I willingly kissed him, and his chest vibrated with a growl of gratitude.
His mouth opened wider as his broken arm came up and fumbled with the buttons on my pearl-colored shirt. “Do you give me permission?” he breathed into the kiss, sweeping me off my feet and ensuring I had no way to stay standing.
I nodded once.
A welcome I hadn’t intended on giving. He didn’t wait for me to second-guess. His fingers undid the shirt quickly, trailing down my stomach, splaying the material and exposing me.
He was going too fast.
He was going too slow.
I didn’t know what the hell I wanted anymore.
He pulled away, his gaze locking onto my bare breasts as he pushed the shirt off my shoulders. His soft groan made answering desire twist in my belly. The material fluttered to the earth.
Our eyes caught.
I stopped breathing.
I swayed on the spot as he drank me in. His eyes burned black, his teeth sank into his bottom lip, and his body shifted as if seeing me naked pushed him into places he couldn’t survive.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” His voice was thick and full of gravel.
I ducked my head, hair swinging over my shoulder to obscure half my face.
He instantly swept it back, tucking the strands behind my ear, trembling at the contact. My skin broke out in goose bumps. The garden was alive with electricity. It seemed as if the very earth was a conduit, pulsing beneath our feet in time with our racing hearts.
Our dynamics of him fully clothed and me entirely naked ought to have once again put me in the role of his prisoner, yet the way he watched me? The way his entire body shuddered for mine? I felt powerful, special, and strong.
Not saying a word, he held out his hand.
I took it silently, letting him guide me to the bath with hot embers underneath. He raised his palm, giving me something to hold while I studied the water with skepticism. Would it be cold? Hot? Just right? Would he join me? What was he going to do to me once I was in the water?
He cocked his chin, a boyish eagerness on his handsome, hardened face. “Please.”
I swallowed hard and raised a leg, slipping my toes into the bath, cursing the chain dangling from my ankle. I hissed in delight as the delicious warm water lapped around me. I wanted to jump in headfirst. I craved heat after so many icy showers.
“Shit, is it too hot?” He rushed to check, dipping his fingers into the bath.
My mind returned to how his tongue had felt licking around my own fingers in the conservatory. How he’d effortlessly made my knees weak and core wet. He might’ve been a plaything for so many cruel people, but they hadn’t managed to steal his essence. The very core of him glittered with masculinity, sex, and power.
Sinking into the warm embrace, I shook my head. “It’s perfect. It’s just—” I bit back things clawing to be said. Questions I was desperate to ask. Subjects I probably shouldn’t discuss.
“It’s what?” he asked quietly, caught up in the attraction humming between us.
“What are you doing to me?” I choked. Damn, I hadn’t meant to ask that. “I mean...what are you going to do to me?”
He winced and balled his hands as I huddled into the bath, letting it lap around my shoulders. “I could ask you the same question,” he murmured, heavy and full of lust. “Ever since you came here, you’ve done something to me. Things I can’t control. Things I’m terrified of.”
I froze as my heart tripped over itself.
He felt the same way.
He’d been fighting it just as much as I had.
Shaking away his honesty, he smirked without any coldness. A true, comedic reaction. The first real smirk I’d ever seen on him, and oh, my God, it did more than just affect me. It bolted through me and ensured every cell hoarded that smirk with stark possession. How long since he’d smirked? Had he ever?
“As for your other question, stay there. I’ll be right back.” His long hair slid over his shoulder as he added, “And then I’ll show you what I’m going to do to you.”
Air was once again hard to come by as he looked at my nakedness obscured by water one last time before striding back to the house and leaving me alone.
The moment he was gone, I exhaled in a rush.
Oh. My. God.
What the hell are you doing, Gem?
This isn’t safe.
It sure as hell wasn’t safe. Not just for my body this time but for every other piece of me that was stupid enough to fall.
I should get out of this wonderful bath and run.
