by Nicety
See this is that shit that I be talking about. This nigga ain’t even answering his phone yet again. I’m tired of being played for this bitch. She wasn’t shit. What made her better than me? Not a damn thing. I was the shit and I knew it. I had his kids. I was his babies’ momma. He should be worshipping me, not her. The fuck? Everyday I think about leaving that nigga alone and finding my kids a better daddy. But somehow I always end up right back wrapped around his fucking finger.
“Ugh,” I tossed my phone on the bed scratching the shit out of my long dark weave. “Shit.”
"Meow," Lee Lee, my calico cat, begged for attention as well.
"Move Lee Lee. I don't got time to rub you right now," I snapped.
Still scratching my hair out, I realized that I had just gotten my shit done and opted to pat it instead. I had to be at work at 11am and I wanted to see him before I went. By the time I got off I knew he would be wrapped up with her ass. The mornings were my time and that bitch was cutting in on my shit. She was trying to keep him from me on purpose I knew it. Regardless of what he assured me when he came over yesterday, I knew he was doing this shit to keep her happy while disregarding my feelings.
Fuck it. I didn’t have time to sit and dwell on when he was coming over or if he was even going to. I had to get to finish getting the kids dressed for daycare so I could make it to work on time. I worked the beauty counter at the Macy’s in Schaumburg, so you know those uppity high-class folks don’t play about being late to work. I needed my job like a motherfucka and wasn’t willing to jeopardize it for no one.
Hell bent on being an independent woman and taking care of my kids on my own at just twenty-two years old, nothing was going to mess up my money. Yeah Jeremiah was a great dad and helped me out with dough when I needed it, but that was my play money. I used my own money to handle business.
With the kids ready and still no word from J, I headed out loading them up in my green 2012 Mazda. I headed out dropping them off at the daycare a few miles away from my apartment building. The entire drive over, all I could think about was why I couldn’t get this man to love me totally and unconditionally.
I was just as pretty as she was if not prettier. My skin was a Wherther’s caramel complexion and was silky smooth free from blemish. I was a shorty standing only at 5’3” but big things came in small packages anyway. My chestnut eyes are what caught Jeremiah’s eye the day we met at Starbucks. He said I gave him everything he wanted and more. We had so much fun going out and living our lives like they were golden. That was until I got pregnant with Lil’ J. Jr. and then Moon. Then it became all business and no real pleasure.
I fell in love with Jeremiah within the first few months of us dating. But it seemed like pulling teeth in order to get him to return that love to me. A little over five years we had been together and he still treated me as if I were just another side chick. I had given him the best parts of me, which were Jr. and Moon. They should have been the best parts of him as well making him want to build a solid foundation of family for his kids. Slowly I was feeling like he truly didn’t care for me. It was enough to make tears explode from my eyes.
“Wass wrong, mommy? Mommy, was wrong mommy?” Jr. asked in his sweet adorable little toddler voice.
“Nothing baby. Something was in mommy’s eye. I’m good now,” I lied, wiping the wetness from my face.
“You good now, mommy?”
“I sure am baby.”
In the rearview mirror, I noticed him gently inserting the pacifier in his 3 month old sister’s mouth as she stirred in her car seat attempting to wake up. He was a great big brother and would probably grow up to be a great father himself one day. But I couldn’t take the pain of knowing that his own father wasn’t in his life the way he should’ve been. My father was never there for me and to this day wasn’t. I only heard from him when he needed money. I didn’t want that relationship for my son and his father.
I wanted Jeremiah so bad I could taste, breathe, and feel him at every waking minute. I loved the dirty drawers he asked me to wash on occasions. I needed him like a lyricist needed a tight beat. Breathing without him made living incomplete for me. But he couldn’t see that. He couldn’t see past his precious Bianca and I was tired of coming second to some second rate bitch.
“Okay everyone out of the car. Seatbelts baby,” I said clearing my face of any leftover sorrow and exiting to get them out the backseat.
“I love you mommy. You’re the greatest mommy ever.” Jr. kissed my cheek and hugged my neck so tightly as I picked him up.
