“Yes?”
He held up one finger. “She is very spontaneous.”
That seemed fairly obvious. “And?”
He held up a second finger. “And she likes to speak her mind.”
Janie considered this, then shrugged. “That’s not a bad trait.”
Victor laughed uncomfortably. “Well, not usually.”
She smiled directly at him now. “I have a hard time believing you could’ve been married to anyone who wasn’t a good person, Victor.”
He sighed. “Yes, Donna is a good person. Just a bit unpredictable.”
“I can’t wait to meet her.” And that was the truth. Janie was very curious to meet this spontaneous, unpredictable, outspoken woman. Who knew? Perhaps Janie might even like her. What would be wrong with that?
Chapter 3
CAROLINE
Certain that her mom was asleep, Caroline tiptoed from the bedroom and partially closed the door. Then, with the baby monitor in hand, she got Chuck’s ball and took him outside to the front yard. Despite the dark clouds that threatened rain, she wished she had the freedom to take her dog to the beach. There they would run and run, even in the pouring rain, until they both grew exhausted. But that was a luxury she could not afford.
“You need to seriously consider putting her into a care facility now,” the social worker, Beverly, had told Caroline that afternoon during their bimonthly appointment. “She’s going down quickly now.”
Caroline had not attempted to dispute this. Beverly’s evaluation was not positive.
“The hospice nurse is concerned for her safety too, Caroline.” Beverly placed a hand on Caroline’s shoulder. “I know you’re trying hard, but your mother needs more than you can give. You need to let her move onto the next stage of care.”
“But the hospice nurse has only been here twice,” Caroline pointed out. “And both times my mom was having a pretty bad day. It’s not always like that.”
“I know. But a bad day can lead to a bad fall, and then she’ll need to go into residential care anyway. Wouldn’t you rather be a step ahead rather than forced by an emergency into a hasty decision?”
Caroline considered this. “I guess that makes sense.”
“I know you don’t care for Mulberry Manor.” Beverly handed Caroline a printed page. “Here are some other facilities in the area. I highlighted the ones I think would be most suitable.”
Caroline studied the list, noticing that the highlighted ones weren’t even in town. “Newport is a long drive from here,” she said.
Beverly nodded. “I realize that. But it’s a very good facility.”
Caroline’s mom let out a groan from her recliner, followed by a cry for help. “I’ll think about this,” Caroline had told Beverly as she went to see what her mom needed. “I’ll read up on these places and try to figure things out.”
“Good for you.” Beverly had reached for her purse. “I know it’s not easy, but it will be for the best.” Then she said good-bye, and Caroline spent the next hour tending to her mom’s toileting needs. After her mom was cleaned up, she picked at her dinner and eventually was put into bed.
Caroline felt a strange mixture of exhaustion and a kind of trapped, manic anxiety. She threw the ball to Chuck again, wishing she never had to go back into that house. It was like her prison, her torture chamber.
“Hey, you!” a woman called out. Caroline turned to see Janie walking down the street toward her. She looked neat and stylish in her jeans, boots, and suede jacket, complete with a silk scarf. Caroline tried not to think about her grungy sweats and haphazard ponytail. Instead she waved and waited for Janie to join her and the dog.
“Hey, Chuck.” Janie leaned over and gave his head a rub. “Looks like you’re getting your exercise too.”
Caroline gave the ball another toss. “At least one of us will be in shape.”
“How are you doing?” Janie peered curiously at Caroline.
“I’m okay I guess.”
“You seem a little down.”
Chuck bounded back, dropping the soggy ball at Caroline’s feet. She threw it again, then turned back to Janie. “I am down.”
“Need to talk?”
Caroline considered the raggedy appearance of her living room right now, mentally comparing it to Janie’s chic, remodeled home only a few blocks away. What difference did it make? Janie had seen this place before. Besides, the house was Caroline’s mom’s, not Caroline’s. “I’d love to talk,” Caroline admitted.
“Me, too.” Janie glanced up at the sky, which was quickly growing dusky. “But maybe I should run home and get my car. I can’t believe how early it’s getting dark now.”
“Okay.” Caroline nodded eagerly. At least this would give her a chance to pick up a few things, hide the diaper-changing kit, and maybe even make some tea.
“Have you had dinner yet?”
Caroline shook her head. “I have some Lean Cuisine meals in the freezer if you’re interested.”
“How about if I bring something over?”
“Oh, Janie, that’d be fantastic.”
Janie smiled. “I’ll be back in about an hour, okay?”
“I can’t wait!”
They parted ways and Caroline took Chuck back into the house and quickly began to clean up. Thursday was always her hardest day. She had no caregiver or hospice nurse visits on Thursdays, and today had been further complicated by Beverly’s visit. The place was a mess. But within the hour she made some improvements and even changed into some clean sweats and smoothed out her ponytail. Small victory. Her mom was still sleeping soundly, so Caroline closed the bedroom door to help cover the sound of their conversation and kept the baby monitor handy.
Janie brought Chinese food. “I wasn’t sure what to get,” she said as she began piling the white bags and boxes on the kitchen table. “So I just got an assortment.”