I should—
He returned with his hands full, the chain slinking through the grass behind him. That damn leash was getting so frustrating. Catching on furniture, clanging on walls, constantly getting snagged on things around the house.
I wanted it gone. Maybe after tonight, he’d let me go. Surely, he couldn’t keep me bound after this?
He didn’t speak as he went behind me, kneeled, and deposited the towel, shampoo, and conditioner on the ground.
I spun to face him just as the strangest thing happened.
His face went utterly blank, his eyes vacant.
I reached for him, dripping water all over his T-shirt as I rocked his shoulder. “Kas?”
For the longest few seconds, he swayed and didn’t react. He wasn’t there. Wherever his mind had gone, he wasn’t reachable.
Fear shot through me. It reminded me of his concussion in those early days when he’d go to sleep, and I never knew who he’d be when he woke. I stopped touching him, backing away with bathwater sloshing and sizzling into the embers beneath me.
I should leave.
I might not be safe when he—
Suddenly, he gasped and blinked. Staring at me as if I’d just appeared in front of him and hadn’t been there all along. He shook his head and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Sorry, I...” He flinched. “I’m tired.”
I kept my distance, wary. “What happened?”
“Nothing.” His eyes were tight as he met mine. “Just a lapse, that’s all.”
“A lapse?”
“Yeah, you know.” He waved his arm as if people turned vacant all the time. And who knew? Perhaps they did if they’d lived in this house of horrors for as long as he had. “Nothing to worry about.” Tapping the bath, he commanded, “Come here and lie back.”
“What? Why?”
His eyebrows drew together. “Because I got you dirty, and it’s up to me to wash you clean.”
My heart skipped. “You didn’t get me dirty. I told you.”
“And I told you that I hate myself for what I did.” He splashed the surface, sending droplets glittering in the night. “Come here. Let me try to fix this.”
I studied him, staying where I was.
The thought of him bathing me? Of washing my hair and lavishing me with sweet attention? Ugh, it was enough for me to forget the messy few weeks and trust. No one had ever done that for me. I’d never allowed anyone close enough to offer such a thing.
But Kas...he’d offered because he viewed himself as beneath me. He’d captured me and treated me like he’d been treated, proving that those traumatized and twisted had every capacity to repeat the vicious circle. So how was he...changing? How had he morphed from someone who commanded I kneel and suck him to a man desperately hoping I’d agree to let him wash my hair?
Oh, Kas, what the hell are you doing to me?
“Gemma, I...” He sighed. “I give you my vow; I won’t hurt you. I don’t have any way of proving that vow, and I understand if you don’t believe me, but...” He swallowed and added almost shyly. “I care for you, so please...let me try to show you.”
I hugged myself as my heart grew so big it crushed against my ribs. His openness and honesty made dangerous things bubble inside me. All those questions I’d swallowed, all those subjects I daren’t chase, clambered for freedom.
Could I ask?
Would he answer?
&
nbsp; “On one condition,” I whispered.
He flinched but nodded. “What’s the condition?”
I paused, gathering up more courage from the stars twinkling in the dark. “That you talk to me.”
“Talk?” He frowned.
“That you tell me about...” I pushed toward him, settling with my back in front of him. “Your family. Why you’re alone. What they did to you. Why you never left.”
I felt him tense behind me, but I didn’t look back. This was his choice. He had to know how poignant this moment was. If he chose to give me those pieces of himself, then...we would never go back to what we’d been.
We’d be friends.
We’d be more.
There’s no going back, Kas.
If you speak to me, I won’t stand a chance against you.
Give me your past, and that’s it. You’ll have a champion in me forever. You’ll never be alone. You’ll be loved and—
“Okay,” he breathed, almost choking on the word. “I’ll try.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
I’D AGREED TO DO something I didn’t know if I had the strength to deliver.
