by Nicety
Since that night, I hadn’t been able to go to work or speak to any of my friends. I didn’t want to her that negative bullshit in my ear asking me what happened and bad advice about what I should do. So I just turned my phone off. Today would be the first time that I actually faced the drama within. As I turned on my phone, a slew of text and voicemail messages rolled in.
“Hey girl, what you doing?” Damita strolled in the living room plopping down next to me on the couch.
“Shit. About to check my messages on the phone. Wassup?”
“Nothing. I was thinking about heading out to Bianca’s to get a few of my things but then I was like naw. I’d better give that bitch a few more days to cool off since you are my ride.” She took out her phone thumbing away on it.
“Hmm. I don’t have time for that petty shit. I’ll just call the police on that ho. She’s lucky I didn’t press charges for that stunt she pulled at the club.” The thoughts forced me to shake my head just thinking about them. “Bum ass.”
“Well like I said before, I’m sorry I left you. I was too busy wrapped—“
“Don’t even trip, Damita. You being here these past few days to help me with the kids is good enough. I don’t what I would do if my crazy ass momma had to help me.”
We laughed in unison as I began to play my messages one right after the other. My thoughts went from happiness to annoyance to frustration in a matter of minutes, listening to the bullshit rumors that had already surfaced about what happened at the club. It was fucked up how shit can get misconstrued from one person to the next.
It would take about a month for me to get everyone on he same track with the truth if I even bothered to straighten them out. At this point, my sanity was leaning more towards letting people think what they wanted to. And then there was a message that I didn’t recognize:
“Nigga you just focus on the two females you’ve got going crazy over your ass. Speaking of that, how’s the double life treating you nigga?”
“Awe shit, that? Oh that shit is great. I fuck the shit out of Sunset and she follows my every word like a puppy dog and I beat the pussy up with B. to let her know who’s the boss and remind her who her man is. Shit they both do what I tell them to do. And, that’s how that shit goes. We gon’ be one big happy family.”
The first voice was a little unfamiliar but the second voice I knew all too well. There he was acting like big shit on campus to his boys again talking about we’re going to be one big family. I don’t know what on earth made him think that shit was going to fly but he had me fucked up. So I’m a puppy dog huh? I bet I am. I was all in my damn feelings, itching to send him the worst text message he would probably ever get in his life when Damita got up and shot towards the front door.
“Who is it?” She asked struggling to look her short ass through the peephole.
“Aye yo, it’s J.”
Damita looked back at me, miming towards the door, asking if she should let him in or not. Finger combing my hair, I panicked. I didn’t know if I wanted to see him right then especially after the multimedia message I had just received from an unknown number. Fuck it, I mimed back, let him in. The door swung open. My arms perched against the back of the couch right when my leg crossed over the other. I knew what he was there for and it was only once thing. He was there to get me straightened out so to speak.
“What’s good shawty?” Jeremiah smiled stepping inside. “Damn, you’re sure hopping from house to house. Aren’t you Damita?”
Damita rolled her eyes along with her neck hard as ever from him to me, pointing her finger to let me know that she would be in my bedroom if I needed her. With a nod from me, she sauntered her half dressed ass towards the hall disappearing into the back of the apartment. Turning my attention back to him, he moved closer with a sense of caution. I could see him thinking about every move he made, trying to make his next move his best move to get me back into focus with him.
“So, you’re healing nicely,” he began with small talk.
“Why would you have thought otherwise?” My response was flavorfully sarcastic. “Anyway your girl has been calling my phone leaving crazy ass messages back to back. I don’t know what she’s losing her mind on my phone for. She knows you don’t spend the night over here.”
“Hmm, right. Well, um, fuck all that. I just came here not only to see my kids but also to talk to you about us. You know?”
“Well the kids are sleeping so talk, Jeremiah.”
“I’m saying, you know I love you right? I’ve always only ever loved you. You’re the mother of my kids. How can I not have more love for you than anyone else in this world?” His hands flapped as he spoke, stressing his point.