“This is perfect.” Caroline handed Janie a plate and soon they were feasting on egg rolls, broccoli and beef, sweet-and-sour pork, fried rice, and some other tasty things.
Caroline told Janie about Beverly’s recommendation. “It’s not that I love taking care of Mom,” she admitted, “but I’d feel guilty for making her leave her own home.”
“That must be hard.”
Caroline looked around the cluttered kitchen. “This place isn’t much, but it’s all she’s known for more than fifty years. It seems cruel to take it from her.”
“Do you think she’s cognizant enough to know the difference?” Janie asked gently. “I mean, if she were moved, would she even notice?”
Caroline shrugged. “Good question. Most of the time she seems pretty out of touch and confused, kind of lost in a fragmented time warp. But she occasionally has moments of clarity, and I know it’s a comfort for her to see familiar things.”
“But the social worker thinks she might be at risk?” Janie pressed.
Caroline nodded.
“That’s a hard call.” Janie took a piece of egg roll. “I don’t envy you.”
“If I were in my mom’s shoes,” Caroline said carefully, “I think I’d rather be allowed to stay in my own home. Seriously, even if I was at risk of falling, at least I’d be on my own turf. I really don’t see what’s wrong with allowing the elderly to spend their last days in their own homes. I mean, wasn’t that what they did in the old days?”
“I guess so, although people might not have lived as long back then.”
“Sometimes I wonder if caring for the elderly isn’t turning into some big business scam. You force people into care, then keep them alive for as long as you need a bed filled. But who foots the bill?” Caroline used her chopsticks to pick up a spare rib.
“I do know it’s not helping the national deficit.”
“Okay, that’s enough
about me and my mom, Janie. I’ll figure it out eventually.” Caroline forced a smile. “What I want to know is what is up with you and Victor. I’ve been thinking for a couple of days now about what Abby said. Was there any truth to it, or is our Abby losing it?”
Janie made what sounded like an uncomfortable laugh. “Actually Abby was spot-on.”
“Seriously?”
“In fact I should call her and let her know she was right after all.”
“So Victor’s ex is really coming here to Clifden? To get back with him?”
“That’s what she told him.” Janie filled in Caroline on the wild details.
“How do you feel about it?” Caroline studied Janie.
“I’m not sure. Mostly I’m curious to see what she’s like.”
“How is Victor taking it?”
Janie shrugged. “I think he’s waiting to see how it goes.”
“Wow.” Caroline put her chopsticks down. “That’s crazy.”
“And a little unnerving.”
“How about some tea?” Caroline stood and pulled out her tea tin. “I have green and jasmine and—”
“Jasmine sounds lovely.”
Now Caroline reached behind the stove, struggling to plug it back into the outlet.
“What are you doing back there?”
“I keep the stove unplugged,” she explained. “Safety issue.” She filled up the tea kettle and set it on the burner. “I could nuke it, but for some reason I think tea is better when you heat the water the old-fashioned way.”
“Right.” Janie put some more fried rice on her plate. “So anyway, I’ve been coming to grips with the possibility that things could end between me and Victor.”
“Really?” Caroline shook some loose tea into the teapot. “Do you seriously think he’d get back together with his ex?”
“I honestly hope not. It’s not as if I’m giving up on him. I’m not. But I have to be honest with myself. He and Donna were married for a fairly long time.”
“Yes, but Victor really loves you, Janie. Everyone can see that.” Caroline put a pair of china teacups and saucers on the table. These were from a set her grandmother once used. Now Caroline kept them safely tucked away on a high shelf.
“But keep in mind, Donna’s the one who left the marriage. Victor hasn’t really said so, but I’m relatively sure that she broke his heart. Plus they have two sons together, and a history. That’s something to think about.”
The whistling of the tea kettle made Caroline jump. She quickly turned it off, poured the steaming water over the loose leaves, then set the china teapot on the table. “Even so, Victor seems to have moved on. He has never struck me as the kind of guy who’s pining away for his ex. He’s happy with his life.”
“I thought so too.”
Using a tea strainer, Caroline filled the cups with the sweet-smelling amber tea. “I remember Victor saying how he and his wife were so different. It sounded like they were incompatible. He wanted a simple life, but she wanted all the bells and whistles. It seemed like the breakup was pretty mutual.”
“Maybe.” Janie took a sip of tea. “Mmm. This is good.”
“So even if Victor’s crazy ex-wife does want him back, I honestly don’t think you need to be worried, Janie.”
“I’m trying not to be, but I’m also trying to be realistic.” Janie sighed. “Last night I had this dream: Phil showed up, and he was asking me to come back to him. I was so happy to see him, except that I knew he was dead. I was so confused.”
“But that’s different.” Caroline put some more beef and broccoli on her plate, trying to think of a gentle way to say this. “Phil’s gone, Janie. He can’t come back.”
“I know. I’m not saying it was rational, but I couldn’t go to sleep after that. I kept wondering what I would do if Phil really did come back. What if I had to choose between him and Victor?” Janie looked close to tears.
“That’s not going to happen.” Caroline patted Janie’s hand. “You shouldn’t even think about something like that. It could drive you bonkers.”
