by Bree Cariad
“You haven’t dated in over a decade?” Jonathon asked in surprise.
Brecker snorted. “You should talk. You haven’t dated since Paul died, have you?”
He winced and shook his head. “No. Guess not. But a robust man like you… I would expect you to be out with women weekly.”
“I hurt one woman—my ex-wife Lisa—and I don’t want to hurt any more of them. Besides, I’m kind of married to my work. Just like you are.”
Jonathon choked slightly on the food in his mouth and quickly washed it down with cooling tea. “Touché.” He poured more hot tea into his cup and swirled it around, watching the green eyes watching him. “Don’t you miss the ideal, though? Of having one person who is always there for you? I have God, but even He knows I need someone physically constant in my life.”
“But you don’t have that.”
He slowly nodded. “I know. Rolf’s always on me about it. ‘Paul’s been gone for over a decade. He would have hated for you to do this to yourself.’” Jonathon sighed. “I could write the script. But it’s somehow easier to focus on the work and my kids. Putting myself out there….”
“Yeah.” Brecker nodded and took a sip of his tea.
“Besides,” Jonathon admitted with a grin, wondering if this info would shock the man seated opposite him. “The best place to meet guys is at a gay club and guys that go there are after one thing. Not quite my modus operandi.”
Brecker choked, making Jonathon laugh. “Yes,” Brecker said, still coughing lightly, “I can see how that would be a problem. ‘Hi, my name’s Ben, want to go to the backroom to get it on?’ ‘My name’s Jonathon and I’m a man of God.’” The coughing turned to laughter. “I can imagine his look of horror.” Bright green eyes twinkled at him and they smiled at one another. It felt like they were sharing a secret joke. “But surely there have to be dating sites for gay men who want to find a partner for life rather than a partner for just right now.”
“Online dating creeps me out,” Jonathon admitted, heat flooding into his cheeks when Brecker laughed loudly. “What about you? Using your work as an excuse is just an excuse you know.”
Brecker grimaced. “I hurt Lisa terribly. Not to mention I’m not that attracted to anyone. Women are… women.”
Surprised and feeling a little hope roil around in his abdomen which he quickly squashed, Jonathon took another bite of food while he tried to figure out how to ask what he wanted to know. “But you must have been attracted to Lisa,” he reasoned aloud.
“I think I was more attracted to the concept of what she represented,” Brecker murmured. “She was the daughter of my mentor and I would have done anything for him. I overheard him one day speaking to his wife about how I would make a great son-in-law. I set out that day to make it happen.”
“Well no wonder,” Jonathon soothed. “Some people can make a marriage like that work if both sides are on the same page. From the sounds of it you were not. Plus that kind of marriage is, if you don’t mind my saying so, not what the Lord intended when He instituted it.”
“What do you think he intended?” Brecker asked, a curious expression on his face. “I know many heterosexual men of God say it’s an institution created for breeding purposes. One man. One woman.”
Jonathon snorted. “Don’t get me started on breeding.” Even the concept made him feel bad for all the people, heterosexual, homosexual, or any other kind of sexual, who did not fit that mold. “Many other religious leaders change the subject if I bring up the couples who cannot have children. One pastor even said that couple must have sinned to be barren.” He shook his head. “That is a case of men creating a God in their own image. It’s not about divine love, it’s about limited love. By divine love, marriage or any kind of long-term partnership, should be about the pluses, not the minuses. About having someone you can rely on and who makes you feel like you want to be the best person you can be. Not because they put you down. But because they build you up. They make you happy just by existing. They’re there to lean on, laugh with, hold hands with. And you are there to do the same with them.” He stopped and grimaced. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to go off on a tangent.”
Brecker shook his head. “No. It’s actually the definition that makes the most sense. If you look at things from a non-religious standpoint, marriage was always about money. Men sold their single lives for money, a dowry. Or they gave money to attain a wife and position. It was always about the money, land, and otherwise worldly goods they could attain by such an arrangement. It had nothing at all to do with God.”
