“So it’s a step above best friends?”
“No—it’s not about steps.”
Roxas looked bewildered. As he’d expected, he wasn’t doing a very good job explaining it.
“Not that it matters. We’ll never know the difference.”
Roxas wouldn’t let it go. “Do you think we would, if we had hearts?”
“Once Kingdom Hearts is complete, I bet you’ll be able to figure it out.” The magic words again, Axel thought. It’ll all make sense when Kingdom Hearts is complete. But was that true?
No one had ever seen it happen before. So who knew?
Still, all they could do was believe in it.
Pitiful Heartless, mindlessly collecting hearts…
“Kingdom Hearts, huh…?” Roxas said under his breath, gazing out at the sunset.
Axel watched his wistful profile and sighed silently.
Chapter 5
Sleeping Xion
WHO’S THERE?
I know you. I see you in my dreams every night. I’ve been dreaming about you for a long time.
Are you…me?
Are you me when I was human?
Me? Roxas?
No…that’s not right. Who are you?
Slowly, Roxas sat up and shook his head. He didn’t quite feel all the way awake.
He knew he’d been dreaming but couldn’t remember what, although that was nothing new. Neither was the grogginess—like he’d hardly slept at all.
Why couldn’t he ever remember the dreams? Or was it normal to forget your dreams when you were awake? He didn’t really know.
Roxas clambered out of bed, put on a fresh cloak, and headed for the lobby as usual.
When he got there, Luxord greeted him—that part was a break from the routine. “How’s the game been treating you, Roxas?”
“Uh…okay, I guess.” He wasn’t quite sure how to reply; he hardly ever talked with Luxord.
“I’m told Saïx shuffled us together for today’s mission. We’ll make a decent team, I wager.”
“Sure.” Roxas was fairly certain he hadn’t been on a mission with him before.
“By the way, did you hear what happened to Xion?”
That was not a topic Roxas had been expecting to confront. Startled, he looked up.
Wait—something happened to Xion?
“She failed a mission, and now she’s fallen asleep,” Luxord went on. “Can’t win them all, I suppose…”
“Xion?!”
It looked like Luxord had more to say, but Roxas didn’t wait to hear it. He left the lobby at a run.
This was the second time Xion had fallen into a deep sleep. Was she sick? Roxas’s chest ached with anxiety.
Saïx didn’t let him get far. “And where do you think you’re going, Roxas?”
He stopped short and turned. “To see Xion.”
“What about your mission?”
“Don’t worry; I’ll do it.”
Obviously, I’m not skipping work, Roxas thought. But right now—
“There’s nothing you can do even if you do go. Xion will not wake up.”
“That’s not the point!” Roxas snapped. “I should still be with her!”
Saïx didn’t have to talk that way. Maybe Roxas wouldn’t be able to do anything besides look in on her. That didn’t matter—he wanted to see how she was. Why was Saïx being so obtuse?
There were a hundred things he wanted to say. But the words wouldn’t come out.
Saïx sounded vaguely disgusted. “What do you care for a broken, defective failure?”
“Don’t call her that!” Roxas stalked up to him, glaring furiously.
“I’ll call that thing whatever I want. How we deal with Xion is no business of yours.”
“I don’t remember asking you,” Roxas retorted.
“Look at you…” Saïx shook his head faintly. “All up in arms over a creature that shouldn’t exist.”
“What, like a Nobody? We’re all Nobodies!”
Why won’t Saïx understand? Is it because he’s a Nobody? But so am I!
“You have nothing to worry about,” said Saïx. “Xion may be beyond repair, but that does not affect your standing with us.”
“My sta—? Argh, you’re like a broken record!” Roxas fumed. “I’ll do my mission later.”
He turned his back on Saïx and sprinted away.
Once he’d caught his breath, Roxas opened the door to Xion’s room.
It was identical to his own, furnished with only a bed and a closet, but somehow it felt chilly. He shivered.