Terror siphoned through me. I didn’t want to hear her first question. I needed time. I needed distance and space, and why the fuck was the night suddenly burning up with connection? Why couldn’t I breathe without her scent flowing into my lungs? Why couldn’t I look at her without my entire body hardening?
It took fucking everything not to give in to the screaming in my heart and take her.
She’s mine.
I wanted so fucking much to believe that, to deserve that.
But if I told her what I was, what I’d done, it would be over.
Panic made my thoughts scramble.
I was right when I’d believed I was schizophrenic.
I was even more sure now.
That was why my mind sought emptiness in brief flashes. Why one moment, I wanted to be vulnerable and open with her, and the next, I wanted to shove her away from me and keep her tied up in the dark.
I couldn’t cope, and all these steps toward boundaries I wasn’t brave enough to cross were pushing me into sporadic forgetfulness.
Fuck, I was weak.
I didn’t want to have such splits in my psyche. I didn’t want to be black and monstrous, craving her cries as they somehow healed mine, all while drowning beneath shyness and curiosity, wanting so fucking much to know her.
To answer her questions and ask so many of my own. To actually want to remember what she told me and imagine a world outside of this valley.
I’d trapped her body, but I hadn’t been allowed access to her mind. And I wanted to. Christ, how I wanted to.
Fear made me snappish, and I placed a none-too-gentle hand on the crown of her head, pushing a little too hard. “Duck under. Get wet.”
She shivered. Her skin reacted with goosebumps. Clear evidence she was as aroused as me—or was it fear? Would she be wet if I dipped my hand between her legs? Did she know how throbbingly hard I was while kneeling behind her?
Maybe it wasn’t just me suffocating in this strange and scary night.
Suffering seemed inevitable at this point. Whenever we were close, we reacted. It didn’t matter if we were fighting or ignoring one another; our bodies didn’t seem to care about our words or worries.
Mine definitely didn’t. All it cared about was Gemma was created from the same molecules as me. Our blood was destined. Our bones were fated. That bond had happened against my control. It’d happened the very fucking moment I’d met her.
It was just the other shit I kept ruining that kept us apart.
She allowed me to push her underwater, drenching her hair and giving me time to choke on an exhale without her hearing how scared I was.
My mind relived our kiss from before.
How I’d slipped my tongue into her mouth and almost collapsed at her feet. I’d kissed countless guests in countless areas, yet I’d never been completely undone by anyone else. She didn’t taste like anything on earth. She was rich and sweet and good. Her kindness had a flavor. Her sweetness had a scent. Everything about her drowned my senses, and I wanted her.
Goddammit, I wanted her.
Don’t drown her then, you fool.
Ripping my hand away from her head, she shot back to the surface, wiping her face free from sheeting water.
Her presence, her trust—it all punched me right in the chest.
Gemma had always affected me. From that very first trespass—I’d vibrated with hunger, hatred, and hope. I’d felt that kick. That belief. That unsurpassable knowledge that she was different.
So why couldn’t I accept that? Why did it scare me so fucking much?
“What’s your favorite food?” she asked softly, ripping my attention to her and making me laugh in a weird, lost kinda way.
“My favorite food? That’s your first question?”
She turned and looked at me, her face absolutely stunning in the dark. Her hair floated on the surface while her body remained submerged. The shadows of fire danced over her cheekbones, the silver of moonlight twinkled over her brow, and the refracting blues of the water made her eyes glow bright with hazel caution.
And fuck me, she looked totally untouchable—a fallen star sent to torment me. The same star that bounced and blazed in my heart.
I swallowed as my body hardened to the point of pain. “I...I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Her eyes narrowed. “Do you...do you remember your life before you were brought here?”
I paused, letting such heavy words drop into the fire beneath her.
My head pounded, and nausea swirled in my gut as I forced myself to reply. “Not really, no.”
She was quiet for a moment before murmuring, “Do you remember your parents? Your old home?”