Pleased they were on the same page, Jonathon nodded. “Exactly. Look at my kids. Each one of them will grow up and I hope will find someone who is the yin to their yang. Whatever the world wants to think, as long as two people love one another and the world, they’re making it better.”
“Here. Here.” Brecker lifted his tea cup in a toast and Jonathon met it. They sipped and then Brecker chuckled. “Wow. I’m such a hypocrite.”
“Why?”
“Because I can agree with this and yet not make the move toward finding such a relationship.”
“You went to The Club,” Jonathon teased.
Brecker rolled his eyes. “That was highway robbery.” Jonathon laughed. “Wouldn’t it be nice,” he murmured and took another sip, “if we could love who we love without society having to have its say?”
That was an interesting question and once again made that hope spring up within. Could Brecker be saying he was interested in Jonathon? He shouldn’t hope for it, but the fact was Rolf was onto something that morning, he just didn’t know what. Jonathon had been attracted to Brecker almost from the beginning. Each time they met, his attraction grew stronger.
“Amen,” he said quietly.
With a grimace, Brecker shrugged. “Yeah, if anyone would know that, you would.”
They ate the rest of their dinner in silence. Jonathon wanted to ask if Brecker had ever considered men, but could not bring himself to do so. He liked having Brecker as a friend and did not want to lose their friendship by making things weird between them.
They stepped out of the restaurant into the cold November evening. The sky was awash in very light gray clouds. “Looks like snow’s coming again,” Jonathon said with a smile. He loved the snow. “Maybe we’ll get enough that the kids can make snowmen.”
Brecker laughed. “I’d love to watch that.”
“If it snows heavily overnight, come on over tomorrow,” Jonathon suggested, shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat and glad the pink in his cheeks could be taken for cold. His palms were sweating. He felt all of fourteen talking to a crush.
“I just might. What are you doing for the rest of the evening?”
The question was slightly unexpected and Jonathon shrugged. “Rolf doesn’t want me to get back until late, but I’m done with all my meetings. Might as well head out now.”
“Or you could join me to watch a game.” Brecker shrugged as though making sure his coat fell correctly over his shoulders and they drew Jonathon’s gaze. The man had amazing shoulders. Wide as though he could hold up any and all problems and still have room to lean on.
“Game?” he said, thrown a bit.
“Yeah. There’s always some sort of sport on. I’ve got a television even larger than the one I sent you.”
“No way.” There was no possible way there was a television larger than that.
Brecker grinned. “Yep. What do you say? I’ve got lemonade, popcorn, and chips.”
“I’m in,” Jonathon said before he could think of the reasons it was a bad idea.
“Sweet. Why don’t you follow my driver? There’s underground parking at my building. I’ll buzz you through and you can park in one of the guest spots.”
Five minutes later, Jonathon pulled out of his parking spot and followed Brecker’s car, wondering if he’d gone insane. Could this end well?
Chapter Nine
Brecker scanned the listings on his phone on the drive bac
k to his apartment complex. There had to be a game on. Any kind of game. Cricket? Not in a million years. Would be more boring than watching paint dry. Polo would work in a pinch. “There,” he said in relief when he found a college football game on.
“Sir?” his driver asked.
“Nothing. Just talking to myself. Go ahead and park in the garage right away. That way Jonathon can pull in behind us.”
“Yes, sir.”
They pulled into the underground parking and he turned enough to see Jonathon follow them through. “Point Jonathon toward guest parking.”
Why was he so nervous? That was odd. And more than a little unsettling. It was just two guys getting together to watch a game. Nothing could be more simple than that.
So why were his palms sweating?
After the car stopped and he got out, he took a deep breath before heading toward the elevators where the guest parking was. Jonathon slid out from behind the wheel as he approached. Brecker had never noticed how lithe Jonathon was. He bet the man was in track at some point. He had the build of a runner.
