“A little sore.” She removed her hand from Meg’s head, and her fingers touched a mark on her upper arm.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. Or for her.” He hadn’t been there for much of anyone lately. He’d failed his partner, failed his brother, and now failed to protect Lani when he’d promised he would.
“It’s not your fault.”
He swallowed and looked down at Meg. “Tell that to Meg when she grows up without parents.”
“You’re blaming yourself for this? There’s nothing you could have done.”
“I could have turned him in to Yoshi. At least he’d still be alive.”
“It’s no good to play Monday-morning quarterback. You could have locked him in his house too, but what good would that have done? When someone wants to do something, no amount of interference from family will stop them.”
“You sound like you know that firsthand.” He stared at her and noticed the sad droop of her lips.
“Oh, I do. I’ve always liked doing whatever I wanted. No matter how much it hurt someone else.” She turned her head. “No one ever talked me out of pleasing myself.”
He wasn’t sure what to say without revealing that he knew her better than it appeared. “You listen to your aunt, to Fawn, to Yoshi. And to me. I like the way we can talk.” The fact of it surprised him. He couldn’t remember ever talking so openly with any other woman.
“I’ve been trying to change, but after today, I’m wondering if it’s worth it.”
“What do you mean?” He adjusted his arm as Meg shifted in her sleep.
“You’re a Christian,” she stated.
“Yeah.”
“If God loves us, why did your brother die?”
He flinched, feeling like the blow had come out of nowhere. “You’re asking the same question Job asked. Why do bad things happen to good people? I wish I knew the answer. All I know is that I deserve God’s judgment, not his mercy. Anything good I get in this life is just gravy. If it wasn’t for his grace, I don’t know how I’d get through this right now.” His voice thickened, and he cleared his throat.
“But he could have stopped it from happening.”
“We all have free will, Lani. God doesn’t make us do anything. He wants us to love and obey because we want to, not because we have no choice.”
She absorbed his words in silence. “What about my blindness? He could choose to make the swelling go down.”
“He still might. Look inside yourself and see what he wants you to learn through this. Maybe it’s to trust him in the hard times.” He knew he should do the same in his own trial. He shared her questions and knew only that there were no easy answers.
Lani removed Meg’s wet clothes and dropped them on the floor. The little girl smelled of sea and wind mingled with the freshness of the clean blanket wrapped around her. Meg murmured but didn’t awaken. Lani slipped pajamas on the toddler—Aunt Rina had fetched some things—then pulled the covers up over Meg.
Lani connected with Meg at a deep level, understanding how it felt to be motherless like Meg. Her own child would have been only a year or so younger. She touched Meg’s soft cheek, then folded her hands in her lap as she sat on the edge of the bed. Through the open window, the wind blew the scent of roasting coffee into the bedroom.
Lani tried to think, to analyze all that had happened today. Someone wanted her dead. Ethan was smuggling some oddly familiar coral in Aunt Rina’s coffee bags. There had to be some way she could remember what happened before she fell and hit her head. The only possible reason for someone to make an attempt on her life was that she could identify the shooter. But even if she remembered, she was blind and unable to identify the killer. Unless it was someone she knew. She gulped.
Fisher’s cold, wet nose probed her leg, and she rubbed his ears. “I’m okay, boy.” But her agitation hummed along her nerves. She felt trapped in this darkness, unable to help herself. The murderer could be sitting across the table from her at dinner tonight, and she wouldn’t know it. And behind one smiling face lurked the heart of a murderer.
A tap came at the door. “Come in,” she said, careful to speak in a soft voice. She didn’t want to awaken Meg.
“It’s me.” Ben came in. “How is she?”
“She didn’t stir, not even when I changed her clothes. Have you found out anything more?”
“Yeah.” The wicker chair across from the bed rustled as he sat. “I identified both bodies. They reeked of beer.”
The pain in his voice made her want to touch him. She clenched her hands together in her lap. “I’m sorry.”
The bedding beside her shifted. “Gum?” said a little voice.
Lani’s heart melted at the plaintive voice. Her hand moved along the quilt until she touched the little girl. Meg kicked off the covers and crawled into Lani’s lap. She didn’t stay long but slid to the floor. Her feet pattered to her uncle.
