“Man, I’ve heard of pushy salespeople before but that’s ridiculous!” I said forcing myself to keep my cool.
The ogre grinned. “I truly hope it does not come to that, possible future queen.”
I pulled out my staff, making it very obvious to the ogre that I would be more than willing to fight if it came to that.
The ogre lifted up a hairy palm. “Once more, I hope we do not come to that. After all, I find eating customers is bad for repeat business.”
“I imagine it would be,” Merlin said.
“Plus, I think you’ll find I’m not one who is easy to eat!” I added waving my staff. “I’m no damsel in distress.”
The ogre kept his cool. “Yes, that is more than obvious. Truthfully, you look kind of bony and not worth my effort to eat. So let us hope it doesn’t come to that!” He pointed to his pile of doors lying on the floor. “Which one catches your eye?”
I pointed to all the doors that were already in the house. “You know…I don’t really want a door. We have all the doors we need,” I said.
The ogre shook his head. I swear I heard a clanking sound. “Nope, you don’t have doors like this. Nobody has doors like Mookie.
After examining the doors a little closer, I could see they all looked like identical wooden doors. Nothing stood out. Certainly not at first glance.
“Whoch diir shiyld O chiisa!” I chanted.
The ogre jumped up and down clapping. He shook the house. “Oh, using magic. That is so cool.”
The door in the middle of the pile started to glow white.
The ogre became excited, started pointing at it and saying, “That one! That one! That’s the one you want!”
Fern flew onto my shoulder. “I get the feeling this guy doesn’t make a lot of sales,” he whispered in my ear.
“I run a very select business,” the ogre said, tossing his head back. He pointed to his giant ears. “Big ears help me to hear good.”
I gazed at the glowing door. It certainly glowed brightly enough. “Okay,” I said slowly. “Now, what do I need to purchase that door?”
The ogre stuck a bent finger under my chin and lifted me up off the ground. “Easy, you just beat me.”
“I’m starting to see why you don’t get a lot of sales,” I told him.
“I prefer to sell to only a select group!” he replied proudly.
I took my staff and whacked the ogre on the side of the head. He staggered backward, dropping me to the floor.
Fern flew down to me. “Want me to burn him?”
“No, not yet,” I said, pushing myself back up to a standing position.
Merlin scurried over to me. “Want me to fart on him?”
“NO!” Fern and I both shouted.
Merlin licked his paw. “You’re right, he’s an ogre, he’d probably love it!”
The ogre stood there, bent over, rubbing his head. “You hit pretty hard for a little thing,” he said. He removed his hand from the spot he had been rubbing, revealing a lump the size of my fist.
I walked towards him waving my staff at him. “There’s more where that came from!” I said.
The ogre grinned. “I would hope so!” he said. He lunged at me, arms open wide. I jabbed him in his pot belly with my staff. He doubled over. I cracked the staff over his back. He fell to the ground face first. He laid there for a moment.
The ogre lifted up an arm. “Hold on, please!” he said, popping up his head.
Part of me wanted to finish him off, but another part of me wanted to hear what he had to say. “What do you….”
I never managed to finish my sentence as he grabbed my leg with his arm and jumped to his feet with far more agility than I would have thought possible. My head slammed into the floor. But I kept my grip on my staff. That’s the cool thing about having a magic staff, it stays with me no matter what.
The ogre lifted me up and dangled me by one leg. “You showed me mercy. That was a mistake!” he spat.
“Yeah, I figured that out,” I said. “I thought you were down. I wanted to give you a chance to surrender.”
He stuck a finger on his lips. “That was noble of you, but I was only faking like a possum.”
“Yep, figured that out too!” I said, still dangling.
“You know, we don’t have to fight,” the ogre told me. “You could just make me an offer for the door.”
“You could have led with that!” I said.
The ogre shrugged. “I didn’t know you could hit so hard.” He opened his hand. I plopped down on the floor. He bent over. “Now what do you have to offer me?”