She was definitely asleep, but he went to the bed and murmured her name. “Xion…”
Of course, she didn’t reply. Her slumber was so deep and quiet that for a moment, Roxas doubted she was breathing. Unnerved, he reached out and held his hand close to her mouth.
Oh, good. I can feel it. He pulled his hand back, clenching it tight. Why did Saïx have to say those things?
Defective… Failure.
Saïx is so much more harsh with Xion than with me. I have no idea what’s going through his head.
Roxas reached into his pocket for a seashell. It was one of the shells Xion had given him. There were many more still in his room.
“The seashells are…a promise.”
But when had he made a promise with Xion? He thought he would have remembered it all…and yet, the memory just wasn’t there.
Roxas set the seashell on her pillow and left for work.
Axel made it to the Grey Area just as Roxas was stepping into the Corridors of Darkness. Luxord was right behind him. Now, there’s an odd couple.
“So, Saïx, what am I doing to—? Oh, boy. Awfully early for such a bad mood, don’t you think?”
Saïx had whirled to face him with a rather pronounced scowl.
“…Nobodies do not have ‘moods’ to be ruined,” he said at length.
“Well, sure, technically…”
Of course, with no hearts, they couldn’t have moods or fits of temper. If something went frustratingly awry, their faces might reveal shadows of remembered emotion, no more.
Still, for a remembered shadow, that was a mean glower on Saïx’s face. “Did I miss something?” Axel wondered.
“Xion has collapsed again.”
Now Axel frowned. He sure had missed something. “Did she get hurt or what?”
“No,” Saïx replied, any hint of expression vanishing from his face. “It’s just that the failure was functioning better than expected until recently.”
“‘The failure’? Is that what we’re calling her now?”
Saïx’s estimation of Xion seemed to have plummeted lower than ever. True, she’d lost badly against the Organization impostor—but that was Riku. Defeat was all but inevitable against him.
Failing to carry out a mission was unacceptable, of course, but not impossible. She could always challenge Riku again. If the mission was so unsuited to her in the first place, though, Saïx ought to know better as the one in charge of handing out assignments. And Axel was beginning to suspect at least some of the blame lay with him.
Saïx held some particular grudge against Xion…
“Never mind that. Your mission is to continue searching for Riku.”
“Sure, gotcha.”
“I do need you to find him sometime soon.”
“Well, I’m sure he’ll be in the last place I look.”
“Get going.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Axel muttered, already walking away. He glanced back at Saïx. “Hey, so…our plan’s making progress, right?”
“Just as long as you don’t do anything foolish.”
Axel shrugged at the tetchy warning and left the castle.
The mission complete, Roxas went to the usual spot to watch the sunset over ice cream. As he was squinting against the brilliance, Axel came up behind him and took his own customary seat.
Roxas gave him a glance but soon turned back to the sunset. “So something happened to Xion…”
Roxas slumped over. “Why does he hate her so much…?”
Axel was a bit taken aback. Out of habit, Nobodies might say they liked or hated things, but none of them really had those emotions—not the way Roxas meant.
“What d’you mean by that?” Axel laughed. “You just can’t stop talking like a real person, can you?”
Then Roxas turned to him. “What did I say?” He seemed uncertain, his gaze wandering, and he hung his head again. “I don’t know how real people talk…,” he mumbled.
Roxas must feel like he doesn’t know anything, Axel thought. Well, I don’t have the best handle on things myself, but I’m slightly less clueless.
He shifted, relaxing his legs. “Are you that worried over Xion?”
“It’s just…when I saw her lying there, she was so quiet. It made me think she might never wake up.” Roxas’s voice was hushed with something very like fear.
“I’m sure she’s fine.” The best Axel could offer was empty words of comfort.
Roxas closed his eyes for a moment, as if he had to say something terribly important, and took a breath that he let out in a sigh. “Saïx called her ‘defective.’”