“Gum?” she said again.
“Do you have any gum?” Ben asked Lani. “She’s going to ask for it until she gets some.”
“I think I have some in my purse.” Lani stood and felt along the bed to a cedar chest at the foot. Her purse sat on top of it. She opened it and began to dig around inside. She inhaled the aromas of lipstick, money, the metal of keys, and leather. Her aunt was right—she did have a sensitive nose and always had. God hadn’t left her without resources for this journey.
Taking another sniff, she caught a whiff of her aunt’s coffee-blossom cologne, probably on the handkerchief she’d loaned her after her near drowning. A faint cinnamon scent told her the gum she sought was in the corner closest to her. She brought it out with a triumphant flourish. It felt good to know she was getting the hang of this.
“Gum!” Meg’s feet pounded across the carpet, and she grabbed Lani’s legs.
Lani scooped her up and handed her the gum. She heard the rattle of paper as the little girl unwrapped it.
“Say thank you, Meg,” Ben said.
“Tank oo.”
“You should see her. She has red juice running down her chin.” Ben’s voice was close.
“Mommy?” Meg said. “Daddy?”
Lani’s fingers tightened around the little girl. If only she could fix it all.
“Are you hungry, Meg?”
“Eat,” Meg agreed.
She lurched away, and Lani had a hard time holding on to her.
“I’ve got her,” Ben said. The weight of her lifted.
“What’s going to happen, Ben?”
“To Meg, you mean? I guess I’ll take care of her. It’s a cinch I can’t let her go to my mother. Or to Nat’s parents either. Her dad has been in and out of jail more times than I remember. But man, I have no idea what to do.” He fell silent. “I love her, but I feel lost. What do I feed her? I know she likes mashed potatoes, but that’s about it. And gum.”
“Gum,” Meg agreed.
Lani could hear her chomping away on the gum, and she couldn’t help smiling. “I used to work in a day care. I like kids. I’ll help you with her as long as you’re here. Maybe by the time you leave, you’ll be an old pro.”
“I wouldn’t count on it,” he said in a gloomy voice.
A tap came on the door, then it opened. “Dinner’s ready,” Rina said. “Oh, the little girl is awake. Hello, precious. You want to eat?”
“Eat,” Meg said. “Mommy?”
Lani winced. The requests for her parents were going to get more and more frequent. Her aunt took Meg and went down the hall with her and Ben. Lani listened to Ben talking to Meg and felt a stirring. Every other man she’d been with, she’d found physically attractive. This pull she felt toward Ben was based purely on another plane. His tenderness toward his niece made her feel like a toasted marshmallow inside.
Lani’s cell phone vibrated, and she answered it.
“Hi, Lani, it’s Michelle Landers. We’re having a meeting next Tuesday and wondered if you could bring some preliminary ideas to it? I know you’ve got another w
eek before they have to be in, but we’d like to talk about some of our other ideas. Any chance you can come?”
“A—a friend was killed today, and I think the funeral will be Tuesday,” Lani stammered.
“Oh, that’s too bad. Well, I’ll shoot you an e-mail about our new ideas, and maybe you can incorporate them into the design. We’ll just take a peek at the scheduled meeting. Talk to you soon.” Michelle hung up.
Lani flipped her phone closed. There had to be some way to pull this off. She hadn’t even thought about the design. Getting to her feet, she shuffled to her closet, opened it, and found the shelving on the right side. Her sketchbook, notebook, and landscape plant books should be on the second shelf. She lifted them out and carried them back to the bed. Opening the top plant book, she ran her fingers over the glossy pages. If only she could see the plants!
Her doorknob rattled. “Hey, girl, are you okay?” Fawn asked.
“Oh, Fawn, I need some help.”
Fawn’s steps came closer. “What’s wrong?”
“I just got another call from the home show director. I’ve got to figure this out, Fawn. I can see the design in my mind, but I don’t know how to put it to paper.”
“How can I help?”
“I don’t know.” Lani put her head in her hands. “Maybe if we work together, I could tell you what plant I had in mind and where to put it. There’s a scaled drawing of the area on my computer.”
