“I doubt she would have bothered to write if that was the case.” Grace smiled again. “She dropped it off herself and I got the impression that she is hoping for a response.”
“I can’t wait to read it then.” I nodded and waved. “I’ll probably drop my next letter off tomorrow.”
“Sounds good.” Grace walked me to the door and closed it behind me.
I walked back to my truck and pulled out the letter. I contemplated driving home to read it, but I truly couldn’t wait. The anticipation would have forced me to try and read it while I was driving. I tore the back of the envelope open and unfolded the stationary. Her handwriting was so eloquent—much better than the chicken scratch I produced when I wrote my letter. My eyes quickly absorbed her words and by the middle of the letter, I felt my heart twisting in my chest.
Jesus Christ. Her parents really did that—at her fucking birthday party? No wonder she doesn’t believe in love…
I finished the letter and felt a mixture of sadness and anger swelling up inside me. I understood being upset because someone betrayed you, but there was a time and place for everything. Even if I was angry enough to fight someone, I wouldn’t lose my shit at my kid’s birthday party. There was no excuse for that. Her father could have at least handled the issue in private, and if he wanted to kick the guy’s ass—more power to him—but not in front of a bunch of children.
Fuck, she was Abby’s age when that happened…
I cranked up my truck and headed back home. I didn’t even bother to lock the door when I arrived. I walked straight to my bedroom, grabbed a piece of paper, and picked up a pen. My anger was starting to settle, and I kept reminding myself it happened a long time ago. Reading what happened to her just made my naturally protective nature come out, and once those emotions were flowing, it was hard to bottle them up.
Dear Chloe,
I’m really sorry to hear that you had to go through all of that at such a young age. That sounds absolutely awful. I understand that love can fizzle out in time, especially if you don’t work to keep the fire burning, but there’s no excuse for that kind of behavior. Both of your parents were in the wrong, and they should have thought about how something like that would have impacted you. I understand why you’re cautious when it comes to a relationship, but I don’t think you’ve lost your ability to believe in love. I just don’t think you’ve ever seen what real love looks like. It’s certainly not easy—but nothing worth having truly is.
My hesitations don’t have a tragic origin. Truthfully, after reading what you went through, I’m asking myself if I’ve ever really analyzed my reasons. I think I’ve just allowed myself to become distracted with everything around me and sometimes it’s easier to put other people’s needs ahead of your own.
I’ve been living with my sister since I left the Navy. She offered me a place to stay and I saw that she was struggling, so I was happy to help out. Her daughter is the one who signed me up for What the Heart Wants.
I guess I’ve just let that distraction be an excuse for not moving forward with my own life. Don’t get me wrong, I love them both dearly, but I’ve let that blind me—and maybe a ten year old saw what I really needed when I couldn’t see it myself.
Hope to hear from you again soon.
-Cain
I stared at the words I wrote as the ink on the last line started to dry. It was like a part of my soul had detached from my body and put the things I was thinking into words when I didn’t know how to admit them to myself. I was allowed to find happiness of my own. Bridget and Abby would always be a part of my life, even if I pursued my own dreams. It wasn’t too late for that. If Chloe was able to push down all of the shit she went through and still hold onto a shred of hope, then I could find a way to grab onto it.
If it doesn’t work out with her, at least I’ve opened my fucking eyes. I’m going to have to give Abby a big hug when she gets home, because that kid is smarter than I am.
I decided that I didn’t want to wait until the next day to drop off my letter. It was written and ready to go, so I stuffed it in an envelope and drove back to What the Heart Wants. Grace was surprised to see me so soon but said she would let Chloe know the letter was there. We only had one more letter to exchange before we could meet up and have our first date. I was looking forward to that moment more than I had looked forward to anything in a long time.
I wasn’t sure if I would feel the same connection to Chloe once we met that I felt through the words she wrote, but if there was a chance—that was worth fighting for. That was worth taking a risk and letting go of my own hesitations.
I was still thinking about Chloe’s letter and the one I wrote in response when Bridget arrived home with Abby, who nearly tackled me with a hug when she walked through the door.
“Uncle Cain, you’ll never guess what happened.” She was practically trembling with excitement.
“Uh, what?” I looked at Bridget who had a slightly nervous smile on her lips.
“Jimmy Lawson asked me to be his girlfriend!” Abby grinned from ear-to-ear.
“Say what now?” I put my hand on her shoulder and tilted my head. “You are a little young to have a boyfriend.”
“Cain…” Bridget narrowed her eyes at me.
“What? She’s ten…” I looked back down at Abby. “You’re ten.”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t have a boyfriend.” She put her hands on her hips and took a defiant stance.
“Maybe we should save this discussion for another time.” I nodded and forced a smile.
I’m sure she won’t even remember his name in a week anyway.
“What? You got another letter already!?” Lola looked at me in disbelief.
“I know, I’m a little shocked too.” I stared at the envelope. “I just dropped my letter off this morning!”
“And mine…” Lola sighed.