Axel sighed, too. He had his doubts that Saïx realized just how special Roxas and Xion were. How they seemed to process things with an emotional quality that none of the other Nobodies had. Speak in those cold, dispassionate terms to one of them, and it would provoke the opposite reaction—just as if they had hearts.
But whether they were unknowingly reliving emotions from when they were human, or whether it was something unique to them, Axel couldn’t have said. Roxas was the Nobody of the hero of light, while Xion (he suspected) had something to do with the same person. Maybe that made them more special than even he knew.
Saïx didn’t understand that. Despite the lack of a heart, he could imagine what it was like to have emotional responses based on what he remembered from his human life. And he must be able to remember how much trouble it was.
Since he was already overthinking things, though, Axel had to wonder if he wasn’t letting Roxas and Xion have too much influence on him. All these “friends” and “promises” were taking over his life.
Almost as if he rejected his identity as a Nobody.
That would definitely be considered abnormal for a member of Organization XIII.
“Well, I’m probably a lot more defective than she is,” Axel admitted, almost to himself, and looked at Roxas.
Deep in thought, Roxas sat there and stared at nothing.
Roxas and Xion were always so dutiful. Loyal. Axel was the failure. And not just because he shirked missions—he was always plotting against the Organization along with Saïx.
The clock tower’s bells chimed the hour. A train sped away in the distance.
“I think maybe Saïx knows something about her… About why Xion and I are special Nobodies,” said Roxas.
Well, sure.
“If it’s gonna keep you up at night…” Axel sighed. “I could ask him for you.”
“Really?!” Roxas grinned at that. Not a Nobody-like reaction by any means.
Axel shrugged and eyed him with a wry smile. “Hey, calm down! I’ll ask, but don’t get your hopes up. He’s not the best at giving straight answers.”
“But you’ve still got a way better chance!” Roxas still sounded excited.
“I’ll give you that,” said Axel, avoiding a concrete reply.
Roxas was special among Nobodies, no question. And perhaps Xion, too…
Axel gazed out at the sunset, as red as ever. That color still looked the same to him now as it had when he was human. Some things didn’t change even when you became a Nobody.
“I hope Xion wakes up soon…,” Roxas murmured.
That would be nice, Axel thought. If only the three of us could just waste our time talking and laughing together again…
As soon as he returned to the castle, Axel went to call on Saïx.
There were other things besides Xion that he wanted to discuss. Well, to be more precise, there were plenty of other things he needed to bring up. They hadn’t been speaking much.
It’s messed up, Axel thought. Why am I trying to put Saïx in charge of the Organization…?
“Well, this is a rare occasion.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Saïx swiveled his chair around. His room was in the depths of the castle—although it was more like an office, overflowing with documents and materials.
“It means you hardly ever come looking for me these days.”
“So? I’ve got something to discuss with you, for a change.”
“Very funny,” Saïx remarked flatly. He was the one being sarcastic.
He never spoke like that in front of any of the other members—only Axel. It was something that originated in the relationship they’d had as humans.
“Is this about the defective thing in our midst?” asked Saïx.
“Am I that easy to read?” Axel shrugged.
“Yes, because you’re completely guileless. You always were.”
“Excuse me? Were you always such a jerk?” Axel retorted, taking a seat on a shelf across from Saïx.
“Don’t sit on that.”
“Then put another chair in here.” He let his legs swing, the way he would sit at the usual spot.
“Somehow, I doubt that would stop you,” said Saïx. “Anyway, I’m not going to talk to you about it.”
“Hey. She has a name, you know.”
“I told you to stay out of this.” Saïx swiveled his chair, turning his back on Axel to end the conversation.
“Well, I can’t. I need to know what the deal with Xion is.” Axel got up and grabbed Saïx’s shoulder, peering into his face. “So give me a straight answer for once.”
“Just like you’re always honest with me?”