I pushed myself up to my knees. “What do you want?” I asked.
He scratched his head, brown flakes of something fell from his head. Some of his long sticky hair also fell out. I fought back the urge to say, “Oh, gross!”
“Do ya have peanut butter?”
“I would image so,” I replied, as Fern flew off to the kitchen.
The ogre smiled. “Great, peanut butter is like magic. It can even make porridge taste good!”
Fern flew back into the room carrying a big jar of peanut butter in his claws. He hovered over the ogre and dropped the jar. It clunked off the ogre’s head and rolled to the ground.
“Sorry, my bad,” Fern said.
The ogre bent over and picked up the jar. He popped off the lid. He stuck his hand in and pulled out a wad of peanut butter. He stuffed the wad into his mouth. He grinned.
“Oh my stars, this is amazing!” he smiled. “And it’s mine?” he asked.
“Sure,” I said. “Sounds like a fair trade; a door I don’t need for a jar of peanut butter.”
“An extra crunchy jar of peanut butter!” Fern added.
“Extra tasty!” the ogre said, licking his hand.
Mom and Dad returned home.
“Ah, Gwen, what’s going on here?” Mom asked.
“Just trading a jar of peanut butter for a door,” I told her. “You know…same old, same old.”
The ogre turned to my parents. “Pleasure to meet you both.” He held out a peanut butter soaked hand to my dad. Dad actually shook his hand. Dad was a good man.
“You’re raising a fine future queen,” the ogre added.
“We like to think so,” Dad smiled.
“Thank you,” Mom said.
The ogre bent over and picked up the other four doors. “She’s smart and she packs a punch!” He hoisted the other doors over his back. “But she is wrong about my doors. You do need the one you have. It will take you to a place where you need to go, even though you don’t know you need to go there.” He grinned. “Magic is cool like that.”
He gave us a polite salute and sauntered out of the house.
Mom and Dad looked at the door on the floor. They looked at the crack in the floor made by the jumping ogre. “I’m not sure how we’ll explain this to the insurance company,” Dad said.
“Fliir fox!” I ordered.
The crack in the floor magically fixed itself. I smiled proudly.
“So why do we need this door?” I asked Merlin.
Merlin stood up. He walked over to the door and sniffed it. He then licked it. He smiled. “Like the ogre said, it will take you where you need to go!” he smiled.
My Notes:
Well now, that was different. A door to door salesman who’s an ogre selling magic doors. He insists I need this door. But for the life of me, I can’t see why. I truly have no idea. It’s just a door on the floor. Sure, it makes a nice rhyme, but that seems to be about it. Of course, I really should know by now, things often aren’t as simple as they seem or as complicated as they seem. I got this door by trading peanut butter for it. Now, that’s far better than fighting an ogre. Well, we did fight, but I felt kind of guilty pounding on him because after all, he was just a dude doing a job.
Chapter 12
Merlin, Fern, Mom, dad and I stood there looking at this door on the floor. It didn’t appear to be special at all, just a door on the floor. I kno
w I keep saying that, but door on the floor is fun to say.
“I guess, the questions to ask are, where did this door come from and why did a strange ogre salesman bring it here?” Dad asked.
“Good questions,” Merlin said, he pounced onto the door on the floor. He sniffed it and licked it once more. “They come from Rising Dragons Enterprises,” Merlin said.
“You can tell that from licking and sniffing it?” Mom asked.
“Well I am quite good at licking and sniffing,” Merlin said. He pointed at the door and then added, “But it says right here on the door…Made by Rising Dragons Enterprises.”
I pulled out my phone and googled the name. “It’s one of Morgana’s many corporations.”
“Then I say we throw this door out!” Mom said. “Or saw it into pieces.”
Merlin looked up at Mom. “Now, I can understand why you might think that way.”
“Thanks,” Mom said.
“But you are totally WRONG!” Merlin continued. “This is a magical door and we must take it seriously. Obviously, Morgana wanted to test Gwen and she passed.”