Jonathon turned and smiled at him. “I haven’t sat down and watched a game with someone in years. We don’t turn on sports at the shelter.”
“Why not?” Brecker asked, glad for the conversation. It kept his mind off his heart which was beating a might too fast for some bizarre reason. Had he eaten something that caused a reaction?
“It’s like feeding them too much sugar,” Jonathon said. “The emotions get too high and since all of them are battling puberty in some form, it can escalate quickly. The single battles like the guitar games you sent us don’t do it, but watch one simple football game and it’s swords at dawn.”
Snorting a laugh, Brecker stepped onto the elevator and pressed the button for his floor. “That bad?”
“Worse. After that we elected not to do it. We can have baseball games out in the field or computer games and while the kids get competitive, it doesn’t go overboard. But put a football or basketball game on the television and suddenly they’re out for blood. Someone’s feelings get hurt and….” He shrugged. “There are tons of ways to keep them together without that. Besides, I minimize the amount of television. When they lived with their families, too many of them were set in front of the tube as a nanny.”
“Huh.” Brecker stepped out of the elevator, turned to the left, and unlocked his door. “My dad did that to me when I was a kid. Stuck me in front of the television.”
“What did you watch?” Jonathon asked, sounding interested. “He-Man?”
A bark of laughter escaped Brecker’s lips. “I’m not that old. We didn’t have cable where we lived so there wasn’t a lot to choose from. I tended to watch a lot of PBS. 3-2-1 Contact and the Electric Company are the two I can somewhat recall. What about you? Here. Let me take that.” He took Jonathon’s coat and hung it from the coatrack, quickly divesting himself from his coat.
“I’m a product of the eighties and nineties. I remember 3-2-1 Contact. I loved Where In the World is Carmen Sandiego.”
“I don’t know that one.”
“It was a game type show with kids trying to figure out where Carmen was through clues.”
Once he got Jonathon comfortable on the sofa, Brecker turned to his television and watched Jonathon’s mouth drop. “How big is that thing?”
“Hundred and ten inches.”
“It’s gonna feel like we’re there.”
With a grin, he found the station playing the game. “Want some popcorn?”
“Regulation kit,” Jonathon agreed. “Want some help?” He popped off the sofa and followed Brecker into his small kitchen.
He put Jonathon in charge of popping while he pulled out the vegetable medley his personal chef made for him that was good when he had a case of the munchies. They were cut into bite sized pieces so it made them easy just to pop into his mouth without thinking about it.
Ten minutes later, they walked back into the living room with a huge bowl of buttered popcorn, a plate of vegetables, and two large glasses of soda.
“This is awesome,” Jonathon said as he stared at the screen. “Rolf would go crazy.”
In no time, the two of them were lost in hollering at the players. The weirdness Brecker had felt left and for the first time in a long time, he relaxed and enjoyed being around another person. By the time Jonathon left just after ten, he extended an invite for another game.
It must have been something in the food, he decided after closing his door. Because he no longer felt nervous at all. Instead he felt… almost high. It had been too long since he’d spent time with someone else just kicking back. He obviously needed to do it more often.
“Everything set for next week?” Brecker asked as he left his office the following Wednesday.
“Yes,” Siobhan said, a huge grin on her face as she proceeded to lock up her desk and turn off her computer. “The event’s sold out. We have a waiting list of people who will buy in if we have spaces open up. I tried calling the center to see if they’d be willing to add in another ballroom, but they have events scheduled in every space that night. The total intake is $2.1 million. There were a few things I couldn’t get donated and those will come off the top, but Jonathon’s still going to end up with almost two mill. I can’t wait to see his face when you hand him the check.”
“We might want to have emergency services standing by,” Brecker teased making her laugh. “Or, more likely, be prepared to be hugged within an inch of our lives. You’re going to be at the dinner tomorrow, correct?”