“I never doubted that you loved me, Jeremiah. It’s how you love that hurts me the most.” My lips pressed together, my arms folded in front of me securely hoping not to believe anything that would toss me right back into his damn arms again.
Jeremiah’s tongue gently coated his lips while his beady eyes threatened to seduce the very part of me that yearned for him most. His hand made it’s way over to mine, massaging soothingly to ease the tense situation. My eyes lowered to the gray carpet searching it for nothing in particular but hoping to gain some strength from within myself, strength enough not to fall for his lies and sweet talk.
“We’ve been through so much baby. That’s that shit that makes our bond stronger,” Jeremiah confessed leaning amorously into my ear.
“It’s because of what we’ve been through and how much we’ve been through that I’m scared of letting you back in again.” I felt my voice growing weak.
His lips pressed against mine faintly as I pulled away turning to the left. I couldn’t be that close to him, his breath playing with mine, his scent toying with my affection. Jeremiah knew just what he needed to do in order to get me into his arms again, wrapped around his pinky finger again. His large hand stroked my hair from front to back.
“I know you love me baby. You can’t deny that,” he spat staring longingly into my eyes.
“Yeah, Jeremiah. I’ll always love you.”
“I know you will. That’s why you’re my baby.” Jeremiah slapped my thigh before rubbing the tingling pain away. “Now gon’ up in there and make me one of those strawberry banana protein smoothies I like. And, aye, don’t put that much banana in there this time.”
If looks could kill that motherfucka would probably be dead by now. Jumping up from the couch, I stepped around him heading into the kitchen opening the refrigerator irritably. There was no reason why I should’ve been in there staring at what fruit I needed to make him a damn smoothie. I should’ve been putting him out of my fucking house and telling him to only come and see his kids when I saw fit. Instead, I was preparing this man something like a meal, a meal that he damn well didn’t deserve.
“And make it extra creamy baby. You know how I like it,” Jeremiah called back as he turned up the music channel, singing his black ass off.
…All up in my phone, looking at pictures from the other night
She gon’ be upset if she keep scrolling to the left, dog
She gon’ see some shit she don’t wanna see
She ain’t ready for it, if I ain’t the greatest then I’m, heading for it
Yeah, that mean I’m way up, yeah that 60 friendly but that’s where I lay up
then shoot a motherfuckin’ lay up
I been staff curry with the shot
Been cooking’ with the sauce
Chef Curry with the pot boy,
360 with the wrist boy
who the fuck them niggas is boy
OVO man we really with the shits boy
yeah, really with the shits, I should probably sign a hit,
boy cause I got all the hits boy, fuck all that Drake you gotta cheers shit…
Was this nigga for real? Oh, I can’t believe this shit. Extra creamy, he says, you know how I like it. Eyeing the measurements, I just tossed the ingredients inside not giving a damn how it ca
me out. The blender spun around making a loud crunching noise as Lee Lee stepped out of her liter box to rub against my leg.
"Meow," she beckoned looking up into my face hoping that I would oblige her request for a rub.
Even though I didn’t really feel like it, I gave her a few strokes anyway. It wasn't until I smelled the vile odor coming from her litter box that made me shrill and shy away from her that the thought popped in my head. The voice audio message of him fronting like he was big shit in front of his friend replayed over and over in my mind making me want to vomit even more than the smell of the cat shit.
I moved quickly, snatching an old small plastic grocery bag from underneath the sink. Wrapping the wrinkled bag around my hand, my hand reached down into the litter box for a sample scraping the cat litter that was stuck to it. The blender was slowing down, an indication that the contents of the smoothie were just about crushed. Before I turned it off, I tossed the turd inside allowing it to mix with the rest of the smoothie.
Hurrying, I snatched the bag off my hand tossing it in the trash before stopping the blender and tossing the contents in a workout bottle to conceal any lingering smell that might come from the special ingredient. I could hardly contain my laughter as I stepped back into the living room with the bottle in tow. Jeremiah sat there with his feet up on my glass cocktail table. He knew that shit really grinded my gears. Bitch ass nigga.