“I love you too baby.” I kissed him back and picked up Moon’s car seat kicking the car door shut in the process.
I headed up to Ms. Trixie waiting at the door for them. She knew what day and times I dropped them off and knew I always came in a rush, so she waited on me to help shorten my drop off time. I appreciated her for that. I placed Moon’s car seat in her hand and handed Jr. over after giving them one last kiss before waving good-bye and hoping back into my car.
Damn Mariah Carey sure can blow. But hearing her song We Belong Together on the radio didn’t help me much with my feelings at all. All it did was stir up my emotions even further, having me all up in my damn feelings. It was really heightened more because I he ditched me this morning leaving me yearning for him. I wasn’t able to get my fix of him today so just the very thought sent my thoughts into overdrive wishing I had him near me. It had been less than 24 hours since I had seen him and already I was missing his scent, his smile, his cute dimples and baby face.
Pulling up in front of my job, I put away all of the bullshit that I was feeling inside so that I didn’t take my issues out on my customers. I was the top saleswoman at my job 2 months running, which earned me a decent bonus every time I sold the most products at my counter. That bonus came in handy on many days. I exited the car fluffing my long dark weave, straightening my black vest, and wearing nothing but sunshine on my face. And then, I saw him.
“Hey girl, where have you been?”
“I…ugh…I work here. I mean, ugh, I know you didn’t ask me that it’s just—“ I was a bumbling fool.
“It’s cool. Don’t trip.” He smiled the brightest smile I had ever seen in my life and it made me feel warm inside for some reason. “So how’ve you been? I haven’t seen you since you were yay high. You’re all grown up now huh?”
“Yeah, eh, I guess I am. I heard your baby momma went to jail. I’m sorry about what happened to your son but I’m glad to see that everything is okay.” I pointed over to his son standing a few feet away locked in playing games on his phone.
“Oh yeah, most definitely. Boy, CJ, come on over here and say hi to…what was your name again?” He asked.
“Sunset,” I smiled waving to CJ as he waved back at me.
“Oh right, Sunset. I remember your momma used to make those bomb ass butter cookies. Yeah, she used to make them for the whole block. Whenever I went to pick up CJ, I would always luck up on my portion.”
“You know she still makes those cookies too right?” I laughed.
“Oh word? Man, you might have to hook a brotha up with those. Straight up.”
We laughed together as CJ stepped in agreeing to the tastiness of my momma’s cookies that she put her foot in every time. I remember seeing him when I would sit on the porch as a young girl wishing I would be able to find someone as fine and paid as he when I grew up. Living across the street from his baby’s momma’s mother’s house, I saw all the bullshit she put him through. It was crazy as hell but it made me never want to end up like that. Ever.
“So we’re going up in here to shop. CJ is going on his first little date and he wants to have a fresh outfit for her and everything.” He shot his thumb back towards his son. “Um, since you work here, did you want to help us out?”
“Dad,” CJ winced in the background shaking his head before turning his back to us.
“I…I work the beauty counter. But I could ask someone to watch it while I help you.” Th
e smile draped across my face wouldn’t leave no matter how hard I tried. “Oh my gosh. Don’t hate me but I can’t remember your name to save my life. I never forget a face but names, I’m usually horrible with.”
“It’s all good baby. It’s Cesar.”
“Right, Cesar.” I was feeling all crazy inside. A fluttery crazy, feeling like if I didn’t go with him that I would be missing out on something. “Well, Cesar, let’s go find your young man something for his big night.”
Chapter 4
That Evening
Jeremiah
A thick cloud of smoke filled the car. After running around between my 3 barbershops, Slick Cutz, and my rental properties, I was hungry as hell and tired as fuck. All I wanted was a home cooked meal, a blunt, and some wet ass lips wrapped around my dick while I watched the Bears preseason game. I don’t know where the fuck shawty was but she was late as hell getting home. She was probably mad at a nigga for not coming to see her this morning as I usually did but she was getting too stuck on that routine. I can’t have her forgetting her place in this shit.