“Why is everybody always testing me?” I asked. “Pop quizzes at school. The fairies test me. And now Morgana.”
Merlin shrugged. “Life is filled with tests. Accept that and move on.” He cleared his throat and spit out a hairball. He looked at it. “Man, that thing was driving me batty! None of you have any idea how annoying it is to have hair in your throat. It's just so dry and scratchy and itchy….”
“Merlin!” Fern shouted. “Get to the point, cat!”
“Right,” Merlin said, clearing his throat again. “Phew, no hairballs that ball.” He stopped to consider. “They should really be called, furballs! Right!”
“Merlin get to the point!” I shouted.
Merlin composed himself. “Like I was trying to say. Just because this door may come from one of Morgana’s businesses, that doesn’t make it bad. Morgana may be able to snap her fingers and freeze the world in place, but even she can’t know what all her employees are doing all the time. Maybe one of her employees wants to bring her down?”
“Okay,” I said slowly.
“Plus, even if she sent the door herself, maybe that’s not a bad thing either. I mean, hasn’t she told you she wants to work with you?” Merlin stared pointedly at me.
“She has,” I said. “But why? She’s already a very powerful person.”
“True, but there may be another very powerful person who she’s at an impasse with. Getting you on her side would tip the balance of power to Morgana,” Merlin said.
“Like who?” Fern asked.
“Morgana’s mother was a being of legendary power. It is said that Morgana trapped her mother in another realm. Though, you never know for how long. Plus, there may be others,” Merlin said. “My point being, we have a gift door and we must take it!”
“How do you know it won’t trap us in another realm?” I asked. “Maybe Morgana wants to get rid of us?”
Merlin grinned. “I don’t think so. She wants the grail and knows she has no chance at the grail without us. The fisherman prince is immune to her charms. He won’t give into any punishment, hence his limp. Sure she could turn him into a sweat sock, but that wouldn’t help her cause.”
I thought for a moment about what Merlin said. I looked at the door on the floor. “So how do we enter?” I asked.
Merlin pointed to the doorknob. “It’s a door! Reach down, grab the knob and open it!”
I reached for the knob. I flipped open the door. A glowing flash of light appeared in front of me.
“We’re going with you!” Dad said.
“Agreed!” Mom said.
“Nope!” Merlin said.
“What?” they both said.
“This is obviously the door to a magic realm,” Merlin replied. “And while I find you to be mostly acceptable and fine people, you are just regular people.”
“Mostly acceptable?” Dad asked.
“Claude, you snore like a banshee, and Maude, you worry too much,” Merlin said. “But my point is, normal people just don’t belong in a magic realm.”
“We can’t let Gwen go into a strange realm alone!” Mom told Merlin.
“See Maude, there you go worrying too much again. She will not be alone. Fern and I will accompany her. I may not have my magical powers but I still have my knowledge and my farts!”
“Now that’s a phrase you don’t hear very often,” I told Merlin.
Merlin ignored me. “Fern here has a lot of firepower. I mean, he literally breathes fire.”
“That I do!” Fern said. He puffed a couple of small fire rings into the air.
“Fern! I’ve asked you not to do that indoors!” Mom scolded.
Fern put his wings behind his back and looked down. “Sorry, Maude,” he said.
“See Maude, there you go worrying too much again! That’s why you don’t belong in a magical realm.”
I picked up Merlin. I nodded. Fern flew onto my shoulder. I glanced at my parents before taking a deep breath, then I walked into the light.
My Notes:
So, I’ve blindly walked into a magical realm with my pet cat who used to be a wizard and a bird who was once a dragon. We are ready for anything. Because quite truthfully, I have no idea what we’re going to be up against. I feel confident though. Whatever we find, we can handle.
Chapter 13
The world we arrived in was like none I had ever been in. Of course, I hadn’t been in many. The grass was the greenest grass I had ever seen. The air smelled fresh and clear. (Well, until Merlin farted.) The sky sparkled light blue with two suns in the sky, one orange, and one red.