“Wouldn’t miss it,” she said as they left his office and headed downstairs. With it being a holiday, most of his employees left at noon. They were the last ones in the office except for security and the intrepid holiday crew. “Oh and James called. He’s scheduled a meeting for Monday to finalize contracts?” Her voice tipped up at the end, no doubt because she wondered what contracts.
“Good. You’ll need to be in on the meeting as well as it’s about your new position.” He held in the smirk that wanted to come out. She had no idea what he did. Hopefully she would be thrilled. It would be a lot of responsibility, but she could definitely handle it.
“Wonderful.”
With most everyone gone, he escorted her to her car before going back to his own. Gavin opened the door as he approached.
The air at the shelter was one of excitement and Brecker was amused at how loud it was. He’d arrived early, but figured Jonathon wouldn’t mind. “Sorry about this,” Jonathon said with a laugh as he came into the living room. “Everyone’s in a good mood today. In fact, we’re about to go make some snowmen. Want to help?”
Now that sounded like the perfect activity for Thanksgiving. Armed with a thick winter coat and gloves, Brecker followed him out back. The kids were already rolling balls of snow around, laughing. The occasional snowball flew through the air and hit someone and short snowball fights broke out. From what he could see, Jonathon was right. Everyone was in a great mood.
“Hi, Brecker.”
He turned and grinned at Aiden who bounced up to him. Dressed in new jeans and a thick winter coat, scarf, and cap, the only part of him he saw were the eyes, but that was enough. “Happy Thanksgiving, Aiden. I hear we’re making snowmen today.”
“Yeah. Want to be on my team? There’s three of us and we want to build a snowcat.”
He couldn’t resist. For over an hour, he helped pack snow. It was fun to help them build a snowman in the shape of a cat. When Aiden brought out a spray bottle and sprayed it, he quickly saw why. Within seconds, the water froze and the cat took on an almost lifelike appearance. Albeit that cat was probably more prone to naps and yawning than doing any mischief.
Brecker didn’t realize how cold his fingers were until they went back inside and started to thaw. “Everyone in the dining room,” Rolf said. “Yes, you too, Brecker. I’ve got hot cider and soup.”
It was fun sitting at the long tables with Jonathon on one side, Aiden on the other, and su
rrounded by the rest of the shelter’s residents. Every cheek was rosy from the cold and the wonderful heat of the cider and chicken soup thawed him nicely. As lunch came to an end, Jonathon cleared his throat. “All right everyone. Dinner’s at five. I want all of you to go rest for at least two hours.” Groans surrounded him making Brecker fight back a laugh. “It won’t kill you. Take your dishes into the kitchen and find a space to rest. And yes, I’ll be checking on you.”
The kids scattered for the most part. Aiden, however, stayed seated. He looked up through his long lashes at Brecker and smiled shyly. “I’m going to go read in the library. Want to come?”
“Sorry, Aiden,” Jonathon said before Brecker could come up with a reply. “If Brecker goes with you, you’ll talk and not rest. Go on,” he said with a smile and a wink. “You’ll see him later.”
Aiden pouted but he got up and left.
“He’s a cute kid,” Brecker said, unable to hide his smile. “And he seems to be coming into his own.”
“He is,” Jonathon agreed. They stood up and carried their dishes into the kitchen. Brecker helped Jonathon and Rolf clean up and then followed Jonathon through the first floor of the shelter while he made sure the youth were resting. When Jonathon went upstairs, Brecker went back into the kitchen and leaned against a counter.
Rolf was rubbing oil on a few turkeys as he walked in. He looked over his shoulder and smiled. “It’s good of you to come today.”
Brecker shrugged. “Where else would I be? I spend most of my holidays working. But being here? It’s kind of like therapy. Who can’t feel good after spending a few hours in their company?”
“True enough. They’re good kids.”
“Four turkeys. Where do you put them all?”
Rolf laughed. “We have six industrial sized ovens. Only one oven is here. The rest are in the butler’s pantry. We want to make sure they have all the turkey they want. It’s a holiday.” After washing his hands off in the sink, he added, “We have much to thank you for in that regard.”