Needing to do something, to outrun my disastrous memories and avoid her question, I squeezed the shampoo bottle and lathered my hands with papaya-smelling bubbles. Gathering her hair, I sank my fingers into the damp thickness, massaging her scalp.
“Oh, good God.” She trembled and arched under my hands.
Smugness filled me, pride that her nipples hardened to peaks and her breath feathered with need. “Has anyone ever done this for you?”
She shook her head, moaning quietly as I continued to comb soapy fingers through her hair. It seemed she’d forgotten about her interrogation for now.
“Have you been with many men?” I asked, my hands tightening against my will, holding her firm. Jealousy roared through me even as I tried to get myself under control. Why the hell had I asked that? I shouldn’t care. She’d had a life. So had I. Did it matter that hers seemed so much better than mine?
She stilled, and I took her silence to duck her under again to rinse away the papaya bubbles.
When she broke the surface, she whispered, “No one like you.”
“Well, that’s a relief.” I swallowed back self-hatred. “I’m not exactly treating you the way you ought to be treated. If I knew others had done what I’ve done...” My hands curled into fists, splitting the cuts I’d earned from punching the library’s walls. The pain burned as my blood oozed and blended with the water. “I’d have to rip them apart.”
She mumbled something under her breath.
“What?”
She waved her hand under the water while I poured conditioner into my palm. “I said you’re treating me rather nicely right now.”
Oh, you have no fucking idea. I’m going to worship you.
My eyes skidded down her bareness, lingering on her breasts and pussy beneath the water. She still didn’t know how deeply she’d broken me tonight. How much I wanted to apologize. How much I hungered for her.
“How many were there...in your family?” She stiffened under my hands as if she was afraid I’d snap and not answer. “I’ve seen the single beds all lined up, and I’ve listened to you calling their names in your sleep, but...I don’t know for sure.”
Maintaining my attention on running the slippery conditioner through her strands, I kept my memories firmly at bay. “Eight. Nine, including me.”
She sank with sadness. “I’m sorry. So sorry.”
I shrugged. “They’re free now. At least...I hope they are.”
She looked over her shoulder, her eyelashes sparkling with water and moonlight, a little wrinkle between her brows showing that she cared. She cared a lot, and that was yet another fist to my totally ruined heart. “Why did you never leave to find them?”
I flinched, schooling myself not to cringe from recollections but instead gift them to this selfless, wonderful girl. “I had to stay to ensure they were safe.”
“Safe from who?”
“The men who ran this place.”
“But I thought...” She licked her lips, dragging my attention there and making my belly snarl to take her. “I thought you’d killed them.”
I froze. “What? How did you—?”
She ducked low. “Your nightmares...that first week after your fall. You mentioned killing the guests...and a man named Storymaker. Plus, I’d already guessed you’d done something like that when you marched me out with the shovel to that barren spot in the woods. It had the aura of a graveyard.” She flinched. “I’m sorry for accusing you of killing your family that day. I didn’t know—”
“Wait.” I felt fucking sick. “You’re apologizing to me for the day I marched you out with the full intentions of ending you?”
She snorted under her breath. “Nuts, huh?”
“Who are you?”
Her eyes softened. “I think you already know who I am.”
I do.
You’re mine.
You’re everything I fucking need and everything I don’t deserve.
You were born for me.
I cleared my throat, muttering, “And you know who I am. You know I’m a murderer, yet you let me touch you.” I dropped my fingers from her hair. “I don’t understand how you can be near me, let alone let me put my hands on you.”
“I can because they deserved death. A thousand deaths.” Reaching for me, her wet, warm hand clenched around my unbroken forearm. “They deserve to rot in hell after what they did to you and your family. You care, Kas. That’s been blindingly obvious since I met you. You’ve turned off most of your empathy. You’ve been alone for so long that you struggle to remember how to be human. But...I know you care. I wouldn’t still be here if you didn’t.”
Fable of Happiness Book Two Page 29