The only woman that had my heart and would ever have my heart was B. Sunset had to accept that or get cut the fuck off. Yeah, she had my kids and everything but I took care of her and them really good so we were even. I didn’t owe her shit when it came to that. She knew the deal when we first got into this shit together. What the fuck would I go back on that for? Love?
Yeah, I cared about her since she was the mother of my kids. But love her? Nah, I was good on that shit. My love went to Bianca but Sunset was mine and that was the end of that. Everyone who knew me, knew that I was a have my cake and eat it too type of nigga. I mean why not? Ain’t that what you’re supposed to do? Have your cake and eat it too?
“What the fuck are you doing pulling up all late ain’t shit man?” I yelled out the window, releasing the cloud into the air.
“Why are you sitting in my parking lot jocking my whereabouts? Why aren’t you at home with your real family?” Sunset exited her car slamming the door as she headed for the stairwell.
“Aye man. You just gonna walk off like that? The fuck is wrong with you?” I hopped out the car moving quickly up to her standing toe to toe. “You don’t just walk off form me like that.”
“Jeremiah, just go home okay?” Sunset turned waving me off as I pulled her arm bringing her body close to mine.
“Aight, you’re testing my patience now. Why the fuck you keep trying to walk off, Sunset?” I growled, my eyes searching her arms and the car noticing that she was empty handed. “And where the fuck are my kids?”
“Look, I’m tired and I don’t have time for this shit alright?” She folded her arms focusing her eyes on the concrete.
“Answer my fucking question, Sunset.”
“What? What question, Jeremiah?” Her annoyance resonated through her demeanor heavily.
“Where the hell are the kids?”
“They’re at my momma’s house. She’s gonna keep ‘em for me for a few days.” She still hadn’t brought her line of sight up to mine.
“For what? You ain’t doing shit else. You don’t need her keeping them. So that’s why your ass was late huh?”
I felt like I was doing too much interrogating. Sunset should have been offering up information instead of having me probe for the shit. Neither one of us had college degrees or backgrounds, but she knew I wasn’t dumb enough for her to play me. Her on the other hand let me string her ass like a fiddle. So that’s what the fuck I did. But it seemed like she was feeling some type of way because her time had been cut. She knew it was going to be a permanent thing too without me even having to say anything. It was something she was going to have to get over.
“I…I have a date tonight.” Her voice was meek, her head bowed.
“Wh…you have a what?” My hand made its way to my ear leaning in close to get her to repeat what she said.
“You heard me, Jeremiah. I can’t deal with this shit no more. You can’t seem to choose between me and Bianca, so I’m gonna choose for you.” Once again, Sunset stormed off towards the stairs.
“The fuck you just say to me?”
Something in my mind just snapped. I didn’t even feel my feet move towards her or my hand reach out to grab her by the weave sewn into her head. I didn’t even think about how tightly I had wrapped her hair around my hand pulling her head back as her hands tugged desperately at mine to release its grip. It was like I blanked out on her motherfucking ass once the words left her mouth. This shit between us was supposed to be easy, not complicated with that extra shit. A date with another nigga? She had me fucked up.
“J. stop. Please stop, let my hair go,” Sunset begged, scratching at my hand.
“What made you think that shit was okay to say to me, huh? You trying to leave me and shit?”
“No, J. Oh my fucking gosh. Please let me the fuck go.”
Neighbors were stepping outside of their doors shaking their nosey ass heads at us as they did on other occasions when Sunset and I would fight on the lawn. They knew not to call the police and to just go back inside minding their own business. Most of them figured I was some type of drug dealer since I dressed hood and my swag was thuggish. But I didn’t give a fuck what they thought. I knew what the fuck I was and that’s all I gave a damn about.
“See, you making all this damn noise bringing them bitch ass motherfuckas out of their apartments staring at us.” I pointed shoving her head in their direction as they all ducked back behind their doors.
“Quit this shit, Jeremiah, before them motherfuckas call the police on your ass,” Sunset warned still holding tight to my hand on her hair.
“Man, let’s fucking go.” Without releasing my grip, I dragged her on the side of me up the complex stairs towards her apartment using my keys to open the door.
