wider and crossed the room to sit on her bed. “I’m sorry.”

  “I know,” Tara said, sitting beside her. “But it’s not your fault. I’m the one who pushed you away in the first place.”

  “You were in the middle of a divorce.”

  “Yes, I was, and it was no time to go and fall in love with someone else.” Ricci deflated. Tara put a hand on her knee. “But I did, and the feeling isn’t going away.” They were quiet for a moment and Tara asked, “What happened?”

  “To what?”

  Tara put a hand over Ricci’s heart. “What happened in here that made you run? What did Zoe do to you?”

  Ricci took a deep breath, surprised that this hadn’t come up sooner. She looked away. “You broke my heart.”

  “I—what?”

  “Seeing Zoe, and hearing what she had to say, it broke me. I had become my mother.”

  “Your mother?”

  Ricci flopped backwards on the bed. “God, that sounds crazy.”

  “Yes, it does.”

  Letting out a long huff of air, Ricci sat back up. “Okay. Here’s the thing. I realized I was in love with you after Zoe’s dismissal. Without a shadow of a doubt, I was head over heels, and in an instant, all hope was pulled out from under me.” Closing her eyes, she let her head fall forward. “I knew in my heart, that I’d take you back in an instant, no matter the consequences.” She took a deep breath. “I didn’t want to become my mother, so I ran.”

  Tara reached out and cradled her face, brushing away the tears with her thumbs as she did so. “You’re not your mother and I’m not your father. It’s not fair to anyone to compare us to the marriage you watched your parents live through. My own parents were poor examples too. My father cheated, my mother cheated, yet they stayed together anyway. The only thing they couldn’t tolerate was a homosexual daughter.” Tara gave a derisive scoff. “Figure that one out.”

  “You’re an amazing woman,” Ricci said softly.

  Tara looked away a
fter giving her a quick smile.

  Ricci studied her for a moment, and finally allowing herself to see the vulnerability there. Tara had let her have free reign over her insecurities, and not once had Ricci stopped to notice she had a generous pile of her own.

  “Hey,” Ricci said, cupping Tara’s face and forcing her gaze to shift back. “You’re amazing, and I’m so lucky to have you in my life.” She caressed her cheek with her thumb, marveling in the soft skin under her calloused finger, and said, “I’m sorry for being so selfish.”

  Tara covered a hand with her own and gave her a smile. “I’m sorry for being more emotionally mature than you.”

  Ricci narrowed her eyes. She didn’t miss the mischievousness in Tara’s eyes. “Is that right?”

  Tara raised a brow.

  “In that case, I want us to sleep together.”

  Tara’s eyes widened in shock. “What?”

  Ricci grinned. “I’m tired and I want you to stay.” Her grin faded and she shifted closer to Tara. “Please stay.”

  The comic moment gone, Tara exhaled and leaned her forehead against Ricci’s and nodded. “I’ll stay.”

  With construction timelines tightening soon after, Ricci was barely home before eight, and the work-around was to have more sleep overs. Tara rarely spent another night in her apartment. They’d lay together holding hands, sharing gentle kisses, and then Tara would pull away and say goodnight. Ricci’s heart ached a little each time, knowing she was the one that made her move away.

  As winter gave way to spring, and the apartment building she was working on was back on track, even if it was two weeks behind schedule, Ricci contemplated her decisions as she spent time in the garden.

  The bulbs she had planted around the gazebo had grown, and now she was installing lights for the structure. Spools of cable were strewn across the lawn, all leading to the control box in her hand. Crouching on the balls of her feet, she touched various screws and joins with the points of the multi-meter she was using, and gave a heavy sigh. Nearly three months had passed since their conversation about going slow, and now, going slow was beginning to kill her. Death by constant arousal. She chuckled to herself as she imagined that on her gravestone. Abstinence was driving her crazy. Having Tara in the bed beside her each night was going to be the push off the insane edge.