“Here you go baby.” I handed him the bottle.
“Awe, thanks baby. Why don’t you come over here and sit next to daddy?” He patted the seat next to him.
Niggas be on that bullshit. I shook my head at his ass. “Naw, I’ve gotta clean up the kitchen and take the trash out once and for all.”
“Damn, baby. You put your foot in this smoothie this time. Showing me how much you love a nigga huh?”
“I sure am.”
I stepped back by the counter, retrieving the voice audio message on my phone and turning it on speakerphone blasting it loud as hell. Jeremiah sucked the smoothie down gulp by gulp. It was nearly halfway empty when he heard a male’s voice on my phone as I sat it down on the counter. His head turned slowly locking his eyes with mine.
“Who the fuck is that nigga on your phone?”
“I gave you everything I had inside of me plus everything I didn’t, J. I would’ve taken a bullet for you. That’s how much in love with you I was,” tears reached the edge of my eyes but I fought them back. He wasn’t worth them anymore.
“What? What the fuck are you talking about Sunset?” Jeremiah stood racing towards the counter.
“All I ever wanted was for you to love me and for us to be a real family.” My finger touched the button replaying the message so he could hear it once more. “But that was never going to happen, was it? I was never going to be only woman in your life.”
“Sunset, I—“
“No, Jeremiah. I’m done with you. I’m done with this. Your shit has already been packed up in your Louis duffle bag by the door. It’s been sitting there for days. Just pick it up and leave on your way out the door.” I pointed towards the bag tossing him the hint.
“Aye man. What are you on? I thought we was cool. I didn’t even get a chance to see my motherfucking kids and already you trippin’ and shit,” he bellowed.
“As far as they’re concerned, I will text you when you can come and see them. It’ll be a time when I’m not around. Other than our kids, we don’t have shit else to talk about.”
“Man, how you gon’ play me like this? You bogus as hell. You should’ve never invited me in if all you was gonna do was kick me out,” he said as he headed for the front door. “And, I better get to see my kids too bitch or else I’m taking your sorry ass to court to sue for motherfucking custody.”
“Sorry? Oh now I’m sorry? And, how the hell you gonna sue for custody of my kids that you barely see? Fuck you, J. This shit only let’s me further know that cutting you off is the right thing.” Before I knew it, I had launched the vase from my small round dining room table at his ass, mad that the thing was plastic and didn’t even break.
“Man shut the fuck up. Just know your motherfucking ass got 2 days to call me to let me see my fucking kids or your ass is out bitch.” He opened the door, chugging the smoothie with his bag in hand. “Fuck you, Sunset.”
“Fuck me? No fuck you, Jeremiah.” I raced for the door. “Oh and by the way, you’re eating Lee Lee’s shit, bitch!”
In a flash, I slammed the door hard as fuck behind him quickly hitting both locks in the process. That motherfucka was banging on the door so loudly that I thought my landlord would hear it, come up stairs and put me out of my shit. Or at the very least call the cops. He was nosey and paranoid like that. On the other side of the door, Jeremiah was stuck on my words calling me all of the names under the sun. Revenge, a dish best served with a little shit in it. I couldn’t stop laughing and as Damita entered the room staring at me, she busted out laughing too.
Chapter 14
Two Days Later
Jeremiah
This is the shit a nigga was reduced to, sleeping in the office of my Westside location barbershop. My double lifestyle had crumbled before my eyes and both of my hoes were going rogue on me. I wasn’t prepared for no shit like that. They were both supposed to comply with my word. At least if one wasn’t the other one would, which would force the other one to get her mind right and fight harder to keep me. That was the shit that my daddy used to teach me. To always have a backup plan. But that failed. Fuck, I should’ve had a backup to my backup plan.