Once inside, I released my grip from her hair flinging her onto the floor. Sunset looked up at me as she scooted back on the carpet from my hovering shadow. I could see the fear in her eyes wondering what the hell I was thinking or going to do next. I locked the door behind us and tossed the keys on the glass coffee table. The clinking only pissed me off as I thought about how much I paid for that table that she just had to have. The sixty-inch TV, the modern Ikea furniture, and the stainless steel appliances that she had to have in this small ass 2 bedroom apartment. All that she just had to have I bought for her ass. And, she was talking about gong on a date to give my pussy away? The fuck she was.
“Jeremiah, why you keep doing me like this when all I want to do is love you?” Sunset buried her face in both of her hands.
“You keep getting your feelings mixed up in this shit. If you just be cool like you were in the beginning then you won’t have no damn problems. I will continue to take care of you and the kids. That’s it.”
“Why, ‘cause I’m not your precious B?”
“Speaking of that, I don’t give a fuck if she rings your phone off the hook for the rest of your life, you don’t speak to her about shit that has to do with us. You understand? Stop running your fucking mouth to her,” I snarled.
“It’s so not fair, J. I love you with every fiber of my being. I love you so much that I can’t even think about loving anyone else. It’s just seems like you’re fucking with my head, like I ain’t good enough to do anything for you but bear children ‘cause her broke uterus can’t.” Sunset crossed her arms pouting.
“Bitch, I’m tired of telling you to watch your fucking mouth about her.” I raised my hand as she cowered below me.
Instead of slapping the shit out of her, I took one of her legs pulling her shoe off then doing the same with the other. Then I removed her slacks and panties as well. She trembled as if she knew what was coming and anticipated it. I knew just how to tame these females. They didn’t need shit but a good dick to keep their asses in line. It was a fact that most niggas didn’t know shit about. They could stay dumb about the shit while I took up the slack.
“Jeremiah, I love you.” Sun
set reached up pressing her lips to mine as my body hung over hers.
I didn’t reply. My head found its way in between her legs searching for her pearl. Once I found it, I sucked the shit out of that motherfucka like it would spew out my last meal. Sunset’s legs trembled and shook as I inserted one finger into her asshole. She loved that shit. Every time I did it, it made her cream like crazy. My tongue rapidly spanked her tongue forcing her to convulse in ecstasy. I knew just what she liked. She grabbed the back of my head shoving me further into her pussy until a silky stream of cum escaped her.
“Oh my fucking gosh. I love that shit baby,” Sunset breathed, rubbing my head profusely.
Still without a response, I rose bring my body parallel to hers maneuvering my dick out of my pants before inserting it into her asshole. She gladly grabbed the back of her heels and spread her legs open into an upside down split. Damita was so open from me fucking her asshole often that I slid right in. It was still very snug around my shaft on the inside though forcing my dick to jump inside of her from the incredible feeling.
“Tell me you love me.” I leaned down next to her ear.
“I love you daddy. I love you so much,” she cried out.
“Who’s is this? Huh, baby?” I asked pumping into her ass harder as fuck feeling myself about to cum. “Who’s shit is this?”
The faster I pumped the louder Sunset grew. Even though I knew her apartment walls was paper thin, I didn’t mind them listening in on us. At least they knew what kind of nigga I was in the bedroom. There was no shame at all. I put too much work and sometimes overtime to keep my bitches in line and in check. I gazed down noticing her squeezing her eyes together tightly. Checking out my dick as I pulled out of her and rammed it back in, I could see that she was creaming heavily. It oozed out of her pussy so tauntingly. I wanted to lick that shit up and suck her sweet tasting pussy.
“You cummin’? Cum again,” I ordered.
“Yes, cum with me baby,” she demanded back.
I could do that shit with no problem. Her pussy and ass were so good that a nigga felt like he could sleep in that shit forever. Bianca would never let me fuck her asshole no matter how much she loved for me to lick inside of it. That’s why I fucked with Sunset hard. She let me do anything and everything I wanted to her. She was down to experiment, role play, and try new things. She also rode a nigga on cue. Bianca wanted the shit to only be about her, on some lazy sex shit but her pussy was still good though.