“Oh, so it’s tit for tat, huh?” Caught out, Axel grimaced with a short laugh. Maybe they’d both been less than forthcoming with each other lately…and he was too forthcoming with Roxas and Xion. “Seriously, though, Saïx—”
But Saïx barely spared him a glance and pushed Axel’s hand from his shoulder. “Xion is not qualified to be counted among us.”
Chilled by the flat rejection in that low voice, Axel stepped back. “Not qualified? How?”
Saïx still didn’t look at him. “See for yourself. I have nothing more to tell you.”
If Saïx was saying that, he probably meant it. Axel stared at the stubborn set of his shoulders.
Both of them had changed.
“Wonder which one of us is more different now,” Axel said under his breath.
Just for an instant, he saw a twitch in Saïx’s shoulders. But he wasn’t about to hold his breath for more. Axel showed himself out.
In the morning, Axel headed toward the lobby a bit earlier than usual. He staked out the corridor leading in, waiting for Roxas where Saïx wouldn’t interrupt them.
Finally, Roxas came meandering in, blinking sleepily as ever.
“Hey, Roxas,” Axel called.
The younger boy immediately perked up and hurried over. “Did you find out anything about Xion?” he asked enthusiastically.
Axel nodded. “I talked to Saïx.”
“Really?! What’d he say?” Roxas’s face was lit up with hope, but—
“Well… Nothing,” he faltered. “Sorry, his lips were sealed.”
He had been thinking all night about how to tell Roxas. And the conclusion he arrived at was not to tell the truth at all. If he just repeated what Saïx had said to him, Roxas would only have more questions to worry about.
“Oh…” Roxas practically wilted in front of him.
Axel couldn’t stop himself from trying to alleviate the disappointment. “Well, he did say he’d take back calling her defective…if she proves herself more capable going forward.”
I guess t
his is one lie leading to another, he chided himself, and yet, he kept going.
“So until she wakes up, the best thing you can do is just to keep up the good work yourself.”
Roxas’s smile only made Axel’s guilt worse. And now he suspected he’d trapped himself into telling Roxas even more lies.
“I will! Thanks, Axel! That’s great!” Roxas beamed with gratitude, and he entered the lobby with a spring in his step.
“I’m sorry…,” Axel mumbled, disconsolately scratching the back of his head as Roxas walked away.
That day’s Heartless extermination took Roxas to another world he’d never visited before.
He emerged on a small island. “So this is Neverland…?”
Most of what he saw was blue—not sky blue but ocean blue. The air had an intriguing scent, and he breathed it in as deeply as he could. This smell… He could hear the distant shrieking of seagulls.
He began walking and noticed another figure just in time to hide behind a rock.
“Quickly now, Smee! Put your back into it!”
“Aye-aye, Cap’n Hook!”
Roxas peeked out to see a stout old man with a bulbous nose driving a shovel into the earth—that had to be Smee. The other man nearby was most likely Captain Hook, sporting an impressive mustache and an even more impressive hat.
“There’s no mistaking it this time! The treasure is here, I’m certain of it!” Hook held several pieces of aging parchment.
“That’ll be a nice change from the last dozen…,” commented Smee, busily digging another hole. “But what a stroke of luck you had, finding so many treasure maps at once, sir!”
So those papers were treasure maps.
“Heh-heh… Some poor fool must be cursing himself for losing ’em. But enough blabbering, Mr. Smee! Don’t stop digging until you find that treasure!”
“Aye-aye, sir!” The dirt flew as Smee kept at it—and then he stopped. “Captain! Captain, I’ve struck something!”
“Oh?!”
Smee hoisted up a sizable wooden box, unmistakably a treasure chest.
“Ha-ha! What have we here? Gold? Jewels? Gold and jewels?” Hook opened the chest to find…nothing. It was empty. “Blast! Another dead end?!”
“Well, don’t you worry, Captain. We’ve still got a pile of other maps to—”
Kingdom Hearts 358-2 Days Page 19