“But maybe that’s how Victor feels right now. I mean I honestly don’t know what I’d do if Phil were alive and I had to choose between those two men. I love them both. It feels terrible to admit that out loud. It seems like I’m betraying Phil. And then there’s Victor.”
“That’s not going to happen,” Caroline repeated. She felt slightly over her head. “It’s impossible. You know that Phil is never coming back, and I’m sure he would want you to be happy.”
Janie made a weak smile. “You probably think I’m losing my mind.”
Caroline chuckled. “Hey, welcome to my life. When it comes to insanity issues, I’m becoming quite the expert.”
“It’s just that I’m trying to understand Victor’s perspective.”
“Then you should keep in mind that he loves you, Janie.”
“I think he does.”
“Victor is one of the good guys.” Back before Victor and Janie were together, Caroline had entertained ideas of pairing up with him herself, not that he’d been particularly interested. But he’d been a good friend, supportive and honest and kind. It didn’t take long for Caroline to figure things out. She suspected he’d fallen for Janie the first day their paths crossed last summer—maybe even before that. “He won’t let you down.”
“But he might not want to let his wife down either.”
Caroline didn’t know what to say. “Hey, I’ve got some good raspberry sorbet if you’re interested in a little dessert.”
Janie grinned. “Sounds yummy. I could excuse a little indulgence since I had a lot of exercise today.”
Caroline let out a little groan. Her favorite jeans had felt a bit tight this morning. The only kind of exercise she got nowadays was straining her back as she helped her mom in and out of things. “I wish I could say the same.”
“So enough about Victor and me,” Janie said as they took their sorbet and tea into the cluttered, lackluster living room. “How are things going with Mitch?”
“Same old, same old.” Caroline sat in the easy chair opposite the sofa. “He was barely back from Italy and he had to head out to Singapore. He’s supposed to be back next weekend, but then he leaves again. I’m not even sure where to this time.”
“He really racks up those frequent flyer miles.”
Caroline took a sip of tea. “It’s because Dale, his partner, has a wife and kids, so Mitch gets stuck with most of the traveling.”
“Will it always be like that?”
Caroline frowned. “I’m not sure.”
“At least you’re used to being independent. I mean, you’ve been single for most of your life.”
“I guess.” Caroline didn’t want to admit that she’d never really liked being independent. She’d always dreamed of having a happy marriage with a guy who enjoyed being with her, enjoying beach walks, snuggling by a fireplace, watching old movies, taking fun vacations. She knew she probably sounded like a singles ad, but it was true. “I’m not saying I don’t still want some of my independence, but it would be nice to have someone to grow old with.”
Janie chuckled. “I hear you. At least we have the Lindas. Our girlfriends might be worth more than having a guy around anyway.”
Caroline knew that if she could have her way, she would opt for both. She didn’t know what she’d do without her girlfriends. How many times had the other Lindas come to her aid in the past few months? She held up her teacup in a toast. “Here’s to the lasting friendships of a few good women.”
“A few good women by the name of Linda.” Janie held up her cup.
They sat there quietly for a couple of minutes. Caroline suspected they were both thinking about their guys and wondering what was going to come of the relationships.
�
��What if you put your mom in a nursing home,” Janie said suddenly, “and you and Mitch got married?”
“Huh?” Caroline was caught off guard. “Well, he’s not exactly proposing to me at the moment.”
“But that might have to do with your mom, right? He knows you’re kind of tied down.”
Caroline considered this. Mitch had asked her to come with him to Italy last month. He’d also asked her to consider relocating to California to be near him. She supposed that was almost the same as a proposal. “I suppose you could be right.”
“So if you your mom was in a good facility, do you think he’d propose?”
“Possibly.”
“If you got married, and you didn’t need to care for your mom, wouldn’t you be free to travel with Mitch?”
Caroline nodded. “Well, yes.”
“I’ve heard you say you want to travel.”
Caroline frowned. “Sounds like you’re trying to get rid of me.”
Janie laughed. “Not at all. Selfishly I would make you stay right here in Clifden, but I can tell you’re bummed about Mitch—and your mom. I’m just thinking there might be a light at the end of your tunnel.”
Caroline thought hard about this. “You know what you said about your dream, Janie? About having to choose?”
“Yes.” Janie set down her empty sorbet cup.
“I guess that’s how I feel right now. I don’t want to be forced to choose between my mom and Mitch. I mean, obviously my mom is a handful. But she is my mom, and I know she needs me. I’m all she has.”
“What about Michael?”
Caroline grimaced to think of her MIA brother. On one hand she should probably try to reach him and give him an update. On the other hand he had the potential to make a difficult situation a whole lot worse.
“Do you ever hear from him? Does he take any responsibility for your mother?”
“The less we see of Michael, the better off we’ll all be.”
“But it’s a heavy load for you to carry alone, Caroline.”
“I know, but Mom won’t be around forever. And in a weird way I’ve gotten close to her these past few months. You know, sometimes—like a couple days ago—she looks at me and I can tell that she knows me. There’s this little spark of recognition and a tiny bit of a smile, and I’m just not ready to give that up yet.”
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