“Let me take a look.” Fawn moved from the bed, and the computer began to hum. The familiar Windows chimes sounded, then she began to tap on the keyboard. Lani told her the file name. “Here it is.”
“There might be an e-mail from Michelle too.”
Fawn continued to tap. “Yeah, it’s here.”
“See what suggestions she has.”
“I’m reading it. Hmm, it sounds like she wants you to incorporate a rock waterfall somewhere in the design. And a gazebo.”
“I can do that. Listen, I have an idea. Print out the layout and bring it to me.”
“Okay.” The printer began to whir.
Moments later, Fawn thrust a paper into Lani’s hands. “Here you go. Now what?”
Lani traced the edges of the paper and visualized the layout. “Is this the front door?”
“You’re amazing. It is!”
“And the walk here?” She stabbed a finger.
“Almost.” Fawn guided her finger over a hairsbreadth.
“I think I can do this!” Lani’s voice went up a notch. “I’ve been thinking about the design for weeks. All I have to do is get it down on paper with your help.”
“I’m game.”
For the first time in two weeks, Lani felt in control. Her future wasn’t going to slip away. Not just yet.
Ben had as many blobs of food on him as Meg had down her front and in her hair. She had stuff in her ears, up her nose, and even on her feet. Were kids always this messy? He didn’t remember Meg having stuff all over her when Natalie fed her. She shuddered at the sweet potatoes he spooned into her mouth and spat them back at him. She picked up the green beans with her fingers. The poi she wouldn’t even try.
“She’s been raised on hamburgers and French fries,” Ben said.
Josie put her hands on her hips. “The poor child needs to learn what real food is. You’ll stay here with her until she settles down some. She needs some women around. She’ll be missing her mama.”
“At least she’s healthy,” Jerry said. “Not a scratch on her.”
“Thanks for taking a look at her,” Ben said. “I don’t know how long she was in the water.” He stood. “I’d better give her a bath,” he said.
“I’ll do it.” Lani rose and laid down her napkin.
Ben liked to encourage independence, but this one thing might not be possible for her to do. How could she see if Meg was clean? “I’d better figure it out,” he said. “But you can help.” He carried Meg to the hall bathroom. Lani followed with Fisher.
Warm terra-cotta covered the bathroom floor. A dolphin border ran around the ceiling and caught Meg’s gaze. “Fish,” she said, pointing.
“Dolphin,” Ben said.
“Fish,” Meg insisted.
He grinned and turned on the tap. Meg wiggled to be put down. She sat on the floor and pulled her bottoms off over her small slippers, then began to try to tug her pajama top off.
“Off,” she said.
He removed her pajamas, and she bent over the side of the tub in her diaper. “In,” she insisted.
“Just a minute.” He checked the water. He liked water scalding hot, but what temperature would be best for a child? “Is this okay?” he asked Lani.
She swished her wrist in it. “It’s just fine.” She touched Meg, traced down her tummy to the diaper. With two tugs on the tabs, she had the diaper off, then lifted Meg into the tub. Even blind she seemed to know the procedure.
A bark came from behind him, and he turned to see Fisher running for the tub. “Look out!” he said. Fisher zipped between his legs, and Ben tried to grab him, but the dog moved too fast. Fisher bounded to the rim of the tub and jumped into the water with Meg. She shrieked and tried to scoot away.
“What’s happening?” Lani asked.
“Fisher decided to take a bath too.” Ben watched Fisher duck his head into the water and come up flinging water droplets. He looked ecstatic. Meg quit screaming and began to smile as she watched the dog. Fisher made a happy whine deep in his throat.
“He makes that sound when he’s excited,” Lani said.
Ben grabbed the dripping dog and lifted him from the tub. Fisher’s wet fur soaked through his shirt. “Hand me a towel, will you?”
Lani turned and reached for the shelves that held the towels. She found one and handed it to him. He toweled off the dog and set him down. “Stay,” he said with a stern edge to his voice. Fisher gave him an aggrieved look.