We saw a tiny village in the distance and walked towards it. And when I say tiny village, I mean it was a tiny village. All the grass huts were no more than 10 inches high.
I felt a sharp pain in my ankle. Looking down, I saw a tiny little toothpick sized spear sticking out of my skin. I bent down and pulled it out.
I then felt a pain in my butt, then another and then another. Looking over my shoulder and down at my butt, I noticed three more little spears attached to me.
“So not cool!” I said.
The world began to spin. Merlin sniffed the toothpick like spear I’d pulled out of my ankle. “Uh oh, this has been dipped in Belladonna Oil.”
“Oh, that’s bad!” Fern agreed.
My eyes suddenly felt like they weighed ten tons. “Let me guess, it makes people sleep….” I yawned.
“Yeppers,” Merlin said.
“O woll nit slaap niw!” I ordered. My body shot awake.
“Darn, the big one has magic!” I heard a little voice say.
“Oh bummer,” I heard another little voice mutter.
“This is going to be harder than we thought!” another voice said.
“We can’t let them hurt us!” one more voice squealed.
I collected myself. Pulling the three little spears out of my butt, I looked down and saw at least 100 hairy little people. “Not cool guys!” I scolded. “Shooting before asking. We’re not here to hurt you.”
A bearded little person came forward. “Sorry, but when you’re small, you can’t take chances with Larges. Besides, how can we believe you?”
“Because she is a queen!” I heard a semi-familiar voice from the past say.
I turned to see a tall, muscular blond teen coming towards me. He reached me and bowed. “My queen, I would recognize you no matter what age you were. Your inner and outer beauty transcends time.”
“Lancelot?” I asked.
“In the flesh, my queen.” He stood up. “A much younger flesh, but I kind of like it. My knees and back no longer crack when I walk. It’s as though hundreds of battle scars have been erased.” He smiled.
My heart skipped a beat.
“Lance, why are you here?” I asked.
“Where else should I be?” Lance asked earnestly. “These good people need me. I have been protecting them for ages.�
��
“He has!” a voice shouted.
“Long live Sir Lance!” another voice shouted.
They all clapped.
“How did you end up here?” I asked.
“Actually, I do not know,” Lancelot replied.
One of the little people came forward. She was an older lady with pure white hair. “We needed a hero to protect us from that terrible giant, Boppo the rude. And then Lancelot appeared! He drove Bobbo away.”
“Hmmm,” Merlin said, “Apparently these people sent out a mental cry for help at the same time Morgana was casting her spell. It takes a lot of power to convert time, space and reality like she did. So Lancelot slipped through the spell’s cracks, so to speak, and ended up here.”
Locking eyes with Lance I said, “This is so great. We need you to help defeat Morgana.”
Lance looked at me. Then he looked at the little people looking at us. “I cannot in good conscience leave these people unprotected from the giant, Bobbo.”
“Do you know where Bobbo lives?” I asked.
“Yes, he lives in a cave many leagues from here. I walk there every now and then to let him know I am still around and on guard. We battled once. I defeated him. He is a true coward. Once I stood up to him, he left these good people alone. But if I leave, I fear these poor souls will be unprotected.”
I showed Lance the tiny spears they had used on me. “I wouldn’t say they are exactly defenseless.”
“Yes, I have trained them well. They can defend themselves, but still they need me to lead,” Lance said.
The older lady spoke up again. “Brave Lancelot, I know you feel the need to protect us and your heart rings true. But we have learned much from you; how to be noble and how to defend ourselves.”
Lance looked down at her and smiled. “Oh Wise Woman Sandi, you are so wise.”
“Yes, that’s why I am called Wise Woman Sandi!” she said.
“But what if another threat comes? Or if Bobbo realizes I am gone and then he attacks?” Lance said.
I turned my head to Merlin. “Merlin, can those magic doors be used more than once?”
Good versus Evil! Page 6