“Yes, and Grace said it was picked up, so I’m sure you have another letter coming soon.” I nodded quickly. “Okay, I’m going to go read this.”
“You didn’t read it in the car? I would have.” Lola chuckled under her breath.
“It was tempting, but I managed to restrain myself.” I smiled and walked to my bedroom.
It had been difficult not to just tear the letter open in the parking lot. It was kind of a relief to have a response so quickly, because I wouldn’t have to spend the evening stressing about his reaction to my letter. I slowly unfolded his response and started reading.
By the end of his letter, I was in tears.
He really does get it.
I had no more heartfelt emotions to spill. I knew what I wanted. My next letter would be quite simple. I was ready to take a risk, even if it didn’t lead to anything more than one date—I had to give it a shot. Cain was so different from all of the guys I had dated in the past. He wasn’t looking to play games or coax me out of my panties. Maybe he would—one day—but if we followed Grace’s rules, that wasn’t supposed to happen until three months after our first date.
By then, I’ll know for sure if he’s the right guy for me.
I picked up my pen and grabbed a sheet of stationary.
Dear Cain,
I want to meet you.
-Chloe
That was all I had left to say to the man that had been able to understand the complexities of my shattered heart. He awakened something inside of me that I had been willing to let die before I trusted another man. I was going to take a chance and I hoped it was one that wouldn’t regret. He was definitely different, and it wasn’t just because he was older than me. He had a fundamental understanding of everything that made me hold back—everything that made love so damn complicated to begin with.
And I’m going to trust him—until he gives me a reason not to.
* * *
The next morning
“Are you going to sleep all day? Don’t you have to look for a job?” I woke up to the sound of Lola beating on my door.
“What the hell?” I sat
up and rubbed my eyes. “You can come in.”
“Get up!” Lola opened my door. “I have a letter waiting on me!”
“What does that have to do with me?” I slung my legs over to the side of the bed.
“Aren’t you getting up early to look for a job? You can go pick it up and bring it to me at work. I’m already running late!” She nodded enthusiastically.
“Oh, I see.” I shook my head back and forth. “Yeah, I’m getting up.”
“Thanks! Text me when you get to the building! I’ll meet you in the parking lot.” Lola scrambled towards the front door.
Ah, it’s almost eight. Yeah, she’s running really late this morning.
I stumbled to the bathroom and took a quick shower. I was planning to drop off my letter, although I had kind of hoped I could sleep late. I did need to look for a job, but there was no reason to get up early to do it. All of the places I was apply for had online applications, and I had already submitted one to most of the ones within driving distance. My phone just wasn’t ringing—which was going to be a problem if it didn’t change soon.
* * *
Two hours later
“Chloe!” Grace greeted me warmly when I walked into What the Heart Wants. “You’re here to pick up Lola’s letter?”
“And drop off one of my own.” I held up my envelope.
“Wonderful, I’ll give Cain a call in a little bit. I think he keeps—abnormal hours maybe? I’ve called him a couple of times in the early morning and it always sounds like I’m waking him up.” She chuckled under her breath.
“Well, he’s a firefighter so he probably works twenty-four on, forty-eight off. I’d sleep all day too if I had that schedule.” I nodded quickly.
“True, I didn’t think about that.” She handed me Lola’s letter and took the one I had written for Cain.
“What happens next?” I leaned against the counter. “This will be my third letter for him—and if he writes me back, the next step is our first date, right?”
“Yes, that is correct.” Grace smiled and put my letter in a basket on the counter. “I will give you both a call and try to set something up. It sounds like you’ve already made your decision.”
“I have.” I nodded quickly. “I definitely want to meet him.”
“Wonderful!” She pointed to the wall. “You two might end up over there with all of my success stories.”
“Maybe…” I turned towards the wall. “We’ll see how it goes. Cain is definitely different from the guys I’ve dated in the past.”
“I think the two of you are going to hit it off. You both understand how important it is to nurture and protect the relationship once you have it—if everyone understood that, I wouldn’t have a job!” She chuckled and nodded.
“Hopefully, neither of us need your services again.” I exhaled sharply. “Honestly, if it doesn’t work out with someone like Cain, I’m not sure there’s any hope for me.”
“There’s always hope.” She nodded quickly. “But I have a good feeling about the two of you.”
Well if there’s always hope, mine is that you’re right.
It was strange to feel excitement about a guy—and a date. I always walked on eggshells when it came to relationships, afraid that one misplaced step would break them. To have that fear removed was exhilarating. It felt like a freedom that I had never been able to experience before. The lingering worry and soul-crushing doubt wasn’t trapping me in a haze with Cain. I believed everything he said was true, and if he was willing to accept me—broken pieces and all—then we might actually end up on Grace’s wall of success stories after all.
Now I’ve flipped from being unable to comprehend putting my trust in someone to planning our future—and I haven’t even met him.