Ben turned back to the tub to hide his grin. “She’s got stuff in her hair,” he said. “I’d better wash it. Can I use my shampoo?”
“I’ll use mine.” She ran her hand along the back of the tub. “You’d better do it, though. I don’t want to get soap in her eyes.”
“What do I do?” He stared at Meg, who lay on her stomach in the shallow water, splashing madly.
“Get a cup to rinse her hair with. She’s probably got her hair wet already.”
“Uh, yeah. She’s soaked.” He grabbed the drinking glass from the sink. “Flop over on your back, Meg. Let’s wash your hair.” Meg rolled over, and he lathered her hair.
“Rinse it with the water in the tub for now, but when she’s ready to get out, you can turn the tap back on and get some clean water for a final rinse.”
It took some doing, but Ben eventually managed to get the shampoo in and out of Meg’s hair. “I guess it’s clean.”
“I’ll finish up.” Lani pressed past him and felt along the tub for the washcloth. “We’ll get some baby wash tomorrow.”
Ben had never felt so out of his element. The task of raising Meg seemed overwhelming.
“Could you get some clean pajamas from my room?”
“Sure.” He exited the bathroom and drew in a breath. It was a sad day when a man got so scared of a little thing like a bath. What happened when Meg had a dirty diaper? No way could he see himself changing something like that. Maybe he could get Lani to potty train her.
He found the small bag of her things and fished out a pair of pajamas and a clean diaper. His hand connected with something unfamiliar in the bottom of the bag. What on earth? Pulling it out, he saw a doll. Only as big as his hand, it wore a white dress with a weighted hem and had an innocent smile. It almost looked like Meg. This should comfort her tonight.
to the bathroom. “See what I found, Meg?” He held up the doll.
“Dolly,” Meg said, reaching for the doll.
“Let’s get dressed first.” Lani lifted her onto the towel in her lap.
“Dolly,” Meg said again. The little girl beg
an to wail for the doll. Kicking and screaming, she tried to escape Lani’s grasp, but Lani held her firmly and didn’t seem at all rattled by the commotion. Ben wanted to hightail it out of there.
Lani slipped to her knees and finished drying off Meg. “Give me the diaper.”
Ben slid it into her outstretched hand. She felt for the tabs, then quickly dressed the squirming child. As soon as she tugged Meg’s top over the girl’s head, Ben slid the doll into Meg’s arms.
She grabbed it, then flung it aside. “Mommy!” she wailed. She drummed her heels on the floor. The shrieking cut through Ben like sharp coral. He knelt and picked her up. “It’s okay, Meggie,” he soothed. But it wasn’t. And Meg knew it too.
“Let me rock her,” Lani said. She held on to the wall and made her way back to the bedroom.
Ben followed with the sobbing child. “The rocker is to your left,” he told Lani.
She nodded and maneuvered to sit in the rocker, then held out her hands. “I’ll take her.”
He deposited Meg into her arms. She crooned to the toddler and began to rock. Meg’s sobs eased. “Maybe she’d like her blankie.” He dug through her things and pulled out the tattered pink satin blanket and nestled it around Meg. She grabbed a corner of it, popped her thumb in her mouth, and closed her eyes.
“I’ll be outside,” he whispered. Lani nodded, and he eased out of the room. He could hear Yoshi’s voice. Watching Meg had reminded Ben of another child he needed to do something about. He followed the voices until he found Yoshi talking with Fawn in the living room.
“Sounds like she’s settling down,” Fawn said. She sat beside Yoshi on the sofa, and he clasped her hand.
Ben nodded. “Once she had her blanket, it was all over.” He settled into an armchair. “Hey, Yoshi, I need to report some child abuse.”
Yoshi raised his brows. “Who?”
“There’s a kid at the orchid farm. An immigrant named Simi. He looks like a Pacific islander, maybe Tongan. If I was guessing, I’d say he’s illegal. I saw bruises on him, and he seemed scared to death.”
Yoshi frowned. “I’ll turn it in to child protective services.”
“Do it right away. The kid looks really mistreated. I should have remembered to tell you sooner.” There seemed to be no end to his failures.
Midnight Sea (Aloha Reef Series) Page 11