I didn’t even smoke squares and yet I was standing outside enjoying the cool summer morning breeze smoking on a stale ass Kool. I needed something to ease my mind and get it right after speaking with the cops this morning about my spot being blown up. They said it was still an open investigation and that they had no fucking leads right now. Told me to watch myself and not to skip town. Where the fuck was I going to go? Everything I owned was right in this city, including my kids and my bitches. No matter how much they fought me, they would forever be mine. On the real.
“Hey, J.” Bree sauntered her fine ass past me with a little boy on her hand.
“Hey baby. Where you been?” I replied turning to catch her before she walked into the shop.
“Working that’s about it. I’m actually pressed for time bringing him here but I needed to get his hair cut though.” She pointed down to the little man next to her.
“Oh okay. That’s all good. I can get my man over there right on him.” I took his little hand and opened the shop door. “Hey bro, hook this little dude up for me yo.”
He walked in headed for one of my top barbers and hopped in the seat. Bree watched him closely making sure he was okay to be in there without her but he was a big man. He didn’t need her hanging on to him to handle his business. That little dude reminded me of my own son. He sat there looking like a future pimp. Just thinking about possibly not being able to ever see my kids again nearly brought tears to my eyes.
“So…is he yours?” I asked pushing through my feelings.
“Huh? No! I mean it’s not like that but I’m good on kids right now. I’m trying to get my company off the ground before I think about that. Besides, I’m 26. So I’ve got plenty of time for that,” Bree stated firmly. “No, he’s just my nephew. But I love him to death and when he asks T-T for something he knows I can never say no.”
“Oh okay. I feel you.”
“Besides, I’m celibate.”
“You’re what now?” I asked nearly choking on my cigarette tossing that motherfucka into the street.
“I’m celibate. I’m tired of giving myself to less than deserving men only to find out they never had any intentions on even thinking about marriage. I’m looking for a husband, somebody I can grow with. Shit, I can fuck myself if that’s all a man has to offer.”
The way she was talking made it seem like she was one of those feminist, pro-women, Beyoncé type of male bashing women. I didn’t have time f
or that shit. I needed a woman that would worship the ground I walked on and did what I told her to do. That was the problem with most women. They were looking for too much too soon and expected a man to hand her the total package right out the gate when most of them had issues they need to clean up before they stepped to us with that shit. My side eye was evident as turned to catch a glimpse of the cars coming down the street.
“Hmm, well I guess the conversation is over now huh?” Bree’s smile seemed brighter than the sun.
“Huh? Naw, not for me. You know, it’s just funny to hear someone talk about being celibate in this day and age. Shit, most people are trying to live while they’re young. You never know when it’s your time to go. You feel me?” I stuffed my hands in my pockets refusing to give her the eye contact she was demanding.
“Yeah well, I’m just tired of getting my heart broken. A man will bring you down so low, to your lowest point that when you look in the mirror you won’t even recognize your own reflection,” she paused like she was reminiscing on some previous heartbreak she had in the past. “I just want a man who respects and love me the same way that I would him. You know?”
“Who me? Yeah shawty. I feel you,” I lied.
“What about you, Mr. J.? Have you ever been in love?” She asked catching my attention with her question and sweet sexy voice.
“Me? In love?” Folding my hands and chucking my chin up to the sky, I lost myself in deep thought. “Yeah, I guess I have. But that will probably never happen again.”
“Why not?”
“Because, I don’t like being hurt either. So I’d rather get them before they get me.” Now that was the cold hard truth.
“Never say never, Jeremiah. The right woman will come along one day to make you change your whole perspective on it. Good people are out here, baby. You’ve just got to wait on God to send them to you.” She winked at me before placing her hand on the door.
I didn’t even stop her this time. Every other time that I spoke to her it never got that deep. It was some mindless, heartless flirting back and forth. But speaking to her now, she intrigued the shit out of me. The only thing that was fucking with me was how much work I would have to put in to break her ass and get her to the subservient point I needed her to be. I had the ability to do it. It would just be another challenge that I was sure I could take on no matter how different she was or tried to be.