I left What the Heart Wants and stopped by the office where Chloe worked so I could drop off her letter. She was practically gushing with excitement, so I hoped the letter was everything she expected. I didn’t have to stay curious about it for long, because she called me before I got back to our apartment. Mr. Doctor was apparently the man of her dreams. I thought I was rushing into things in my head, but she was ready to name their kids. At least I hadn’t gone that far—yet.
* * *
Later that day
I spent the rest of my morning and afternoon working on my resume, looking for new opportunities, and emailing some of the companies that I had already applied to. I was starting to doubt my career choice, considering the silence I was getting in return. I didn’t have experience, but that shouldn’t have been required for an entry level job. It wasn’t like I expected an advertising or marketing firm to hire me and immediately give me their biggest account. I was okay digging through the scraps if I could get my foot in the door.
It’s starting to feel like that internship I had after junior year was a waste of time.
“Chloe! You got a letter!” Lola opened the door and came running into our apartment.
“Already?” I looked up at her.
“Yep! I was almost home when I got the call from Grace. I decided to go get it since you were nice enough to bring mine to me at work.” Lola tossed the envelope on the counter in front of me.
“My last letter…” I picked it up and held it in my hands. “After this, we get to actually go on a date.”
“Well stop talking about it and open the dang letter.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “I hate suspense!”
“Fine…” I tore open the letter and unfolded the paper.
Dear Chloe,
I want to meet you too.
-Cain
I stared at the words for a moment and there was a lot of excitement brewing inside me, but my stomach still twisted into a knot. It was actually going to happen. The man who won me over with understanding and kind words wanted to meet me.
“I don’t have anything to wear.” I looked up at Lola.
“So, it’s a date then?” She tilted her head to the side. “You skipped that part.”
“Yes!” I nodded enthusiastically. “It is!”
“I’m so happy for you.” Lola stepped closer and gave me a hug. “Just think—you didn’t even want to go to the matchmaking agency and now you have a date before I do.”
“It was way outside of my comfort zone.” I exhaled sharply and leaned back from her embrace. “I haven’t really had much luck with dating, so I was nervous…”
“An asshole cheated on you. It happens. You can’t let that ruin your life.” She took a step back.
“It isn’t just that…” I exhaled sharply.
I decided to tell Lola the truth about what happened with my parents. I had hinted about it, but never went into all of the details. I probably wouldn’t have had the strength to do that if I hadn’t written out the details for Cain. It was actually easier to talk about than I realized, and Lola listened with an expression of shock on her face.
“Holy shit.” She pulled a stool over and sat down. “That’s—that’s awful.”
“Yeah, I know. I lived through it.” I sighed and nodded.
“You could have told me.” She reached out and took my hand. “I wouldn’t have put so much pressure on you if I knew that. I knew you had issues with your parents, but I thought most of your dating hesitation was because of bad relationships…”
“They definitely contributed.” I felt a tear coming and reached up to wipe it away. “But I was screwed up before that ever happened.”
“Well now you have a fresh start.” She patted my hand.
“Cain is definitely different, and I was honest with him. I’ve never been honest with any of the guys I dated, because I was sure it would send them running—I thought it would send Cain running too.” I exhaled sharply.
“Ah, you were trying to sabotage the relationship before it even started. Sneaky…” She tilted her head and shrugged. “I guess Cain isn’t the kind of guy that runs from a challenge.”
“No, and I think the fact that I understand the value of something meaningful i
s why he decided that he wanted to meet me.” My face twisted into a grimace. “We’re both screwed up. I guess that’s a match made in heaven?”
“It might be, especially since you had an opportunity to be honest with each other from the beginning. Maybe all couples should have to write letters before they start dating.” She chuckled lightly.
“Maybe.” I couldn’t stifle a smile, because there was some truth in her words.
“If you really don’t have anything to wear, you can borrow anything in my closet. Want to go have a look?” She motioned towards her bedroom.
“Sure, I like shopping when I don’t have to spend any money.” I grinned and nodded.
Hopefully she’s got something better than what I have in my closet, because I really can’t afford to buy anything. If she doesn’t have anything I can wear, I might have to try to squeeze into my prom dress—that would be a disaster.
A few days later
Everything had fallen into place perfectly. Our last two letters said all that we really had to say without meeting each other. Both of us had spilled our heart, came to terms with our hesitations, and agreed to push through them with simple words.
I want to meet you.
I want to meet you too.
I read Chloe’s first two letters almost every day, processing what she said, and trying to understand the woman that had been soured on the prospect of love. The third letter told the real story though—it told a story of hope.
I wasn’t sure if we would hit it off once we got to meet each other or not, but I was looking forward to the opportunity in front of me. I might have a real chance with someone that would value a relationship and fight for it, just like I always knew I would. Like anything worth having, it wouldn’t be easy. We were pushing past our hesitations, but they would always linger in our thoughts until we were able to prove ourselves to each other. That knowledge would be our strength, because it would help us understand the complexities before they ever came crashing into our relationship like they eventually would.
Dear Mr. Firefighter: The Match Maker Series Page 5